A/N You guys are awesome! I couldn't ask for a better set of readers, and I say that genuinely. This is a pretty intense chapter, but the next will be a little more intense. After you are finished reading this, you will be halfway done with reading this story. What do you guys want me to do afterwards? I have story ideas for new stories, or would you prefer I finish some of my old ones? I could go either way. R/R, thanks!
This chapter is dedicated to sabatoge0. Happy birthday! You said you liked angst, and you're in luck :)
Ch. 8: Put things back where you found them
Before Ryan and Marissa knew it, two weeks had passed since their trip to Chino. Their relationship was stronger than ever, both physically and emotionally. Marissa thought she'd known what she was getting herself into with this bet, but every day that passed just went to prove that she'd gotten in way too far over her head. When she agreed to the bet she was trying to have some fun and prove to Sarah that she was better. She was looking for an excuse to be around Ryan because he was intriguing and good looking but forbidden. The bet seemed like a win-win situation, but now she couldn't believe she'd ever been stupid enough to go along with it.
She hadn't planned on Ryan being the most amazing boyfriend a girl could ever wish for; that not only would he stop them from having sex too early, but also continue to come back to her and heavily make out with her without expecting anything to happen; that he was willing to let her hang out with her friends because he knew they were important to her; that he was willing to put aside everything he was working on so that he could be with her, no matter what they may be doing; that he was quite simply the most loveable, adorable boy in the world.
She definitely hadn't planned on falling for him. She wasn't completely in love with him yet, but she knew if things continued to go the way they were, she would be in love with Ryan Atwood before he could possibly be in love with her. The thought scared her more than anything, because she'd never been in love before. If she lost the bet now, she would be losing so much more than when they initially started out: she would be losing part of her heart.
Physically things were just as great. Ever since that evening they almost had sex their make out sessions were extremely steamy, leaving her wanting so much more. He had somehow found out exactly where to kiss her in order for her to completely let go and give herself over to him. But no matter how turned on they got, one of them would always pull away before things got too carried away.
However, no matter how great things were with Ryan, she always found herself thinking back to the bet. Sarah made sure to bring it up everyday, asking how it was going and whether he hated her yet. It always struck a chord with her because she knew by the end of this Ryan would most likely hate her. How would he react when he found out this was all just part of some silly game her and Sarah had come up with one day when they were feeling competitive? It was something hard to think about, so she tried to divert her mind to other things. The bet was what it was, and even though thoughts of losing Ryan because of it constantly plagued her mind, it was still months away.
Besides, she had other problems to tend to.
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Walking down the hallway hand in hand, Ryan and Marissa headed to speech class together. It had become a fun class for the both of them due to the fact they sat next to each other and it required little work. They had already given their first speech of the year, which had to be an informative on someone they knew; Ryan did his on Sandy's successful journey to becoming the lawyer he is today and Marissa on how her father Jimmy became one of the richest men in Newport. They both got As and were pleased with each other.
Ryan opened the speech classroom door for Marissa and said, "After you, Miss Cooper." He offered her a cute smile.
She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Why thank you, Mr. Atwood."
They headed to their table and she was about to pull her chair out from under the desk to sit down, but he got to it first. "There you are, Miss."
She grinned and sat down. "Why thank you, sir, what can I ever do to repay you?"
He sat down and pretended to think. "Well, I have one idea, but I don't know if you're up to it..."
"What could this idea possibly be?" she asked, staring at him amusedly.
"A kiss, right there." He pointed to his lips.
She rolled her eyes but couldn't keep the smile off her face. "I suppose I could manage that..." She leaned in and softly brushed her lips against his, completely forgetting about the fact they were in a class that was supposed to start soon.
"Mr. Atwood, Miss Cooper, do I need to separate you two?"
Marissa pulled back quickly and saw the Mrs. O'Dowd standing in front of them. Ryan did the talking for them, shaking his head and saying, "No ma'am, I'll be good."
The teacher gave him a measured glare and then sternly said, "Good, but you still earned yourselves a detention with me after school." Her face suddenly brightened and she turned to the rest of the class. "Now, who's ready to learn something?"
Marissa took out a sheet of paper and when the teacher wasn't looking scribbled the note, 'I can't believe you earned us detention.' She passed it to Ryan and looked back at the teacher.
He wrote something and then passed it back to her. 'You were the one who kissed me first, remember?'
She bit her lip; he was right. 'It's still your fault. YOU were the one asking for it.'
'Not like you weren't looking for it...'
She bit her lip again; he had her there. She smiled a little when he took the note back and added, 'Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you or get us into trouble.'
She took the paper and wrote, 'I couldn't be upset with you even if I tried.'
'I don't think you could upset me either...'
She bit her lip and put the paper away, hoping he still had that thought in mind come January.
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Ryan had to go talk to a teacher after class so he asked Marissa to get a few books for him from his locker and take them to detention so he could use them that night. They knew each other's combinations so she easily opened the locker. She grabbed the books he'd asked for and then shut the locker. She was about to walk out when she noticed something had fallen from one of them. She leaned down and picked up the piece of paper. She was about to put it back in the textbook when she caught the few lines.
Ry,
I know I messed up and everything, but can you please talk to me? It seems like you're doing good for yourself, and after what happened to mom I couldn't be happier for you. Speaking of her, I know you're still trying to get over the incident. You have to let it go little brother, it's been over a year. You didn't mean to...
She heard a noise from down the hallway and quickly folded the paper back up and put it in the textbook, her heart beating extremely fast. She felt someone come up next to her and turned to see a smiling Ryan. "Hey, I thought you would've been back in the classroom by now."
She shook her head and gave him a weak smile. "I was talking to Summer and just got here not too long ago..."
He took his books from her and began walking in the direction of the classroom. She was still thinking about the letter and remained frozen in her spot. He turned back to her and gave her a weird look. "Aren't you coming?"
She blinked a few times, trying to comprehend his question, and then quickly nodded. "Yeah, uh, I was just..." She trailed off and then caught up with him.
"Everything okay?" he asked as they walked.
She nodded, but her mind was a million miles away. "Yeah, I'm just really stressed because I have this huge test tomorrow."
He nodded in understanding. "Oh, yeah, been there..." Right before they got to the classroom he pulled her aside and pecked her lips. "You sure you're okay?"
She nodded but didn't look at him. "Yeah, just thinking about class."
He looked into her eyes for a moment and then tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Okay then." He paused and then softly said, "The Cohens wanted me to ask you over to dinner today. I know it's a school night and I'd understand if you didn't want to come over because of that test...."
She smiled a little; she loved the Cohens. They had become like a second pair of parents to her since she'd started dating Ryan. "No, it's fine. I studied a lot last night, so I should do fine. I guess I just have test anxiety or something."
He nodded and softly smiled. He leaned in and softly pressed his lips to hers, then pulled away. "Come on, we have detention to attend."
She nodded and walked into the classroom with Ryan, her mind a million miles away.
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That night she was home for about an hour before going next door for dinner with the Cohens. She was supposed to be doing homework, but her mind was still caught up in that letter. It was obviously from Trey, but what did it mean? What did he mean about the 'incident' with their mom? And most importantly, what did Ryan not mean to do? Didn't Ryan's mom abandon him? What could Ryan possibly have to do with that?
When she couldn't take it any longer she called Summer. Her best friend always seemed to know what to do in certain situations, even if Marissa didn't always listen. Summer answered on the second ring. "Hey Coop, what's up?"
"Hey Summ." She paused and tiredly sighed. "So I found something in Ryan's locker today, something that made me really confused."
Summer sighed. "What were you doing in Ryan's locker?"
"Getting some stuff that he asked for. This letter fell out of his book and it said some confusing stuff on it..."
"What kind of confusing stuff?" Summer asked.
"Stuff about his mom that didn't make any sense. I didn't read it all because he came, but I just don't know what to do. Should I confront him about it, or what?"
Summer was quiet, then said, "I don't think you should. If he really wants you to know about it, he'll tell you when he's ready. Ryan doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would be happy with you if you tell him you went through his stuff."
"But I wasn't looking through his stuff, I found it on accident!" Marissa protested, trying to make Summer see she hadn't been looking for trouble.
"Still. If it's important, he'll tell you about it; if it's not, then leave it alone," Summer said. "I just don't think it's your place to be asking him about a letter he hadn't meant for you to see."
"I guess you're right," Marissa said with a sigh. "Thanks."
"No problem. I have to go now though; the step monster is calling..."
Marissa nodded and said, "Okay, bye." She hung up the phone, then decided it was time to go over to Ryan's house. She walked the short distance to his pool house and entered without knocking. He was reading something in his hands and looked up at her when she entered. "Hey," he said tiredly, his eyes cloudy and distant. She immediately knew what he was looking at; it was obvious by the way he was so far away.
She walked further in and made her way over to his bed. She got on and immediately leaned in to kiss him tenderly on the lips, trying to bring him back to the present with her. After a long, breathtaking kiss she pulled back and softly asked, "What's wrong?"
He shook his head and said, "Nothing...I was just reading something..."
"You mind telling me what?" she softly prodded.
He sighed and looked away from her, back down at the piece of paper he was still holding in his hands. She made sure to keep her eyes on his face so that he didn't think she was trying to pry into his business, even though she had already seen the letter he was currently holding in his hands. Finally he looked back into her eyes. "Trey sent me a letter."
"But I thought you said he was in prison..." She said, pretending that she had no idea what he was talking about.
He nodded. "He is, but he occasionally sends me letters."
"So you told him where you live?"
He shook his head and sighed. "Theresa told him. He kept sending me letters over there so she gave me the letters, then sent Trey a letter with my current address and phone number. I went and saw him after a while and explained what had happened."
"Oh." She didn't know what to say. She remembered what Summer had said earlier: if he really wanted her to know about it, he would tell her.
He nodded. "It's hard to deal with sometimes. I can be fine and get over everything, especially when I'm with you, but then I get a letter from him and it takes me back to all of it..." He sighed and looked down at his hands.
She rubbed the his back, trying to relax him a little. "Do you want to talk about it?"
He shrugged and closed his eyes as she gently kneaded some of the tight muscles in his back. "I don't know, I don't think there's anything to really say."
She was silent for a little bit. "You could tell me what the letter says..."
"It doesn't say much of anything, just talks about my mom and stuff."
Well, it wasn't a complete lie. She nodded and asked, "What about your mom?"
He refused to meet her eyes and she felt him get extremely tense. "Just stuff."
"What kind of stuff?" she prodded even more.
He looked at her, his eyes completely devoid of emotion. "It doesn't matter."
She sighed. "Fine, whatever."
He looked at her like she was crazy. "Why are you being like this?"
"Like what?"
"Like you are now." He sighed and the smallest amount of emotion came back into his eyes. Granted, it was annoyance, but she would take what she could get. "There's no need to get upset."
"I'm not upset, I'm just tired of you not talking to me. You have this whole life that you don't want to talk about. Lately you've been doing better, but I can't pretend like it's enough." She looked at him with a sad expression.
"I told you I would tell you when I was ready," he softly said.
"And when is that going to be? For all I know, you're never going to be ready." She removed her hand from his back and pulled away from him. "I know it's hard, but you have to try."
"It's easier not to talk," he protested. "Don't you think it will be better if I just move on?"
"Ryan, if this relationship is going anywhere, I need to know you."
"You do know me!" He tiredly rubbed his face. "You know everything about my life now."
"Yeah, now, but not then," she said softly. "I need to know what it is that makes you the way you are today. I need to know why you are who you are, and I can't ever know that if I don't know about your past."
"You do know about it! I took you to Chino when you pushed me to do it!" He said, his voice getting louder. "I didn't want to, but I did it anyways!"
She glared at him. "Oh, I'm sorry for wanting to see where you're from. I'm such a horrible person!"
"You don't need to be sarcastic!"
They heard the pool house door open and someone say, "But I didn't say anything yet!"
They both turned and glared at Seth, still upset with each other. "What do you want Seth?" Ryan asked in a low voice.
Seth raised his hands in surrender. "I'm just the messenger; dinner is ready."
Ryan nodded and turned back to Marissa. "We'll be there in a minute." Seth nodded and left without another word, softly shutting the pool house door after him. Ryan looked down at his hands and then softly told Marissa, "I don't want to fight."
Marissa refused to look at him. "I don't either."
"I'm just not ready," he whispered.
She rolled her eyes and let out a frustrated sigh. "Fine."
"Marissa..." He said with a sigh.
She ignored him and started walking out the door. "We should go eat; I don't want to keep the Cohens waiting."
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Dinner was very tense. Marissa refused to look at Ryan, Ryan was upset with Marissa, and the others were afraid of asking what was going on. Finally Kirsten asked, "Guys, what's going on between you two?" She looked first at Marissa, and then Ryan, both of which just glanced at her before looking back down at their food.
Marissa shrugged. "Why don't you ask Ryan; oh wait, I forgot, he doesn't feel like talking."
Ryan glared in Marissa's direction but she didn't acknowledge him. He looked back at Kirsten and then said, "We're having a little argument, nothing big."
Marissa snorted and said, "Right."
Ryan looked at her for a minute and then stood. "Can we be excused?"
Both Sandy and Kirsten quickly nodded. Ryan grabbed Marissa's arm and gently pulled her up. "Let go, I'm happily eating my dinner."
"No, we're going to go talk," Ryan said in a hostile tone. "Now."
She yanked her arm away from him and headed to the pool house on her own. When they got there she icily asked, "What?"
He shut the door behind them and said, "You want to talk, let's talk. Tell me why the hell this is bothering you now."
"It's always been bothering me, I just gave you the benefit of the doubt," she admitted. "But I'm tired of doing that because it obviously isn't helping."
"Why do you need to know?" He asked. "Why is this such a big deal to you?"
"Because..." Her voice softened and she plopped down on the bed.
"Because what?" He asked, sitting down next to her.
She sighed. "You don't trust me. That's the big deal."
"What?" he asked incredulously. "You're kidding, right?"
She shook her head and gave him an upset look. "I'm not kidding; you don't trust me. If you did you would tell me these kinds of things."
He rolled his eyes and stood up, running a hand through his hair. "I can't believe you would ever say something like that; that you would accuse me of something like that." He paced back and forth for a minute. "I trust you more than anyone. I've told you more than I ever told Seth, or even Sandy." He got quiet and then said, "I never even wanted to tell Sandy what happened with me, I had to."
She gave him a confused look. "Why did you do it then?"
He sighed and gave her a troubled look. He seemed to be debating something in his mind; she could see the wheels turning in his head. Then he finally said, "Fine, you want to know what happened? I'll tell you." He went to his nightstand and picked up the letter. "I'll read you part of this. That's really what you want, right? To know what Trey said? To know why I'm so angry about all this?" He was about to read, but then he looked at her. "Let's see how much you trust me after this."
"Ry, I know I messed up and everything, but can you please talk to me? It seems like you're doing good for yourself, and after what happened to mom I couldn't be happier for you. Speaking of her, I know you're still trying to get over the incident. You have to let it go little brother, it's been over a year. You didn't mean to hurt her, it wasn't your fault."
He put the letter down for a moment and looked at Marissa, waiting to hear the question he knew she would ask. "What does it mean by, 'hurt her'?"
He gave her a bitter smile and said, "Let's read on, shall we?"
"I know what you're telling yourself and it's not true; you aren't the cause of her death, it was Julian. I never met the guy, but I can tell he was trouble. You've got to get over it, man, she's not coming back."
Marissa stopped him. "You said your mom abandoned you."
He nodded. "That's what I tell everyone, it's better than the truth: she's dead. She's gone forever, never to come back, and it's all my fault."
Marissa shook her head. "Ryan, you can't believe that..."
"Why not, it's true," he bitterly said. He looked at Marissa and she saw the anger in his eyes, anger that must have been tearing him apart inside. He gave out a bitter snort. "You want to know the truth? You're dating a murderer."
She shook her head. "Ryan, I don't believe you."
He looked into her eyes and said, "I killed my mom, Marissa."
"Oh really, how?" she retorted with a roll of her eyes at how stubborn he was.
He shrugged and casually said, "Easy, I shot her." He looked at her shocked expression. "Does that scare you? Do you want to run out of here and never come back again?" He jerked his head towards the pool house doors. "Go ahead, I'm not going to stop you."
She looked at Ryan, the boy she thought she knew, and then at the door, her only escape, and for the life of her couldn't figure out what to do.
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Individual Replies:
Juzzy88: Thanks!
Hpfangurl12993: I personally liked Theresa in the actual show. She really did know how much Marissa meant to Ryan. I guess you'll just have to wait and see how things go :)
hopelesslyhalfhearted: Georgie! I try to keep you guys in suspense. Did you see that coming?
G: Ah, I love Theresa!
Snowwygirl4: what books do you need to read for school?
Sara: Sweet Ryan is very sweet...
Marissa Davis: haha, are you disappointed that they didn't have sex?
Uknoit: Yes, I think only my Ryan would say that.
Kellybby: How bout this one?
Elly: Glad that you think so!
oc_bunney: Guess you'll have to wait and see :) Only eight chapters left...
elly: Thanks for your concern with my friend. She's fine.
Bwunnies: Thanks!