3.
Five minutes before ten, he was there. Thank the Maker for elevators and rapid transit systems, or it'd take him an eon to reach the place. He leaned back at the club's wall, if only to rest his arms. He had picked casual clothes for this, they didn't want to attract attention, but then again it was just his way of dressing up in general. Leather black pants with trainers and a dark blue T-shirt. Nothing special but this place wasn't "L' or d'amour" or something, anyway...
Damn! What was he doing? Was he really going out on a date with her? Ok, it was highly unlikely here, but what if someone saw?
Butterflies were dancing in his stomach, his heart beating so hard it could break.
Before he had the chance to dwell in his panic though, he saw her entering the alley. Her step was calm, confident and as her eyes adjusted to the relative darkness of the surroundings, she walked towards him.
He though she'd wear her uniform to come to their meeting or at least her jumpsuit, but no.
Black, tight, sleeveless top with a neck and a light brown flak skirt, just above the knees. Black net covered her legs that showed as she walked on top of short, flat boots. She looked awfully retro, like a heroine from some old comic book. He liked it.
As she came to stand before him, he was at a loss for words. He realised now, too late, that he hadn't come up with a single smart line to say, all this time he'd spent waiting for her.
He wrecked his mind. Only lame lines like "Nice weather, huh?" or "Is it a bit chilly tonight?" were present there. He bit his lip nervously.
- What? She said looking at herself, You don't like it?
- No, I adore it...I mean not the dress...it's you, well the dress is pretty cool too I guess since you're huh...in it. Oh, crap, you must think I'm a complete idiot!
- Jeff, relax. Can you please be yourself?
- You're gorgeous.
- That's better...
- I half thought you'd come in here bringing a gun or so. Guess I was wrong.
- Well, not totally wrong...
Looking around, she lifted one fold of her skirt to reveal a pistol strapped on her right thigh with a leather belt.
If he could, he would just fall on his knees right there and please her, tear right through that black net of hers with his teeth and please her.
- That's my girl, all right, he said. He kept his eyes closed a second longer than was expected.
- I like that. What you just said.
- Ah, shouldn't we go inside? he suggested, quickly looking to the other side, towards the end of the alleyway.
A half-drunk human and his asari girlfriend had just come stumbling in. They squeezed against a corner there and started pulling off some clothes while making out frantically.
- Yeah, that would be better.
Inside, the place was dim. Only the bar had red and green lights coloring it.
They sat in a booth comfortingly placed at the far end of the room, between a back window, some plants and the restrooms.
He hoped in his seat effortlessly, placing his crutches near him towards the corridor. He was used to doing that. She sat opposite to him.
A slight layer of grease covered the seats and table of the booth.
- I'm sorry, I know this isn't the right place for...he began.
- This is exactly the place I was hoping for, she cut him.
The bar was nearly empty, just a few regulars. A human waitress in a sexy leather suit came for their order. She nearly stumbled on his crutches.
- Oh my God, you're Commander Shepard! The hero of Eden Prime! She shouted loud enough that even the bartender heard her.
- No she's not! he broke, hitting his fist on the table, making the ashtray jingle. He calmed down almost instantly. Look, I'm sorry, we're not on business here.
The waitress was taken aback by his behavior, but quickly came to her senses, a strange look of acknowledgement in her eye
- No, no I am sorry, she told them under her breath. I...I didn't realise...I...I...I made a mistake. I'm sorry. Take whatever you want. Drinks on the house.
A slight disagreement between the waitress and the krogan bartender soon occurred. Apparently, the krogan didn't like his employees upsetting the few customers he ever got. This was a place were people came to find refuge from the harshness of reality, he said. Their order was quick to come, nonetheless.
Silence was pregnant between them. It was as if they suddenly understood the gravity of their situation, what they were doing, what was going on.
He let a deep sigh come out his lungs, then reached forward from his seat and took her hand. It felt so good sitting there, just holding her hand upon the table.
His gaze drifted outside the window, upon those that passed by.
- I don't care, you know. He paused.
- I don't care that you're Commander Shepard. That you're some war hero. That you're a Spectre. That says nothing to me about who you truly are inside. That's not why I feel for you.
He turned to face her. She returned the look.
- Everyone sees the bigger picture. They just see Commander Shepard, an alliance marine, that never flinches from her duty...or just a military tool. That's all very obvious to anyone that might look. But who you are just doesn't show in those things...They miss the detail. It's in the little things you do, it's in the little, everyday things you say and do, and I'm not referring to your picking your nose, here...
She laughed slightly. His voice softened.
- It's in your smile. It's not in the things you do, it's in the way you do them. It's in the things you sacrifice, Shepard. It is the things you sacrifice of yourself that define you. And no one can see that just by looking at you. It takes time, it takes...interest.
Damn! Whatever was he talking about? Was he really just pouring all these stuff out on her? All those things he had been thinking in secret, he had been thinking in agony over all those sleepless nights? But those were meant to be kept inside, to be revelled in, not spoken. He sounded no different than Alenko now, with all his fancy talk. He leaned back at his seat.
- Ah, forget I said anything...
- Do you remember when you asked me why I chose you? She finally spoke.
- Yeah, I do. What about?
- You've just given yourself the answer.
He fell back with obvious surprise.
- ...You knew all along, didn't you? You weren't fishing me out last night. You knew...
- You' re not the only one who's been watching with interest.
- I guess not, he laughed nervously. He never saw any of this. He never did pick up the signs because he didn't even think there were signs, because he had convinced himself it was impossible that there were any signs.
A moment of silence came between them. He leisurely stroked her hand with his fingers. Upon her wrist he felt something rough. He rolled her hand over. Something was carved there just below her palm. It could easily be a flesh wound if only for its depiction. He couldn't make it out. He passed his thumb over it briefly. It was a mark.
She saw him scrutinizing her wrist, not so much with curiosity as with worry. She didn't make any move though. He didn't ask, either. This was not a time for painful memories. They faced more immediate problems.
- Just out of curiosity, what did you say to Kaidan?
- I told him "No".
Frankly, that's all he needed to know.
However, there seemed to be no end in those silent intervals that eventually fell in between pieces of conversation. Despite everything that had played out between them, they remained by a large scale, strangers. But he didn't need anything more right now, he was content to embrace her knees between his legs, under the table. The booth was so narrow that allowed him that pleasure.
- It was a man, you know, back on Mindoir. He gave me this. He looked down upon her wrist.
- Look, you don't have to tell me...if you don't want to.
- I was just a kid back then. He had a stash full of things in his shed, hidden in the mountains. I'd sneak back in there and watch him. I was curious. He was a smuggler, probably a slaver too. He had this thing...he had no skin on his face. It seemed like he was really badly burned. He saw me once, told me to leave and never return and he told me a thousand times after that. But one day he caught me. He just jumped from behind and caught me and dragged me to his shed. He pulled out his combat knife and marked me. He said if I liked it so bad here, I could as well stay and be his property. At night, as he half-slept, I ran and never went back. I think now he just did it to scare me off and it really worked. Never even spoke about it before, everyone thought I'd just scraped myself somewhere. It's the strangest little thing, really. I don't know what it is.
The air grew stale around him
- There's more to it than this, isn't there?
- The slavers back on Mindoir? It wasn't the Alliance that saved me. It was him. Just seconds before the attack, he came up to the yard of my house and snatched me. He locked me up in the shed, urging me to keep quiet. Then the marines found me. I never saw him again. He didn't even explain himself, you know, what were his intentions...
Why was she telling him this? This was a story she'd never told before, it was a story that no-one knew. It wasn't on the records. He had looked quite thoroughly. Somehow she had shielded this man, whomever he was, as a favor returned for saving her so many years ago. Why let go now? Why with him? He would never have asked her of her past. He would never poke her to reveal the great philosophical meaning she'd conjured up in the aftermath of some daring adventure. Hell, this date was much more than he ever expected. Since last night he was determined to follow whatever breadcrumbs she'd throw him, even if it meant a broken heart. But this wasn't a path, it was a way. An experience so purely horrifying, so purely...human. And what could he say to something like that? That he had done the occasional drug, slept with couple of whores or that hideous tattoo he had at the end of his spine? Horror took him that perhaps he was just way out of her league.
- Look, I haven't exactly been an angel in life, you know. But you've shared secrets, they're safe with me. I won't lie to you. I'm confused. I'm scared. Where we're treading now, it's too deep. Balance is feeble enough as it is. Fuck! We have to figure out what we'll do.
- I don't know, Jeff. I honestly don't.
- Do you want us to keep meeting in shady bars? I'll do it! Do you want me to tell you about how fucked up my childhood was in some tear-filled monologue? I'll do that too! Be all quiet when you ride me in the pilot's seat? I'll be damned, but I'll do it! Just draw me a plan here, because I'm at a loss. The whole thing just came out of the blue and moved so fast. I don't know what to think anymore.
He shook his head.
- Don't get me wrong. This is like a dream come true for me. And you, I've never met anyone like you. Ah, crap, there I go again. I don't know what to do...
- You know what to do! she broke. We hide and we pretend. You just don't like it. And I don't like it either. But it's absolutely the only option we have.
That was true. He didn't like it at all. Whatever he got in his life, he earned it by hard work, by daring, by not letting others limit him to what he would do. But life's irony finally came to that he had to do exactly the opposite to hold on to what he cared for. Her.
He nodded half-hearted.
- I've got to go, she said in a hurry. Be as late as you can be.
He pulled her close for a last kiss. Who knows when he'd kiss her again?
She was out the door in no time.