A/N So here it is, the end of the story. I want to thank you for reading the story because it means a lot to me when someone reads my stories. An update on me...I'm getting worse again. This whole depression thing is hard for me and I'm trying not to give in to it again, but it's so damn hard. I'm kind of heartbroken right now too. A couple of days ago I said goodbye to a friend of mine and I really do miss her. My new story will hit pretty close to home. Information about that will be at the bottom, after the chapter.

Sorry for not updating before. I meant to do it last week, but I went on vacation and was either too tired, too busy, or too depressed to write. I hope you can forgive me. Thank you for my reviews from the last chapter. R/R, thanks!

Ch. 16: LOOK!

And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

– Robert Fulghum

Ever since the concert, things had been great between Ryan and Marissa. They grew to have an easy friendship when they got over their initial awkwardness. They could now laugh and joke with each other. The physical contact was kept to a minimum, usually a friendly hug or holding hands was as close as they got. They would do things from go see a movie to just walking along the pier. It was all fun, or at least it had been through the first week of February.

Marissa loved that she was so close to Ryan again, but there was still the large part of her that wanted nothing more than to kiss him or have him really hold her again. She loved the relationship they have now, but she would always love the relationship they used to share better. It was still torture to be around him and not be truly with him.

She and Summer were supposed to be studying for a Calculus test together. Summer was laying on her back, staring up at Marissa's ceiling, and Marissa was resting her back against her pillows as she flipped through the book. Neither had a clue what they were supposed to study, nor did they really care. "So, what's going on with you and Atwood?" Summer asked, looking over at Marissa.

Marissa sighed. "We're friends. I already told you."

Summer shrugged. "I didn't know if he came to his senses yet and asked you to that Valentines dance."

Marissa sighed. There was an upcoming Valentines Day Dance going to be held at school, but it was a couples only deal. Since they weren't a couple anymore, Ryan and Marissa couldn't go. Summer seemed to believe that Ryan was just too nervous to ask Marissa to go so she should ask him, but Marissa knew better. Ryan just didn't want to go with her. "No, we're friends."Summer rolled her eyes. "Come on, you guys are anything but friends."

"What makes you say that?" Marissa asked, raising her eyebrows.

"You two look at each other like two people in love," Summer said, rolling her eyes yet again. "Friends don't do that."

Marissa sighed. "Well, that's all we are and all we probably will be."

"So you're saying you don't want to go to the dance with him?" Summer asked, raising her eyebrows.

Marissa gave Summer an upset look. "You know that's not true."

Summer sighed. "Then ask him to it! You can't be a couple if neither one of you are willing to take a leap of faith and ask the other one out."

Marissa rolled her eyes. "You know it won't work.""But what if it does?" Summer asked, raising her eyebrows. "Come on, wouldn't it be awesome if he actually said yes and you guys could go together?"

Marissa thought about it and smiled a little. Ryan in a suit, or just plain Ryan and her together sounded great. "Fine, I'll think about it."

Summer smiled widely. "It's going to be great!"

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Seth was tired of his best friend not being happy. Ryan didn't see it, but he could. Ryan was still hung up on Marissa Cooper, even if he thought he was over her. Ryan thought that the whole friends thing meant that he was over her, but Seth could tell the truth. Ryan was falling more and more for her every day, and by the looks of it, Marissa was doing the same for Ryan. Seth had never liked her, but whenever the three of them were together and hanging out her love for Ryan was so obvious it was sickening.

Seth walked into the pool house carrying two mugs filled with hot, steaming coffee. He opened the door and let the light in. He smiled hearing Ryan's groans and said, "Hey buddy, time to get up. I've got your coffee right here."

He saw some movement under the blankets and smirked as Ryan tried to pull the covers off. Finally Ryan's head appeared, looking around desperately for coffee. "Where's the coffee?" he asked, tiredly rubbing his eyes.

Seth laughed and walked over to him. He handed Ryan his mug and watched Ryan drink it down. "Your hair looks outrageous," Seth said, looking at Ryan's crazy bed hair.

Ryan rolled his eyes and stood, stretching and yawning. "Whatever Seth." Seth smirked and sat down in the chair next to Ryan's bed. He watched Ryan go into the bathroom and silently waited, wondering how he was supposed to bring up the topic that had been plaguing his mind for the whole weekend. When Ryan came back into the main room, he raised his eyebrows at Seth. "Um, did you want something or are you into watching me change now?"

Seth rolled his eyes. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

Ryan nodded and said, "Okay." He went to one of his baskets. "Is this going to take a long time cause I kind of have to get ready..." He looked at his clock on his nightstand that was conveniently located next to some framed picture of him and Marissa kissing. "And Marissa is going to be here to take us to school in like half an hour."

Seth sighed. "It's important."

"Are you sure it can't wait?" Ryan asked, pulling out his clothes that he was going to wear for the day.

Seth decided to try a new tactic. "It's about Marissa."

Ryan froze and immediately turned to look at Seth. "What's wrong? Is she okay?" He furrowed his eyebrows in worry, making Seth roll his eyes once again.

"She's fine."

Ryan visibly relaxed. "Okay then, what's the problem?" He resumed what he was doing before, pushing the basket back into its holding place.

"You're still in love with her," Seth calmly said. Ryan looked at him and Seth nodded. "It's obvious, buddy, don't even try to deny it."

Ryan shook his head and looked off into space, obviously lost in thought. Finally he softly said, "I'm not going to deny it, Seth. I love her...I'm in love with her." He looked down at the clothes in his hands, suddenly looking really lost.

"Then why are you two not together?" Seth asked, raising his eyebrows. "Why are you so adamant that you guys are friends only when you are both obviously so in love with each other?"

Ryan sighed and quietly said, "She doesn't love me."

Seth tried not to laugh at his friend's obliviousness. "Are you serious? She is more in love with you than you are with her. Ryan, she's crazy about you."Ryan shook his head but didn't say anything. "Why are you doing this? I thought you hated her." He looked up at Seth with the most heartbreaking look Seth had ever seen. He was obviously torn when it came to Marissa Cooper and Seth wished he could do something to make his best friend feel better.

Seth nodded. "I do. I think she is snobby and hardly thinks of anyone else other than herself. She is selfish and she hurt you, which makes her even worse." Seth's face softened a little. "But she is also completely, one hundred percent in love with you and isn't afraid of showing it."

Ryan snorted. "How does she ever show it?"

Seth rolled his eyes and said, "You are so blind. She shows it all the time! She looks at you like you are the most valuable thing ever. She isn't the best person in the world, but you two love each other and you're only even remotely happy when you're with her."

"That's not true," Ryan protested. "I'm happy with you guys..."

Seth shook his head. "You're not miserable when you're with us, but when you're with her you act like someone different. You smile a lot and you laugh and you joke. You still do your fair share of brooding, but you also have fun and actually seem okay for once." Seth raised his eyebrows, daring Ryan to argue.

Ryan shook his head and sat down on the bed. " It's...complicated."

Seth rolled his eyes and stood up. "If you say so. You're just making yourself upset here, because it's obvious Marissa wants you back." He walked to the pool house door and then turned back to look at Ryan. "You have fifteen minutes, I suggest you hurry." With that, he walked away, hoping he'd at least made some kind of impression on Ryan during the talk.

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Twenty minutes later Marissa rushed into the pool house looking frazzled. "Hey, sorry I'm late, I was just..." She caught Ryan's blank stare and immediately froze. "What's wrong?" she asked, walking over quickly and sitting next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He shook his head but didn't look at her. "Um, nothing. I was just thinking..."

"About what?" she questioned, obviously still worried about him.

"Just something Seth said," he said, finally looking her in the eye. He offered her a smile that made her insides melt. "Come on," he softly said, taking hold of her hand. "Let's go find Seth." When he looked at her that way she couldn't breathe, much less worry about him.

She nodded and softly said, "Okay." They stared into each other's eyes, completely lost in the other.

They were interrupted by Seth's voice. "Guys, we need to go to school, you know, the place with the teachers and stuff."

Ryan tore his eyes from her first and looked over at Seth. "Found him." He walked a little, gently pulling her with him. "Come on, let's get to school."

Her heart beat hard against her chest as she stared at him, wanting so badly to be lost in the moment with him again. "Yeah," she said softly. "Let's go."

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In Speech class Ryan and Marissa sat and stared at the teacher, extremely bored. Mrs. O'Dowd was announcing the next project. "You are to choose a Supreme Court case with your partner and report back to me as soon as possible with your decision so that I can write it down. Each group will have a different case, so you better come to me fast so we can get you the one you want. Your partner is the person sitting next to you. Any questions?"

Some freshman named Drew raised his hand. "Miss, do one of us take the positive and the other take the negative?"

Ryan rolled his eyes. Mrs. O'Dowd nodded. "Yes...anymore questions?" When no one raised their hands she smiled. "Great, here is the link to a few of the sites where you can find some cases..." She passed one out to each table. "You shouldn't put this off until the last minute. A good debate is one with lots of information and no room for getting shot down."

Drew raised his hand. "Miss, do the winners get more points than the losers?"

Mrs. O'Dowd smiled. "They get five points extra credit, but that's it. I'm not judging the debate on who wins, but on who gives a solid debate. You can both get a hundred if you work hard enough."

Ryan looked at Marissa and smiled a little seeing she was already looking at him. "So, my house or yours?"

She shrugged. "I like the pool house. For the most part it's quiet and we have privacy." She looked at him. "Unless you want to do it at my house..."

He thought about it. "Your parents are going on that trip soon right?"

She nodded. "Yeah, they leave tomorrow night. Why?"

He decided to tell her his idea. "Well, I was thinking that since we are always at my house, we can go over to your house tomorrow. We won't even have to worry about Seth interrupting us." He tried to judge her thoughts on the idea. "We could decide the case at my house tonight, and then work on it at yours?"

She smiled and nodded. "It sounds like a plan."

His smile widened. "Alright then, it's settled."

The bell rang and they both stood, gathering their things. "So will I see you at lunch?"

He gave her an apologetic look and said, "I have a big test at the end of the day so I'm going to be studying in the library." He noticed the disappointment in her eyes and immediately felt kind of bad, even if he did have a good reason to go away. "Sorry...I'll see you after school though, right?"

She nodded and plastered a weak smile onto her face. "Yeah, I understand."

They were in the hallway walking now. He turned and said, "So I should probably get to class..."

She nodded in agreement and a strand of hair fell into her eyes. She was about to reach for it when he reached out and tucked it behind her ear. He kept his hand there for a beat longer than necessary as he looked into her eyes. She wondered what he saw when he looked at her, if he could see how much she loved him. "Me too," she said so softly it sounded like a whisper.

He removed his hand and cleared his throat, looking away from her. "So um, see you the first thing after school?"

"Sounds like a plan," she said. They both took one final look at each other, and then walked away.

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They chose to do Tinker vs. Des Moines School District with Ryan as the affirmative side and Marissa as the defense. Marissa went home for dinner and Ryan got started on his other homework, or at least attempted to. He gave up after just staring down at his Calculus book for a few minutes, too lost in though to concentrate on the problem he was supposed to do for homework. All he could think about was what Seth had said that morning. Marissa wasn't in love with him, right? She never had been. She wouldn't have done what she did to him and not tell him if she was really, truly in love with him.

After thinking it over for a while he decided to call Theresa and ask for her input. He dialed her number and listened to the phone ring a few times before hearing a breathless Theresa ask, "May I help you?"

"It's me," he said, knowing she'd be a little more polite now."Oh, okay. I didn't look at the caller ID and thought it might be someone selling something," she said, sounding relieved. "What's up?"

Ryan ignored her question. "You sound breathless. What were you doing?"

Her voice held annoyance. "Your nephew decided he didn't want to take a bath, so I had to chase him around the house."

Ryan tried to hold back his laughter. "Um, sorry?"

She sarcastically said, "Sure you are." She paused and then repeated her previous question. "What's up?"

He decided to get serious with her now. "I need some advice."

"Let me guess...Marissa?" Theresa asked knowingly.

"How did you know?" he asked, raising his eyebrows in amazement.

"I've only known you my whole life," Theresa said with a small laugh. "What did she do now?"

"She didn't do anything, it was Seth that started it," Ryan informed her. He told her about what Seth said that morning. "So what do I do?"

She spoke to him like he was stupid. "Ryan, do you love her?"

He rolled his eyes and said, "You know I do."

"Do you want to be with her?"

He sighed. "Well, yeah..."

"Does she love you?"

He sighed once again and rubbed his face tiredly. That was the one question he wasn't able to answer just yet. Did she love him, or was everything really a lie like he had made it out to be? "I don't know," he admitted.

"Have you ever tried to find out?"

He shook his head even though she couldn't see him. "Um, not really. I mean, how do you know?"

She laughed a little. "I thought you knew these things. You just know."

"How do you just know?" he asked, still not getting it.

"The next time you see her, look at her. I mean, really look at her." She paused and he assumed she was shrugging or something. "And I promise you, if you do that, you'll have your answer."

"Just look at her?" he asked incredulously. "That's it?"

"That's it," she said after a minute.

He thought about it and sighed, laying back on his bed. "Maybe I'll give it a try."

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The next day in English class their teacher held up a bunch of paper in the air. "Benchmarks everyone! The school decided you were to be given benchmarks today." He started passing out the thick booklets and said, "It's just a couple of stories with some essay questions, so it shouldn't be too bad." He handed Ryan his booklet and Ryan looked down at it with a frown. "Alright, take out your pencils and you may begin. You have the whole class period today and part of it the next time we meet, so use your time wisely." Ryan opened the booklet and read the title, Long Walk to Forever by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. He found it to be a fairly interesting story, though not one of his favorites. He wasn't into that romantic stuff.

That night he was on Marissa's bed, flipping through the papers they had just printed about their case. "So your guys won in real life, but we can't let the class know that, right?" Marissa asked, reading the case summary.

He nodded. "Yeah, the class is supposed to tell us who they think won and write an evaluation on us and everything." He rolled his eyes. He hated debates.

"There is no way I can win when you have this much against me," she said with a frown. Something caught her eyes and she sighed dramatically. "Okay, this is so not fair. I shouldn't have let you be the positive." She continued to flip through it and sigh. "Ryan, are you not reading this? This isn't fair!"

He laughed and looked up form his papers, glancing over at her. He remembered what Seth and Theresa had said the day before, so he decided to study Marissa for a moment. Suddenly the story from the benchmark came back to his mind. The story was about a woman named Catherine and her friend Newt taking a walk. Newt had gone AWOL so he could go see her since she was going to get married. He had to tell her he loved her. Ryan hadn't thought much of it when he read it, but now one particular passage came back to mind.

"I had to find out," he said.

"If I'd loved you," she said, "I would have let you know before now."

"You would?" he said.

"Yes," she said. She faced him, looked up at him, her face quite red. "You would have known," she said.

Marissa must have sensed him staring at her because she looked up at him. Their eyes caught. She stared at him confusedly. "Ryan?"

"How?" he said.

"You would have seen it," she said. "Women aren't very clever at hiding it."

Marissa waved her hand in front of Ryan's face, but he kept staring at her, studying her, observing her. What was it he was supposed to look for? How could he tell if she loved him? He wished Theresa had told him what he was supposed to see. How could you just know? It was impossible to look at a person and know if they really cared, right? It was impossible to be so open.

But then he saw it, and he suddenly understood what everyone had been saying all along.

Newt looked closely at Catherine's face now. To her consternation, she realized that what she had said was true, that a woman couldn't hide love.

Newt was seeing love now.

And he did what he had to do. He kissed her.

How could he not have seen it before? When he looked closely, he saw the way Marissa's lips trembled as she looked at him. Her face was calm and relaxed, but her eyes were what betrayed everything to him. They were soft around the edges, but glowed from the very core. She looked at him and there was no hiding the way she felt.

She loved him. She always had.

She was about to question him again, but he spoke first. "So you know that Valentines Dance this week?"

Her eyes grew brighter. "Yeah," she answered quietly.

He looked down at his papers, too ashamed that he hadn't seen this before. That he hadn't let himself see this before. "I was thinking that, um, maybe you wanted to..." He looked back up at her hopeful face and smiled a little. "Maybe we could go together?"

She smiled a little, but still seemed a little cautious. "You know it's couples only, right?"

He nodded and his own face softened. He wondered if his eyes looked like hers, if she could see the way his eyes softened and calmed like the ocean after a raging storm. "And then I was thinking that the night after that we could go out to dinner or something....together."

She nodded and softly said, "I would like that."

He looked at her nervously, playing with his hands a little. "And then I was thinking that we could do something else the night after that, and every night that follows."

He wondered if her heart was beating as fast as his as she said, "Okay."

His face lost its smile and grew completely serious as he said, "And I was thinking that we could never break up again."

She nodded and watched as he moved aside their books so he could get closer to her, his face slowly making its way to hers. "Anything else you were thinking?" she asked, searching his eyes just like he'd been doing to hers.

He nodded and tucked some hair behind her ear. "Yeah," he murmured quietly. He looked deep into her eyes, and now he finally understood what it meant to look into someone's very soul. "I was thinking that I should kiss you right now."

She placed a hand on the nape of his neck, pulling his face closer to hers. "Please do," she quietly pleaded, so he did. He kissed her with everything he had in him, and then some. And when she pulled back and tearfully said, "I love you so much," he knew she meant it.

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A/N 2:

My internet is really weird right now so I can't do individual replies. I want to thank the people that said they hoped I felt better because it means a lot. And sailaway, I am now 15. My birthday was back in March.

INFORMATION ON MY NEW STORY:

1) It will be called "You've Got Mail"

2) It is AU

3) It is R/M (obviously)

4) It is set with R/M at college.

5) This is basic plot line: Ryan and Marissa used to be online friends who grew really close, until Ryan decides it would be best to cut their ties and leave. Years later they meet at college, except only Ryan knows about their past. What happens when Marissa realizes just who Ryan is and what he did to her?

I know it doesn't sound all that great now, but I hope you guys read it. I'll have it up as soon as this Thursday.