Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, sadly. 

Warnings: SMEX, angst.

Pairings: L/Raito, Raito/L

Summary: L finds a new addiction. Will he be able to break it or will it be his down fall? SMEX. L/Raito, Raito/L

Notes:

Chapter Eight:

Late at night, Watari sits in his chair, waiting for a person to come looking in the room. When he hears the door, he glances over to find Raito standing there in a wreck. Slipping some tea, he asks, "Are you here to get rid of the tape?"

As his eyes widen, Raito chocks, "You… You know."

Nodding his head, turning back at the monitors, Watari sighs, "I erased the video."

Stepping forward, Raito doesn't know what to think. The elderly men told everyone that he wanted the one responsible for L's death and he confessed. It was when he was imaging L standing not two feet from him, but he still let those words slip out of his mouth. Shaking from fear, he asks, "Why? You… You had…"

Turning around to face the young man, Watari explains, "L's last orders were to protect you."

"Why? Why? Why protect me when I was the one…" Raito rants only to close his mouth to prevent the sobs from escaping his lips. Falling to his knees, he whispers, "You want Kira's head for what happened to L. Why follow his orders?"

Setting his cup of tea down, Watari thinks about it. Why is he following L's orders when he can stop Kira? Sighing out loud, he answers, "Because you brought something to L that no one could do. He enjoyed your company. I respected L and I will follow his orders." He can only hope Kira will disappear from the boy forever.

Standing up in rage, Raito yells, "You should hate me! I killed him!"

"I believe I am satisfied you feel guilt over his death."

Without saying a word, Raito storms out of the room, passing by Matsuda who tries to gain his attention. No one would understand the pain he feels. It is guilt he feels but he doesn't want to feel it. Entering his room, he slams his door and collapses onto the floor with tears flowing down his face. He wants it to be over but at the same time he fears death. Feeling arms wrap around him, he whispers, "I know this isn't real but I want to believe you are still here."

"I am here with Yagami-kun."

Without lifting his head, fearing the illusion would disappear before his eyes, Raito mutters, "I want you back but know that is never going to happen."

"That is correct, Kira-kun."

"Why do you still call me that?" Raito cries.

"Because Yagami-kun is still Kira-kun."

Lifting his head, staring into soulless eyes, Raito seals L's lip, pouring every emotion inside of him into the kiss. He wants it to be over with. He wants to be with L but he knows that will never happen. Ryuk told him that he will neither go to heaven or hell. As the kiss is broken, he asks while caress the pale face in front of him, "Am I not allowed believing in a lie?"

"I believed in a lie and it got me killed."

Leaning his head against L's shoulder, Raito mumbles, "I'm sorry." What else could he say to a ghost? All he desires is forgiveness but he doesn't expect it. Closing his eyes tightly, he asks, "Why do you still haunt me? Kira is losing."

"I noticed. But Kira still remains."

"What do you want me to do? Do you want to turn myself in?"

"Yagami-kun is smart. He will figure it out."

When he is lifted up, Raito opens his eyes and demands, "Stay with me for a while." This is insane but his sanity is long gone. All he has is some illusions of his dead lover to keep him company. When he is placed on the bed, he leans up and kisses L again, wanting it to be true, wishing it was like before, hoping for salvation.

"It is time for Yagami-kun to rest."

"But if I sleep, you will disappear."

"Hush now. Yagami-kun must sleep."

As his eyes close, Raito mutters in longing, "L."

In the main room, Yagami paces back and forth, trying to remain calm but his worry overcomes everything. Looking up when Watari walks into the room, he asks, "What did my son need with you?"

Watari lies easily, "He wanted to see what he said in the hallway." As everyone looks at him, he shrugs his shoulders and explains, "The video fid messed up at the time. There is nothing but blackness."

"I hate to say this but maybe Raito is Kira." Aizawa points out.

"I do not believe so." Watari answers kindly.

"L believed it." Mogi responds.

Setting down the tray of food, Watari stands up straight and tells the members of the task force, "L believed it but he also thought Raito would be a perfect choice in succeeding him."

Taking a sit, Yagami argues, "I will not believe my son could be Kira."

Coming into the room, Misa shakes her head and yells, "Raito is not Kira! He would never be like that." She stomps her foot down and runs down the hallway. When she opens the bedroom door, she steps inside as quietly as she can, seeing Raito fast asleep. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she whispers, "I know you will never forgive me, but it is the only way." When Watari walks into the room with a tray of food, she asks, "Are you helping too?"

Setting the tray next to the bed, Watari nods his head. Shaking the young man awake, he orders, "Eat, Yagami-kun."

Staring at the food like a curse, Raito mumbles, "I'm not hungry."

"You have not been hungry for the past two days. This is not how L wanted things. You will eat or I will force you to eat." Watari responds with a fierce voice.

Taking the tray, picking up a fork, and picking at his food, Raito whispers in longing, "L." As his eyes scan the room, he finds only Watari and Misa. Once again, he dreamt of the older man being here. Eating his food which makes him feel sick, he remarks, "I want it to end."

Hugging Raito even though he tries to push her away, Misa cries, "Please Raito do not say those things. Misa would miss Raito."

Pushing her away gently, Raito shakes his head and begins to eat even more to prevent him from speaking. He doesn't want to speak to anyone but L. It is too late to have conversations with the detective. He should have. Sadness races throughout his body while his mind tells him he had no choice. Didn't he have a choice? Didn't L order Watari to protect him? After watching Watari take Misa out of his room, he whispers, "I want L."

Floating around the room, Ryuk mocks, "I want L. I want L." Grabbing an apple from the tray and eating it, he continues, "You sound like a broken record. I gave you some advice to stop this mess."

Walking into the main room, Watari notices the grim looks on all the members' faces and sighs. It would seem he will have to do more work to prevent them locking up the teenager. Letting go of Misa's arm, he whispers, "I think it is time for you to leave, Amane-chan." Misa nods her head and bounces out of the room. After she leaves, he takes a seat and asks, "What were you talking about?"

Aizawa is the one who speaks up, "L believed that some of the rules in the death note were false. We agreed that we believe him."

"Why?" Watari asks, glancing toward the hallway.

Stepping forward, face down in shame, Yagami explains, "Kira's killings are haywire now. It almost like he is still there and disappearing."

Standing up, Watari mumbles, "I believe Yagami-kun's innocence. L would not have chosen him other wise. I will stand by his side if no one else will."

Lifting his face, Yagami stares at a man who believes his son's innocence when he can't. Clinching his hands into fists, he whispers, "I have to know for sure, Watari."

In the bedroom, Raito pushes the tray onto the floor in anger. He wants it to be over. He can't stand living with this guilt. Standing up, walking to the bathroom, he opens the door to stare stun. Stepping inside, shutting the door behind him, he asks, "Why do you continue to haunt me?"

"I will haunt Yagami-kun until he gives up being Kira-kun."

"You don't want me dead."

"Of course not. I want Kira-kun gone."

Walking toward the older man, Raito lets his mind slip into insanity and holds onto the only person in the world who understands him. Right now, he is living a lie and he hates himself for it. As he feels arms around his body, he mumbles against the older man, "If I give it up, I will suffer even more."

"Give it up for me."

"I can't."

"You must."

"Why?"

"Yagami-kun will die."

"I can't live without you."

"Yes, you can."

Looking at the pale face, Raito runs his fingers across L's cheek bones down to his neck while whispering, "You feel so real."

"I am real to you."

As his vision starts to go, Raito tries to hold onto the older man for longer, mumbling, "L. Please. Need. You." The next thing he knows is him in bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to Ryuk laughs and moans about being bored. As he glances at the shiginami, he tells Ryuk, "Ryuk, this is goodbye. I know how to stop it all."

Stopping in his tracks, Ryuk studies the human and asks, "How?"

"I forfeit both death notes. It was nice knowing you."

While watching the young human pass out, Ryuk laughs, "It was fun knowing you, Raito. Time for me to go back to my world." He glances at Raito's lifespan and chuckles loudly, while flying out of the room. Kira is finally dead.

Two weeks go by, Raito typing on the computer, trying to find any sign of Kira. After hitting the keyboard hard, he mutters out loud, "It is like Kira disappeared." He wants to revenge the loss he and others have suffered. Turning around to face every member, he asks, "Anything?" Each one of them say 'no.' When Watari enters the room, he asks hopeful, "Did you find anything, Watari?"

With a kind smile, Watari shakes his head and states, "Sadly, no." Walking over, setting a few files onto the desk, he gains a raised eyebrow from the young genius. He explains, "Other cases that will need your advice."

"What?" Yagami asks quickly, going to stand by his son.

Watari explains, "Yagami-kun is now L. Other cases are needed to be solved. It has been two weeks since Kira's last killings. It would make sense to work on different cases."

"It happened before." Aizawa points out. "Kira stopped for almost two weeks and restarted to kill again."

Watari responds, "And without anyone noticing, L worked on other cases while still keeping an eye out for Kira's actives."

Looking down at the files, Raito feels a large weight on his shoulders. He never thought he would have to work through other cases being L. Shaking his head in sadness, he retorts, "I'm grateful to have the title but I didn't even finish college yet. I only took up the title to bring Kira to justice. With all he has done, I want to settle the matter."

Sighing loudly, Watari replies, "I knew you would say that. Please everyone follow me." He walks out the door, knowing the other members are following him. Opening a private door, he steps inside. Moving out of everyone's way, he stands by the door and watching everyone walk inside.

When he enters, Raito notices everyone's stun silence. Looking over by many computers, he drops the stack of papers he was holding onto the floor. Quickly looking at everyone to see what their expressions are, hoping he isn't seeing another illusion, he whispers, "L."