Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, sadly. 

Warnings: SMEX, angst.

Pairings: L/Raito, Raito/L

Summary: L finds a new addiction. Will he be able to break it or will it be his down fall? SMEX. L/Raito, Raito/L

Notes: Thanks for the comments/reviews. Please tell me what you think.

Chapter Nine:

In front of his eyes, L stands with his baggy shirt and pants. Looking at others to see their reactions, he finds that it isn't another illusion. Matsuda drops his papers and smiles. Mogi, Aizawa, and his father all look shock. Leaning against the wall to gain some kind of support, he only says, "Why?"

Staring at the one who he was haunting, L tells half-truths, "Kira was closing in. Rem-san told me that she could stop Kira completely as long as I helped her protect someone." The first part was the truth but the last part was a complete lie. The only way to stop Kira was to gain the shiginami's help and it took a lot to convince her to help him.

Standing up straight, Raito looks at the man who he loves. He is happy that L is alive but also hurt. When L takes a few steps toward him, he yells, "BASTARD!" Without letting anyone stop him, he runs out of the room. How could L not tell him that he was faking his death? Didn't they have something special together? Was it all a lie? As he moves into a bedroom, he flops onto the bed.

In the spare room, L looks on in sadness. He expected Raito to take it hard. There was no other way though. It was to save the one he loves. It is sad that he can never tell Raito that. If he told the young man who he really was, it would make Raito lose his mind completely. Looking at the others, he finds so many different emotions. Aizawa and Yagami look upset while Mogi and Matsuda look relieve. Jumping onto his sit, he pulls his legs up to his chest and explains, "I had no other choice."

"You could have told us!" Aizawa yells.

Yagami agrees with Aizawa, "Aizawa is right. You could have told us." There are two reasons he is upset about the situation. The first is because his son got hurt due to L's so-called death. The second is because he was sure L trusted them and it seems he didn't.

Glancing back at the computer, L could show them why he couldn't trust them and why he had to do it the way he did. Turning back to look at the members, he sighs, "I had little choice. It was the only way."

Floating through the ceiling, Rem retorts, "It is over. Kira is gone completely. Remember our deal human or else."

Tilting his head, placing his thumb against his lip, L remarks, "I will not go back on my word." When the shinigami holds out her hand, he hands her the death note.

"What is going on?" Aizawa asks.

"I am returning the death note back to its owner. The Kira Case is done." L answers. When he watches Rem fly through the ceiling, he whispers, "Finally, it is over." Standing up, moving toward the exit, he mutters, "You all can go now." Each one of them all says, 'what' and he answers, "The case is over. Kira is dead." Without saying another word, he heads toward the one person he gave up a lot to save. When he enters the room, he finds Raito packing his things. Walking toward the bed, sitting on the edge, curling his toes against the covers, he asks, "Will Yagami-kun not let me explain?"

"Explain what, L? Explain why you let me, your lover; believe you were dead for almost a month?" Raito growls without turning to face the pale man who stole his heart.

Not moving from his spot, L responds, "I have no excuse, but only to say it was to protect you from harm." It is the truth. It is the only way to tell the teenager what was at cost.

Turning around with a shirt in his hands, Raito screams, "That is no excuse! You fucking let me mourn your death for a month! I thought I was losing my mind, seeing you around!" Throwing more shirts into a suitcase, he lets the anger run him now instead of any other emotion.

Hoping off the bed, L walks toward Raito. Wrapping his arms around Raito's boy, feeling the other struggling, he whispers, "I love you even if you do not believe me. I will not ask you to forgive me. I cannot explain why I did what I did. All I can say it was to protect you."

Pulling away from L like he was burned, Raito stares into emotionless eyes and replies with a broken voice, "I can't believe anything you say." Looking at L hurts him so badly. Grabbing the suitcase, he whispers, "I can't believe you. I can't. This is goodbye."

"Goodbye, Raito." L says simply without emotion. What else could he say? Everything tells him to tell Raito the truth but he can't stand to see the other hurt worse. Kira is gone and that is the only thing that matters. With a soft caress to Raito's face, he mutters, "I wish it could have been more."

"You should have thought about that before you faked your death and didn't tell me." Raito responds while pulling away from the touch he craved for a month. Exiting the room, he whispers, "Goodbye, L."

When the door shuts, L whispers without turning around to see the door closed, "But you were Kira." There is no turning back now. All he can do is move forward even if it hurts. Looking into the closet, he grabs the few things that belong to him and stuffs it into a bag. It is time for the detective return to his work. Work is all he ever knew and it would seem it will be all he has left.

Down the hall, Raito holds his head up high. There is no point running back to a man who couldn't trust him. Going to the elevator, he sees Watari walking toward him. Looking at the man who knew L was alive, he asks, "Why didn't you tell us?"

"And risk his life alone others." Watari responds back. "He had no choice. It was to protect you and the task force."

Those words don't make him feel any better. Holding onto his suit case tightly, Raito mutters with hatred laced in his voice, "He should have trusted me." When he hears the ding for the elevator, he responds, "Good-bye, Watari-san." He enters without looking at the elderly man. After all, Watari's loyalty is with L not him. It hurts to know he was left out of the loop all that time while he spent his time trying to find who killed L when L was alive. Hitting the key for the lobby, he leans against the wall and sighs sadly. It would have been nice to have someone who understood him by his side but there is no way for that.

In the bedroom, L grabs his bag, ready to leave the place that gave him some kind of memories. He hates having memories because they only leave him feeling empty. When he steps out into the hall way, he finds his caretaker. Looking at everything, he orders, "Pack everything up and send back to England."

"You are leaving without talking to him."

"He did not want to hear my words."

"You could have told him the truth."

"And watched him suffer more. No. That was out of the question."

Beginning to take apart the monitors, Watari sighs sadly, "The tickets are on the table. It leaves in an hour." Looking at his ward, he continues, "You still have time to offer him a job."

Throwing his bag over his shoulder, grabbing the tickets, L lays two back down, keeping one for himself. He responds while staring at the one ticket that was meant for the teenager, "I will send a job offer when he is done with school."

"It might be too late then."

Understanding Watari's kind words, L turns to look at the one who took him in when no one would. Sighing out loud, he shrugs his shoulders and mutters, "He doesn't want me around." Without letting the other talk him out of it, he leaves with a ticket in hand. It is time to return home.

In a car, watching the city fly by, Raito wants to turn around and run back to a man who somehow squeezed into his heart. Maybe he should have listened but it hurt. Glancing toward his dad, he turns away quickly. There is no point in discussion the problems with someone else. His father and most of the task force were as upset as he was. Yes, he can understand why L never told anyone. It made it look real to the outside world. But he doesn't understand how the Kira Case ended. Without looking at his father, he demands, "Take me back to headquarters."

"Why?"

"Please, dad. There is one thing I have to do." Raito pleads.

Nodding his head and turning the car around, Yagami heads back to headquarters. Whatever happened between L and his son, it hurt his son greatly.

There has to be something on the monitors. As he watches the scenes fly by, Raito can only hope that he can get a look on them. Is it the real reason of going back? Is he forgiving the older man so easily? When the car stops, he tells his dad, "I will only be a few minutes." Without letting his dad say a word, he runs inside the building, heading straight to the monitoring room. There has to be something there. The doors open and he sees no one inside. Flying through some of the tapes, he finds one that he wants to look at. Playing the video, he backs up with horror. He notices what is in his hand. Backing up more, he runs into Watari. Turning around, staring at the elderly man, he whispers, "He was protecting me. He was letting me get away with murder."

"He was saving a person who got corrupted by an unearthly power." Watari answers.

With tears gathering at the corners of his eyes, Raito shakes his head. Now, everything makes sense. L couldn't tell him because he would have used it against the older man. Passing by Watari, he mutters, "Tell him, I'm sorry."

"Why don't you tell him yourself? If I drive you, we could get to the airport before his fight takes off."

Shaking his head, Raito mutters, "Tell him, I'm sorry." Not letting the elderly man tell him anything else, he heads out of the room to go back to his normal boring life. It would have been fun being with L but he can't forgive himself. He was Kira. He killed so many in the name of a false justice. When he gets into the car, he mumbles, "I'm sure Sayu and Mom misses us. Let's go home."

While driving, Yagami asks, "What is it, Raito?"

Giving his dad a false smile, Raito mutters, "Nothing at all. It is time to look toward the future."