A/N: A big thanks to my first reviewers on this story, OnTheLineFeline, blue.nails.of.an.angel, and of course hersheygal who has never seen the movie or play but still tries to understand what it is I'm talking about… lol! This is going to be in the midst of bohemia…
Disclaimer: I do NOT own RENT or Roger Davis… but of course it's a very different story in my dreams… hehe…
I'm Ready For My Close Up
In The Eyes of a Young Girl…
I admit it… I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Most of them took place however during my reign as the Rock Sex God. I was all high and mighty… sitting on top of the world with a bunch of stoners and drunks worshiping the ground I walked on. And like a normal person I let it get to my head… let's just say that there's lots of women in this town that really get around. But then I met… her and I was instantly in love with this stranger in a dimly lit bar… swaying to the music. I was in love with her vibrant short red hair, her smile, her nice green eyes, her pale skin, the sound of her laughter, and on top of all that she seemed like she actually had a mind of her own. None of these simpering smiles and batted eyelashes that I usually got from girls. She was the real deal… and unwittingly I signed my life away so that I could get closer to her.
(Flashback)
A young redhead allowed her excitable friend to lead her to the front of the massive pack of screaming fans. The bar was small and smelled strongly of cigarette smoke but apparently her friend didn't seem to mind. And for some reason neither did April.
"Look… that's the blondie I told you about!" Jenna squealed as she pointed to the lead guitarist. April rolled her eyes, Jenna had a new obsession nearly every other week, but when she turned to actually look at the man all time seemed to stop. Just for a moment. They accidentally locked eyes and it was like the sound was turned off and the people around her had froze in their positions. He smiled at her and then turned back to his playing… resuming with the song.
"April! Apriiiiiiil!" Jenna cried, waving her small hands in front of her friend's face. "Are you even listening to me April?" April started out of her daze and all sound and movement resumed… crashing around her like a bomb.
"I'm sorry… what?" April said distantly, trying to focus on her friend again. Jenna rolled her dark eyes and began to speak slowly as if April was hard of hearing.
" I… said… that… I… can… meet… him… after… the… song…" Jenna explained again while making exaggerated hand motions. April blushed furiously at the thought and gave her friend a wide smile.
"Any chance of me coming with you?"
(End flashback)
We met after the band finished playing… she had a friend with her that quite frankly terrified me with all her flirting. Luckily she moved onto the bass player and left me alone for a while… free to talk to April. I found myself tongue tied and unable to think of something to say to such a nice girl. The only girls I had experience talking to were… well… not really interested in talking.
(Flashback)
"Sorry about Jenna… she's a bit of a flirt when she's drunk," April apologized sweetly to the blonde rocker. Roger smiled warmly at her and shrugged the apology off like it was a fly.
"I've experienced worse… unofficial groupies and such," Roger laughed, making a joke of the situation. April giggled a little and looked away hurriedly. She had been staring a little too long at his smile.
"It must get a little annoying… having people hang on you all the time," April commented, eager to make a conversation. Roger started out of his thoughts for a moment and looked back at her with a little less warmth in his eyes.
"You know… sometimes this does get really rough. Always the pressure and the perfection are put on me as the bandleader. Sometimes I just want it all to go away…" Roger's voice trailed away until the two were swallowed in silence. An idea had sparked into April's mind… although she had always been called a good girl she had one addiction… one obsession that got her through all of her rough times. She was surprised that Roger hadn't already discovered this escape.
"I know what you mean… I get really stressed out too and it gets pretty overwhelming," April responded conversationally. Roger looked at her again and was struck by how beautiful she was. Something seemed to be on the tip of her tongue though and April looked as if she was debating whether to tell him something or not. "I have a way out." Roger looked at her in puzzlement. When she looked up at him again though somehow he thought that whatever escape it was it had to be safe… if it was good enough for this girl had to be brilliant.
"I'm up for anything at this point."
(End flashback)
It was at that moment that I used for the first time… the first time when I felt that rush of peace and tranquility. All at once I regretted it because I knew that now and forever I was hooked. From the second that I plunged that needle into my arm I was a goner. But April was there, telling me it was okay and that she used a lot too. That we would face the world together… me, her, and the smack. I ate it up then and I loved her to death while she was alive. Really looking back on it the few most romantic and blessed times I've had with April was when we were firmly on the ground and not on some kind of sick joy ride. I wish now that we had more of those moments instead of floating around in space all the time. Of course, that wasn't the worse part of the needle. There were other punishments.
(Flashback)
"I'm so sorry Roger… I could only get a hold of one needle," April explained breathlessly as she approached Roger again. The crazed man looked at her and shook his head wildly… desperately.
"I don't care April," he cried hoarsely and stared at her with hungry eyes. "I need it… hurry," was all he said as he watched his girlfriend fill the needle and prepare to inject it. He watched painfully as she continued to slap her arm so a vein would show, the seconds dragging on and on forever and for eternity.
"God could you hurry up you…" Roger began but before he could finish the sentence April had given a cry of triumph. Eagerly she pushed the needle in and allowed the wonderful sensation to take over. Instantly her frenzied breathing evened and her eyes glazed over. With a little giggle she handed the bag and the needle to Roger.
"Here you go baby…" she murmured. Roger snatched the bag ravenously and quickly set the needle to his arm. Soon he was in another world where stress wasn't important… to where he didn't have to always deliver his best. He could just float and be free and for a moment Roger didn't care how sick he would be later on. He just cared about now and how blissfully fuzzy everything seemed.
Little did the cute redhead or the Rock Sex God know that a deadly disease had also been shot into Roger's blood stream along with the drug. Neither of them even suspected that April was a carrier and that she had unwittingly doomed her beloved to a shortened life that was filled with sickness and death.
"See baby… everything's perfect now. It's all alright…." April whispered as the drug took over her body. "We'll be okay… you and I. We have our whole lives to live." Roger grunted an agreement, not even quite aware as to what he was agreeing to.
"Let's go somewhere…" Roger muttered painfully as the two staggered to their feet. The laughed mechanically and started their first moments as a doomed couple… they had signed their lives away.
(End flashback)
Like I said… I was foolish in those days. I blindly followed a pretty girl right into hell and didn't even realize it until it was too late. What's worse is she didn't know she was the one pulling me closer to death. She thought she was helping me ease the pain.
I occasionally wonder if I had the choice and knowing what I do now… would I have still followed April to that alley behind the bar… would I have traded her love for my life. And what frightens me is that usually the answer comes out as a hesitant yes. I would have given her up entirely if it meant I didn't have to live with the guilt or the disease. I loved April with all my heart… at least I think I did. It's really all just a haze of smoke, lights, and a pretty smile.
A/N: Oooh! The first really dark chapter so far in this story. Once again, please review and let me know what you think and I'll even kindly take suggestions or requests… :D