A/N: So, this will be the oober special Christmas Edition for this story! I know it's still a little early but because I don't know when I'll be able to update this one again I figured I should go ahead and do this. So, hopefully this is fun and always remember that I love reviews. (hinthint)
And you may have noticed that the story has been bumped up to a "T". This is simply because I was looking back on it and I've decided that the story needs a little room to breath and that a "K+" wasn't cutting it. So, there's more language in this one in honor of the story being bumped up in rating.
Aaaaand… there's a not-so-subtle reference to the movie commentary in here! Yay?
Disclaimer: I don't own it.
I'm Ready For My Close Up!
The First 'Boho Boy' Christmas
I will always remember the first time that I spent Christmas with the best friends I would ever have. It was just me, Mark, Collins, and the newest addition of Benny. It was really a Christmas for the ages. I doubt I will ever have an experience on Christmas that will be the parallel. Which says something, since every Christmas these days something huge seems to happen.
Seriously, what's up with that? Doesn't fate have any other day that it can work on?
(Flashback)
"All right Roger, pay up," Mark demanded, scrutinizing Roger through his glasses. Roger sighed but began to rummage through his pant pockets, searching for his wallet.
"I've got," Roger began as he finally found the wallet and began to leaf through it casually. "Um, three dollars and, uh, thirty-six cents." With this announcement, Roger placed the money in the center. Mark and Benny sighed at the same time; only Mark put his head in his hands.
"So… we don't have enough for the rent and Christmas?" Collins asked as he allowed all four legs of his chair to reach the ground again with a slam. Mark really hated how Collins would tip back so far; it made him nervous. "Shit!"
On the table there was a grand total of eighty-nine dollars and thirty-six cents (though Roger suspected that Collins had an extra twenty stashed away from his paycheck, not that it would have helped anything.) The boys needed much more than that for the rent and they would need all of it if they wanted to do anything for Christmas.
"So we have a choice," Roger reasoned, eyeing the money. "Pay the rent and go without Christmas niceness or not pay the rent and have a Christmas without any electricity."
"Those are some pretty fucked up choices," Mark mused as he took his glasses off to clean them quickly. It was becoming a habit, Roger noticed.
There was a moment of thoughtful silence between the four friends. Then, someone spoke up.
"We could just not pay the rent," Benny suggested. "Screw the landlord for this month and we can go buy each other something for Christmas. Maybe we could even get some beer up in here." Everyone turned to look at him, mulling this over.
"You really want to skip out on the rent?" Collins asked, somewhat amused. "I suppose we could do it."
"It could be our Christmas present to ourselves," Roger agreed, a smile slipping over his features. "Keeping this extra money."
"But it won't be a present to ourselves when we have to put up with the cold of New York in December," Mark pointed out pessimistically. "We don't have enough blankets to keep ourselves warm."
"Aww," Benny teased. "C'mon Marky! It would just be one month of cold. We could use the extra money to buy some more blankets or whatever." Mark gave Benny a sideways glance before reluctantly returning his enthusiasm.
"It does give us a sense of freedom," he grudgingly admitted. "I think it's a good idea."
"So, it's agreed?" Collins asked, a huge crack smile growing across his friendly features. "We're just not going to pay this month?"
"Man, it will be nice not having to worry about that shit," Roger exclaimed and sprang up. "Not having to scrounge for dollars under the floorboards or using Mark and I as a pity couple for the people in the space below us so they'll give us money."
"It's not our fault that they think you two are lovers," Collins protested, frowning at Roger's accusatory tone. "If you two weren't so…"
"Hey!" Mark cutoff, frowning again. "I'm sick of that joke." Collins held his hands up to ward off Mark's anger and chuckled.
"Still a touchy subject I see," he taunted but allowed Benny to change the topic of conversation.
"I think this could be one of the smartest things we've done," Benny declared, grinning like the happy fool he was. "We could make it a tradition!"
Roger snorted. "Sure, maybe," he replied noncommittally.
"Alright, let's go get drunk before this turns into a made-for-T.V. Christmas Special," Collins grunted, going to get his coat. "Last man out the door has to buy."
(End flashback)
And really, not paying the rent was one of the best things we had ever done together. Although the sheer irony of the fact that Benjamin Coffin III was the one to suggest it still makes me laugh bitterly today.
Though, this wasn't the only highlight of Christmas that year. We all found out something new about one of us and it was good material for long after Christmas was over.
(Flashback)
"Deck the halls with boughs of holly," Roger sang with faux cheer as he rummaged through some of his belongings in dusty boxes. These were some of the boxes he had taken with him after moving from his house and he suspected there might be a few Christmas things that his mother had insisted he take. He was right.
From the depths of the box marked 'Miscellaneous Crap' (courtesy of Roger himself) came a few Christmas tree ornaments, a faded wreath, and a rather large Frosty the Snowman figure made from plastic.
Roger, pleased with his findings and his contribution, quickly went to show off what he had.
"Look what I've got!" he crowed and lugged the items out into the small kitchenette where the rest of his roommates were. "I told you that my mom was overbearing, and look what she packed for me!" Collins was the first to look and his face broke into a wide grin.
"A wreath!" he observed, "I haven't seen one of those in years!"
"And look," Benny cooed menacingly. "An ornament for Roger's first Christmas! That goes at the top of our potential Christmas tree!" Roger made a face at Benny as he displayed his belongings on the metal table in their living room. This is why he didn't notice the look of absolute fear on Mark Cohen's face.
"And don't forget Frosty," Roger chuckled as he set the snowman upright on the table.
"Frosty the Snowman," Collins sang gaily as he went over to help Roger find a place for the plastic figurine. "He's a jolly… golly… man?"
Roger snorted at Collins's attempt. "Nice try, but I think the words are a little more clever than that."
"With an old felt hat and a button nose," Benny joined in as he opened the top to another beer. "And two eyes made out of—"
"Stop!" Mark nearly screamed, eyes wild and frantic with terror. "Stop singing that song!" The three roommates immediately stopped their merriment and gaped at Mark, stunned.
"Mark?" Roger gasped, the shock still clear on his face.
Mark felt the stares of his roommates and he quickly composed himself, laughing nervously. "Er, sorry. I think I forgot to… take that allergy medicine. You know how crazy I get when I've got allergies," he lied unconvincingly, sidling his way out of the room. "I'll just go to my room and get it."
"Please, Mark," Roger sighed, rolling his eyes. "You don't have allergies. There's nothing to be allergic to in winter in New York; everything is dead. And you don't have any food allergies, so come off it." Mark flushed and fingered his scarf nervously.
"Well… it's just that… um…" Mark stuttered, looking for an excuse, any excuse! Collins was quicker to realize what was wrong and he broke into raucous laughter.
"You're afraid of Frosty the Snowman?!" he bellowed and slapped the table in an attempt to keep himself upright. "Of all the things to be afraid of…" Collins said and giggled.
"You are!" Roger triumphantly concluded and looked between the snowman and Mark with glee spreading quickly over his features. "That explains so much!"
"Why?" Benny asked, "Did he stay away from anything snowman shaped while growing up?"
"Well, he refused to help me make one that one year it snowed eight feet," Roger recalled, counting off on his fingers. "He never wanted to put the snowman ornament on his tree (he made his Mom do it), he wouldn't use the pathway to our house whenever I put Frosty up on the path (he would use the garage to come through to the house). Oh, Mark! Why didn't you tell me?"
"I'm sorry!" Mark moaned. "I can't help it! When I was six I was locked in a school closet for four hours and there happened to be Christmas decorations in there! Frosty just stared at me from his little perch, all happy and demented looking. I always associate him with the trauma," he explained, hiding his face in his hands.
"You never told me about that either!" Roger cried, pretending to be offended. "I don't know you at all!"
"Shut up, Roger," Mark snapped weakly from behind his hands.
"Wow," Collins said, stretching the syllables so that the word was mocking.
"I would have never thought it," Benny agreed.
But at this moment, as the friends teased and taunted poor Mark, Roger got an idea. An awful idea. Roger had a wonderful, awful idea.
As the sly smirk flitted it's way across Roger's face, Benny and Collins caught sight of it and soon had matching expressions. They loved it when Roger had a stroke of genius.
But poor Mark never saw these conniving faces, for his eyes were still hidden behind his trembling, pale hands.
…………………………………….
"No, don't put it there, Collins!"
"Well where do you suggest we put it then?"
"Put it up there!"
"He won't be able to see it if it's up there!
"How about over there?"
"That's perfect!"
"Nice!"
"Oh, shit, I think he's coming!"
Mark heard the voices to the bathroom and raised his eyebrows suspiciously. What would all three of them be doing in there… at the same time? Together? Something in Mark's gut told him that he didn't even want to pretend to know.
"Umm… I'm coming in," Mark announced but to him it sounded more like a question. He heard the voices all stop babbling to each other. Then, all three slunk out of the bathroom with much too innocent smiles on their faces.
"Hey buddy," Collins said and gave Mark a punch on the shoulder.
"We'll get out of your way," Roger offered and all three sauntered easily from the area.
Mark stared after them in a befuddled way and glanced into the bathroom curiously. Then, despite his better judgment, Mark cautiously entered the bathroom.
Roger, Benny, and Collins peeked around the corner of the small hallway, watching Mark's progress with eager smiles. When Mark finally closed the bathroom door with a click they were all almost in hysterics, waiting for it.
Several long seconds passed.
Then, they all heard an inhuman scream.
"Who the fuck put Frosty the Snowman in the bathroom?" Mark screeched and came flying out of the bathroom, clutching his heart and breathing heavily. "And in the shower, of all places!"
"I hope he appreciated that we gave him a shower cap," Roger replied once he could muster up a straight face. Benny and Collins were doubled over, unable to continue with whatever witty dialogue that Roger had started.
"This is cruel," Mark hissed, slamming the door shut. "I want you to get Frosty out of there so I can shave in peace, please!" Roger chuckled but complied, walking back into the bathroom.
"All right, all right," he agreed, trying to appease his friend. "Just a joke, that's all. It won't happen again." Roger winked at Mark and went into the shower to haul down Frosty but the awful, wonderful idea still stuck with him.
(End flashback)
It happened eight more times. We put Frosty in the kitchenette by the stove, in the living room by the door, in our couch to read a book, in Mark's room to take a nap, in the bathroom again to brush his teeth and shave, in the stairwell leading down to the street just outside of our door, in the fire escape by the window, and above the door so he could surprise Mark.
The fun finally ended when Mark chucked Frosty out the window so it would promptly be run over by a rather large car.
Despite our torturing of Mark, we all also were preparing for Christmas the best we could. And when the day came, we all had something special to share with each other.
(Flashback)
"Open mine first!" Roger insisted, dropping a shabbily wrapped box on Mark's lap. Mark laughed and hoisted the thing up to his eyelevel, inspecting it closely.
"I don't suppose Frosty's remains could have fit in this box," Mark chuckled darkly.
"Nah, I couldn't find them. Otherwise I would have tried," Roger explained. Mark glared at him coldly. And then he began to slowly peel apart the paper to reveal a white box.
Mark's curiosity sharpened as he examined the box, despite himself. As Roger looked on, Mark clawed open the cardboard and revealed…
"A basket for my bike!" he yelped, eying it lovingly.
"You've been complaining that you've got nowhere to put your groceries or screenplays when you're riding your bike for months now," Roger explained, grinning. "I couldn't wait to jump at the chance to shut you up." Mark made an ugly face at Roger but went back to examining the basket.
"Where did you find this?" Mark wondered, bewildered. Roger gave Mark and mock glare.
"The number one rule of Christmas is that you never reveal where or how you bought a present," Roger recited solemnly.
"And the second rule is that you wake everyone up before opening presents!" a loud voice bellowed from one of the bedrooms. "What the hell are you guys doing?"
"Relax Collins," Mark hollered back before turning back to Roger. "Quick, open mine before he gets out here. I want to piss him off," Mark instructed quickly. Roger grinned and accepted the parcel eagerly.
"Christmas traditions never die," he chuckled, remembering that Mark and Roger used to always meet before their parents were awake to exchange gifts. "I wonder what it is," Roger added thoughtfully.
"I'm not going to tell you," Mark snorted. "Open and see!" Roger sighed melodramatically but did as Mark said.
Roger quickly tore apart the paper and stared down at the gift it revealed. "A flyer for a band looking for a lead guitarist and singer?" Roger asked, awed. "You may be cheap Mark but you sure know what I've been wanting the most." Mark allowed this, grinning.
"I looked for just the right kind of advertisement all weekend," Mark explained. "I knew what you were interested in for a band." Roger smiled, feeling his strong friendship with Mark deepen.
"How rude," Collins grumbled, suddenly appearing by the paper tree the boys made the night before. "Everyone was supposed to be present for this."
"Aww, don't be mad," Roger said mockingly, pouting at Collins. "We just wanted Mommy and Daddy to sleep longer!" Collins snorted.
"Is Benny up, then?" Mark asked. Just as Collins began to nod, Benny himself showed up, bleary-eyed and slurring.
"Open the damn presents and get it over with," he declared, plopping down on the couch tiredly.
"Yes, ma'em," Mark saluted and Collins scampered down to join Mark and Roger beneath the tree.
"Which one is mine?" he asked, eyes scouring the gifts.
"Here's one," Mark said, handing Collins a bottle shaped present. "It's from me."
"I think I know what it is," Collins sang, and whipped the paper of faster than anything. "Stoli! Aww, you shouldn't have," he cooed and looked at the bottle of alcohol fondly.
"Jesus, Mark! You spend that much on alcohol but nothing on my gift?" Roger scolded, pretending to be angry. Mark just rolled his eyes and ignored Roger's comment.
"Here's one for Benny!" Collins nearly shouted and tossed something over to Benny who was asleep on the couch. When the parcel smacked him on the chest, Benny quickly came-to and then began to open the present.
"From Roger," he muttered, opening the present a little more cautiously. Then a grin lit up his tired face. "It's a picture of a Range Rover," he laughed and examined it closely. "Damn nice car. Thanks, Roger." Roger beamed at him and then demanded a present of his own.
"Here's the present from Collins," Mark said, handing over something wrapped in a newspaper. Roger, grinning, felt the package and then frowned.
"You got me clothes?" he demanded, glaring. "Only the worst person in the world gives someone clothes on Christmas."
"Unless you're poor," Collins reminded him. Roger thought, shrugged, and then opened the present curiously.
"A pair of pajama pants?" Roger asked, more stunned than bewildered. "And they're… plaid?" Collins nodded, grinning.
"I thought they were your style," he explained and opened his Christmas present to take a swig from it. Roger looked at Collins and then at the pants, slowly letting it process. The more he looked at them, the more he liked them.
"I think I could pull this off," he mused, touching the warm flannel thoughtfully. "Thanks."
The rest of the morning passed peacefully, everyone taking a swig from Collins's various bottles of Stoli (it turned out that everyone got him one, except for Benny who had bought him paper bags to wrap the bottles in) and opening the rest of the presents while chattering and bantering and getting more drunk than they've possibly ever been.
It suited them just fine.
(End flashback)
A/N: Well, this was so much fun to write. ;D
Merry Christmas or Hanukah or Kwanzaa or… whatever you happen to celebrate this time of year. :D
Oh, and the "Wonderful, awful idea" belongs to Dr. Seuss, not myself. Yeah.