A/N Ow, now I officially have a raging headache. Haha, I was being a dork and watching the Lion King the other day and it reminded me of this story, as dorky as that sounds. You know how Simba thought he killed Mufasa? It reminded me of how Ryan thought he killed Dawn. But anyways, thank you for my reviews. R/R, enjoy!

Ch. 9: We all die

Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.

- Robert Fulghum

After just standing there for a minute, Ryan rolled his eyes and quickly walked to the door. He opened it and gestured for Marissa to walk through it. "Go ahead, leave. It's not like I care or anything."

Marissa stared at him for a moment, still completely torn. She looked at the door and then at his eyes that were avoiding hers and suddenly knew what to do. She walked over to the door, acting like she was going to leave, but instead gently shut it. She turned to Ryan and in barely a whisper said, "No."

He stared at her with baffled eyes. "Marissa, I killed my mom; I shot her. You don't need to be nice and stay. I'm not going to kill you if you leave."

"And you're not going to kill me if I stay, either," she softly said, staring into his troubled eyes.

"What makes you so sure?" He asked, his voice so quiet that she could barely hear him.

She shrugged, never breaking eye contact. "Because I don't believe you killed your mom; you're not capable of something like that. And even if you think you did, Trey obviously doesn't believe it either. Who knows you better than your own brother?"

"I haven't seen Trey in a long time," he reminded her.

"That doesn't mean anything." She gently took his hand and led him to the bed. "Now, are you going to tell me the truth?"

"I did tell you the truth," he weakly protested. "I killed my mom."

"Why?" He looked away from her but she put her hand on the side of his face so that she could see his eyes. "Don't turn away from me. I want to see you when you speak. When I see your eyes, I can tell you're lying. I can tell that despite your anger at me for making you talk, you're just plain hurt." She paused at the flicker of hope in his eyes and gave him a small smile. "I can tell you're still the safest person to be with."

He sighed and looked down at his hands before looking back at her face. His voice came out shaky as he spoke, signaling that he wasn't nearly as collected as he tried to be earlier. "It was that night, the one I told you about with Julian and the drugs. I said that there was more stuff that happened that night, and there was...."

He let himself be hit by Julian for a couple of minutes before he decided to stop sitting around and fight back. He'd been in his share of fights, so why not this one? Julian was about to kick him, but he grabbed onto his leg and pulled so that Julian fell over. He quickly rolled over so he wouldn't get hit and climbed on top of the older man, swinging and connecting with his face. Julian still seemed to be shocked, so Ryan hit him again and again, feeling his luck changing.

But of course the feeling didn't last long. Julian regained control and grabbed Ryan's arm, then punched him hard, sending him back to the ground next to the older man. Julian straddled Ryan's waist and started hitting the boy hard. "You're going to pay now you little bitch!"

Ryan attempted to block Julian from hitting his head but it just wasn't working. He felt a few hard blows and suddenly he was seeing double. He hit blindly at the space in front of him, not knowing where Julian was but knowing if he didn't try to fight back, he'd most likely die. He felt his fist connect with something and a grunt from the man on top of him. Suddenly Ryan heard his mom, whom he had completely forgotten about. "Julian, just leave him alone already!"


"I don't think anyone's talking to you, whore!"

Ryan angrily hit Julian as he began to regain his vision. "Don't call my mom a whore you jackass!"

"What did you just call me?" Julian asked, his dark eyes staring angrily at Ryan. "I'm going to kill you!"

"Stop bragging and do it then!" Ryan shouted, glaring at Julian. Julian hit him hard, and Ryan tasted blood that had fallen from his nose, but he still smirked. "Is that the best you've got?"

Julian lifted the boy by his hair and then banged it back down so it hit the floor. Ryan groaned in pain and Julian flashed an evil smirk. "Oh, so that hurt did it?" He did it over and over again and Ryan's vision started to get very blurry.

He looked around and tried to find something to help him get Julian off of him and finally saw the phone. He reached for it and grabbed it, yanking the cord from the wall. He quickly swung and hit Julian's head hard, sending the older man falling over in pain. Ryan quickly tried to get up, staggering over to his mom. "Mom, leave," he murmured. He couldn't see her clearly, but could make out her blonde hair and blue eyes.

"No," she said, shaking her head. The movement caused him to get even more dizzy, but he trudged to her and pushed her towards the door.

"Mom, he's going to hurt you. Leave." He stared at her through one swollen eye, his cuts bleeding onto the floor. "Mom, please. I'll be fine."

Ryan stopped and looked down at his hands. Marissa wrapped an arm around him and held him for a few minutes, her head rested on his shoulder. She kissed his neck quickly. "Your mom didn't leave," she said, more of a statement than a question.

Ryan shook his head and murmured, "No, she didn't." He turned and caught her eye. "She didn't leave, no matter how many times I told her to. If she had just listened..."

"So, since she didn't leave, you decided to shoot her?" she said, raising her eyebrows.

He gave her an upset look. "You know it wasn't like that."

She nodded and looked down at his clenched hands before looking back into his eyes. "I do, but do you?"

Dawn Atwood shook her head and said, "I can't leave my son here, not like this."

"Go get some help," he pleaded. "Mom, just go."

She shook her head and walked over to her son. "No," she said firmly, taking hold of his bicep. "I won't leave you."

"She did leave me," he murmured, pausing from his story again. "She was so adamant about it, but she did leave me."

"According to your story earlier, you made her," she reminded him. She wasn't trying to make him feel bad, just see how stupid he sounded for thinking he killed her when he obviously didn't.

He glared at her. "You're not helping."

She shrugged. "I'm just going by what you said." She paused and let him be alone with his thoughts for a few minutes before adding, "It sounds kind of stupid, doesn't it?"

"What does?"

"You killing your mom. It sounds stupid considering all you've talked about the past five minutes is the fact you wanted her to leave so she would be safe." She raised her eyebrows at him. "You're contradicting yourself."

He groaned. "I know! But I did kill her! Maybe I didn't do it intentionally, but I did it, okay?"

She shrugged and stared straight into his eyes, into the depths of his heart that he'd never allowed her to enter before. She had to wonder if he let anyone enter it. "Prove it."

He sighed and looked down at his hands again. "Fine, I will."

After she spoke, Ryan saw a figure approaching and quickly said, "Mom, look out!"

But he was already too late. Julian grabbed Dawn and yanked her over to him. Ryan could barely see, but he saw a dark object in Julian's hands that looked oddly familiar. It took him a moment to register it, but then it was clear: it was his dad's old gun. "Let go of her," Ryan hissed.

Julian laughed. "You think I'm going to listen to you?"

"Look, I'm the one that flushed the drugs. You want me, not her," Ryan reminded him.

"But she's the one that was stupid enough to have you," Julian replied, cocking the gun and pointing it to Dawn's head. "I'm just doing what should've been been done years ago."

Ryan began to grow frantic. "You let go of her and I'll do whatever you want. I'll work for you." Ryan raised his eyebrows. "I know a lot of people at school who would kill to get some drugs." Julian seemed to debate it in his head, then Ryan added, "I'll do it for free."

"And why should I trust you?" Julian asked skeptically.

"Because if I don't do it, you're going to shoot the only family I have left." Ryan gave him a pointed look. "Do you think I'd lie about something like that?"

Julian looked at Ryan for a long moment, beginning to lower the gun. "If I let her go, you have to work for me for free. You have to give me so many sells a week or I'll kill her."

Ryan nodded but Dawn shook her head. "Don't do it Ryan!"


Ryan gave her a look that told her to shut up. "Mom, stay out of it."


"It's my kid's life you're talking about, like hell I'll stay out of it!" She turned to Julian and said, "Kill me, don't mess with him."

"But you see, whore, you alive is now worth a lot more than you dead."

Ryan ground his teeth together at what Julian was calling his mom. "Do we have a deal or not?" he asked Julian.

Julian nodded. "Okay, deal." He shoved Dawn over at Ryan.

Ryan pushed Dawn to the floor behind the couch and lunged for Julian, knocking the gun out of his hand. He'd been in Chino long enough to know that their 'deal' wouldn't work. He needed to be the one in control now. Ryan reached for the gun and pointed it at Julian. "The deal's off."


Julian looked at him incredulously. "Are you seriously such a dumb-fuck that you're pointing a gun at me?"

Ryan glared at him. "I would watch your language. You seem to forget who has the gun here."

Julian laughed. "You think I'm afraid of you? You can barely stand!"


Though it was true, it angered Ryan that Julian was basically calling him weak. "I would watch your mouth if I were you..."

"Not to mention you're probably a bad shot..."

"I'm warning you..."

"And besides, if you came out of that stupid whore, you're too stupid to even know how to shoot the damn gun!"

Ryan put his finger on the trigger, aimed just above Julian's head, and shot.

"So you were such a bad shot that you hit your mom?" Marissa taunted.

Ryan rolled his eyes and said, "For someone who wanted to hear the story, you really have a way of making me angry."

She smiled sweetly. "I know, but it keeps you talking, doesn't it?"

Ryan looked at her with an amused face. "So that's why you're taunting me like this? To keep me talking?"

She nodded and kissed his cheek. "Yep. You know you wouldn't continue speaking if I didn't."

He rolled his eyes and said, "You're too clever for your own good." He smiled a little and she grinned widely.

"You know what?" she asked.

"Hmm?"

"You just smiled for the first time since we started talking." She smiled at him and rubbed his cheek. "I have to say, I kind of missed it."

He looked over at Marissa and gave her a surprised smile. "You know what?"

"Hmm?"

He leaned in and pecked her lips, half afraid that she'd pull away from him, but when her arms went around his neck he knew that he could tell her anything and things would be okay. That no matter what, she would make things okay. He pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers. "You make me feel like maybe this isn't as bad as I'm making it."

She shook her head and murmured, "What you went through is horrible, but you're not responsible in any way for it. I'm just trying to make you see that..."

"Any sane person would have left after I told them I killed my mom," he said softly, pulling back so he could look into her eyes. They were a mix of blue and green right now and he could honestly say he'd never seen eyes more amazing than hers. Not because of the color, but because of the look behind the surface.

"I guess I'm not a sane person," she said with a small giggle.

He pressed his lips against hers, trying to show how grateful he was to have someone as amazing as her. "I guess not."

She pulled away and said, "I believe you were telling a story."

He nodded and sighed. Now it was time for the hard part.

Ryan heard a ringing in his ears and he looked at a shocked Julian. The bullet had hit the wall right behind Julian, leaving a small hole. Julian felt his head and when he was sure there wasn't any damage he looked angrily at Ryan. "You could've killed me!"

Ryan smirked. "Finally you get it."

Julian suddenly seemed worried. "You wouldn't kill me."


"Try me," Ryan challenged, his eyes narrowing.

"What do you want from me?" Julian asked.

"Stay away from me and my mom. If I ever see you again, I won't be shooting the wall."

Julian rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I don't need a dumb-fuck kid and a whore around anyways." He stood and started walking for the door. Since it was by Ryan, he turned and backed up so Julian could leave. He started walking towards his mom with the gun still in hand but lowered. Suddenly he felt someone pushing him to the ground. He tried to turn the gun to face Julian, but Julian was trying to push the gun to face Ryan. "You really thought I'd leave?"

Ryan groaned and literally fought for his life, trying to get Julian's hands off of the gun. Dawn stood from her place by the couch and said, "Ryan, be careful!" Julian's fingers went to the trigger, right over his and as they fought, Ryan felt his fingers get pushed down as Julian pushed the gun to face away from him.

Suddenly there was a loud shot and Ryan closed his eyes, waiting to feel the pain from getting shot. He looked up at Julian who was staring wide eyed to his left, and it was only then that Ryan turned and saw what he was looking at. Julian stood, letting go of the gun and said, "Shit, shit, shit, shit!" He pushed Ryan away and ran to the door, opening it and leaving.

Ryan let the gun drop the floor and stared at his mom, who was clutching her stomach. "Mom?" he murmured, walking over to her. She looked at him and then her knees seemed to crumple so he slid onto the ground and caught her. He removed her hands from her stomach and saw the blood spurting out. He placed his hands there, trying to stop the bleeding. "Oh, mom.." he whispered. "What have I done?"

He heard sirens in the distance but all that mattered right now was his mom. Dawn's eyes were far away, but as she stared at her son she felt the urge to speak. "Ry..." she choked out, blood beginning to spool from the side of her mouth.

Ryan felt his heart racing. "I'm here mom. I'm here for you. I'll never leave you."

She raised a bloody hand to the side of his face and then it limply fell back down. "Ry, I..." She coughed a little and her breathing slowed. "I..."

He suddenly heard someone break the door down and footsteps heading towards them. "We've got a gunshot wound over here!" Suddenly he felt a man standing beside him. "Sir, I need you to step away from her so we can help her."

Ryan ignored him and continued to stare at his mom. "Mom, what were you going to say? You what?"


She looked at him, obviously in a lot of pain. The man yanked Ryan away from her and shouted, "I need a stretcher over here!" He put his fingers to her neck and said, "Her pulse is weak...we're losing her!"

Ryan watched them put her on a stretcher and walked after her. "Mom, what were you going to say? MOM!"

She just looked at Ryan and opened her mouth, as if she was going to speak, but then it shut and her eyes closed. The guy that had her on a stretcher shouted something to the other paramedics, but Ryan just stared at his mom being taken away. There was another paramedic nearby who took a look at him and said, "Kid, what happened to you?"

Ryan looked at them with a swollen eye, cuts across all over his face, and his mother's blood on his cheek – and then he fell to the floor with a large thud.

Ryan looked at Marissa and said, "I killed my mom."

She shook her head and softly murmured, "No, you didn't."

Ryan nodded and stood, pacing around the room as he remembered those painful moments when he saw her. "I shot her and it killed her."

Marissa stood and put her hands on Ryan's shoulder, shaking him so that he looked at her. "Look at me. You did not, I repeat, did NOT kill your mom, Ryan. It was Julian. Julian did it, not you. You are INNOCENT, you hear me? You're innocent." She looked deep into his eyes and when he started to protest, she shook him again. "You didn't kill her, Ryan, okay? You didn't kill her, no matter how much you want to blame yourself. It was Julian." His face crumpled and he buried his face into her neck as she broke down his facade. "It was Julian," she murmured, wrapping her arms around him and holding him. She rubbed his back and gently ran her hand over the back of his head, petting his soft hair.

He pulled back a little and said, "The gun was in my hand. It was in my hand..."

She shook her head and pushed his head back down to her neck. "Julian made you pull the trigger. You didn't do it voluntarily; you didn't want to kill her. It was Julian."

After a long time of just standing there being held, Ryan finally pulled back and looked into her eyes. He looked horrible: his eyes were bloodshot and sad, his face was contorted in a look of pain, his hair was messed up from the amount of times he'd run his hand through it – and yet she knew in that moment that she was in love with him because she quite simply couldn't not be. He leaned in and pressed his lips against hers in a desperate kiss, needing to be close to her – needing an escape. She kissed him back, tightly wrapping her arms around his neck as his arms went just as tightly around her waist.

He finally pulled away from her when he couldn't go any longer without air. He leaned his forehead against hers and murmured, "Thanks."

She pecked his lips again and then said, "What happened after that?"

He pulled away from her and just took her hand, leading her to the bed where he comfortably laid himself down on the bed, pulling her to join him. She rested her head on his chest and gently traced circles on his chest as she listened to both his story and the strong beating of his heart. "I got looked at and hospitalized for a concussion and a few broken ribs that I apparently had blocked away the pain for. The police came and questioned me and as soon as I was discharged they took me into custody."

Marissa furrowed her eyebrows and stopped rubbing circles for a moment. "Why? You didn't do anything wrong."

He let out a long sigh. "The prosecution didn't seem to think so. It probably didn't help that I kept saying I killed my mom..."

Marissa rolled her eyes at his stupidity. "Wow, smart move genius."

He laughed a little and the sound immediately lifted her spirits. She went back to tracing circles, letting Ryan continue his story. "So I got appointed a lawyer, who happened to be Sandy. We pleaded not guilty and there was a trial. I was only fifteen when the incident happened, and the wait for the trial was about a year."

"Please tell me you didn't stay in jail that whole time," she said, turning her head so that she could see his face.

He sighed and said, "Sandy couldn't get me out, and even if he could, I had nowhere to go." He saw her worried expression and offered her a reassuring smile. "It wasn't too bad. I mean, the food sucked and there were some guys there that liked to give me a hard time, but it could've been worse."

Marissa pecked his lips and then smiled sweetly. "Okay, continue."

He rolled his eyes and laughed a little. "So anyways, we had the trial and I got off free. The jury didn't buy into the prosecution's story of shooting my mom in cold blood because of her giving me a sucky childhood. Since I was still a minor and didn't have any family, I was going to be sent to a group home until they found me some foster parents. Sandy didn't like that after everything I'd been through, so he talked to Kirsten and they decided to adopt me." He looked into her eyes and softly said, "Fast forward five months...and here we are."

She breathed in deeply, smelling his spicy cologne. "Wow."

He nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"Wait, how did you get school...."

"They actually had school where I was. It's not exactly the top of the line, but it sufficed." He offered her a lazy smile and asked, "Any other questions?"

She nodded and said, "Yeah, one."

"What is it?"

"What would you have done if I walked out earlier?" she asked softly.

He let out a deep sigh and remained silent as he thought about it. "I guess I would've just let you go. I would've been really hurt, but I wouldn't have blamed you if you had walked away." He wrapped his arms around her tightly and murmured, "I'm glad you stayed."

She smiled and nestled her head into his chest. "Me too."

"So now that I told you about my past, is there anything you want to get off your chest?" he asked, more of a joke than anything. "Any skeletons in the closet?"

She thought of the bet with Sarah that would be over in a few short months. She thought what it would be like if she told him right now. She shook her head and closed her eyes contently as she lay in his arms. "Nope, nothing at all."

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lol, you didn't seriously think I'd make Ryan a murderer did you?

Oh, so I saw My Sister's Keeper and it SUCKS....anyone beg to differ?

Individual Replies:

Sara: In his defense, it was an accident.

Uknoit: I remember seeing that, but I never read it myself.

Hpfangurl12993: lol, now it's more than halfway over. The results for the bet will be in three chapters. For my next story I was thinking either a R/M best friend kind of story all set to Rooney songs, or R/M as cyber friends when suddenly he leaves and then eventually he sees her at college, but since she never saw a picture of him, she doesn't know it's him and so they have this relationship where Ryan knows who she is, but Marissa is intrigued by this mysterious Ryan.

Juzzy88: She isn't staying for the bet, but I doubt she'll tell him about it anytime soon.

Bwunnies: why thank you.

Kellybby: Here you go.

Hopelesslyhalfhearted: lol, Georgie, you're just as lazy as me! When are you going to update your story? I updated mine :)

Marissa Davis: lol, what makes you so sure it'll be hot?

G: lol, yes, I love your rhymes now.

Elly: I'm glad it caught you off guard!