That said, this next memory is going to be taken from Roger's childhood as he experiences something that I'm sure all of us have at some point. No, not adolescence. I would say he's roughly… six years old.

Disclaimer: I don't own RENT or Roger… (is sad)

I'm Ready For My Close Up!

So Long Doc

When I was much younger, we used to have a dog. It was the only time I remember having a pet in the house because for whatever reason, we never got another one. I remember him clear as day too even though I was only about five or six when he was alive. His name was Doc, something that I particularly loved because of how easy it was to say, and he was a huge brown mutt. I remember that his coat was a bit wiry and that his ears weren't flat like a setter's. They were all perked up and folded and they gave him a rather intelligent look. It was almost as if he were human in a way.

I loved Doc a lot… he was my favorite toy and my best friend. He always looked out for me when I played in the back yard and was always ready to lick away any salty tears that may have sprung up when I tripped and skinned a knee. Doc was always a diligent listener… his ears were always perked up and his eyes gleamed in an attentive way so as he wouldn't miss a word of what I had to say.

I miss him.

(Flashback)

"What's wrong with Doc?" Roger asked worriedly in the backseat of the car as he stroked his companion's back comfortingly. The large dog shuddered under the touch but didn't draw away from the small hand.

Roger's mother twisted back to look at the two of them and smiled as brightly as she could manage.

"We just have to take him for a little check-up is all sweetie," she cooed and Roger seemed to take this explanation willingly. Roger's father made a grunting noise from the driver's seat but his eyes never left the road. He was pushing the speed limit.

"You hear that Doc?" Roger asked, turning his attention to the dog. "Just a check-up. Nothing to be scared about." Doc turned to look at the sound of the voice and wagged his long tail feebly. His long snout didn't lift from the seat however and he almost seemed to moan.

"Not much further now… make sure he stays quiet," Roger's mother chirped from her seat. Her eyes were strained however as if they were holding back moisture… Roger didn't know that his mother had Doc since before Roger was even born. "We don't want him jumping on Daddy's lap again!" Roger giggled at the memory and continued to pet the dog.

Something was nagging at Roger's brain though… but he was too young to recognize what it meant. He just tried to ignore it and continued to pet the dog… it was soothing for the both of them. The coarse coat was so familiar to Roger.

"Hey Rog," Roger's father began after clearing his throat loudly. "The vet's office will be pretty boring. Maybe I'll just take Doc in and you and your mom can go get an ice cream or something." Mr. Davis must have noticed the worried and fretful look on his son's face because he was quick to reassure him. "You can come pick us up right after and we can all go home for some rest." Roger seemed to approve of this idea and leaned against the seat.

"Maybe," he agreed in a soft voice but never stopped petting the dog. "Ice cream is good." His mother smiled approvingly and reached back to shake her son's knee.

"I know what your favorite flavor is too," she grinned. "Chocolate and peanut butter, right?" Roger beamed at the thought of the delicacy and nodded excitedly. "Yum." Roger laughed at his mother and squirmed a little in delight.

"Hear that Doc? Chocolate and peanut butter!" Roger cried in delight. The dog made a feeble attempt at wagging his tail again but was subdued. Roger frowned at this and peered closer at the dog. "What's up Doc?" Doc just groaned a little but licked his lips in an attempt to assure the boy. Roger was not quite convinced but wasn't worried anymore.

The car finally pulled into the vet's parking lot.

(End flashback!)

As it turned out, the car was too low on gas to actually make it to the ice cream parlor, which was half way across town. It would probably only make it back to our house, which was only a few blocks away. I was a little disappointed but content to be with Doc while he had his checkup. I knew just as well as any other kid at how scary doctors could be. I was a little curious as to why my mother sat with me in the lobby instead of letting me go in with Doc but I accepted it.

It was a long wait.

(Flashback!)

"Davis?" a man in a long white coat asked while searching the small crowd of people. Roger's father raised his hand up in acknowledgement and helped Doc up to his feet.

"Let's stay out here Roger," Mrs. Davis said firmly and pulled Roger back down into his seat. She immediately saw the signs of an argument though when Roger's face clouded over and his little green eyes began to blaze dangerously. "The vet doesn't want too many people in there today," she explained quickly and instantly Roger relaxed again. Mrs. Davis knew that Roger would never break a rule that was set down with someone with as much authority as a veterinarian.

"Bye Doc!" Roger called down the hallway. "Be good, okay?" Satisfied, Roger leaned back into his chair and his eyes roamed through the room.

There were several other pets with them. One was a floppy eared cocker spaniel and there was also a tabby cat that was glaring down at the spaniel. Roger could tell though that the spaniel had no interest at all in the cat and instead seemed more intent on looking up into the faces of his owners happily and wriggling with some sort of unnamed joy. Roger had seen Doc look this way too on the many excursions that they had spent with each other and he found, strangely, that he missed the dog.

"I hope he's not scared," Roger said aloud to his mother. Mrs. Davis looked over in surprise but smiled the warmest smile she could muster at the moment.

"Even if he is, your father is there," she assured and patted Roger's hand. "Doc will be alright." Roger smiled back but the unreasonable fear was still there in the bottom of his stomach. So he persisted with his questions because he wasn't sure what to make of his emotions.

"Why does Doc need a checkup?" Roger asked but didn't notice his mother's panicked expression. She immediately tried to smooth it over though with the first thing she could think of.

"The vet just noticed that he hadn't seen Doc in a while and wanted to make sure everything was alright," Mrs. Davis insisted and left no room for another question or doubt. Roger took the explanation though he dimly remembered driving Doc down to the vet just a month ago. The time for questions were over though, he could tell by his mother's attitude. She was too defensive… too worried. And again Roger didn't know why.

So the two sat in silence again for the next twenty minutes. Mrs. Davis occasionally rubbed Roger's shoulder and Roger snuck some peeks at his mother's expression. It hardly ever seemed to change.

And then his father reemerged with a grim expression on his face.

"I think we need to tell him."

(End flashback!)

I remember being confused and scared in that moment. My father had never looked more like he had just heard one of his grandmother's had just died. I just couldn't understand it and it never occurred to me that it had something to do with Doc. I never thought it could be as terrible as that.

But I was in a rude awakening. When I was older my parents had explained to me, after my persistent questions, that Doc had been really sick with some rare dog illness. I don't even remember what it's called anymore. My parents had been giving the prescribed medication to Doc in his food for the past year or so but it wasn't doing any good they said. Doc just kept getting sicker and he got so sick that the vet had given them too choices. Take him off the meds and let him live out the rest of his days in pain or end it right then.

(Flashback!)

"Tell me what?" Roger demanded, looking scared. Mrs. Davis immediately rounded on her husband as soon as the words had left his lips, trembling in unsaid anger.

"Tell him?? And what do we tell him?" she barked, looking rather livid. Mr. Davis just raised his hands in the air but stared defiantly back at his wife.

"And what do you propose we say when we don't explain anything at all?" he retorted and Roger began to panic considerably. Why were they fighting? What was going on? Several of the other patients looked on in interest.

"He's too young!" Roger's mother protested but Roger could sense her hesitation.

"What is it?" Roger pleaded, looking pale and sick with fear. "What's happened?" Mrs. Davis just took one look at Roger's poor little face before setting her jaw but moving aside for Mr. Davis to take over.

"It's about Doc," the older man began before moving towards Roger and crouching down to his level, "He's very sick." The words seemed to have no impact on Roger and he stared blankly back at his father. He hadn't quite reached the right conclusion yet.

"So we get him medicine!" Roger declared as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Mr. Davis sighed again and shook his head sadly.

"We can't." Roger's stomach turned at this but didn't quite acknowledge the fear yet.

"But he'll get better still, right?" Mr. Davis did not respond. And then Roger began to understand. "Where is he?" Roger demanded in panic, preparing to push past his father to find his dog.

"He's in the room." Roger looked up expectantly and Mr. Davis immediately understood. He stood up and took Roger's hand, leading him to the room where Doc was waiting. Roger accepted the support and together father and son walked down the white hallway. Mrs. Davis was on Roger's other side, clearly not approving still but not complaining either.

Mr. Davis opened the door and Doc was lying on the floor, looking rather upset and sick. When he saw his family however his tail immediately began to wag and he lifted his head up in greeting. Roger quickly removed his hand from his father's and rushed over to Doc. He was just so happy to see that he was still alive and looked well!

"Doc!" he cried and took the dog's head into his arms. The wiry fur felt warm and familiar under his fingers but for the first time he noticed how it lacked it's usual sheen. Doc's hair seemed dull and his eyes not quite so bright as they used to be. But still they were turned onto Roger as he gave his master his utmost attention. "You're going to be okay Doc, it's alright!"

"Roger!" Mr. Davis said sharply from the door and quickly crossed the door. "Roger, please try to understand…"

But the vet entered the room at that moment and interrupted whatever Mr. Davis was going to say.

"We're ready," the vet stated but then noticed the small boy in the room clinging to Doc. "Oh…" he said softly, not sure what to say. Mr. Davis just nodded but remained locked onto Roger.

"Just a minute," Mr. Davis said softly. The vet nodded and took his leave quickly and left the three in the room alone together.

"Roger, Doc isn't going to be alright." Mr. Davis turned in surprise to his wife and raised his eyebrows. Mrs. Davis just shook her head and quickly crossed to where her husband stood. "We weren't able to fix him." Roger stared wide-eyed between the two and his stomach made repeated flips. He didn't care for the feeling.

"Are we going to take him home?" Roger asked in a whisper. Mrs. Davis's lower lip trembled when she shook her head in an affirmative "no". Roger looked back down at Doc and suddenly felt a surge of love and affection for Doc. It came on so powerfully and suddenly that all he could do was fling his arms around the dog's neck and hang tight, not wanting to let go.

"Come on Roger… we have to go," Mrs. Davis pleaded and touched Roger's shoulder tenderly. But Roger just hung tighter for his love for the dog had grown so great in that singular moment. Doc grunted a little but took the affection happily. "Roger," his mother said again but more urgently than before.

And Roger let go.

"Doc," he said but felt his mother's arm upon his shoulder. "Good boy Doc." And then he allowed his mother to take him from the room and away from Doc. He glanced back quickly and saw Doc staring after him, his tail thumping faithfully with an expression that told Roger that it was going to be okay.

It wasn't until Roger had left the room and was halfway down the hallway that the reality sunk in. And the tears began to flow down his cheeks in great torrents and he made to go back into the room.

"Doc!" he cried but found himself in a barrier of his mother's solid arms. "What are they going to do?" His mother just held tight and managed to bring him to the lobby again. "What are they doing to Doc?" Roger screamed in his sudden pain, anger, and terror. "Tell them to leave him alone!"

Now more than just a few patients were interested in the scene. All eyes were on the pair as Mrs. Davis managed to bring Roger to the door while all the while crying herself.

"Your Dad won't let them hurt him!" his mother insisted while making sure her grip was iron strong. "They won't hurt Doc!" But Roger seemed not to understand her words.

"What are they doing to him?" he demanded before suddenly falling silent with a whimper. "He's scared!" Roger bawled pitifully. "He's scared and alone and he doesn't know what they're gonna do to him!" Roger's mother just tried to calm him with gentle reassuring sounds and words, stroking his hair and all the while heading towards the door.

"Doc's brave… he'll be okay," she whispered soothingly, kissing Roger's hair.

"No, he's scared!" Roger cried once more before his mother took him back through the doors. And his legs seemed to give out so great was his distress. "He's scared, I know it!" Roger's mother quickly scooped him up into her arms and carried him the rest of the way.

(End flashback!)

I didn't talk to anyone for weeks. My father had given me Doc's collar after the deed was done but I barely noticed. It was nothing compared to the real Doc. Nothing. I would see a dog on the street and burst into tears or someone would mention a doctor and I would immediately fall silent. I never really got over the grief of losing my first true friend.

Doc will always hold a special place in my heart and in my memory. I've never forgotten him and I don't think I ever will.

A/N: Okay… so a little weird and depressing but hopefully enjoyable. And I promise, LiveLoveRENT, that your Roger/Mimi will be in the next chapter. Though I remind you again that the rating is K+ (glares).