A/N: I don't own 'Break Myself' by Something Corporate
I'm willing to break myself
To shake this hell from everything I touch
I'm willing to bleed for days
My reds and grays
So you don't hurt so much
Rory sat against the wall outside Chilton, watching the people pass by. A few stopped to greet her, but most walked past her in silence. Madeline sat beside her, and they stayed in a comfortable silence for a few minutes until she asked, "What's wrong?"
Rory shook her head, "I'm fine."
Madeline nodded, not pushing the subject and she looked forward at the people as well. "So, what are you and Tristan doing this weekend?"
"I'm not sure. We'll probably wind up going to David's party tomorrow and getting bored, so we'll go to his house."
"Not yours?"
She shook her head, "Small town. They're still not quite prepared to accept Tristan after I chose him over Dean."
Madeline nodded, "Ah, I see."
"Yes. So, what about you and Blake?"
"Same, but we'll probably go to my house."
"Fun."
She grinned, "Most likely."
"Eww." Rory laughed and pushed Madeline's shoulder lightly.
She laughed, "Okay, well I have to go, but I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye."
STARSHOLLOW
Rory walked down the sidewalk, not paying attention to where she was going. Talking to Tristan seemed to do that to her a lot, and she was currently talking to him on her cell phone.
"So we'll go to David's party tomorrow, and if we get bored we'll just leave?"
"Of course. We'll come to my house, I'll show you the bed, demonstrate how to remove your shirt-"
"And we'll have one of those wonderful conversations about school, won't we?"
"Of course. That's what I was going to say next." he was obviously smiling.
"Of course. I'm sure it was."
"It was. Really."
"Uh-huh. I believe- oh shit." as a result of not paying attention, she ran head long into someone, dropping her purse and it's contents spilled out.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I've gotta go. I'll talk to you later."
"Bye baby."
She smiled, it always gave her chills whenever he called her that, "Bye." she hung up and got to her knees, picking up the things from her purse, "Sorry, I wasn't-" she froze, the birth control package had fallen out, and an all too familiar hand was holding it right in from of her. She looked up to see Dean's infuriated face. "Sorry, I didn't see you-"
"Whatever."
"Are you alright?" she asked, unsure of how hard she'd hit him.
"I'm fine. But I have to wonder what you're thinking."
"Nothing-"
"Rory, you-" he looked around, lowering his voice, "You're having sex with him?! What the hell are you thinking?"
"I'm not-"
He cut her off, "After all the sluts he's been with? He could have anything! You have no idea whether he's used protection or who he's gotten pregnant, or-"
"Oh, so you're dating a slut?"
"What?"
"Summer. He had sex with Summer." Dean had nothing to say to that, "Besides, he's always used protection, and he's never gotten anyone pregnant, and he definitely doesn't have anything!"
"Rory, " he said pleadingly, as if trying to talk some sense into her, "We were together for almost four months. You never said that you loved me. You never even considered having sex with me, but you've only been with him for a few months, and you've already claimed that you're in love with him, and you're sleeping with him! You have no idea how much you're about to screw up your life!" he said, waving his hands around in the air.
She shook her head in disbelief. He had no right to say that, "Why does it even matter to you? I thought I was just another slut in line!" she yelled.
"You know I didn't mean that!"
"No, actually, I don't."
"Well I didn't."
"That's great, I really don't care." she snatched the pills away from him, "And why do you care so much anyway? You're having sex with Summer."
"That's different."
"How so?"
"You were planning on waiting until you were really in love, Rory."
"What makes you think I didn't follow that plan?"
It took him a moment to realize what she meant, but when he did, he shook his head, "Oh no. Oh hell no. Rory, you are not sure enough that you love him to throw away your virginity like you did."
"How would you know?"
"Because I know you. And you don't love people like him."
"Right whatever Dean, I'm sorry that you're slightly delusional, but you don't know me. You never did, and you never will." she turned on her heel and began to walk away, but turned back to face him, "And not that it's any of your business, but I haven't slept with Tristan...yet." she added the last part just to spite him, only because he was hurting her so much.
"Don't fucking lie to me, Rory. You have birth control pills in your purse. You're not just on it for no reason." he whispered harshly.
She rolled her eyes, "Whatever, Dean. It's not my problem if you don't believe me." she turned and started to walk away.
He groaned, running to catch up with her, "Rory, look, just think about it, okay?"
"Dean, I'm not having this conversation with you, alright?"
"Rory-"
She turned on her heel, "What?!"
He shook his head, defeated, "Just don't let him force you into anything."
She shook her head with barely suppressed anger, "Don't pretend like you know him, Dean. Don't try to seem like you know anything he'd do. Because if you knew anything about Tristan then you'd know that he would never force me into anything." she turned and walked away, her feet stomping unintentionally.
SATURDAY AFTERNOON
Tristan knocked on Rory's door, surprised to see Lorelai open it. "Hey Lorelai."
"Hi." she didn't move to let him in, so he stood on the doorstep in silence. He looked at his feet nervously before looking back up at her as she spoke, "You know, I do want to like you."
"I....want you to like me too." he said uncertainly.
"I want to like you because Rory likes you. Blake and Jess like you, so that makes me think that just maybe you might be good enough for her," she stared him in the eyes, "But don't think for one second that I trust you."
"I don't understand what you mean."
"Rory's going to Harvard." Lorelai said, changing the subject.
He nodded, "I know."
"Never take Harvard away from her."
"I won't."
"Not intentionally, at least." she mumbled.
"What?"
"You won't intentionally take it away from her, but you might on accident. Rory plans on being a virgin until her wedding night. Or if not that long then at least until she's graduated high school and is well into college and madly in love with someone who loves her back."
"I do love her." he said quickly.
Lorelai shook her head sadly, "Oh, Tristan, you have NO idea how wrong of an answer that was."
"I'm sorry if that isn't the answer you want, but it stands." he said, looking her back in the eye.
"Don't try to have a staring contest with me, Dugrey. I want to be the cool mom, I really do. But if my daughter is on the line then I can't be."
"I promise you, Rory's in no danger. She's not on the line of anything."
"Rory doesn't need a guy to do anything for her. She can live without one."
"I know. But I'm still not going anywhere."
"As I can see that we're getting nowhere, just know that if you ever even TRY to force her into anything-"
He cut her off, "I wouldn't."
Lorelai shook her head, "Like I said, I don't trust you." she opened the door wider, allowing him in, "She's in her room. Don't you dare shut the door. We have eyes all over this house." she turned and walked away, leaving Tristan speechless. He looked after her, but shook his head, making his way up the stairs.
He knocked on Rory's closed door, "Who is it?" he heard her ask over the 'Blondie' CD that was playing.
"Your love slave-slash- sex god, here to serve and please-"
"Shut up and come in." he could hear her laughing. He pushed open the door and was surprised to see her walking around the room without a shirt. She looked over at him, "Hey. Hang on just a second." she walked into the closet and walked back out, this time with a shirt on. She smiled, walking over to him and kissed him lightly, "Hey."
"Hey." he said, obviously distracted.
She looked him up and down, "What's wrong?"
He shook his head, "Just thinking."
"About what?"
He shrugged, "Nothing. Everything." a grin slowly made it's way onto his lips, "You. And that shirt that I would just love to-"
"Ready to go?" she grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room.
"Take all my fun like that."
She laughed, "Drive me in your pretty car."
"No. I was planning on making you walk."
"Ouch." she turned to face him, "That hurts right here." she patted the left side of her chest.
"Right there?" he asked, tracing over the area with his fingertips lightly and leaning in.
She nodded, "Right there." she leaned up, their lips meeting gently, and Tristan began to deepen it, but Rory pulled back slightly, nodding her head to the side and finishing going down the stairs. When they go to the bottom, Tristan saw that Lorelai was standing there. She looked at them suspiciously before nodding and walking away.
"She lurks?" Tristan whispered into Rory's ear, resting his hand on her hip.
She laughed, "Occasionally."
PARIS'S
Rory sat back on one of the couches, after getting her drink, between Jess and Madeline, Tristan was leaning with his back against the couch, directly below her. They were in the basement theater, watching 'How To Deal' which was, according to Blake and Tristan, 'the chick flick of the century'. But they agreed to watch it anyway. It was seven, and the girls were going to start getting ready for the party in half an hour. The guys probably wouldn't even start until about fifteen minutes before they left.
She stood up, bored, and walked outside. Tristan followed her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. She smiled, leaning back on him. It was weird, they rarely said 'I love you'. Even though they'd said it before, it wasn't like they said it everyday. That way, whenever one would say it, it was special, not just something from everyday conversation. He trailed kisses over her neck lightly, not having been able to kiss her properly this afternoon because of Lorelai. He rotated so that she was pushed against the wall of the house, and he had easier access to her.
Rory wrapped her arms around Tristan's neck, pulling him closer as his hand trailed down her body before slipping under her shirt and making it's way slowly north. She tensed, her hand moving to rest on Tristan's arm that was still on her hip. But before he was able to make contact and break the tension, the back door opened and his hand shot back to her hip, knowing how she wasn't exactly fond of public displays of affection.
"Rory, we should start getting ready." Louise said, a knowing grin on her face.
The brunette pulled away from her boyfriend and nodded, "I'll be there in a second."
"Okay." she went back inside.
Rory moved to follow her, but Tristan held her arm, "Stay for a minute." he whispered, pulling her closer. She grinned, letting him bring her to himself, and surrendered to the kiss she knew was coming. They hadn't been able to talk much the last week, and she missed him way too much. She pulled away after a moment and walked inside, leaving him alone.
PARTY
Rory sighed, taking a drink of her hard lemonade, she wasn't really a drinker. Tristan had just gone to see if Blake and Madeline were still here. He'd left about ten minutes ago and had failed to return, and she was becoming extremely bored. She leaned against the wall behind her, but jumped up upon hearing someone yell, 'FIGHT!'. Rolling her eyes was the best she could do. She'd seen enough fights from growing up with Jess and Blake.
Two people walked by her, and she couldn't help hearing their conversation. "Who started it?"
"Nathan and Cole. The idiots."
"I knew they'd never gotten over having their egos bruised at the beginning of the year."
"Yeah, but this time it's the two of them, and Patrick Hackner."
"Why is he in it?"
"Sticking up for his friends, I guess."
"What did they do to start it?"
"Same thing as at the beginning of the year, except this time they made sure that they were in hearing distance of Tristan and Blake, and Jess is in it now, too." they moved away from her, towards the balcony, and Rory froze.
Nathan and Cole...finishing a fight from the beginning of the year...Jess, Tristan, and Blake...oh god, they were fighting for the same reason, that meant those three had been talking about her in hearing distance of her boyfriend, brother, and best friend. She pushed her way through the crowd until she got to where Madeline and Paris were standing. Henry and Baker were ten feet away from them, ready to jump in if they were needed. Rory guessed that Tristan had thrown the first punch, and then Blake and Jess had started in right after him.
Paris looked over at her, "Hey." she said, over the sound of the music and the cheering of the crowd.
"What happened?" she asked, not taking her eyes off the boys in the center of the circle.
"Tristan came to see if any of us had left yet, and we were all talking for a second, but then we heard Cole, Nathan, and Patrick talking about you and Madeline."
"Why would they do that?" she asked, not sure of the answer.
"Simple. Nathan likes you, and hates Tristan. Cole is still embarrassed that when he jumped in the fight on your first day, he got his ass kicked, and Patrick hates Blake for taking Madeline away from him." she explained as Tristan hit Nathan in the jaw and a ringing crack echoed through the room. That slowed him down, but not for long.
"And they did it just to spite the three of them?"
"Obviously."
"So how long has this been going on?" Jess moved out of the way of a punch thrown by Cole, and returned the favor with a punch in the face, sending the other boy reeling.
"About five minutes, but I think it's almost over." she said, as a handful of Seniors and large Juniors pushed their way to middle. They'd clearly decided that the fight had gone on for long enough when Blake punched Patrick in the nose, and it looked as if he'd broken it.
The seniors grabbed Tristan and Jess, holding their hands behind their back and the Juniors grabbed the other boys, while it took two to contain Blake. David was one of the Juniors holding Blake. When the twin had calmed down, David released him, but the other boy, Evan, kept a hold on him. The host stood in front of the other three boys, who were now released, "Get out."
"What?" Nathan yelled, "Tristan threw the first punch!"
"You were talking about his girlfriend, dumbass! Get out!"
"Jess pushed me before I did anything." Cole told him.
"You were talking about Rory. You deserved it. And you're just pissed that you got your ass beat AGAIN."
"Blake punched me before I hit him!" Patrick argued.
"You were talking about hit girl AND his sister. YOU have nothing to say that will make me let you stay." Nathan opened his mouth to protest again, but David cut him off, "Either get out, or I'll have you escorted out by the wrestling team."
Patrick rolled his eyes, "Let's just go, guys. This isn't over." he pulled out of his restrainer's grip and pushed his way through the crowd, when he passed Blake, he stood two inches from him, getting in the boy's space, trying to intimidate him, which didn't work, because Blake returned that withering gaze. Patrick shouldered past Blake, and looked at Madeline in a not so innocent way before making his way out.
Nathan stopped in front of Tristan, "This isn't over." he hissed, standing there for a moment, he looked over at Rory, their eyes met and smirked, Rory's blue orbs darkening, before turning back to the girl's boyfriend, waiting for Tristan's reaction. He looked over at his girlfriend, and she met his gaze as well, Tristan looked back to Nathan and just smirked in a way that said all too clearly that this most definitely was over. He'd won. Nathan shook his head, an unsettling smirk still on his face as he shouldered past Tristan, eyes locked with Rory and walked through the crowd, pausing beside her. He looked down at her, and his hand brushed her neck gently and he whispered, "Just wait." into her ear before looking back at Tristan, whose eyes had turned a dangerous shade of gray, Nathan had a smug smirk and made his way out.
Cole just shook his head, a sneer on his face as he pushed past Jess. Blake walked over to Madeline, wrapping one arm around her waist, and they disappeared from view. Jess went to Paris and kissed her forehead before taking her hand and walking away. Tristan made his way to Rory, facing her, his hands resting on her hips gently, but at the same time all too possessively. They just stood there, eyes locked, until the crowd evened out and they were no longer the center of attention. She sighed, shaking her head. He touched her face gently, and leaned down, brushing his lips against hers. "Let's go back to my house." he sounded kind of sad, his eyes had turned a gray color, which she'd learned meant that he was upset about something.
Her eyebrows drew together, "Okay." she said softly before setting her drink on the table and following him out, they'd taken four cars, someone would figure out that they'd left. He opened the door to his car for her and she smiled, getting in. He went to the drivers side and got in as well. Tristan's house was less than five minutes away, so the ride was uneventful, but Rory revealed that she wanted to go swimming when they got to his house. He laughed, but when they got there, she went straight to his room and grabbed the suit she'd left two weeks ago. He sat on the bed and waited or her to come out of the bathroom. She emerged, wearing the bikini.
"You're serious?"
Rory grinned, "You thought I was kidding?"
"I kinda did..."
She shook her head, "I never kid."
30 MINUTES LATER
Tristan sat in the hot tub with Rory in his lap. She'd gotten cold...go figure...and had wanted to move from the pool to the hot tub. His arms were wrapped around her and she was resting her head on his chest. She looked up at him, "This is really comfortable." she whispered.
He nodded, kissing the top of her head, "Yeah, it is." he said quietly, running his hand up and down her side gently.
Rory sighed deeply and rested her head on his shoulder, "My birthday is in two weeks." she said, as if to herself.
"I know."
Her head shot off his shoulder, "How?"
"Blake."
"He told you?" he nodded, "When?"
"A few days ago."
"Really?"
"Really, really."
Rory laid her head back on his shoulder, but noticed him looking into space, as if he'd forgotten about her being there. She looked up at him, "What's wrong?"
"Why do you think something's wrong?"
"You're really quiet." she whispered, looking from is eyes to his lips.
"Am I?"
She nodded, "You look sad."
He shook his head, "I'm just thinking."
"About?"
He bit his lip, looking out over the back yard, as if debating with himself weather he should tell her or not. Finally, he looked back at her, "It's just that, everything I've ever touched has turned to hell. No relationship has ever ended well."
"And you're worried?" she asked, looking into his eyes and realizing how dark they seemed.
"A little. Yeah."
She leaned in closer, "I don't think you have to worry about that."
"No?"
She shook her head, kissing him softly. He returned the gesture, applying a slight pressure on her lips. She pulled away, "Tristan?"
"Hmm?" he looked at her, running his fingertips over the top of her arm lightly.
She breathed in deeply, "I think I should tell you something."
"You think?"
"I think."
"Okay..." he trailed off, unsure of what to say.
Rory shifted so she could face him better, straddling him with one leg on either side of him. He turned his head slightly, wondering what this was all about, "Okay," she paused, took a breath, and continued now that she was situated, "Three weeks ago I spent the night at Louise's house." Tristan nodded, showing that he remembered and inviting her to continue. "We started talking and then we went to one of the doctors in Hartford that works at a teen clinic." he opened his mouth slightly, as if to say something, but closed it. "I got a prescription for birth control, and in ten days, it will have been a month since I first took it." she stopped, finished.
Tristan's face was unreadable, and then he looked slightly confused. "You're on birth control?"
"Yes."
"And in ten days, you can't get pregnant..." he said slowly.
"Yes." she nodded.
"So what you're saying is..." he trailed off, not wanting to seem as if he was pushing it.
"In eleven days, if I'm not a virgin anymore, there is no chance that I will be pregnant."
"I got that part." he nodded.
She rolled her eyes, "You want me to spell it out?!"
He grinned, kissing her nose, "Nope, I got it."
She shook her head, "You're impossible."
"And you're so hot when you're mad." She narrowed her eyes playfully, pursing her lips as she leaned down to kiss him slowly. He grinned against her lips, deepening the kiss. His hands moved down her body slowly, pulling her closer. She wrapped her arms around his neck, grinding into him slowly. He tightened his grip on her hips as if to still them, not here. She couldn't be doing this now, not in the hot tub in his backyard where he couldn't do anything to her. She bit his bottom lip gently, her hands trailing down his chest. But she was the one who gasped as she realized exactly the effect she was having on him, as the proof became known below her.
She broke away and looked up at him to see that he was looking straight at her. A blush made it's way onto her cheeks and she tried to look away, but Tristan put two fingers under her chin, pushing it up so she faced him. "Don't look away." he whispered, "It's nothing to be nervous about."
"Not for you." she said quietly, looking up at him through thick lashes.
"Or you either." he replied.
She sighed, looking down at her hands. He laced his fingers with hers and she looked up, "Mary?" he kissed her gently.
"Hmm?"
"Why did you tell me about the birth control?" he gave her another short kiss..
"Because."
"Because why?" he leaned in to kiss her again, but she held him a few inches away.
"Why are you asking me this?" she asked, shaking her head.
"Because, Rory," he touched her face gently, "The way you're talking, I'm guessing that, in a few weeks, you want us to have sex." he came right out and said it.
She blushed crimson and moved off of him, "Well, if you don't want-"
He cut her off, "And I want that too. You have no idea how much I want it, Ror."
"But..." she started for him, trailing off.
"If you want to have sex, then it's going to hurt. A lot, your first time."
"I know."
He looked her in the eyes, whispering, "And I don't want to hurt you."
Rory inhaled sharply, swallowing the lump in her throat, eyes wide. "I-it wouldn't be your fault." she was obviously surprised.
"But it would happen. Rory I've never been a girl's first, and I'm not going to lie to you, I do want to be your first. But I've never had to be gentle, I've never been with someone that I might hurt. And knowing that there's no way around it, I feel completely helpless. Because it's a known fact, it's going to hurt like hell, and your first time there will be no pleasure. I know a lot of people and stories glorify your first time and make it seem like this amazing, satisfying experience-but it won't be. And even though I do want it, I don't want to make myself hurt you."
She looked down, unsure of what to say after his little speech, and she simply replied in a whisper, "I trust you."
"But I'm not so sure I trust myself with you." he said softly.
"Look Tristan, you're obviously bringing up every point of why you don't want this to happen, so I'll just save you the trouble of going through something so horrible as having to ever have sex with me and just leave right now, so we can forget this whole thing ever happened." she moved to get out, but he held her arm gently.
"You can't be serious."
She looked back at him, "Then what the hell are you saying this for?"
"I want you to know what you're getting yourself into, Rory. If you think I'm trying to back out of this relationship then you're incredibly mistaken." he put his hands gently on either side of her face, "I love you Rory, okay? I am so fucking in love with you that it scares me. We've only been together for a few months, but I can see myself with you for the rest of my life. And that scares the shit out of me. I've never been in love. I'm only sixteen, so I have a lot of years to go before I'm ready for marriage, but I can see myself with you until then. And I've never had to worry about not hurting a girl before, but god damn it Rory, I'm scared as hell right now. And I will do anything I have to so that you won't hurt. I'd do anything to make it painless, but I can't. I'm willing to go through hell so you don't have to! I would break every bone in my body if it would mean that you'd never hurt." this had turned from him telling her why he was acting the way he was to a proclamation of his love. "I am so fucking in love that I would rather break myself than have this turn to hell like everything I've ever touched has! It doesn't scare me to hurt, but it does scares me that I might hurt you. You are the only one that I'm willing to change for, Rory! The only one." he finished, his eyes dark.
Rory's eyes were filled with tears and she held his wrists gently, her eyes closed as she kissed his palm, and then opened again, "Why would you do that for me?" she whispered.
"I told you." his soft voice breaking, "I love you."
She closed her eyes, a single tear rolling down her cheek and she whispered, "I know."
"Come here." he whispered. She crawled back onto his lap, letting him wrap his arms around her, holding her to his chest tightly as he kissed the top of her head. She turned her face up, and his lips descended to hers, quickly covering them. She breathed in through her nose as he touched her face gently, keeping one arm around her. His tongue slowly made it's way into her mouth, and it was so gradual, that she was surprised to realize that it was there. But she responded to the kiss slowly. It was evident that he didn't want the kiss rushed, he was trying to be gentle, because he knew that soon, treating her like glass would become vital to keeping her his.
Never again-will we fire this gun-no
Never again-you're the only one
Never again-but you're already gone
I'm willing to break myself-I'm not afraid
I'm willing to break myself-I'm not afraid
I'm willing to brake myself-I'm not afraid
I'm willing to break myself
To shake this hell from everything I touch
I'm willing to bleed for days-my reds and grays
So you don't hurt so much
So much
I'm willing to break myself
To shake this hell from everything I touch
I'm willing to bleed for days
My reds and grays
So you don't hurt so much
Rory sat against the wall outside Chilton, watching the people pass by. A few stopped to greet her, but most walked past her in silence. Madeline sat beside her, and they stayed in a comfortable silence for a few minutes until she asked, "What's wrong?"
Rory shook her head, "I'm fine."
Madeline nodded, not pushing the subject and she looked forward at the people as well. "So, what are you and Tristan doing this weekend?"
"I'm not sure. We'll probably wind up going to David's party tomorrow and getting bored, so we'll go to his house."
"Not yours?"
She shook her head, "Small town. They're still not quite prepared to accept Tristan after I chose him over Dean."
Madeline nodded, "Ah, I see."
"Yes. So, what about you and Blake?"
"Same, but we'll probably go to my house."
"Fun."
She grinned, "Most likely."
"Eww." Rory laughed and pushed Madeline's shoulder lightly.
She laughed, "Okay, well I have to go, but I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye."
STARSHOLLOW
Rory walked down the sidewalk, not paying attention to where she was going. Talking to Tristan seemed to do that to her a lot, and she was currently talking to him on her cell phone.
"So we'll go to David's party tomorrow, and if we get bored we'll just leave?"
"Of course. We'll come to my house, I'll show you the bed, demonstrate how to remove your shirt-"
"And we'll have one of those wonderful conversations about school, won't we?"
"Of course. That's what I was going to say next." he was obviously smiling.
"Of course. I'm sure it was."
"It was. Really."
"Uh-huh. I believe- oh shit." as a result of not paying attention, she ran head long into someone, dropping her purse and it's contents spilled out.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I've gotta go. I'll talk to you later."
"Bye baby."
She smiled, it always gave her chills whenever he called her that, "Bye." she hung up and got to her knees, picking up the things from her purse, "Sorry, I wasn't-" she froze, the birth control package had fallen out, and an all too familiar hand was holding it right in from of her. She looked up to see Dean's infuriated face. "Sorry, I didn't see you-"
"Whatever."
"Are you alright?" she asked, unsure of how hard she'd hit him.
"I'm fine. But I have to wonder what you're thinking."
"Nothing-"
"Rory, you-" he looked around, lowering his voice, "You're having sex with him?! What the hell are you thinking?"
"I'm not-"
He cut her off, "After all the sluts he's been with? He could have anything! You have no idea whether he's used protection or who he's gotten pregnant, or-"
"Oh, so you're dating a slut?"
"What?"
"Summer. He had sex with Summer." Dean had nothing to say to that, "Besides, he's always used protection, and he's never gotten anyone pregnant, and he definitely doesn't have anything!"
"Rory, " he said pleadingly, as if trying to talk some sense into her, "We were together for almost four months. You never said that you loved me. You never even considered having sex with me, but you've only been with him for a few months, and you've already claimed that you're in love with him, and you're sleeping with him! You have no idea how much you're about to screw up your life!" he said, waving his hands around in the air.
She shook her head in disbelief. He had no right to say that, "Why does it even matter to you? I thought I was just another slut in line!" she yelled.
"You know I didn't mean that!"
"No, actually, I don't."
"Well I didn't."
"That's great, I really don't care." she snatched the pills away from him, "And why do you care so much anyway? You're having sex with Summer."
"That's different."
"How so?"
"You were planning on waiting until you were really in love, Rory."
"What makes you think I didn't follow that plan?"
It took him a moment to realize what she meant, but when he did, he shook his head, "Oh no. Oh hell no. Rory, you are not sure enough that you love him to throw away your virginity like you did."
"How would you know?"
"Because I know you. And you don't love people like him."
"Right whatever Dean, I'm sorry that you're slightly delusional, but you don't know me. You never did, and you never will." she turned on her heel and began to walk away, but turned back to face him, "And not that it's any of your business, but I haven't slept with Tristan...yet." she added the last part just to spite him, only because he was hurting her so much.
"Don't fucking lie to me, Rory. You have birth control pills in your purse. You're not just on it for no reason." he whispered harshly.
She rolled her eyes, "Whatever, Dean. It's not my problem if you don't believe me." she turned and started to walk away.
He groaned, running to catch up with her, "Rory, look, just think about it, okay?"
"Dean, I'm not having this conversation with you, alright?"
"Rory-"
She turned on her heel, "What?!"
He shook his head, defeated, "Just don't let him force you into anything."
She shook her head with barely suppressed anger, "Don't pretend like you know him, Dean. Don't try to seem like you know anything he'd do. Because if you knew anything about Tristan then you'd know that he would never force me into anything." she turned and walked away, her feet stomping unintentionally.
SATURDAY AFTERNOON
Tristan knocked on Rory's door, surprised to see Lorelai open it. "Hey Lorelai."
"Hi." she didn't move to let him in, so he stood on the doorstep in silence. He looked at his feet nervously before looking back up at her as she spoke, "You know, I do want to like you."
"I....want you to like me too." he said uncertainly.
"I want to like you because Rory likes you. Blake and Jess like you, so that makes me think that just maybe you might be good enough for her," she stared him in the eyes, "But don't think for one second that I trust you."
"I don't understand what you mean."
"Rory's going to Harvard." Lorelai said, changing the subject.
He nodded, "I know."
"Never take Harvard away from her."
"I won't."
"Not intentionally, at least." she mumbled.
"What?"
"You won't intentionally take it away from her, but you might on accident. Rory plans on being a virgin until her wedding night. Or if not that long then at least until she's graduated high school and is well into college and madly in love with someone who loves her back."
"I do love her." he said quickly.
Lorelai shook her head sadly, "Oh, Tristan, you have NO idea how wrong of an answer that was."
"I'm sorry if that isn't the answer you want, but it stands." he said, looking her back in the eye.
"Don't try to have a staring contest with me, Dugrey. I want to be the cool mom, I really do. But if my daughter is on the line then I can't be."
"I promise you, Rory's in no danger. She's not on the line of anything."
"Rory doesn't need a guy to do anything for her. She can live without one."
"I know. But I'm still not going anywhere."
"As I can see that we're getting nowhere, just know that if you ever even TRY to force her into anything-"
He cut her off, "I wouldn't."
Lorelai shook her head, "Like I said, I don't trust you." she opened the door wider, allowing him in, "She's in her room. Don't you dare shut the door. We have eyes all over this house." she turned and walked away, leaving Tristan speechless. He looked after her, but shook his head, making his way up the stairs.
He knocked on Rory's closed door, "Who is it?" he heard her ask over the 'Blondie' CD that was playing.
"Your love slave-slash- sex god, here to serve and please-"
"Shut up and come in." he could hear her laughing. He pushed open the door and was surprised to see her walking around the room without a shirt. She looked over at him, "Hey. Hang on just a second." she walked into the closet and walked back out, this time with a shirt on. She smiled, walking over to him and kissed him lightly, "Hey."
"Hey." he said, obviously distracted.
She looked him up and down, "What's wrong?"
He shook his head, "Just thinking."
"About what?"
He shrugged, "Nothing. Everything." a grin slowly made it's way onto his lips, "You. And that shirt that I would just love to-"
"Ready to go?" she grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room.
"Take all my fun like that."
She laughed, "Drive me in your pretty car."
"No. I was planning on making you walk."
"Ouch." she turned to face him, "That hurts right here." she patted the left side of her chest.
"Right there?" he asked, tracing over the area with his fingertips lightly and leaning in.
She nodded, "Right there." she leaned up, their lips meeting gently, and Tristan began to deepen it, but Rory pulled back slightly, nodding her head to the side and finishing going down the stairs. When they go to the bottom, Tristan saw that Lorelai was standing there. She looked at them suspiciously before nodding and walking away.
"She lurks?" Tristan whispered into Rory's ear, resting his hand on her hip.
She laughed, "Occasionally."
PARIS'S
Rory sat back on one of the couches, after getting her drink, between Jess and Madeline, Tristan was leaning with his back against the couch, directly below her. They were in the basement theater, watching 'How To Deal' which was, according to Blake and Tristan, 'the chick flick of the century'. But they agreed to watch it anyway. It was seven, and the girls were going to start getting ready for the party in half an hour. The guys probably wouldn't even start until about fifteen minutes before they left.
She stood up, bored, and walked outside. Tristan followed her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. She smiled, leaning back on him. It was weird, they rarely said 'I love you'. Even though they'd said it before, it wasn't like they said it everyday. That way, whenever one would say it, it was special, not just something from everyday conversation. He trailed kisses over her neck lightly, not having been able to kiss her properly this afternoon because of Lorelai. He rotated so that she was pushed against the wall of the house, and he had easier access to her.
Rory wrapped her arms around Tristan's neck, pulling him closer as his hand trailed down her body before slipping under her shirt and making it's way slowly north. She tensed, her hand moving to rest on Tristan's arm that was still on her hip. But before he was able to make contact and break the tension, the back door opened and his hand shot back to her hip, knowing how she wasn't exactly fond of public displays of affection.
"Rory, we should start getting ready." Louise said, a knowing grin on her face.
The brunette pulled away from her boyfriend and nodded, "I'll be there in a second."
"Okay." she went back inside.
Rory moved to follow her, but Tristan held her arm, "Stay for a minute." he whispered, pulling her closer. She grinned, letting him bring her to himself, and surrendered to the kiss she knew was coming. They hadn't been able to talk much the last week, and she missed him way too much. She pulled away after a moment and walked inside, leaving him alone.
PARTY
Rory sighed, taking a drink of her hard lemonade, she wasn't really a drinker. Tristan had just gone to see if Blake and Madeline were still here. He'd left about ten minutes ago and had failed to return, and she was becoming extremely bored. She leaned against the wall behind her, but jumped up upon hearing someone yell, 'FIGHT!'. Rolling her eyes was the best she could do. She'd seen enough fights from growing up with Jess and Blake.
Two people walked by her, and she couldn't help hearing their conversation. "Who started it?"
"Nathan and Cole. The idiots."
"I knew they'd never gotten over having their egos bruised at the beginning of the year."
"Yeah, but this time it's the two of them, and Patrick Hackner."
"Why is he in it?"
"Sticking up for his friends, I guess."
"What did they do to start it?"
"Same thing as at the beginning of the year, except this time they made sure that they were in hearing distance of Tristan and Blake, and Jess is in it now, too." they moved away from her, towards the balcony, and Rory froze.
Nathan and Cole...finishing a fight from the beginning of the year...Jess, Tristan, and Blake...oh god, they were fighting for the same reason, that meant those three had been talking about her in hearing distance of her boyfriend, brother, and best friend. She pushed her way through the crowd until she got to where Madeline and Paris were standing. Henry and Baker were ten feet away from them, ready to jump in if they were needed. Rory guessed that Tristan had thrown the first punch, and then Blake and Jess had started in right after him.
Paris looked over at her, "Hey." she said, over the sound of the music and the cheering of the crowd.
"What happened?" she asked, not taking her eyes off the boys in the center of the circle.
"Tristan came to see if any of us had left yet, and we were all talking for a second, but then we heard Cole, Nathan, and Patrick talking about you and Madeline."
"Why would they do that?" she asked, not sure of the answer.
"Simple. Nathan likes you, and hates Tristan. Cole is still embarrassed that when he jumped in the fight on your first day, he got his ass kicked, and Patrick hates Blake for taking Madeline away from him." she explained as Tristan hit Nathan in the jaw and a ringing crack echoed through the room. That slowed him down, but not for long.
"And they did it just to spite the three of them?"
"Obviously."
"So how long has this been going on?" Jess moved out of the way of a punch thrown by Cole, and returned the favor with a punch in the face, sending the other boy reeling.
"About five minutes, but I think it's almost over." she said, as a handful of Seniors and large Juniors pushed their way to middle. They'd clearly decided that the fight had gone on for long enough when Blake punched Patrick in the nose, and it looked as if he'd broken it.
The seniors grabbed Tristan and Jess, holding their hands behind their back and the Juniors grabbed the other boys, while it took two to contain Blake. David was one of the Juniors holding Blake. When the twin had calmed down, David released him, but the other boy, Evan, kept a hold on him. The host stood in front of the other three boys, who were now released, "Get out."
"What?" Nathan yelled, "Tristan threw the first punch!"
"You were talking about his girlfriend, dumbass! Get out!"
"Jess pushed me before I did anything." Cole told him.
"You were talking about Rory. You deserved it. And you're just pissed that you got your ass beat AGAIN."
"Blake punched me before I hit him!" Patrick argued.
"You were talking about hit girl AND his sister. YOU have nothing to say that will make me let you stay." Nathan opened his mouth to protest again, but David cut him off, "Either get out, or I'll have you escorted out by the wrestling team."
Patrick rolled his eyes, "Let's just go, guys. This isn't over." he pulled out of his restrainer's grip and pushed his way through the crowd, when he passed Blake, he stood two inches from him, getting in the boy's space, trying to intimidate him, which didn't work, because Blake returned that withering gaze. Patrick shouldered past Blake, and looked at Madeline in a not so innocent way before making his way out.
Nathan stopped in front of Tristan, "This isn't over." he hissed, standing there for a moment, he looked over at Rory, their eyes met and smirked, Rory's blue orbs darkening, before turning back to the girl's boyfriend, waiting for Tristan's reaction. He looked over at his girlfriend, and she met his gaze as well, Tristan looked back to Nathan and just smirked in a way that said all too clearly that this most definitely was over. He'd won. Nathan shook his head, an unsettling smirk still on his face as he shouldered past Tristan, eyes locked with Rory and walked through the crowd, pausing beside her. He looked down at her, and his hand brushed her neck gently and he whispered, "Just wait." into her ear before looking back at Tristan, whose eyes had turned a dangerous shade of gray, Nathan had a smug smirk and made his way out.
Cole just shook his head, a sneer on his face as he pushed past Jess. Blake walked over to Madeline, wrapping one arm around her waist, and they disappeared from view. Jess went to Paris and kissed her forehead before taking her hand and walking away. Tristan made his way to Rory, facing her, his hands resting on her hips gently, but at the same time all too possessively. They just stood there, eyes locked, until the crowd evened out and they were no longer the center of attention. She sighed, shaking her head. He touched her face gently, and leaned down, brushing his lips against hers. "Let's go back to my house." he sounded kind of sad, his eyes had turned a gray color, which she'd learned meant that he was upset about something.
Her eyebrows drew together, "Okay." she said softly before setting her drink on the table and following him out, they'd taken four cars, someone would figure out that they'd left. He opened the door to his car for her and she smiled, getting in. He went to the drivers side and got in as well. Tristan's house was less than five minutes away, so the ride was uneventful, but Rory revealed that she wanted to go swimming when they got to his house. He laughed, but when they got there, she went straight to his room and grabbed the suit she'd left two weeks ago. He sat on the bed and waited or her to come out of the bathroom. She emerged, wearing the bikini.
"You're serious?"
Rory grinned, "You thought I was kidding?"
"I kinda did..."
She shook her head, "I never kid."
30 MINUTES LATER
Tristan sat in the hot tub with Rory in his lap. She'd gotten cold...go figure...and had wanted to move from the pool to the hot tub. His arms were wrapped around her and she was resting her head on his chest. She looked up at him, "This is really comfortable." she whispered.
He nodded, kissing the top of her head, "Yeah, it is." he said quietly, running his hand up and down her side gently.
Rory sighed deeply and rested her head on his shoulder, "My birthday is in two weeks." she said, as if to herself.
"I know."
Her head shot off his shoulder, "How?"
"Blake."
"He told you?" he nodded, "When?"
"A few days ago."
"Really?"
"Really, really."
Rory laid her head back on his shoulder, but noticed him looking into space, as if he'd forgotten about her being there. She looked up at him, "What's wrong?"
"Why do you think something's wrong?"
"You're really quiet." she whispered, looking from is eyes to his lips.
"Am I?"
She nodded, "You look sad."
He shook his head, "I'm just thinking."
"About?"
He bit his lip, looking out over the back yard, as if debating with himself weather he should tell her or not. Finally, he looked back at her, "It's just that, everything I've ever touched has turned to hell. No relationship has ever ended well."
"And you're worried?" she asked, looking into his eyes and realizing how dark they seemed.
"A little. Yeah."
She leaned in closer, "I don't think you have to worry about that."
"No?"
She shook her head, kissing him softly. He returned the gesture, applying a slight pressure on her lips. She pulled away, "Tristan?"
"Hmm?" he looked at her, running his fingertips over the top of her arm lightly.
She breathed in deeply, "I think I should tell you something."
"You think?"
"I think."
"Okay..." he trailed off, unsure of what to say.
Rory shifted so she could face him better, straddling him with one leg on either side of him. He turned his head slightly, wondering what this was all about, "Okay," she paused, took a breath, and continued now that she was situated, "Three weeks ago I spent the night at Louise's house." Tristan nodded, showing that he remembered and inviting her to continue. "We started talking and then we went to one of the doctors in Hartford that works at a teen clinic." he opened his mouth slightly, as if to say something, but closed it. "I got a prescription for birth control, and in ten days, it will have been a month since I first took it." she stopped, finished.
Tristan's face was unreadable, and then he looked slightly confused. "You're on birth control?"
"Yes."
"And in ten days, you can't get pregnant..." he said slowly.
"Yes." she nodded.
"So what you're saying is..." he trailed off, not wanting to seem as if he was pushing it.
"In eleven days, if I'm not a virgin anymore, there is no chance that I will be pregnant."
"I got that part." he nodded.
She rolled her eyes, "You want me to spell it out?!"
He grinned, kissing her nose, "Nope, I got it."
She shook her head, "You're impossible."
"And you're so hot when you're mad." She narrowed her eyes playfully, pursing her lips as she leaned down to kiss him slowly. He grinned against her lips, deepening the kiss. His hands moved down her body slowly, pulling her closer. She wrapped her arms around his neck, grinding into him slowly. He tightened his grip on her hips as if to still them, not here. She couldn't be doing this now, not in the hot tub in his backyard where he couldn't do anything to her. She bit his bottom lip gently, her hands trailing down his chest. But she was the one who gasped as she realized exactly the effect she was having on him, as the proof became known below her.
She broke away and looked up at him to see that he was looking straight at her. A blush made it's way onto her cheeks and she tried to look away, but Tristan put two fingers under her chin, pushing it up so she faced him. "Don't look away." he whispered, "It's nothing to be nervous about."
"Not for you." she said quietly, looking up at him through thick lashes.
"Or you either." he replied.
She sighed, looking down at her hands. He laced his fingers with hers and she looked up, "Mary?" he kissed her gently.
"Hmm?"
"Why did you tell me about the birth control?" he gave her another short kiss..
"Because."
"Because why?" he leaned in to kiss her again, but she held him a few inches away.
"Why are you asking me this?" she asked, shaking her head.
"Because, Rory," he touched her face gently, "The way you're talking, I'm guessing that, in a few weeks, you want us to have sex." he came right out and said it.
She blushed crimson and moved off of him, "Well, if you don't want-"
He cut her off, "And I want that too. You have no idea how much I want it, Ror."
"But..." she started for him, trailing off.
"If you want to have sex, then it's going to hurt. A lot, your first time."
"I know."
He looked her in the eyes, whispering, "And I don't want to hurt you."
Rory inhaled sharply, swallowing the lump in her throat, eyes wide. "I-it wouldn't be your fault." she was obviously surprised.
"But it would happen. Rory I've never been a girl's first, and I'm not going to lie to you, I do want to be your first. But I've never had to be gentle, I've never been with someone that I might hurt. And knowing that there's no way around it, I feel completely helpless. Because it's a known fact, it's going to hurt like hell, and your first time there will be no pleasure. I know a lot of people and stories glorify your first time and make it seem like this amazing, satisfying experience-but it won't be. And even though I do want it, I don't want to make myself hurt you."
She looked down, unsure of what to say after his little speech, and she simply replied in a whisper, "I trust you."
"But I'm not so sure I trust myself with you." he said softly.
"Look Tristan, you're obviously bringing up every point of why you don't want this to happen, so I'll just save you the trouble of going through something so horrible as having to ever have sex with me and just leave right now, so we can forget this whole thing ever happened." she moved to get out, but he held her arm gently.
"You can't be serious."
She looked back at him, "Then what the hell are you saying this for?"
"I want you to know what you're getting yourself into, Rory. If you think I'm trying to back out of this relationship then you're incredibly mistaken." he put his hands gently on either side of her face, "I love you Rory, okay? I am so fucking in love with you that it scares me. We've only been together for a few months, but I can see myself with you for the rest of my life. And that scares the shit out of me. I've never been in love. I'm only sixteen, so I have a lot of years to go before I'm ready for marriage, but I can see myself with you until then. And I've never had to worry about not hurting a girl before, but god damn it Rory, I'm scared as hell right now. And I will do anything I have to so that you won't hurt. I'd do anything to make it painless, but I can't. I'm willing to go through hell so you don't have to! I would break every bone in my body if it would mean that you'd never hurt." this had turned from him telling her why he was acting the way he was to a proclamation of his love. "I am so fucking in love that I would rather break myself than have this turn to hell like everything I've ever touched has! It doesn't scare me to hurt, but it does scares me that I might hurt you. You are the only one that I'm willing to change for, Rory! The only one." he finished, his eyes dark.
Rory's eyes were filled with tears and she held his wrists gently, her eyes closed as she kissed his palm, and then opened again, "Why would you do that for me?" she whispered.
"I told you." his soft voice breaking, "I love you."
She closed her eyes, a single tear rolling down her cheek and she whispered, "I know."
"Come here." he whispered. She crawled back onto his lap, letting him wrap his arms around her, holding her to his chest tightly as he kissed the top of her head. She turned her face up, and his lips descended to hers, quickly covering them. She breathed in through her nose as he touched her face gently, keeping one arm around her. His tongue slowly made it's way into her mouth, and it was so gradual, that she was surprised to realize that it was there. But she responded to the kiss slowly. It was evident that he didn't want the kiss rushed, he was trying to be gentle, because he knew that soon, treating her like glass would become vital to keeping her his.
Never again-will we fire this gun-no
Never again-you're the only one
Never again-but you're already gone
I'm willing to break myself-I'm not afraid
I'm willing to break myself-I'm not afraid
I'm willing to brake myself-I'm not afraid
I'm willing to break myself
To shake this hell from everything I touch
I'm willing to bleed for days-my reds and grays
So you don't hurt so much
So much