Title: The Gift
Timeframe: pre- TPM
Spoilers: minor, if at all
Genre: AU, drama, angst
Disclaimer: I really don't make any money from this, I just really love
playing in George's sandbox.
The Gift
The dimly lit hallways of the Jedi Temple seemed to swallow the towering Jedi Master as he glided toward his destination. Qui-Gon Jinn was worried for his apprentice, but his heart was not filled with the same uncontrolled dread as it had been the last time he had played out this scene. His path was clear to him now. While meditating, the truth came to him. The path is long and sometimes it is undertaken in darkness, but it is never walked alone. He understood that he did not succeed and fail alone. It was because of his connections to others that he could strive onward. Whether it was on this plane or the next, he and Obi-Wan were joined together on the path and he was finally prepared to share the journey.
Qui-Gon arrived at the healers ready to accept what the Force had for him. All he found as he rounded the last corner was an obviously agitated Padawan Healer.
"Oh, thank the force you´re here Master Jinn," said the young healer, removing her furred hands from the folds of her tunic. They immediately shot up to her neck to rub tense muscles. "Master Healer Leeto asked me to wait for you and explain."
"Explain what?" he asked, placing his arm lightly on her shoulder. His voice was filled with concern, but was calm and this visibly relaxed the frazzled padawan.
"When he examined Padawan Kenobi, Master Leeto found some recent and fairly extensive damage to the heart muscle. He went right into surgery."
"Surgery?" Actually opening up a body was a method rarely used by the Jedi Healers. He felt icy tendrils of panic and worry radiate through his chest. The selfish part of his heart could not bear losing the chance to share his hard one insight with Obi-Wan. "May I be with him?"
"Not now, but after surgery you may stay with him while he is in the bacta tank." The girl´s wide ears drooped as she seemed at a loss for words. She rubbed the silky fur of her palms together and looked up into Qui-Gon´s eyes. Her own saffron eyes were full of sympathy. As intimidated as the young thing was by the imposing Jedi Knight, she wanted to reassure him and even comfort him. This was the duty at the very heart of every healer. "Master Qui-Gon, Master Leeto was quite confident that Obi-Wan will do well."
"Yes Padawan. And with Leeto at work, I have only to put my faith in the force. What is meant to be, will be." He gave the girl one of his uncommon, but exquisite smiles. "I will wait here."
She thought for a moment of encouraging him to get some food and rest, but wisely decided that it would be a useless waste of energy. "I am going to assist Master Leeto. I will be back as soon as I can." She quickly left the room her tail curling up behind her.
Qui-Gon looked over the chairs, trying to choose the least uncomfortable one. He decided against them all and took up residence on the floor. He felt a heaviness on his heart that he wished to banish. Again meditation seemed the answer. He slowed his breathing and made himself aware of all that made up the moment. He felt and accepted the pain his boot was causing his ankle. He felt and accepted the wisp of hair that tickled the end of his nose. Then it was on to more difficult things. He felt with stabbing pain the fear of losing his apprentice and, with his trust in the force anchoring him, he accepted that as well. As that acceptance washed through him, so did the force. The ocean that was all existence came into view before him. He could see all of the currents that flowed through and around him. He sensed Obi-Wan´s presence strongly. He could see where the river of his student´s energy joined with his own and where his joined the young Padawan´s. He could see their energies intertwining with Leeto´s, the other healers´, and even the uncomfortable chairs behind him. It was not quite chaos and not quite dance. Whether or not he could find the words to describe the feeling, it still brought peace to his soul. All would be well.
The next day found Qui-Gon tired, but happy. Obi-Wan had come through the surgery even better than Leeto had expected. He had only a brief stay in the bacta tank and was then settled into a comfortable bed in the healers ward. The Master had been unsuccessfully trying to tell the boy the story he had promised him. The room was as busy as the Senate floor. Master Yoda, Bant, Sil and all of the healers who were constantly in and out continually interrupted him. It warmed him though to realize just how many lives were connected to Obi-Wan´s. So many people cared profoundly for him. Now it was time for him to explain just how deeply their connection ran.
"Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon started after a long comfortable silence.
"Yes Master?"
"I have long held the belief that my duty in this life was to serve only the force. I have allowed that conviction to guide me in all that I have done. I believed that I needed to train you so that you could mature and serve the force as well."
"Of course, Master." Obi-Wan answered, his brows furrowed in obvious concentration.
"However, I have lived so fully in the moment, worshipping the Living Force and in all my sense of duty I forgot that the force does not exist separate from us. It is us. It is created by our attachments. For so long I have shunned attachments, thinking that it would bring me closer to the living force. I don't think I gave much thought to the nature of the attachments." He stopped and ran two fingers up and down the bridge of his nose. "Oh, Force. I have said a whole lot without saying anything."
"Master?" The boy was about to suggest that his Master needed some rest when the man fixed him with a most unusual look.
"Padawan, you have a place in my being that will never be filled by anyone or anything else. I am your teacher and it is my honor to be so. The honor is multiplied because in my heart I feel as if you are my own child. When I meditate and I sense your force signature I could swear that you have always been with me. I feel as if I have soothed your first cries, enjoyed your first laugh, and taken pride in your first steps. I may or may not have a right to these feelings, but they are there and I would not have liked for you or I to have passed into the force without having spoken these words." Qui-Gon took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair. The boy would need space to take in the emotional words.
Obi-Wan was looking at his Master´s hands. They were sturdy and large. They had calluses from hard work over many years. They could be seen as old hands if viewed by the wrong person. But he knew the power they contained. He felt it every time they were laid upon his shoulder in trust, in worry, in correction, or in comfort. Those hands were beyond memory for him. He gave them no thought, for they had always been. He had always seen Qui-Gon as his father. It wasn´t conscious thought, it was just reality. But perhaps he had taken it for granted. He was always concentrating on being the best student he could be and pleasing Qui-Gon. He had not always shown his master his feelings. He wasn´t one for talking about such things. Now he felt there was more he needed to do.
"Master?"
"Yes, Obi-Wan?"
"Did I ever tell you that I draw. Pictures, I mean, I draw pictures."
"No. You didn't" Qui-Gon smiled, leaning forward in his chair again.
"I enjoy it and I think that I´m pretty good at it. I've been doing it for so long that I don´t even think about it. When I feel like something needs to be saved, held onto, I just trade it from my minds eye to the paper. It´s difficult to explain. Maybe you would like to see some of them." The boy´s eyes were glued to the medical droid that busied itself at the foot of his bed.
"I would like that very much, my Padawan. It would be a very generous gift for you to share with me." Qui-Gon watched as Obi-Wan relaxed and smiled, his cheeks slightly flushed. First cries, giggles, and steps; they were all there in the boy´s eyes. Qui-Gon truly had been given a gift. "I have something to share with you as well. When you are well enough I would like to take you to Varrus. It is a very special place and I think you would enjoy it." He reached out, smoothed the boy´s hair back from his forehead, and told him all about Varrus and its pastel skies as his child drifted off into peaceful sleep.
The End