Disclaimer: I own nada! I wish I did. Death Note is awesome! Time for me to sob. Oh! I do own my OCs though! Just to let you know, though, A and B are still property of Death Note, just in case some of you aren't aware of that little detail. Please enjoy!

Warning: Spoilers for Another Note.

-----

Chapter 3: Weak

…I find myself comparing the both of you… regardless of how different the two of you are… I guess… in the end… I'm too weak to speak up and say… you're nothing like him… Is it wrong for me to wish… that you were?…

---

I groaned as I held the empty pouch on my necklace, upside-down in a futile attempt to pour out another marshmallow. I cursed under my breath to find nothing falling into the palm of my hand. I was broke and craving my favorite sweet. I forgot to mention I was lost as well.

In four years, I had managed to track down BB in Los Angeles. The US is so much different than England. For one, people here tend to use a car for everything. Another, they're almost never off their god damn phones! Anyways, that's not the point right now.

BB, fifteen when he left Wammy's House, should be nineteen by now. I wondered if he has changed at all since then. Did he still set out to imitate L from what I told him about him? Did he still have that ungodly obsession with strawberry jam? Funny thought: When I first saw him eating that sugary jelly, I seriously thought he was filling up on blood. Boy, did I think he was nuts.

I myself changed very little since I ran away from Wammy's House. I still loved my marshmallows and still had a colorful sense of style. It's not that I like to stand out, I just liked to challenge myself. I still had a name to live up to. Who ever heard of a spy who wears bright colors? Well, I say this for a fact, I'm the first and I've never been caught yet. For once, however, I wish my bright colors will draw someone in - specifically BB. No such luck so far.

I sighed before making my way downtown. Maybe if I got lucky, I'd find a temporary job. As I walked along the sidewalk, something caught my eye. I stopped when I noticed yellow police tape surrounding a house down the street. It was getting late but the sun was still out so I looked up and down the street before sneaking inside.

I looked around to find the place completely wiped out. Obviously what happened here had scared away the owners - if any were still living that is. I made my way towards a room upstairs that had more yellow tape. I pressed my ear against the door to check if anyone was inside before opening it and making my way in. I felt my heart give a tug as I realized this was a little girl's room. Either this girl had been around seven years of age or a childish thirteen year old. I decided to go with the thirteen year old theory - it was less painful to imagine a thirteen year old murdered in this room. I sighed when I saw nothing that told me BB had been here. I turned around to take my leave only to stop when I noticed someone waiting for me at the door.

"I didn't expect to ever see you again," BB stared at me with a longing expression. For a moment his gaze swept over my head but rested back on my face. My throat closed up and my eyes watered. What was I to say now that he was here?

He continued to stare at me, either waiting for a response or waiting for me to leave. I couldn't tell. I was too amazed at how well he had portrayed L's image. Even though BB had never personally set eyes on L, he looked so much like him. He had depended greatly on my description of L. I suddenly found myself taking back my answer to him only to quickly slap that thought out of my head. BB was not L. He would never stoop as low as him. But as I stood in the room of a dead girl, I began to wonder, were BB's actions any different than L's? In the end, had they not both killed someone to obtain what they wanted?

I was distracted by BB's smile - that twisted curl of his lip that I had loved when I was younger. I instantly saw the different then between L-kun's smile and BB's - L never smiled so he was instantly taken out of the equation.

"Come on, I'll buy you some marshmallows," I smiled, letting a tear run down my face, which I quickly wiped away. It was then I realized what he had been looking at to make him smile. I gripped the pouch hanging around my neck and nodded before following him out.

---

I took little notice of the way he looked around as we walked through the streets. Although I cared little for this action, I instantly connected it to a possibility that he was being followed or spied on. It then became clear that BB did in fact murder that little girl. For what reason? I was afraid to find out.

We sat down inside a small coffee house. I hated coffee but liked the smell of it. I just busied myself eating marshmallows, making sure to place some inside my pouch for later. I glanced up at BB to see him with yet again another jar of strawberry jam. Despite myself, I smiled. He was my friend after all and I did miss him greatly.

"Why L.A?" I asked, speaking to him for the first time in four years.

"The police here are more hectic," he replied, not stopping his scooping. I was confused and sad all at the same time. He looked up at me, wiping his mouth clean with his sleeve.

"What have you been doing the past year?" I tilted my head to the side, confused as to what he meant by that. Past year? It occurred to me then that I was seventeen now and the orphanage required sixteen year olds to move out to start their own future. He knew how much I had wanted to leave to explore the world. I smiled slightly.

"I left after you did. I've been looking for you since then," it was his turn to be confused.

"Why?" I looked down at my marshmallows. What was I to say? He was my friend, but he knew L was too.

"I… couldn't stand being there all alone. Without you and A… it just felt… empty," I settled with this explanation. It wasn't a lie but I wasn't really certain what was the real reason for tracking down BB. I couldn't tell him I feared what he would do - even though that was one reason.

"You had him," I resisted the urge to cry. Did I really? Had I not lost him way before I lost A?

"Why did you kill that little girl?" I questioned him in a hushed tone. He looked away from me, into the distance. I wondered for a moment if whoever was watching him was listening in on our conversation and that's why he wasn't replying.

"Do you… ever wonder when you're going to die?" I was startled by his question. It was then I noticed that he wasn't looking outside the window but at his reflection - above his head where numbers were blurred to him.

I wasn't sure how to answer him. His eyes were a topic I always tried to avoid. He had no way to question my non-existent lifespan but if he was contemplating life and death, how can I avoid that?

"Yes," I answered him after a moment of silence. Although it wasn't completely true, I did often think about my death. He looked at me - at the area above my head.

"So do I."

---

I didn't find out until it was too late that BB had challenged L. Perhaps it was because I was too overcome with emotion from finally finding him that I failed to see the little signs that told me what BB's plan had been all along. In the end, BB failed in completing his "unsolved" case for L. He came out burned and scarred and still pondering when his death day would be. I felt guilty for his outcome. If I had known his purpose on time I could have stopped him.

I sneaked into his hospital room late at night, not caring if the cameras inside spotted me. I took a seat by his bedside and grabbed a hold of his hand - lightly at first, unsure if it harmed him or not. I sighed, hating to see him in such a position simply because of L. I once again found myself cursing that name for all the pain it had caused others.

"Shadow…" I looked up at his bandaged face when he called my name. I smiled and kissed his forehead in a weak attempt to comfort him.

"Hai, it's me. I'm here now," I wiped at my eyes, not allowing any tears to fall.

"I'm sorry…" I looked at him confused. I didn't know what he meant by his apology.

"Sorry for what?" I asked him, tightening my hold on his hand a bit. He didn't answer. Instead, he responded by tightening his hold on my hand as well. I rested my head by his side, unable to distance myself from him.

Despite all he had been through, he was still nothing like L. He wanted to prove himself better than L by presenting a case L would be unable to solve. But why prove himself better than a murderer? Was this how he had wanted to prove himself? Instead of leading someone else to their death because of their high standards for them, he had lead himself to his death. Was that proof that he was better than L?

"Am I like L now?" the question startled me slightly and I looked up at him to make sure he had really asked it and that it wasn't just my imagination.

I could barely see his red eyes looking directly at me through the bandages wrapped around his face and the rest of his body. He wanted an honest answer and for once I would give him one.

"No. You'll never be like L because L is who pushed A to kill himself. You're nothing like him. Although you killed others, I know your true purpose for doing so," his eyes flashed with wonder at that statement but we both knew we couldn't exactly comment on it when a camera was linking our conversation directly to L at that moment.

"You are BB, not L. Regardless of your… cute imitation of L, you will always be BB to me and I know A feels the same way. You know, it doesn't all have to be about L," I stood to kiss him on the forehead once more, to say my farewell. His hold on my hand tightened. I could see tears rolling down his face and pain in his eyes. It hurt to say goodbye but I knew I would be back to visit him but for now, I needed to find myself in this world.

I glanced up at the hidden camera beside us. I wondered how L looked like… I wondered… what became of him and Watari. How was everyone else in Wammy's House doing? I looked back down at BB and finally realized why I truly came to look for him.

I let go of his hand and stepped out of the room, once again hiding in the shadows in order to take my leave.

All along, I had compared BB to L but not in the way he wished for me to do so. I looked at BB for signs of my L-kun when I slowly began to see them disappearing in L. And as the tears finally fall the moment I step outside the hospital building, I know it was wrong for me to lead BB on that way.

I didn't realize how much BB truly meant to me…

It wasn't until I completely lost him that I realized that I no longer feared him…

But through his failed attempt to prove himself, a new me emerged…

One which would challenge L…

One which would challenge myself…

And my past…

---

I'm so glad with the progress of this story so far. I felt that if I told the beginning through Shadow's point of view first, the introduction to the real plot line would immerge much quicker. Anyways, this is the end of Shadow's point of view but most likely not the last. I hope you've enjoyed so far and please stay tuned for the rest of the story! Please remember to R&R! Ja ne!