bold is cell phone journal entry. longest chapter ever! woot! haha anyways i think this is my fave chapter so far =] i was listening to forever and always by taylor swift--that's why its raining at the end. such a good song! the lyrics don't exactly fit to this chapter (ok the only part the actually connects is the rain) but the mood of the song was exactly what the mood of this was (at least when i was writing this). go listen to it! awesome song =] read and review!

disclaimer: i don't own hannah montana. duh

Chapter 3

Dear Journal/Cell phone:

I'm waiting to meet Oliver. He's running late, which usually means he doesn't want to do whatever it is he has to do. Great. Anyways, I just talked to Miley--she didn't help. Except for one thing. She said Oliver wishes he could go back to loving from…afar? What the hell does she mean? There's no way Oliver's been in love with me…how long has she had this "theory"? And if she is right, how long has he been like that? Since Lucas? Since Matt?

I just got a new reason--it popped into my head as I was typing.

3. It would be way to awkward when we broke up.

That's good. Right?

I see him coming. This should be fun :/

Lilly

Oliver was late. I sat on the beach for 15 minutes after Miley left before I started typing into my cell phone, knowing that if I didn't organize my thoughts I would go crazy. I saw him walking over--21 minutes late--and I quickly shut my phone, pushing it in my back pocket, and stood up to greet him.

"Hey," I said once he reached my spot.

"Hey."

I decided to get right to it. "Look, Oliver," I gulped hesitantly, not sure how to phrase what I was trying to say. "There's no use trying to avoid the rumor. You're my best friend. I hate that we're not talking. I mean, it's just a silly rumor, right?"

Oliver sighed. "Ya. Just a stupid rumor. Besides, we'd never work. So, umm hows math coming along?"

We awkwardly chatted for a few minutes before he told me he had to get going, that he had family coming over soon. As I watched him walk off towards the parking lot, I saw his shoulders droop, as if he had been defeated in a war he was fighting with himself. He had spoken what I wanted to hear, but what he actually told me was so much different.

"What? Your not gonna be home until 11? Mom, we were supposed to have dinner tonight…"

"I'm sorry, Lilly, but I'm stuck at work. We'll do it tomorrow."

"Fine. I'll talk to you later," I angrily hung up, snapping the phone shut with way more force than necessary. She had done the same thing for the last month--she'd promise that we'd hang out on the weekend, grab pizza or watch a movie, and then cancel on me to stay at "work." It's been that way for years, ever since he divorced her.

I shook the thought off. If there was one thing I hated thinking of more than Oliver being in love with me, it was my dad.

I couldn't go home. It would be empty, motionless. A place to think. Exactly what I didn't want. I quickly weighed my options in my head. Go home, stay at the beach, go to Miley's. Go home, stay at the beach, go to Miley's. Going home wasn't happening, and I really didn't want to talk to Miley right now. She's my best friend and all, but I can't deal with her over-analyzing every word that passed between Oliver and I.

That left one option--stay at the beach. As much as I didn't want to, I had no place better to go. I sat down, staking out my territory. I glanced at the clock on my cell phone, it was already 4:37. I had a new text from Miley and my mom, but I didn't feel like talking to either of them. Chucking the phone aside, I laid down on the warm sand. I twirled it in my fingers, watching the formation of hills and valleys on the ground. My eyes started drooping, and I couldn't muster up the will to fight it. Before I knew it, I was sleeping.

"Lilly?" Someone asked me, waking me from my slumber.

"LUCAS?" I half screamed, realizing who the stranger was.

"Hey." He looked like he wanted to remind time, to just have passed on by.

"Wha… What are you doing here?"

"I still go to the beach, Lilly. We do live in California…"

"No dur. I meant what are doing talking to me?"

"Look," he started anxiously, wishing desperately that he didn't have to continue on. Please don't start apologizing, I prayed. Not now. "I'm really sorry for cheating on you. I know it was a couple of months ago, but…I still feel awful. I realize know what a jerk I was. So, ya…" he trailed off, unsure of where to go next.

"Uh…Thanks," I said undecidedly. I couldn't tell whether he was being genuine or was just hoping for something from me.

"Look, it's ok if you don't believe me. I just…needed to get it off my chest. Needed for you to know that I'm not that guy anymore. Not that it matters to you, cuz obviously we're not getting together, we're not even friends…" He trailed off, realizing he had completely blown whatever sort of dignity that he had entered into the conversation with.

For some reason, I believed him. Despite completely making a fool of himself, I saw what he was trying to say. "Thanks."

"Oh-Oh-Ok," he stuttered, apparently in disbelief that I actually believed him. "So, uh, how you been?" Great. Time for awkward small talk.

"Fine, I guess. I like most of my teachers. You?" I asked with subtle indifference, not wanting to seem like all was forgiven.

"Same. Except I have Johansonn. Awful teacher. Why they hired her is completely beyond me." He was trying too hard, but I figured I'd give him a break.

"That sucks," I sympathized. "I've got Keller for Geometry--I'm about ready to shoot her whenever she opens her mouth to speak." I could practically hear the sigh of relief that I knew he so badly wanted to let out.

"Oh, I had her last year, she's almost worse than Johansson."

"Almost?" I laughed.

"Hard to beat the lady who references Sesame Street at least 3 times in one period."

"Good point," I agreed.

"So, uh, I'm…happy for, uh, you and Oliver. Always figured it would happen eventually."

"What are you talking about?"

"You and Oliver. Aren't you together now?"

"What are you talking about? Of course not!"

"Oh. Well then. I'm pretty sure that Oliver returns the feelings."

"If Oliver returns the feelings? What do you mean?" I stuttered, completely in the dark about what he was trying to say.

"Well, you like him, right? No offense, but it's not that hard to tell."

"It's not?"

"Look at what your wearing, Lilly. Maybe I'm wrong--I'm not exactly an expert at love--but to an outsider looking in, it's looks like your falling."

"It's not his feelings I'm worried about."

"Well, figure out yours then. Don't you think he's already waited long enough?"

"Why does everyone keep saying that? That he's been waiting all this time?"

"Have you ever thought everyone keeps saying that because it's the truth?"

"But it's not! Trust me, I know Oliver. He's not in love with me. And he definitely hasn't been for 'all this time.'"

"You may be the one person who knows him best, Lilly, but you also may be extremely oblivious to this particular part of Oliver," he stood up, grabbing his jacket. "I've got to go meet Sam, but good luck with Oliver. It was nice talking to you again."

I stopped him after he was a few yards away. "Luke!" I called. "Thanks."

I decided that I couldn't stay at the beach, where the memory of the last encounter played vividly in my end; it was as if it was on a never-ending repeat.

Slipping my feet back into my sandals, I double checked that I still had my cell phone, and left the beach. The irresistible smell of hot dogs caught my attention while on my course and I delightfully settled into one of the chairs next to the counter in Rico's Snack Shack.

"Hey Lilly," Jackson handed me the water bottle. "What's on your mind? You look worried."

"Nothing. It's just--I'm not sure you'd understand. Come to think of it, I don't even know why I'm telling this to you."

"It's Oliver, isn't it?"

"How do you know about it?!" I exclaimed. Did everyone know? This was becoming borderline creepy.

"I overheard Miley talking to my Dad. Said she just wished that you would see what's right in front of you."

"Great. Why can't she just mind my own business?"

"Because she's just looking out for you, Lilly. Trying to show you this so that when you look back in 20 years, it won't be regretful."

"Wow, Jackson. That's deep."

"Yah. I heard it on some talk show one of my exes made me watch with her."

"Typical."

"Hey, it's good advice. Just think about it? Stop fighting against it, and just consider it."

He actually made sense. It was weird, but the two people who I would have never came to for advice were able to explain it best to me. I thanked him for the water, and started to walk towards my house.

Strolling down the sidewalk absentmindedly, I noticed that the weather had changed from nice and sunny to dark clouds and gusts of wind. Great, I thought, just what I need. The drops of water started to fall, picking up in volume with each passing second. Soon, I was drenched. Looking up at the sky, I remembered when Oliver and I had gone camping during the summer a few years ago. We were climbing one of the nearby mountains when it started to pour. Oliver's parents wanted to turn around, but we kept walking. By the time we reached the top, we were completely soaked. It didn't matter though; it was the highlight of the summer. It reminded me why I was friends with Oliver; we could be carefree 5 year olds, escaping the realities of our true identity.

A fierce gust of wind knocked me out of my day dream, and I found myself not at the top of my street, but of Oliver's. I had memorized the route before I knew where my school was, it was second nature to me--but why was I here now?

"Oh, sorry!" Some girl apologized after jamming into my shoulder.

I turned around to apologize, but I was already walking away. She was holding hands with a guy I presumed was her boyfriend, and I was strangely jealous. My heart ached for whatever it was that girl had; she was a whole lot happier than I was. Curiously, the couple reminded me of Oliver and myself, and that's when I knew.

I ran the rest of the way to Oliver's house, eager to enlighten him with the new development in our story. My feet pounded his driveway, splashing the car in his driveway. Silently praying that Oliver would be home, my fist hurriedly knocked on the door.

All that greeted my was silence. It filled my body, ousting the hope that had occupied it only moments before. I knocked again, desperately hoping that he was just downstairs playing video games, and hadn't heard my. The sound rang through the sounds of the house, and I quickly tried the front door to check that it was open, a sure sign that the Okens were home. It wasn't.

Despair wrapped around my brain, filling me with doubt at my revelation. What was I thinking? I should at least think about it, take some time. I knew in my heart, though, I was only trying to console myself for not seeing Oliver right then. I sat down on the steps, determined to wait for Oliver. I didn't care if it took 5 minutes or 5 hours--I was staying.

One hour, 13 minutes. I was counting, determined to prove to myself that I wouldn't leave. Jumping up suddenly, I felt my phone go off in my pocket. It was a call from some number not in my address book.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Lilly," Oliver's mom, the unknown caller, replied. "I need to talk to you about something."

"Ya, sure. What's up?"

"It's Oliver. He's been in a car accident."

hope you liked it! i wasn't sure how exactly to write her "revelation" because i didn't want it to be too cheesy or anything but at the same time i wanted it to be important. review!! =]