Hey! So this is Chapter 3 (installment 4) of "Cruel to be Kind." I know it's short, and originally I was planning to have the plot move forward a lot more in this chapter, but because of the nature of the content I decided it was better not to rush it.
And everyone give lot of love to my new beta ARCtheElite!
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CTBK: Chapter 3: Memories Near and Far
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—Five weeks previous—
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Karin sat at the kitchen table, idly tapping a spoon against the side of her cup and waiting for Yuzu to serve breakfast.
It wasn't long before Ichigo shuffled downstairs and sleepily sat himself in his usual seat at her side. He groped blindly for the orange juice with half closed eyes for nearly a minute before Karin took pity on him and pushed it into his hand. She shook her head in exasperation. Ichigo had always been a morning person, but lately it always seemed like he was exhausted.
"Thanks," he said, taking a gulp straight from the carton. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and then straightened in his chair. "Hey, Yuzu, Karin, I'm gonna walk ya to school today."
"Really?" Yuzu perked up from her position in front of the stove.
Karin narrowed her eyes at the older boy. "We can walk by ourselves. If you walk us all the way there you're going to be half an hour early for class."
"I don't mind."
Her fist banged down on the table. "Well, I do!" At Ichigo's wounded look, Karin just rolled her eyes. "Ichi-nii, we're not babies anymore. You don't have to worry about us."
"But I do worry. I'll still be in class when you get out though, so—"
"You can't be serious. We'll be fine!"
Ichigo stood and caught Karin's shoulder, pulling her closer, then looked over to Yuzu, "No. I'm walking you to school. And would you… j-just promise you'll come straight home after school, all right? And stick together."
Karin pulled back slightly, trying to look into her brother's eyes. "But Ichi-nii, I have practice after-"
"Please."
Karin's shoulders fell, but Yuzu moved forward and grabbed her wrist lightly. "Okay," Yuzu assured, promising for the both of them, "We'll come straight home."
Though Ichigo's smile didn't quite reach his eyes, his relief was obvious.
"Thank you."
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—Present—
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Karin sat huddled under her desk, hands gripping ankles and chin resting on the curve of her knees, and stared blankly at the wooden panel before her.
She was so stupid! Crying like a baby and hiding like it would make a difference… She uncurled slightly and let her head bang against the side of the desk.
She couldn't keep doing this. She had to be the strong one now. For Yuzu. And for Ichigo. Yuzu was the baby, and she already took care of them all. And Ichigo…he was the one that needed her to stay together the most right now. He had taken care of everyone too, had been all too willing to shoulder the burden of the whole damn world if it would only keep everyone else safe.
Karin could vividly remember each time Ichi-nii went missing, sometimes for weeks at a time. She recalled his tired grins and the earnest but obviously false reassurances that everything was fine, really. But most of all, she remembered the way Ichi-nii would walk sometimes: each movement so very careful, as if half-afraid to tear open some gaping wound that was no longer there.
But for all of that she still didn't get it. For the most part Ichi-nii had been fine—absolutely fine—one day, and then the next…
Ichigo wouldn't just snap like that. It didn't matter what Goat Chin said about post-traumatic stress disorder or whatever else, Ichigo wouldn't just break like that. It made no sense. Even after Mom died he hadn't, so why…
She burrowed back into the safety of her knees and stubbornly refused to cry for a second longer. She could do this; she could be strong for her brother.
The warmth coursing down her cheeks and the burning behind her eyes didn't mean anything.
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"Good morning," Ichigo called as he walked into the kitchen to grab a snack.
"Ichi-nii, it's three-o'clock already," Yuzu said while batting her brother's hands away from the refrigerator. "And don't eat junk food!"
Ichigo opened his mouth to protest, but Yuzu beat him to it, "I know you were going to. I'll be finished with lunch soon, and you'll ruin your appetite." She gave him one of her looks. "And why aren't you in bed resting like you should be?"
"I'm fine! And it's not like walking down the stairs is exhausting," Ichigo argued, careful to cover up how stiffly he held himself and the tremors in his hands.
He might be tired, but if he spent one more second cooped up in his bedroom he was gonna… Well, to be honest, he wasn't sure what he would do. But it would be bad. Really bad. Yeah…
"I~Chi~Goooooooo!" His father shrieked from behind him; he braced himself for impact.
It never came.
Instead he was grabbed up into a bear hug from behind and carried over to and pushed into a chair. "Listen to your beautiful sister! She knows what's best for you, Stupid Son!"
Ichigo, still flinching from his expected meeting with the wall, floor, or ceiling (it had been known to happen), cautiously opened one eye. Upon assuring himself that he was in fact alive and uninjured—no matter how his brain screamed it was impossible—he came out of his defensive curl and stared up at his father.
"…What?" Isshin asked, uncomfortable under his son's unwavering gaze. "Do I have something in my teeth?" He gasped then wailed, "Do I have a gray hair? Oh Masaki, your manly stud of a husband is getting old!"
Ichigo cut the ranting man off before he could do any of the young minds present further damage, "You're not…gonna kick me in the face? Or put me in a pincer hold. Or-"
"Of course not!" Isshin actually sounded insulted at the insinuation. "You're still recovering! What kind of father would I be if I…"
At this point Ichigo made the executive decision to ignore the ranting man and instead make another lunge for the refrigerator. Yuzu, ever ready for the erratic behavior her family was famous for, intercepted his dive and gave him a glare that he grumpily decided only middle-aged housewives should be capable of.
Shut down on all sides, he gave up and stomped back up the stairs.
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—Four weeks previous—
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Karin rubbed at the corner of her eye as she made her way through the dark hallway and back to bed. Goat Chin had told her not to drink so much soda right before bed, but who would've thought he would be right for once?
She paused at her bedroom door when the sound of frantic shuffling wafted to her ears. Worried that Yuzu was having another nightmare, she peeked inside. What she found instead was disquieting. Ichigo was kneeling at the side of her bed, looking under the mattress and frantically pulling at her covers, as if something might be hidden among the sheets.
"What are you doing, Ichi-nii?" Karin asked carefully as she came up behind him. He whipped around to face her and tripped over himself getting to his feet before clutching at her shoulders and then running his hands lightly over her arms as if searching for injuries.
She shifted uncomfortably under his hands and met his eyes in the darkness, "H-hey, are you okay?"
The bags under the older boy's eyes worried her. Karin knew he hadn't been sleeping—how could he when he had made a habit of this, of walking to her and Yuzu's door at odd hours of the night and checking obsessively that they were still in their beds?—but it had never gone this far before.
"Where were you, Karin? You-you weren't in your bed."
"I just went to the bathroom…"
"Oh. Right. Of course." Ichigo rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "Sorry, Karin. Just, when I came in and you weren't there I-" He cut himself off and shook his head with a nervous chuckle. "Sorry. Go back to sleep." He smiled wanly at the girl and ruffled her dark hair as he past her on his way out the door.
Karin could only stare after the boy's retreating back.
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—Present—
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Ichigo paced listlessly around his room until his legs ached and his knees shook. Even then he only took a cursory glance at his bed—the evil thing kept trying to suck him back in, he swore—before making another circuit about the floor. If he had to stay here one mor—
—eally all right for you guys to stay here? Shouldn't you get back before—
Ichigo stumbled and almost crashed into his desk chair. That sudden flash, those words… What the hell was that?
He pulled himself back together cautiously and looked around the room, as if the answer could be found strewn across the floor. But no, he shook his head, everything was normal. There was his bed, his desk, his closet—
—Blood red on soft white. Hands holding him back. A steady voice, 'Calm down, Kurosaki-san. She'll be fine n—
Ichigo staggered backward until his back hit the wall, and he tripped over himself and fell to the floor—
—'O-su! Hows'it going, Ichigo!'—
He scrabbled at the carpet beneath him, his breath coming in ragged pants—
—'I wants It-sy-goooo!'—
His world was blurring together at the edges, skipping scenes, jumping from frame to frame, coming faster and faster. Just shut up, shut up!—
—'Well, that's not beautiful at a—
—'It's Hitsugaya-tai—
He couldn't breath! Make it stop!—
—'My name… is Kuchiki Ru—
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Isshin paused on his way through the clinic and turned to stare up through the ceiling towards Ichigo's room. He let his eyes clench shut and ran a tired hand over his face. Turning on his heel, he walked hurriedly up the stairs and towards his son's wildly fluctuating reiatsu.
So, it had finally started. He only wished it hadn't come to this…
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—Two weeks previous—
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"Ichi-nii?"
It was dark. So damn dark. And those heavy, panting breaths we freaking the hell out of him. He couldn't even tell where they were coming from and it was driving him mad. Someone had to tell the noisy bastard to shut up—
"Why are you sitting in the dark?"
—And he couldn't breath. He couldn't breath! There was no air, no fucking air! There was no air and he couldn't breath and he didn't know where his friends—or his family—were, he didn't know where anyone was and—oh god—what if they couldn't breath too?!
"…Ichi-nii?"
Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god—
"Ichi-nii!"
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Coming next chapter: Chad, Kon, Neliel, more reluctant lies, and one very unfortunate city block.