Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, sadly. 

Warnings: SMEX, angst.

Pairings: L/Raito, Raito/L

Summary: L finds a new addiction. Will he be able to break it or will it be his down fall? SMEX. L/Raito, Raito/L

Notes: Thanks for the comments for this story so far. Well here is more angst. I hope you enjoy it. Please leave comments/reviews, they help me write more. 

Chapter Seven:

A few days go by with Raito still seeing the dead detective. It drives him mad and grieves even more. To see but unable to have is painful. Sitting in the bedroom, staring down at the death note, he can't even pick up the pen and write. Yesterday Matsuda commented on how the killings started to slow down. It is because he can't do it anymore. Flopping onto the bed, he talks to himself, "I wish you were here. I wish it was all over."

"Giving up."

Not looking by the door, Raito mumbles, "You aren't real and I hate it."

"Why?"

"Because I miss you."

"Yagami-kun is lying."

Glancing toward the door to find the pale man that haunts him, Raito lets tears fall down his face and asks, "How can you say that?"

"Yagami-kun has not turned himself in yet. He is lying."

Sitting up in bed, Raito reaches out to the detective and whispers, "I don't want to die." He grabs a hold of L's arm and wonders how it can feel so real when it is only a dream or an illusion. Pulling the detective toward him, he seals the other's lip and mumbles, "I love you. That is no lie." Feeling a caress to his face, he wants more but he knows it will end soon. Memories of the times they had come to his mind and he closes his eyes to shut out the pain. It only brings more sorrow to his heart. Dropping his arm, he groans, "I want you back."

"That cannot happen, Yagami-kun."

"I know." Raito responds back. When he hears silence, he opens his eyes to see no one else in his room. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he sobs out his pain like never before.

Entering the room, seeing a sight he never thought he would, Yagami asks, "What's wrong, Raito?"

Looking up to the new voice that means nothing to him, Raito wipes away the tears staining his face and mutters, "Nothing."

Walking over to the bed, sitting on the edge, Yagami asks without looking at his son, "You really loved him?"

"Of course I did. I wouldn't have been by his side if I didn't." Raito answers in a cold voice. No one else means anything to him. Only L meant anything to him and it hurts that he doesn't have him around. When he feels a touch, he shrugs it off. He doesn't want anyone else's touch except L. L is the only one he wants beside him and he ruined that.

Looking at his son, Yagami sighs, "I don't know what to tell you, but you can't live like this. You would do no good like this while investigating the Kira Case. We need you to catch Kira."

Ryuk chuckles out darkly, "Are you going to tell your dear daddy that you are Kira?"

What can he say? How can he explain everything? As he glances to see the note book lying right below the chair, Raito fears grows and comments, "Give me a few minutes dad. I'll pull through. I'll be down in a five minutes." His dad nods his head and leaves the room. Grabbing the book quickly, he hears Ryuk laugh, taunting him.

Flipping around the room, Ryuk chuckles, "Only if they knew that you are Kira. They would hate you."

"I hate myself."

Stopping in his tracks, Ryuk looks at the most interesting human he has ever met and sees the pain engraved on his young face. Glancing upwards, he thinks if he should give advice or not. As he shrugs his body shoulders, he remarks, "You should end the case."

In quick movements, Raito turns to look at the shiginami and asks, "How can I end the case?"

"Make Kira disappear."

Pacing back and forth, Raito mumbles, "But if Kira stops now, it might show the others that I am Kira. But I want the haunting dreams of L to stop. If I stop being Kira, would that make them stop?"

At a small coffee shop, Misa sits down and shakes slightly. While staring at the man across from her, she comments, "He is hurting."

"I know."

"You can't go near him."

"That is difficult."

"Why?"

"Because I want him."

Glaring at the man across from her, Misa whispers while leaning forward, "Kira is dangerous."

"I know, but that will not stop me. I want Raito Yagami, not Kira."

As she leans back in her chair, Misa thinks over all that was told to her. When remembering the time Raito broke up with her, she sighs sadly, "I'll help you as long as you make him better. The last time I saw him, he looked like a ghost."

"I'll help him. I'll end Kira-kun and gain Raito-kun."

"How?" Misa asks.

"The plan is already in the works. Please Amane-chan, trust me."

When the man stands up and leaves the coffee shop, Misa runs out after him to only see him get into a car. As she watches the car drive off, she whispers, "I hope you do not break him or you will regret it." Placing a happy face on, she heads to the headquarters. It is time to make Kira disappear forever and make Raito come back. She can only hope that he won't break down. Turning the corner, she runs into Matsuda. With a happily smile, she chirps, "Matsu-san! The man Misa was looking for! Misa wants to see Raito."

Not having a heart to tell her that the man she loves will never return her feelings, Matsuda responds, "All right. I'll let you in." As Misa hugs his arm, he blushes beat red. Trying to dislodge the girl, he gives up after the fifth attempt and continues to walk to the headquarters. He can only hope Raito won't bite his head off again.

Inside headquarters, Aizawa asks, "Why all the sudden did Kira slow down?"

Sitting there, reading the reports, Yagami suggests, "Maybe he is waiting for something big."

"Or maybe he is giving up." Ryuk taunts with no one hearing him but Raito.

Turning around to look at the others, seeing their determination, Raito mumbles, "Who knows." Before anyone could say a word, Misa runs inside and tackles him out of his chair. Making a huffing sound, he stares up at the annoying blonde girl. Why did she have to come around? Two days ago, she asked if he wanted to get back with her but he declined. He doesn't need someone making mistakes for him to clean up. Pushing the buddle of joy off of him, he growls, "What do you want, Misa?"

Pouting at Raito, Misa remarks, "Misa came to cheer Raito up. Raito needs to rest and eat more." Standing up, helping the teenager up, she announces, "Raito is going to get a great dinner from Misa." Before anyone can comment, she runs out of the room to the kitchen to make a good dinner for Raito.

Shaking his head, Yagami orders, "Raito go get some rest. We can handle this for an hour."

Brushing invisible dirt off his clothes, Raito thanks his father and heads back to his room. Running into a wall, he stares wide eyed at a man who should be dead. Before a word can escape his lips, the detective's mouth is over his. Forgetting everything, he returns the kiss, wanting this to be real so badly. Feeling the older man rub against him, he moans into the kiss. Breaking the kiss, he whispers, afraid, "L."

"Shhh, Kira-kun."

"Don't call me that."

"But that is who you are."

"I'm not…"

"Do not lie to me."

"Please."

"Please what?"

"Stop haunting me."

"I will not stop until Kira-kun is stopped."

"You want me dead."

"I want Kira-kun to stop."

"I am Kira." Raito says while throwing away all his sanity by kissing a ghost. When he feels a bite, he hits his head against the wall hard. Sliding to the ground, he yells while his vision goes black and the man he wants begins to disappear, "L!" The next thing Raito hears is voices.

"I'm worried, Chief." Matsuda says.

Aizawa hits Matsuda's head and mutters, "Of course, everyone would be worried to hear someone scream out a dead man's name."

Did he scream out the detective's name when he fell? How could he be stupid? As he lies still, Raito listens to everyone talk like he isn't in the room.

Yagami whispers, "Stop everyone. I think the death of L hit Raito a lot more than he is letting on."

Sitting up, making everyone gasp, Raito comments, "If you don't want someone to hear you, then be quieter or talk in a different room." Glaring at everyone, he wants them to leave him in peace. It is hurts his heart to know that everything is false and just in his head. He wants L back. He wants to see the detective again.

In the monitoring room, Watari shakes his head and gives a soft smile. Deleting the video, he whispers, "I will make sure Yagami-kun is safe."

Notes: What is Watari up to? Please leave comments/reviews, they help me write more. 