I caught a glimpse again only a few weeks later. This time it was closer to pain.
I was just trying to get to know her a bit better, y'know? Like, 'Hey, new partner, what's your life like?' It was the perfect time, too. Gibbs couldn't get mad at us for goofing off, couldn't slap me (but not her) on the head and growl 'Get back to work!' We were stuck in a giant metal crate, for God's sake, what else could we do but talk (I have a good answer for that, but that's another story)? How was I supposed know she was that sensitive about her father?
That's the point, right, to figure out where all the touchy subjects are so you can avoid them in the future? It's not like it was a tough question, either, or a really personal one. 'First time you realized Daddy wasn't perfect?' She was laughing, then all of a sudden she's… That look. There was a warning mixed in there, might as well have been a neon sign, saying 'Don't talk about my father if you want to live.' Then when she moved away, and right when she though I couldn't see her the mask came off for an instant and I saw the pain.
I knew the feeling. I mean, look at my dad! But I've gotten comfortable enough (or jaded enough) to kid around, to pretend like it doesn't mean as much to me anymore. It does, of course. He's my dad. But I'm a grown-up, and I deal with it. I felt for her because she still believed in him, she still protected him in her mind from the knowledge of what he'd done. Still let her heart believe in the façade when her brain told her something else.
I remembered that moment and I didn't bring her father up again.