Chapter 9- Nyota
"Captain the transporter room reports Commander Spock and the Romulan Commander on board." I said with a smile on my face and a sigh of relief.
Spock soon appeared on the bridge with the Romulan commander and security. He sat down in his seat and watched him and smiled.
"It won't work Captain." She seethed but while she was supposed to be talking to Jim her eyes were on Spock.
As a woman I knew that look. I looked to Spock and was greeted by his emotionless eyes. I heard Jim rabble off orders felt the ship go into warp and heard Sulu say we were in the neutral zone but my eyes stayed on the Romulan commander. She was hurt. Spock had hurt her. But how?
"Captain I will go to your brig now." She commented knowing now that she would not be going back to her fleet.
"No you are a guest. Commander Spock will take you to your quarters." Jim said.
Spock tilted his head in compliance.
"I thought that we shared something special Spock. We shared the touch. I know your human can not appreciate that as much as I." She said in Romulan.
My eyes locked with his as he walked by me. I saw an emotion I have never seen in him before. Guilt. Of all the emotions to see in his eyes guilt. I know what the touch is. It is for Vulcans as intimate as making love is for humans. But it is something that is shared to make and keep a connection with someone. She was right though 'the touch' never meant the same to me as it did for him. When we shared it, it was always right before making love. I'm human and humans crave more physical contact than just a touch. I realize if Spock were fully Vulcan and I fell in love with him I would have to settle for the touch for seven years.
He had an intimate moment with this woman. A moment that only should have been shared with me and while I don't get the same gratification she might have it's a moment shared by lovers. All I could feel at this moment was anger and betrayal. Touching her that way was as if he made love to her.
In a few seconds my relationship with him flashed before my eyes. I had become selfish in my marriage and relationship with him. I worked at my station trying to push aside the thoughts of him with another woman away from my mind. He came back to the bridge and could not even look at me. Something was very wrong. When my shift was over I walked quietly to the lift.
I picked the boys up from the playroom with Diane. Soren ran to me and I picked him up kissing his cheek. Skylar ran passed me and called to his father.
"Dad." He called and Spock picked him up and Skylar nuzzled into Spock's neck.
I walked over to him holding my son in my arms.
"What are you doing here?" I questioned with anger in my whisper.
"Is it strange that I would pick them up from school?" He questioned with a smile.
I rolled my eyes at him and walked out the door. He was on my heels I'm sure he could see the heat of anger rolling off of me. We entered our quarters and Soren leapt from my arms running into his room. With both of our sons otherwise occupied playing in their room he slowly approached me.
He placed a gentle hand on my face. His thumb ran over the top of my cheek by my eye. I searched his eyes and my heart broke. Angry tears fell from my eyes. Before I could stop myself I felt a stinging in my hand. I hadn't realized that it connected with his face until he grabbed my wrist.
"The touch Spock! How could you?" I yelled in a whisper not wanting to scare the boys with screaming at the top of my lungs.
"I had to stall for time." He answered as if nothing wrong had been done.
"So stalling for time equates to sharing something with a woman you don't know that is essentially the same as if making love to her." I seethed with anger still at almost a whisper.
"Nyota I realize that you are angry. Perhaps the boys should stay with Kelly or Diane tonight."
"No Spock we can't keep pushing our kids off on other people. I want to know why you shared the touch with her and don't give me the story of stalling for time." I said rushed.
The boys ran back into the room before I could say anything else.
"Mommy I'm hungry." Skylar whined at my feet.
"Ok my little monkey bear what do you want for dinner?" I questioned as I picked him up.
"Pizza." He said loudly.
I saw Spock curl his lip slightly into a smile.
"How about you Soren do you want pizza too?" I asked.
"Yes mommy. But can I have shrooms on mine?" He questioned and I laughed.
"Sure sweetness you can have mushrooms. How about you Skylar what do you want on yours?" I continued.
"Roni." He answered.
"Ok so one slice of pepperoni and one mushroom." I answered as I put Skylar on his feet.
"Are you not going to ask what I would like for dinner?" Spock questioned in my ear.
I turned and stared in his eyes for a brief moment.
"I was thinking that maybe you would go to the commander's quarters for dinner." I answered and walked away.
I didn't fix anything for myself to eat. I just watched the boys. I loved to watch my children taking everything they do into memory I sometimes feel like I'm trying to store too much information about them all four of them into my brain. I feel like if I don't watch them that I'll miss something. They're growing so fast I want them to stay my babies forever.
Spock bathed them and prepared them for bed. While he was doing that I took a shower myself and got into my pajamas. I was sitting in the middle of the bed when he came in and walked into the bathroom for his own shower. I was still sitting in the middle of the bed when he came out.
"Are you going to tell me what happened on that ship now?" I questioned still with anger in my voice and my knees to my chest.
"It is best if I show you." He said coming towards me on his knees.
He sat in front of me and placed his fingers on my face for the mind meld. As his memories and emotions flooded over me one emotion and memory stuck. When he shared the touch with her he had indeed been satisfied. Fulfilled in a way I could not provide for him.
When the meld was over I broke down in tears.
"She raped you." I said in shock and anger.
"That is the human term for it." He replied.
"But the touch is something that you initiated?" I continued.
"It was. But she drugged me or else she would have never…" He began and I cut him off.
"Spock the sex I can get over. You were drugged. But something as intimate as the touch I can not get over. The emotion I felt from the mind meld at that moment was fulfillment and it made me realize something is terribly wrong with our marriage." I answered in tears.
He placed a loving hand on my face and I closed my eyes to his touch.
"Nyota there is nothing wrong with our marriage." He said trying to assure me.
"Yes Spock there is and I didn't realize it until now. I have been too selfish to realize that I have not been satisfying your Vulcan needs. You've been trying so hard to be the father you never had and the husband you think I need. You've been ignoring your Vulcan needs as well."
"Nyota." He said running his finger along my face.
"You've been trapped in human mode when it comes to this family and marriage that you've lost yourself and that's my fault. I saw it happening and I did nothing to stop it. I fell in love with every aspect of you yet I let you kill a part of yourself." I said wiping my tears away as they kept coming.
"I became so lost in the human love making which for me is very satisfying."
"It is very satisfying for me as well Nyota. There are four children to prove that point." He said with a smile.
"Yeah Spock I know. But how often do we practice Vulcan forms of love? I'll answer that for you. Not often enough. If you were a full Vulcan and I fell in love with you I would have to perform these rituals with you. You wouldn't have the human urges for sexual contact with me that you do now. In my blindness I have forgotten that you still need these Vulcan rituals as well. She gave that to you and she got more out of it than I ever would have."
"I believe your evaluation of the situation is correct. I suppose I have been missing the Vulcan mating rituals."
"I think we should be apart for a while." I said as tears poured from my eyes like a waterfall.
"Why?" He questioned forcing me to look at him.
"I need time to think Spock. I always thought that I was the only woman you needed and it turns out that I am not."
"Nyota there is always only you." He said kissing my lips.
I pursed my lips together and looked into his eyes. We sat in silence for minuets I don't know how many but I'm sure if I asked he would give me an exact number. Being truthful with myself I didn't know who I held anger towards. Am I angry at myself for not fulfilling all of his needs? Angry at him for not telling me he was missing something in our relationship and he was now settling and suffering from all his need not being met? Am I angry at her for being the woman who fulfilled what I could not? The one thing I was sure of was that I wanted to kill her for violating him.
I in some strange was also gratified that she could not live on Vulcan ritual alone she too needed sexual fulfillment and the fact that she had to drug him pleased me. At least he was stingy with his body.
"Nyota." He called pulling me from my thoughts.
"Yes." I answered with softness in my voice.
"This separation you are requesting when is it to take place?" He questioned.
"I don't know Spock. But if you don't mind I really want to be in your arms right now." I said softly.
His lips curled into a soft smile and he lay down. I curled into him with my back to him. His arm wrapped around me as it has so many times before. He kissed the back of my head and I drifted off to sleep. I had no idea what the coming days and months had in store for us.
Author note: So many of you have requested some Amanda and Grayson chapters and i am working on them. Sorry for the delay in updates i hope the three chaps were worth the way i have been having my own real life drama to deal with so i appolgize. However i love Zachary Quinto and I've been catching up on heroes i've seen all 3 seasons now and I have been debating doing a Sylar fan fic to redeem the character. And my mother pointed out that these are Spock's kids with Sylar's ability and it hadn't occured to me until after i finshed all 3 seasons that she was right. Ok enough rambling. Amanda and Grayson chaps next along with some big choices being made by Spock and Nyota.