Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

(Matt's yelling in the background)

Last time on"The Maid Did It: Akatsuki Asylum!":

"You'll work as our Head of Household Maid..."

"YES! I GOT SOMETHING BETTER THAN A-wait-WHAT?!" I shouted, causing the entire base and Zetsu's garden outside to tremble. "I'M A MAID.....AGAIN?! BUT THAT'S FOR GIRLS!!!"

Hidan covered his ears as I yelled, he rolled his eyes while murmuring,"I can't wait to fucking kill this bastard....:

Mission 2: Recruitment

Leader glared at Deidara,"Is yelling the only thing he can do?" I was still yelling.

("WHAT THE FUCK?!")

"Uh, uh, no, Leader-sama....he's good at cooking and making good liquor..." Deidara began a list of this that are "good" with me, he counted each finger on his hands.

("WHY A MAID?")

"...making beds..."

("I DID'T GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL FOR THIS SHIT!")

"...clenaing rooms..."

"...go on...." nodded Pein, who was starting to be convinced.

("EH?! WHY'S THE PLANT MAN STARING AT ME LIKE THAT?!)

"...tending the gardens, so he's a gardener..."

("STAY AWAY, YOU FREAK OF NATURE!")

"...doing the laundry..."

("DON'T START OPENING YOUR LEAVES!")

"...caring for llamas..."

"Why llamas?"

"....his old client had llamas for pets, yeah..."

("WHAT'S UP WITH THE BIB?!")

"...oh, yeah, also doing the groceries is good for him, un..."

"Is that all?"

"Yes, Leader-sama..."

("STOP SHARPENING THAT KNIFE!")

Leader stood there thoughtfully before speaking again,"Is he a good fighter?"

Deidara nodded,"He does long-range, kind of like a sniper, un..."

"Then he can work as a guard as well...."

The two men turned away from their corner to see a comical scene that had happened behind their backs. Deidara's jaw dropped, along with Leader's, when they saw that Zetsu was chasing me around the kitchen with a knife and fork in his hands. Poor Itachi was thrown and pasted to the wall with his coffee spilled on his face, he was screaming about how hot it was. How he got thrown on there was a mystery, it might be possible that I bumped into him.

I was hiding behind Hidan, who suddenly tossed me at Zetsu while shouting,"Shut this guy the fuck up!" Zetsu caught me gleefully with his right, black side cheering,"I GOT BREAKFAST, LUNCH, AND DINNER!"

"Deidara!!!!" I cried as the plant man turned on the stove and took out a very, very large pot. "He's gonna eat me!!!!"

"Oh, don't worry, he's just giving a nice, hot bath," smiled Deidara.

Kakazu stared at hte damage,"I'm not paying for this...therefore, it comes directly out of Matt's allowance..."

Rolling his eyes, Leader looked over at Deidara,"He's your responsibility....he'll be sharing a room with you....oh, and give him hte List of Rules....I don't want him to end up like the last servant we've had..." The Leader left Deidara as my guardian. Deidara sweat dropped slightly as I managed to wriggle out of Zetsu's clutches and ran for the back door, Leader stopped me and dragged me over to Deidara's feet, which I hugged. "And make sure that he doesn't escape, remember, he's your property. He works for you, you work for me, that's how my system goes..." And with that, he left, Zetsu approached me with a sharp knife.

"Oi! I'm not done cooking you yet!"

"Zetsu, don't eat him, he's going to tend for your gardens while you're out," explained the artist as he placed a firm hand on Zetsu's shoulder.

"Tend?....my garden?"

"S-somebody help me!" Itachi stammered while flinching. "The coffee burns...I'm melting!" Hidan sighed and got up, he used his scythe to peel Itachi down. "..."

As he left, Hidan murmured,"...I'm going to my room to get ready, if that bitch disturbs me I swear I'm going to shove his apron up his goddamn ass..."

I looked up at Deidara, who helped me up,"Well, that's a nice Welcome Party....bring in a cannibalistic plant man, a bitching Jashin worshiper, and a blind man plastered to the wall and what do I get?"

"A low salary of $1 an hour," Kakazu answered. "Make sure to fix this mess...mops and brooms are in the pantry..." He pointed at the Itachi shaped form on the wall. "And repair that..."

I nodded at Kakazu, he turned to Deidara,"You better pray that this 'maid' of yours does a good job....or else I'll feed him to Zetsu..."

"Well, I got to go and do a mission with everyone right now," Deidara explained,"We won't be back until nightfall, that gives you plenty of time to clean up the headquarters-"

"Where're you guys going?"

"We're gonna stalk-I mean-spy on some girls-I mean-targets near the river...Konan's going to stay here, you can ask her any questions that you have but please, for Kami's sake, do NOT attempt to grope her, un....."

"Grope-?"

"Her mellons are...." Deidara made hand gestures to explain what the topic was, I got a nosebleed. "You know....yeah...here." He handed me a scroll. "It's the rules...." He pointed at the list on the fridge. "...and those are the chores you got to do." I pulled it down to read it.

"...clean everyone's rooms, tend to Zetsu's garden, feed the birds n your room, and....set up bombs at night?!"

"Yeah, after everyone's come back. Don't go into Zetsu's garden without Zetsu himself to guide you for the first time and tthe bombs, I'll help you with them and my birds..." Deidara trailed off and shook his head. "Just read the list, un, I'm in a rush-"

"DEIDARA-SENPAI, WE'RE LEAVING, C'MON!" Tobi shouted from the front door.

"I'M COMING! KAMI!" Deidara called back, frustrated, he turned to me. "Now...I dragged your ass out here from where you were....you better be thankful I got you out-"

"Got me out, you were drunk! I didn't even ask to go!"

He shrugged and suddenly sprinted out of the kitchen while saying over his shoulder,"Not my problem, un..."

"Now you gave me a job that pays me even lower than before!"

SLAM!

He was out, I was in.

So....I was alone in the Akatsuki's Secret Hideout...I opened the scroll, there were at least seventy things I learned....most were disturing, some were funny....and others were just fucked up. I mean, who needs to wear nail polish?! I turned on the stove and burned Deidara's scroll. Once I was done, I bust out the mop and began cleaning up the spilled coffee Itachi had left on the floor. There was a large hole in the wall, I found a bucket of clay and decided to fill in the gap and painted it over with paint I randomly found.

Eventually, I cleaned up the rest of the kitchen and sighed when I was done. Konan entered the scene.

"You're the kid Nagato told me about," she greeted me. "I'm Konan..."

"Matt..."

She stared at the kitchen and commented,"Looks like you did a good job, Matt-kun...what happened?"

"Things...."

Konan shrugged,"Fine by me." and retreated back to her room. "I recommend that you don't clean Hidan's room."

"Why-"

"Just don't...."

Then she was gone. What's up with people leaving me? Are they thatanti-social with each other? I gave a shrug and decided to go and clean the Akatsuki's rooms.

WHEE!

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