I'm sorry people have been sad that Jake leaves. I promise it will get better so this chapter is slightly less sad. Don't give up on me now…..

Thanks to me-the- Fang-lover, thundertheighs09, Silver Winged Silver, keeperofthedarkarts, moon pincess, and Twilighter4evr for reviewing!!!! You rock!

August……..September…….October…….November……December.

January……….February……..March………April………..May

Renesmee POV- May 2nd of the following year

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Life will pass you by, but whether you enjoy it or not is an entire question within itself.

Seconds dragged onto minutes, which in turn became hours, which led to days, weeks, then months.

A piece is missing out of my heart. Somewhere, something was tearing. With every additional minute he was gone, it continued ripping. I rarely smiled anymore, it just seemed so inappropriate.

I know it bothered my family. Ok, well killed a couple of them. Seriously, Jasper left for a long vacation in January with Alice. He couldn't stand me any longer. That's how bad this is. Yep I am so awful that my uncle HAS to leave so he can be sane again.

My mom has tried so hard to help. She's the only one who I can relate too, the only one who gets me. While Alice and Carlisle have been trying to get me out of the house, and hunting more often, Mom has been so understanding.

I'll admit, I've been a horrible person lately. I just wear sweats, I've stopped hunting, I basically sit in my room all day. Esme has been cooking meals for me and sometimes will bring them up to my room. I don't like going downstairs and having to deal with the stares from my family.

Dad has been extremely harsh on himself lately. Everytime he so much glances at me, his face looks grieved. One day I asked Mom about this and she explained….

"On my 17th birthday, your Aunt Alice threw me a birthday party. I was such a clumsy human, always getting hurt. Well I got a paper cut on one of the envelopes and started to bleed.

Uncle Jasper had been trying to adjust to being a vegetarian but was having trouble, so when I bled, he immediately went into hunting mode. Your father pushed me out of the way in time, but I landed in a crystal bowl which shattered and cut my arm.

The entire family had to leave with the exception of Carlisle. It was too much for them to handle. Soon your father had the bright idea of leaving to keep me safe. He thought it would be better for me to move on and have a human life. For 9 months he tried to stay away, but it ended up hurting us both even further.

I became useless, nothing seemed to be important to me anymore. I didn't eat, speak, or have any fun anymore. I thought about your father every day. You know the story of how he came back, I told you when I explained the Volturi.

The thing is that when Edward- I mean your dad sees you like this, it reminds him of what I was like when he left. The pain of our suffering kills him.

Of course I missed my best friend. Who wouldn't? The thing that scares me though, is that I'm missing him too much. It doesn't seem normal the way I want him home. He was always with me, from day 1 he never left my side. It seems like a part of my life is gone without him. I've never been normal, quite the opposite in fact, but this seems weird.

I don't know what's happened to me……

As I hear Esme talking to Mom downstairs, I strain to listen their quiet conversation.

Esme: "Bella, what can I do? Watching Renesmee is heartbreaking. I feel like I should be doing more."

Bella: "Oh no Esme, don't feel bad." I hear mom's arms go around my grandmother's. "There is not much anyone can do. This feeling, its like the world is coming to an end. She will have a rough time until he comes back, until then, we just have to be there for her."

Esme: "Do you think that she's being affected by his imprinting? She has grown more since his departure, is it possible her feelings for him have changed?"

Wait a second. What is imprinting? What is Grandma talking about? There's something I don't know. Suddenly I stop my thoughts to hear my mother's reply.

Bella: "To tell you the truth, I don't know. That thought has run through my head before, but it seems like she doesn't realize what's happening yet. She has matured a lot though, your right. Carlisle says she will be full grown by August. If she has changed, I doubt she's realized it yet."

Esme sighs but finally tells Mom, "Okay she will wake up soon. Let me know if there is anything else I can do."

I hear my Mother's nearly silent footsteps walk away. I try to replay the conversation in my mind a few times. Is there a reason I'm missing Jake way too much?

What is an imprinting, when is it? I doubt that I'm supposed to know about this, but I need some answers. I don't know what to do actually. It's not as if I can just walk up to Mom and be like, "Hey I eavesdropped and heard you talking about imprinting?"

Haha like that would work. I guess I will just have to wait this out, I'm supposed to understand this eventually. Other things were bothering me too. Mom was right, Grandpa said I would be fully grown, mentally and physically, by August. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I mean, I've seen changes lately. But I'm still scared; I'm going to be an adult soon. The one good thing is that I'll be able to go to school.

Oh no, not without Jacob. I mean I guess I could talk my Dad into letting me go myself, but I don't think I want to go to high school without him. See!, I tell myself. That's not normal! What the heck is happening to me?

That's it. I don't want my family to keep worrying about me anymore. I'm sick of it. So as I get up out of bed I finally make a decision……

I'm going to make an effort. I think I can get an answer about imprinting if I look like I can handle myself. Besides, I'm missing Alice and Jasper. Without her, Mom is getting away wearing hideous t-shirts.

So I get into the shower, and spend a long time letting the warm water undo the knots in my tense body. When I finished, I wrapped myself in a fluffy, over-sized pink towel. As I look into the mirror I realize I'm looking rough.

There are huge purple circles under my eyes, made worse by the extreme paleness of my face. My hair has gotten longer, but the curls had become waves. Dang, no wonder everyone was freaking out. I look like a zombie.

I'm glad Jacob isn't here to see me like this, even though its his fault in the first place. I try to smile at my reflection, but my grin seems empty. It's a vast improvement though.

I hear Aunt Rose's soft knock at the door so I go to open it. She comes in and sits down on my bed with my hairbrush, ready to comb the mess I now call my hair.

I turn to her, my face determined, "Actually Aunt Rosalie, I'm sick of my hair. I was wondering if you would help me cut it. I kind of want to try make-up and some new clothes too. I'm sick of being depressed." I try a grin at her and her smile is so big in response, I feel like this plan could work. Faking happiness is better for them then me moping.

She grabs me into a fierce hug and says, "Finally! Its May and we can give you an entire new style for the spring. Wait a minute, let me call Alice!"

Before I can blink, Aunt Rose is out of the room, sprinting to get her cell phone. I take this opportunity to get dressed, pulling out black Capri pants, and a sky blue top. As I finish putting on my pearl earrings, I get grabbed and pulled into a fierce hug.

When I regain my balance, I look up to see none other than Aunt Alice. She is beaming as I hug her tighter and smile.

"OMG RENESMEE! You are so grown! I might cry at how lovely you are now. I mean, once we get rid of those under-eye circles, style your hair, and get you a new wardrobe. That top looks adorable on you! Oh how I've missed you Ness!"

Wow. That's all I can think. One minute I ask for a haircut, the next minute Aunt Alice appears ready to "re-style" me. Dang my family is messed up.

Aunt Rosalie walks in, "I've just told everyone that you two arrived, Alice. Ness, you should probably go downstairs before your father thinks we've kidnapped you."

She puts her slender arms around my shoulders and we walk downstairs, Aunt Alice following behind us. I hear a sigh of relief come from my parents as I smile. The fact I am downstairs and not in a sweat suit is making them hopeful. Esme is the first to speak up.

"Renesmee, you looks darling today!" she exclaims.

Dad just looks at me, no doubt analyzing every thought in my head. I watch as he flashes a guilty smile at me.

Emmett feels the need to talk, why though I have no clue, "Lookie here. The sleeping beauty has decided to wake up. I thought you were dead up there."

Uh oh; looks like Carlisle is going to need a new globe. Rosalie is triumphant as her throw hits Emmett straight in the head. Mom laughs but gets up, engulfing me in a hug. "I love you," she whispers. No doubt she knows what I'm doing. She always knows my plans, she probably tried faking herself too.

Alice grabs me and announces, "I saw a vision of Renesmee getting a haircut so I've decided to come back. Rose and I are taking her to Los Angeles for 4 days so we can pamper her!"

Turning to Aunt Rosalie she says, "Omg this will be soooo fun! Manicures, pedicures, shopping, spas, we'll stay in a 5 star hotel….."

Dad cuts her off, and says to me, "Honey, do you want to go? You aren't obligated to go anywhere with them if you don't want too."

YES! An escape route from a weekend of torture. But wait; I said I was going to try to cheer up for them. Jacob won't be home anytime soon so what else is there to do?

I look up to see Alice's face, trying to hide her disappointment if I say no.

"No, its okay Dad. I want to go," I manage to force through my teeth. "YES! Rosalie we have to go make plans about everything, so much to do," Aunt Alice says while going upstairs with Aunt Rosalie.

I go to sit down next to Mom while Emmett starts complaining about picking up the shattered pieces of the globe. She holds me and I realize I'm about her size. Dad sits down on the other side of me and strokes my hair.

"Renesmee, sweetie, I'm glad you're trying to move on. You've made everyone so happy, especially Alice," Mom says.

"I think Alice is also enjoying the prospect of another shopping trip also. Jasper is still bringing her bags in. But your Mom's right, we love you," Dad says to me. He gets up, places a kiss on my head and goes to help Jasper.

Finally, alone with my mom she says, "Okay. I know what you're doing. Its going to be tough to keep the act up, but it will eventually make you feel better. Remember, you don't have to go."

I look at her and say, "I'm going to try. And I think I should go, just to get out of the house."

She smiles at me and gets up. My thoughts drift back to Jacob. Surely he would want me to be happier. I mean, he's probably having fun, bonding the wolves.

Jacob POV

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Kill me. Just kill me now. PLEASE?????

"Not a chance wolfie," Leah snidely remarks in my thoughts. I forgot how annoying it was to have 10 other people read your thoughts, instead of just one person.

It had been about 10 months since I left. The pain of leaving still has fresh marks on my heart. Every minute I thought of my Nessie. How she will have grown, what she is doing, if she's mad at me for leaving?

Once I reached La Push with Seth, Sam told us the plan. Then I had to spend 5 months trying to track down other packs all over North America. We had found 7 already and thought we were prepared for battle.

Those first months were the worst. Everytime I thought of her my eyes teared up. She was in my dreams every single night. Now its only about 4 times a week. All the imprinters have been having it bad. Quil, Paul, Sam, Jared, and I are about to kill someone. Now I see why it's so important to keep your imprintee safe. If I had to live the rest of my life missing Nessie like I do now, I would have to kill myself.

The misery is overwhelming. I left half of myself with Ness and now I feel empty and alone. The rest of the pack has been trying to cheer us up, but nothing will work. Now everyone is crabby and annoyed. We have to stay in our wolf forms at all time, in case of a surprise attack. No beds, showers, or normal food sources.

The conditions are terrible. Thinking of the Cullen house, I realize I miss it more than ever. I do think people handle their sorrows in different ways. I distance myself from the pack, rarely speaking, almost always thinking of my Nessie. Sam just orders us around more, kind of getting on our nerves. Quil tells us random stories about how Claire did this, or how Claire did that. Like we care? Paul is so touchy that nobody talks to him, in fear of him ripping our heads off. And finally Jared. He has these daydreams about Kim all day long. Its getting annoying. Like seriously weird.

Right now we are sitting in a huge cave, trying to rest. We under-estimated that pack, they have perfected every battle plan they've made. A wolf named Peter from the mountains of N.C almost died. I broke my arm and dislocated my shoulder trying to save him.

That sucked big time. When you are "healing", you aren't allowed to do anything. So Peter and I sat in this cave doing nothing. Which led to me thinking about Renesmee. I can't wait to hold her again. I miss her hugs, and us swimming. I want to hear her laugh like bell chimes and race me in the forest.

Once again Leah butts in, "Wow Jake. You really are pathetic. Seriously, get over yourself you freak."

"JUST QUIT READING MY THOUGHTS!!!!!," I scream in my head.

She evily smiles at me, "Make me."

Oh its on. Finally I can give her what she deserves. As I get ready to pounce Sam grabs the scruff of my neck. He pushes me down on the floor and stands on all fours in between us.

"STOP IT! WE ARE ALL ONE PACK HERE. I know it has been rough but we can't have fighting amongst us," Sam declares with authority in his thoughts.

I know I could say that I'm an alpha too, but I choose not to because he's right. I just turn around and lay with my head on my paws. Staring out the cave, I watch the rain pour outside. I start thinking about Renesmee as I drift to uneasy sleep.

Ok that took FOREVER to write. I'm sorry that I didn't put it up sooner, but I tried to make up for it by making it really long.

Once again, PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!! 3 reviews before Chapter 9.