A/N: "What's this? What is this? They have the nerve to come back after such a long absence?!?" I'm sure that's what you're all thinking. And, yes, dear readers of this fic, it has been quite a long while. Really, there's only one thing for us to say. We. Are. Sorry. Srsly, man. We hope the lot of you can see past our...er...fail-ish-ness and will enjoy the chapter we've put out for you. And we will try to get the next chapter out quicker; I'm pretty sure it can be done, considering the recent flood of fanfiction documents on our username.

Besides that, this chapter is pretty epic. Go forth. Read. Enjoy. Review.

Disclaimer: It's surprising, but I don't own Maximum Ride. Heh. Who knows when THAT will happen. Feeling like making me lucky, James?

Ahem.

Dear 'wonderful' readers of the fanfic 'Fifteen Easy Ways to Annoy Fang.'

This is Fang speaking.

Surprised you, didn't I? Now do you get the disclaimer? You weren't expecting me to catch on, were ya? Well.

Guess what?

I did.

And you're all dead to me. Except for maybe 'One of the Flock' because I too have a hate for Sam. And, as I've seen, someone named Maximum Ride saw it fit to use that against me. Let me spell a few things out for you.

1. Max. Max is now locked in a closet. Where she will remain until I choose to forgive her for the insanity I was caused. Have you ever been kissing a girl, only to have her utter the name of a guy you hate more than that shopping channel that apparently always has bloody great deals, always has amazing products, and is always on?

No. You probably haven't.

It. Is. Not. Fun.

2. This story? I'm stopping it here and now. That means no more screwing with my head. Ari's head? Jeb's head? Iggy's head? You are welcome to screw with those empty shells attached to their necks. Feel free to screw with them. No, I encourage you to screw with them.

But leave me alone.

3. My nose does not, as my good friend Maximum said, run on cold wintry days. It is a rare occasion I get sick, and if I do? It's probably because Max tried to cook again.

So ha. Hahahahaha. Ha.

4. And fourth and finally-

Please give us a few moments. We're having….Technical difficulties. Thank you!

…

Hey, readers!? Guess what!

It's someone you actually want to talk with- Max! Like ropes and a wooden door could restrain me. Hahaha, nice one Fang. That boy. He's such a kidder.

I've just read what Fang wrote above. Please ignore all lies written by Fang; his nose is running as we speak. Oh, okay, it's blood from where I beat the living crap out of him, but hey.

And now, without further blabbering ado I present to you…

15 (more) Easy ways to Annoy Fang

1. Post a list of 15 ways to get on his nerves on a well known website. Don't let him find out. I repeat. Do. Not. Let. Him. Find. Out. I know this from experience.

2. Take him to Karaoke Night at any local bar/club/etc. Shove him up onto the stage. Choose the song "I Believe In a Thing Called Love" by The Darkness for him to in the glory of him attempting to hit that high C. BASK IN IT!

3. Replace Fang's jeans with your own--the old flower embroidered ones. He likes tight jeans, right? So he's not going to notice when he puts them on in the daze of early mornin', right? Right. As a matter of fact, Fang isn't going to notice at all.
That is, until Iggy says something.

4. Volunteer him to work at an old persons' home. Enjoy hearing him being lectured- "Back when I was your age, we wore pants that didn't hug our bottoms to the every curve. We wore man's clothing, not women's. And we didn't stitch flowers onto our heinies neither!"

5. At some point, when the flock is in public, bribe Gazzy into saying in Fang's voice, "Who cares about Michael Jackson anyway?" Then, when the infuriated crowd turns to glare at him with evil, anime-like expressions, point to Fang, yell "It was him!", and run.

6. Replace all of the bathroom towels with Shamwow!s. If you've ever used a Shamwow!, you know where I'm coming from. If you haven't, refer to YouTube.
And, you know, you can just plop a headset on him and call him Vince.

7. Accidentally abandon Fang in the anime section of the next convenient bookstore. For extra-special fun, leave him there when the bookstore is receiving a long awaited shipment of books and anime fans are crowding around happily. If you want to ensure he is scarred for life, make sure he has no clothes left to wear that day but a shirt with an anime character on it. Can anyone say 'Fang, dude, there's this grouchy guy named Kanda who looks similar to you in the Maximum Ride manga!'?

8. This. Is. Where. The. Madness. Stops. For. The. Final. Bloody. Time.

Maximum Ride is in a better place now, kiddies. She's at Wal-Mart. Yes, that's right. Wal-Mart.

Who am I?

They call me...Fang.
Ha. Were you expecting it this time around? Probably not. But, that's me, boys and girls- I pop up in unexplainable places at unexplainable times. So to continue Max's little ranting on me,

I'd like to take this opportunity to fill in this list with some facts. Because, you know, I'm obviously not going to sit here and tell you how to annoy me. That's like telling someone where your ticklish spot is- why even do it?

9. I just happened to overhear Nudge complaining that she felt naked without mascara on- she was out.

10. I walked in the door to the kitchen and stared at Nudge with scrutiny in my eyes.

11. 'Nudge...your face looks different. Simple maybe?'

12. Nudge gasps and grabs her purse. And, you know, Max.

13. Max is gone. I am here.

14. The laptop is mine. I know the password. I know what she was doing on it.

15. I picked up where she left off. Just, you know, in a different way.

Different how, you ask? Simple

1. I've stated facts. Not plausibilities. Facts.
 2. I'm giving you an invite. To the next chapter of this....travesty. And the spotlight's veering from me to....Max. That's right. Max. Why should you partake in this event? Again, simple.

1. I'm awesome. This has to be appreciated.
2. It's my turn for revenge, and it's going to be amazing.
3. I have lists within lists within lists. Oh yeah.
 4. Who doesn't enjoy annoying Maximum?
No one.