Five ‹ The Search ›

Later, after our nap, we did 'take-two' of the dressing challenge, this one a little easier. But only because Zell stayed turned away while he dressed into his denim shorts and tank. Both Balamb-blue. He firmly directed me to watch, so rather than argue (which wouldn't have worked anyway) I did as I was told. I just wish I hadn't liked watching him change so much. It made me feel a little… odd. All hot and red and barely holding in the silly giggle as I had my hands clapped tightly over my mouth.

Booya!

Now we were on deck in the raised 'cockpit' above the main navigation center.

"This is so exciting," I confessed in a bright voice, my arms tightening around Zell's middle as he guided the yacht. The brightness of the sun mixed with the sounds of the waves against the ship and the breeze whipping the sails… There was no way Zell and I were going to steer the yacht from the enclosed helm.

Zell chuckled and gave my arm a soft stroke. "Just keep your eyes on the monitor and I'll give you as much excitement as I can."

I giggled. "I don't know how much more I can handle." I shrugged my shoulders in a happy movement of wedded bliss. "All this adventure and romance is wonderful, Zell." And it made the future possibility all the easier to admit.

"Heh. I didn't mean for it to happen, but hey. I try and take things as they come."

I gave him another tight squeeze. "And you've done more than that here, sweetie. You've taken command and led us on an adventure where we can make our friends safer." I looked up at him as he intensely scrutinized the horizon, occasionally glancing down at the computer screen as well as the ship's navigational equipment. The seriousness of his expression and the job that he'd taken upon himself made me love him even more. "You should get a medal for this, Zell," I said softly.

That gathered Zell's attention. He grinned. "A medal? Nah. I'm just doing my job."

My smile softened. "I know, and you're doing it when you're on your honeymoon." I stood on tiptoes to give him a kiss. "I love you most for that."

Zell kissed my nose. "Most girls would hate me for that, Meg. You're backwards." He pressed his lips against my forehead. "I love you for that."

"Awww," I cooed as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He chuckled. "Meg, I can't see the gadgets."

I giggled and moved to my previous position of lowered head with my cheek against his chest and my arms around his middle. "Sorry."

"Don't sweat it. Just save it for later, when I can give you more… personal attention."

I flushed and tightened my arms around him, loving the sound of that promise. "The Works?"

Zell laughed. "Okay. The Works."

I giggled. Duh!

*

The early afternoon passed without any signals appearing on the computer screen. Considering we didn't know where to even begin looking, we had hoped we would be lucky. It didn't work. We'd even gone back to the place where we had found the first crystal. Again, nothing. So, over dinner we called Dr. Tahlson and talked options and possibilities for making it a little bit less like looking for a needle in a field of grass.

That was when I made a very dangerous suggestion.

"Maybe we should load the software onto my handheld and utilize the satellite," I offered timidly. Silence settled in the lower dining cabin as Zell and Dr. Tahlson both focused on me – Dr. Tahlson, of course, via secure web-cam. "Then," I continued cautiously, "we could scan a greater area with a higher percentage of-"

"Sally," Zell said in a meaningful tone that I hadn't heard him really use before. He sent a glance toward the doctor before again focusing on me. "Sally, do you have any idea what… what he would do if he found out…?"

"I know, Zell, but if we don't find these someone else might, and I think he would hate the idea of that even worse."

"But the satellite?" Zell pressed, giving his scalp a vicious rub.

I looked to the doctor. "Dr. Tahlson, I'm going to cut off the connection for a little bit. Just five minutes or so."

Dr. Tahlson nodded, sending me an easy smile. "Certainly, Sally. I'll wait here."

I hit the appropriate keys and then focused on Zell, leaning forward to softly grip his thighs just above his knees. "I'm a Special Security Officer, Zell. If I didn't suggest this, I wouldn't be doing my best."

"But it's your ass on the line, Sally," he said, covering my hands with his. "I can't let you do this. What kind of husband would I be?"

"Mine."

Zell lowered his gaze and shook his head, his hands tightening their hold on mine. "Sally, I can't. If you use the satellite without Seifer or Squall's permission…" He met my gaze. "Even installing the non-Garden software on your handheld will make Seifer crap kittens. All he'll think about is possible viruses and spyware programs and all that other stuff. But for you to use it and the satellite. He could classify you a 'rogue' SeeD and transfer you to Deling!"

"Of course he could, but he won't."

"Why? Because it's you? Because you're my wife? I don't get special privileges, Sally."

"I know you don't, Zell. Neither do I. But the fact that we're doing our best to protect Garden as well as all the people they try to protect puts us under a different set of rules. The Special Contingent Rules for Under-Cover Operatives. That means using any means necessary to dissuade a possible threat, as long as those means don't jeopardize Garden." I adjusted my hands to hold his and gave them a tight squeeze. "You trust me, don't you?"

"Of course, Sally," he said, expression almost pained.

"And you know I'd take any and all precautions to ensure Garden remained safe, right?"

He nodded.

"Then will you trust me with this?" I shook my head, holding his dark blue gaze. "I promise I won't let anything bad happen to you, me, or Garden. I just want to do my best to protect everyone, and this is the only way I think we can do it."

Zell's intense expression tightened as he argued fiercely with himself. It was our only option. There was no way we could search for the shards without the satellite, which meant that we wouldn't be able to protect people. Which always rubbed Zell the wrong way. He lived to protect people.

Finally, he released a quick breath. "Okay, Sally, but there's no way in hell I'm letting Seifer put this all on you. We're doing this together, so we take the heat together."

I nodded, giving his hands another tight squeeze. "Okay."

Dr. Tahlson walked me through the installation and fine-tuning as Zell steered the yacht from the cockpit. Once done, I made my way on deck and connected the handheld to the computer monitor we'd set up. Almost immediately after the satellite came online with the handheld we had two 'blips' on screen. Zell and I must have stared at those two locations for a full minute before meeting gazes and then giving an audible breath of relief. Then he set the coordinates to the nearest one and gathered me into his arms.

"This is the only other time I ever wish you didn't have your job," he admitted, arms tightening around me.

Nodding my head against him, I closed my eyes and released a soft breath as I stroked his back. "I know, sweetie. You want to protect everyone, but that's just not possible. We've all got to take risks in our lives. Especially when we want to help other people."

"I'm not thinking about 'other people' right now, Sally. I'm thinking about the job you love so much. I'm thinking about how miserable you'll be if you get demoted or transferred or fired…" He pushed back, the serious expression making his blue eyes dark. "I'm thinking about your record and all the things you won't be able to do if this puts a black mark where a medal should go."

Giving a very slight shake of my head, I gripped his arms. "You can't, Zell. Please. I need you to be like you always are, taking things as they go and doing your best in each situation to see the good. If you don't… I…" I rapidly blinked the surprising rise of tears and shook my head again. "I need you to help me be strong and determined in this, because I know this is the right thing to do. I feel it all the way down."

"…oh man…" Zell kissed my forehead and drew my tight against him. "I'm sorry, Sally. I…" If possible, his arms tightened around me. "You've got it, girl. One strong protector at your service."

A giggle came at that, shooing the tension away as the sound danced on the breeze. I stroked his back and nuzzled his chest with my cheek. "My hero," I sighed.

Zell kissed my neck. "Is it okay if this hero makes out with you for a couple minutes?" he asked, his lips tickling my skin and eliciting a shiver and a tightening of my arms around him.

And I loved it that he asked. It made me feel important. Special. More. I happily smiled, closing my eyes as I whispered "…oh yeah…" and accepted his kiss and the shivers and tenacious tingles that always came when he touched me the way he did. And the more time I spent with him like this, exploring a deeper relationship of trust and intimacy, the more I felt… less afraid.

***

We arrived at the first and closest spot around nine that evening, so we turned on the spotlight in addition to the deck lights. Then, as Zell fumbled with the lock of the diving gear, he sent me below to get a jacket when my teeth started chattering.

I loved the protective attention.

Finally, Zell was in his wet-suit and I was worrying my lip, not very happy at my obsession with being 'responsible'. Why? Because it meant I couldn't go down with him.

"And how deep down is it?" Zell asked, pulling the zipper on his wet-suit up to his neck. "85 feet?"

I nodded, checking the gauges on his oxygen tanks. "Give or take five or so. For some reason I'm having problems getting an accurate reading."

He slipped the tanks onto his back, securing them before meeting my gaze and giving me a wink. "You should be coming down with me, you know."

Kissing his cheek, I gave his shoulders a squeeze. "I wish, but I need to watch the equipment and give you directions. Here." I handed him a waterproof earpiece. "I'll be talking to you through this."

Slipping it into his ear, he then pulled the hood of his wet-suit up. Once he high-stepped to the side, he turned to give me another wink, immediately stepping over and into the water with a splash.

I hurried to the side, adjusting my headpiece and turning on the mic. "Zell? Can you hear me?"

He bobbed to the surface, goggles and mouthpiece in place, and gave me a thumbs-up.

"Okay. Be careful, sweetie." He gave me another thumbs-up and then dove beneath the surface, flippers seemingly waving 'I'll be back in a sec.'

Releasing a sigh, I made my way back to the equipment to monitor his progress and give him any needed adjustment in heading. Zell reached the specified point and stopped, hovering there for what seemed hours even though it was - at most - ten minutes. Then his 'blip' on the screen began slowly making its way to the surface.

I felt so much relief at his ascent that I started happily chatting about the prospective visit to Winhill - one of the shards had shown up there - and whether or not we could stay at Ellone's house rather than at the Inn. I chatted about picnics and making out at the tree-fort, which got me off onto the subject of how cute Ahndra and Marshal were as a couple and how in the world they could have a long-distance relationship without going crazy.

Then I started venting about Quistis and Zack and how they were so irresponsible to elope when so many people wanted to celebrate their possible happiness, besides the fact that they missed my wedding! Then I asked Zell to help me plan a prank to get Zack back for the one he suggested to Seifer - forgetting that I had promised myself to not let him know about the elevator incident - and immediately went off onto the tangent of whether or not Janine and Seifer would actually get married or elope.

Poor Zell.

Then the monitor showed he was nearly to the surface and I rushed to the side, gripping it with white-knuckled hands as I waited– he bobbed to the surface and I squealed his name, lifting an arm to wave. He looked up and gave me a salute of finger to forehead before silently motioning me to lift anchor and guide the yacht over to his position. I excitedly nodded and scrambled to the cockpit to do as I was told.

"Was it pretty down there?" I asked as I helped him aboard.

He shrugged out of the tanks and brushed back the hood of his wet-suit as he knelt on the deck in a puddle, me kneeling beside him and ignoring the small chest to his left. Then Zell turned to me and gave a warning "Come here, bunny," before gathering my giggling and squealing self into his lap and giving me a very welcome kiss.

I was now soaked to the bone, but who cared?

He lifted his head, a hand stroking my tummy to the tune of flips and flops and visions of some delightful possibilities as he grinned down at me. "Dude-ette, you're sexy when you talk my ear off."

I smoothed his hair back from his face. "And you're sexy when you listen."

Zell's lips twitched before he gingerly helped me up out of his lap. "Come on. Let's get this thing opened. Can you hand me that crowbar there? Thanks."

The lock was popped and the chest opened to reveal yet another green and red crystal.

"Cool. It worked." Zell presented me the crystal and then lowered his focus back to the chest. "Whoa. We've got some great stuff in here. Another bangle. A circlet, to wear on your head I guess. A bunch of rings, and a couple daggers. Dude! All of these've got gems and runes– Rock on! There's another crystal down here under these coins!"

"Oh my goodness!" I exclaimed, moving around to kneel beside him. I accepted the second crystal and held it in my other hand. As with the first, the warmth of the crystals awoke a type of secondary power within. I looked up to Zell as he watched my reaction to the crystals. "I wonder what the Espers' names were? It's sad that we don't have any way of knowing." My gaze lowered to the crystals as I softly stroked them with my thumbs. "They should be remembered."

He gave a smile and caressed my cheek with the back of a single finger, causing a flush. Then he looked back to the chest. "Well, I guess we take this stuff down below and have Tahlson come and check it out tomorrow. Then we'll head over to Winhill and grab the other one. We'll have to put off a day with your folks again."

Nodding, I stood to my feet as Zell did the same. Then he took the crystals back from me, staring down at them a moment with a thoughtful look on his face before setting them back inside the chest and lowering the lid.

"What?" I prompted.

"Oh, I just wondered if we could summon one and ask them what happened. I mean," he met my gaze, "if it's their essence, maybe it's alive enough to know what's going on? Kind of like… I don't know. A 'sense' or something."

I looked back down at the chest. "Yeah," I admitted absently.

"Only problem is, we don't know how much control we'd have over it. If they're anything like the Guardian Forces, we wouldn't be able to ask a blasted question."

I nodded and lifted my gaze to meet Zell's. "Right again."

He shrugged. "Oh well. Something'll come up." Then he looked over at me with a lopsided smile. "Come on. Let's go give the doc a shout. He'll crap kittens."

I giggled, accepting Zell's hand and then following him to the enclosed helm to the security phone.

Zell punched in the doc's number, giving my hand continued pressures as he winked at me and waited for the doctor to pick up. I wrinkled my nose at him and squeezed his hand back.

"Hey, doc." Zell pulled me close against him, me eagerly going. "We got an awesome haul this time. Think you can come out tomorrow morning to check 'em out?" Zell kissed me lightly on the lips a couple times. "Just tells us where and we'll head on over on the way to Timber." He kissed me a couple more times, making me sound a silly giggle as I tightened my arms around him.

The doctor made a response, but could I hear it? No. Did I mind? No.

"Sure thing, doc." Zell nuzzled my cheek. "Be there. Talk to ya later." Then he set down the phone, lifting his head to grin down at me.

I timidly smiled and flushed. "What?"

Taking hold of my hands, he directed one to the zipper of his wet-suit. "Wanna help me out of this thing?"

I giggled. "You silly boy. Of course I'll help. I remember how much trouble you had getting into this."

Zell chuckled. "Yeah. I hate 'em. They're always a pain."

I unzipped and then helped him peel out of it, beating back a surprising desire to help him out of everything. Sally? Are you… I momentarily bit my lower lip, watching as Zell set aside the wet-suit and started giving his tummy and sides a collection of scratches. I watched the action and found myself mesmerized by the wonder… I stepped closer, a harder bite of my lip causing a twitch, and hesitantly took hold of the bottom of his tank-tee to slowly lift. "Why don't we get this sweaty shirt off you. You're itching," I commented very quietly.

He grinned. "Okay."

I tossed it aside and then swallowed a burp of fear to give his tummy and sides soft scratches with my fingernails as I smiled up at him. "There?" I asked as his stomach tensed and twitched.

His grin widened, if that was at all possible. "Oh yeah. Definitely like that."

I flushed and giggled, leaning in to give him a brief kiss as my fingers continued to scratch and rub and I continued to giggle. Zell continued to kiss, nibble, and chuckle, too, and I noticed it was different then before. Yet it was the same. What had changed I couldn't say, but it definitely had me hoping that maybe I was another big step closer to being able to be his wife in more than just name. He had been so patient…

Zell gave me one last kiss and then pulled me close and tight against him, resting his chin on my head as I snuggled my cheek against his chest. After releasing a deep breath he said, "It's getting late, Meg. We better turn in."

"Okay." And the fear came then. A fear I still didn't understand.

I tightened my hand on his as we made our way below-deck and to the master cabin. If only there could have been some way I could ask these questions, but I didn't even know what I was afraid of. At first I thought it might have been the act of intimacy itself. Mom and I had talked a lot about it, and that had made me a little afraid. But it was different than that.

At least, I think it was.

But because I wasn't sure if I knew, as a fact, what I was afraid of, I didn't know how to talk to Zell about it. What if it wasn't a general 'fear of the unknown'? What if I wasn't afraid of the fact that I couldn't control what was going to happen? What if it was something that went a lot deeper? What if… What if I was afraid that he wouldn't… he wouldn't love me after… after making love to me?

I stared at 'my side' of the bed as Zell silently changed out of his swim trunks and into his PJs. That fear was silly, I… I think I knew that, but… But what if that was what I was really afraid of? A lot of things changed when people were married, or so Zack said. What if… What if this is one of them? What if I… I worried my lower lip until it hurt.

I was still staring at the bed when Zell had changed and turned to face me.

"Hey." He came to stand beside me, his hand resting softly on my back. I couldn't lift my gaze from the bed. "Sally? What's the matter?"

But I didn't know how to tell him. What was wrong. How he made me feel. I didn't know how to… to… 'just go for it,' as Janine would likely say. There was always a doubt. A second-guess. I sniffed and hiccuped on the tears before I even knew they were there.

"Aw man." Zell drew my close, his arms wrapping protectively around me. "Kitten…"

"Z-Zell…" I hid my face in the softness of his gray t-shirt. "I-I don't know w-what to do." And my brain seemed to burn with something… But I didn't understand. I just needed him to show me what to do. To teach me a different way to show him how much I loved him. How much I… trusted him.

"I know, Sally," Zell said, voice low. "Don't sweat it. You just gotta take it at your own pace. We'll get there."

Again and again and again he didn't push more than what I could do. Like with our entire relationship. He would nudge a boundary, letting me know it was alright to go that little bit further, and then wait to let me make the step. Zell was the best thing that had ever happened to me, changing my entire life for the better and then giving me someone to share that with. I… I hadn't ever had that before. Not like this. Not ever.

Zell tenderly rubbed at my back, placing a soft kiss at my temple. "I'm not going anywhere, kitten. It's you and me, alright? You just do what you need."

I squeezed my eyes shut tight, tears dripping down my cheeks as my love and desire for this man fanned outward like… like… I don't know. It was the most intense and awesome feeling in the world. An intensity and warmth that made me pull back and cup his face in my hands and kiss him, and again, and again, whispering his name and how much I loved him and then letting that feeling of passion scramble past the fear and take me wherever it wanted to… and when Zell's kiss began to speak a different language…

I wanted to speak it, too.