A/N: I don't own Gilmore Girls or Guernica by Brand New

If I could I would shrink myself

Sink through your skin to your blood cells

And remove whatever makes you hurt

But I am too weak to be your cure

Tristan looked around the dinner table at the faces of his parents. They were all three silent. As soon as he'd gotten in the maid had said that dinner was being served in the dinning room. He'd just walked in and sat at the table. His parents hadn't even said hello, and they'd been sitting like this for half an hour. He couldn't take it anymore. The only sound was forks scraping on plates and glasses being picked up and put down. He stood after they had all finished eating, "I'm going out."

His mother looked over at him, "Don't you want to stay and visit?"

He looked over at her, "Not really." and he grabbed his keys and walked out the door.

Fifteen minutes later he was standing in front of a familiar door, shuffling his feet and staring at the ground. Should he ring the doorbell? Knock? Leave? He didn't know. He'd been best friends with this girl for ten years but hadn't seen her in five months. He didn't know what to do. He scratched the back of his head and finally rang the doorbell. His eyes moved across the front yard and moments later he heard footsteps. A lock turned and the door opened, but he was still looking across the yard, not able to turn his head. He could see Paris out of the corner of his eye. Her face was emotionless and her hand stayed on the doorknob, not one muscle in her body moving. He bit his lip and his neck moved slowly until he was staring right at her. Her eyes widened slightly when they met his.

Tristan smiled sheepishly, "Hey Paris."

Her head shifted slowly to one side, her eyes never leaving his, "Tristan?"

He laughed lightly, "So then you really have known my name all these years?"

She squealed in delight, very unlike herself, and jumped into his arms, wringing her arms around his neck. He laughed, throwing his arms around her waist and picking her up off the ground. "What are you doing here?"

He set her down, "I'm in town for a few days."

Her head cocked to the side, "So then you're not staying?"

He played with a strand of hair that was falling over her shoulder and shook his head, "Nope."

She pursed her lips and folded her arms, "So why are you here?"

"My grandfather's birthday."

"Ahhh."

He nodded, "Yep."

"So, he summoned his favorite grandson home for his eighty-second birthday?"

He nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets, "You know it."

She grinned, rolling her eyes, "Want to come in?"

"Yeah." he followed her inside, "So how is everybody?"

"Jess is good. Lane and Henry are good. Louise and Baker actually broke up a few days ago, but they're back together now, and is anyone surprised?" she shook her head, and Tristan grinned as they made their way up the stairs. "And Madeline, well, she's holding up okay, I guess. Of course, I'd be broken up too if I couldn't see Jess for two months-"

He cut her off, "What are you talking about?"

She stopped walking and turned to look at him, "No one told you?"

"Told me what?" he stopped as well.

"About Rory and Blake going to England."

He shook his head, "What?"

She was silent for a moment, "Did anybody ever even tell you about Lorelai?"

Tristan's head cocked back, "Is she okay?"

"I can't believe no one told you."

He put his hands on her shoulders, "Paris, what happened?"

"Lorelai's in a coma."

His eyes narrowed, "What?"

"She was in an accident a few months ago."

"What kind of accident?"

"Car crash."

His back hit the wall and he shook his head slowly, "But why are Rory and Blake in England?"

Paris shrugged, "Chris is..." she trailed off, looking away, "...in a severe depression. He's barely spoken to them since the accident. Their grandparents decided that they needed to get out of Hartford, so they sent them to England to stay with their father's cousin for two months."

"Wow." he said quietly, running his right hand through his hair. He couldn't believe this. He was surprised, but most of all he felt guilty. She'd needed someone. He should have been there. Maybe it wasn't his job to be there for her anymore, but he still felt like he should have been. "How...how are they doing?"

She sighed, leading him into her room and closing the door, "Not well. I mean, Blake's pretty much the only thing keeping them from falling apart. It wouldn't be so bad if Chris hadn't started ignoring all of them the day Lorelai fell into a coma." she shook her head, glancing out the window, "Blake's trying to keep a strong face, but we all know he's scared shitless. Shane is going between being seriously depressed and just acting like nothing happened. And Rory..." she sighed, shaking her head sadly, "Rory's just...gone. Emotionally. Lorelai was her best friend..." she bit her lip, seemingly trying to decide if her next statement was a good thing to say or a bad one.

"What?" he asked after several moments of silence.

Paris exhaled slowly, "She feels like it's her fault."

He blinked slowly, "What? How?"

"They got into a fight and Rory left the house and went to Baker's. She was over at his house when Blake called her from the hospital." she shook her head, "She feels like her mom was mad at her and wasn't paying attention. We've tried to tell her that it wasn't her fault. But she doesn't listen." she sighed, "She's just...there. I mean, sometimes she's seems like her old self, but most of the time she's someone completely different. She hasn't been the same-" she stopped and looked over at Tristan, closing her mouth.

"She hasn't been the same since what?"

"Since you left."

Tristan shook his head, "But I thought she was with Adam."

"She is. But just to pass the time. I'm not even sure she likes him. It's not the same as it was with you. They don't laugh. They don't play as far as I can see. She's not happy. She hasn't been in a while."

He looked down, shaking his head as he changed the subject. He couldn't swallow what she'd just told him, "What were they fighting about before the accident?" Paris fell silent and she busied herself with straightening the cover on her bed. He walked over to her and put his hand over her's, stilling it. "Paris." he whispered, "I have to know."

She stopped, but didn't look at him. "You want to know the entire thing?"

"Yes."

She closed her eyes, "Her mom found birth control in her room"

"Is she having sex with Adam?"

She didn't look up at him, "No." He closed his eyes and swore under his breath. "Yeah. She told me, Lane, and Madeline after you left."

"What happened after she found it?"

"She asked Rory if she was sleeping with Adam, and Rory told her no. So then she asked if it was you, and you know that girl can't lie to save her life, especially to her mom."

Tristan sat on the bed heavily, rumpling the sheets Paris had just made perfect, and he rested his head in his hands, "What did her mom say?" She didn't answer, simply walked over to her closet and began straightening the rows of clothes. "Paris." he said firmly.

"It's not important."

"Paris, I know she hates me anyway. What did she say?"

She shook her head, "They just got into a fight. And Rory stormed out-"

He cut her off, "Paris."

The blonde girl bit her lip, not looking at him, "She asked if you forced her."

His mouth opened slightly and he blinked, unable to speak for a moment, "What?"

She swallowed heavily, "Lorelai asked Rory if you forced her into it. That was the main reason for the fight." she walked over to him, squatting in front of him, "Rory would defend you no matter what. She's different now, but she's still Rory." Tristan looked up and she could see that he was hurting.

"I should have been here." he whispered.

She shook her head, "You couldn't have known. You did everything you could for her."

He looked towards the ceiling, "No matter what I do, I can't stop her from hurting." he whispered.

Paris smiled, resting her chin on his knee, "You've done all you can. She knows that."

He looked up at her, "So then she's different now?"

She nodded, "Yeah. She's different."

Tristan shook his head, looking away from her, "I shouldn't have left in January, but I couldn't tell her what was going on."

Paris shrugged, "Things may have been worse if you stayed. I mean, now she knows why you left, but things still might have been worse." he just sighed laying back on the bed. She crawled up next to him. "She misses you, you know."

He looked over at her, "What?"

"Rory. She misses you. She doesn't hate you like you think she does." He looked up towards the ceiling, sighing heavily. He didn't believe her.

Neither of them moved. He just stared at the ceiling, and she just stared at him.

NEXT DAY

Paris entered Baker's basement, followed closely by Tristan. When he came in, the room fell silent. The six teenagers in the room all stared at him in shock and disbelief. Tristan wanted to bite his lip, but seventeen years of etiquette classes, cotillion, and dinner parties wouldn't let him; despite the fact that these were some of his closest friends. Finally after a few beats of silence, Baker stood and walked over to him, hitting knuckles with him and pulling him into a manly hug. Everyone else was immediately relaxed and they all greeted him...except for Louise. He noticed that all night she didn't look at him or acknowledge him.

They stayed over for a few hours. It was Paris, Jess, Lane, Henry, Louise, Baker, Madeline, and himself. The twins were in England and Adam was visiting family in Texas, so Tristan wouldn't get a chance to meet the guy that had stolen Rory's heart.

But he watched his friends. They were different. It was obvious their relationships had changed. Some people were closer, some people had obviously had issues. There was so much that he didn't know. There was so much that he'd missed. And it was obvious that there were people missing. There were gaps. He watched his friends interact, and for a little while he blocked out Jess and Lane. They'd all changed so much. It was hard to even remember what they were like before Rory and Blake had come to Chilton and Jess and Lane had come into the picture. What had they done in their spare time? He remembered that he'd always had fun, but had never been very happy before he met the Hayden twins. And when he thought about it, nothing was the same. He was so intertwined with the four teenagers from Stars Hollow that he couldn't imagine not knowing them.

Jess and Blake had become two of his closest friends. Hell, they'd gotten bloody noses and black eyes fighting for each other. Before he met these people he'd never gotten in a fight defending anyone's name but his own. The only other guy in Hartford who he came close to feeling that brotherhood with was Baker. He was friends with Lane, but she was closer to Madeline and Henry than anyone else in Hartford. And then there was Rory. She'd been something completely different. The only girl he'd ever felt love for was Paris, and she was like his sister. Rory had been what brought him to life. He'd become so involved with them, he would never have been able to go back to his life before.

He watched Paris. It didn't surprise him that she'd fallen so easily in with the kids from Stars Hollow. That was something they'd always had in common...they didn't fit in with society. Not that they didn't look like they belonged or couldn't play the part. That wasn't it at all. They just weren't comfortable in their own skin. But once they'd gotten involved with Jess and the Haydens, that had changed for him...and he could tell that she was different too.

But he was pulled from his musings when Baker sat next to him and started talking to him about how the soccer team had done last season while he was gone. They'd been the starting wings on varsity their freshmen year, and if Tristan had stayed the coach was convinced they would have been able to go to the regional game. As it was, the other starting wing was a junior that had never been able to catch up with either of them, but he was the third best wing the team had. Not that he was a bad player. He was actually really good. They were just better. Not something they talked about a lot. They didn't like bragging, contrary to popular belief.

He stood and walked out to the hall, wanting to get his mind around everything, and he was surprised when Louise slipped out of the room as well. She closed the door behind herself and turned to glare at him. He stared back at her. Okay, so she was pissed. He could see that. So he shoved his hands into his pockets and waited for her to speak. She pursed her lips and crossed her arms tight over her chest, her hip pushed out. She looked like she was in a freaking magazine advertisement.

And they stood in silence, their eyes locked, Louise shaking her head lightly. So it was a battle of wills. Well, she was the one who was pissed, so she was definitely going to loose. He was about to get bitched out and wasn't going to say anything that would bring it on before he had to hear it.

She sighed, finally unfolding her arms. "What the hell are you doing here?"

He laughed lightly, surprised, "What?"

"Why are you here?"

"I have every right to be here, babe. I live here too."

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Louise looked over at him, "You haven't come back in six months and suddenly here you are and you expect us to just welcome you back and act like nothing's changed!"

"It wasn't my choice to be gone for six months. You think I didn't want to come home? Do you fucking know me?"

She shook her head, "You still expect us to just act like nothing's changed."

"Wrong. I never said anything about asking you guys to act like nothing's different. I know things have changed, but you're the only one who's pissed that I'm here. I thought we were pretty good friends Louise, but apparently you don't even fucking want me here!"

She shook her head, looking away, "I never said that."

"Then what the hell is this about?"

She looked back at him, tapping her foot to level her anger as she shook her head, "You hurt her so bad, Tristan."

He started to shake his head slowly. He took a step back, running his hands through his hair, "Don't fucking start this, Louise. I cannot deal with this right now." he started to walk away, but she followed him and they moved away from the door.

"Why? That's all I want to know. Why did you have to hurt her?"

He turned and she stopped abruptly, surprised, "What? I fucking hurt her? Don't bitch me out cause you don't know the whole story, Louise."

"Then tell me."

He turned and started walking again, "No."

She followed him and grabbed his elbow, turning him around, "Yes! Tell me!"

"You think I wanted to leave? You think I fucking chose to leave her? If killed me. Fucking killed me, Louise!"

She shook her head, "Rory deserves to know!"

"Well are you Rory? No? Then it's none of your fucking business, is it!" he turned to walk away from her again. He couldn't deal with this. Being back here just made it ten times worse. It made him remember...everything. It hadn't been a good idea to come back.

She followed him, "She needed you!"

Tristan spun around, fire streaking under his skin, "I fucking needed her!" Louise stopped, surprised. But Tristan kept going, "I needed her too, but does anyone fucking care that I didn't want to leave? Does anybody fucking ask me whether I was hurt!" He inhaled shakily and shook his head, "She seems to have moved on pretty well anyway."

She looked away, realizing that she'd hurt him rather than just pissed him off, "Adam's a good guy."

Tristan snorted, "Yeah. I wouldn't expect Rory to pick anything less."

"Don't be a smartass."

"Well let's be honest, she doesn't seem to pick good guys."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You're a dick, but you're not a bad guy."

He rolled his eyes, "Thanks. I feel so much better."

She crossed her arms, "I didn't mean to be a bitch." he just cocked one eyebrow. She pursed her lips, "Fine, maybe I did."

Tristan snorted, "Yeah."

Louise bit her bottom lip, "So then you were hurt too?"

Tristan looked away from her, "Yeah."

"What-"

He cut her off, "I don't want to talk about it."

She nodded, "Okay."

His phone started to ring. He fished it out of his pocket and glanced at it. She nodded, walking back into the room as he walked slowly up the stairs and answered the call.

That night Tristan sat in his room, fully dressed in his desk chair, staring at the blank wall. The last time he'd looked at the clock it was three twenty-six in the morning. He couldn't believe this. It just didn't make any sense. Why did something as bad as this have to happen when he left? He sighed, resting his head in his hands. And now she was gone. The whole reason he'd agreed to come on this stupid trip had been to see her. He needed to talk to her. Tell her the truth. Just see her. Or if not her, he needed to at least see Adam to make sure he was good enough for Rory, but he didn't even get that satisfaction.

He shook his head, running his hands through his hair. He was missing it. All of it. He was missing everything good that was going on. Everything that made up life, all the little everyday things that make people who they are, those were the things he was missing out on with his closest friends. He didn't know why Lane and Louise seemed to be steering clear of each other...couldn't even begin to guess what had cause Louise and Baker to split and then get back together...didn't really know the details or exactly what had cause Rory and Lorelai to fight, or why Rory and Baker were suddenly close enough that she would go to his house when she was upset. He was missing out on the best times of their lives.

And all the talk they'd done about how this was going to be the best summer any of them had ever had. They'd made numerous plans, but all knew that less than half of them would actually be carried out. The beach...concerts...amusement parks...camping...a road trip...several things that they'd been drunk while discussing and no one could remember. But it didn't matter anyway. None of it was going to happen, not for him at least. And probably not for the others either, considering the twins were gone.

He glanced at the clock once more...four seventeen. He needed to get to bed. He had to figure out what he was going to do.

ENGLAND

Rory stared out the window of her aunt's kitchen, drinking coffee slowly and watching eight year old Taylor run around the front yard with his friends. Their father's cousin and her family lived in the country. There were fifteen families within three miles of each other and they were more than twenty miles from the nearest real town or city. There was a gas station with a small grocer behind it and that was it for miles. Blake walked in, scratching the back of his head, his eyes heavy with sleep. Rory smiled into her mug, "Morning sleeping beauty."

"Mmm." he walked over to the pantry and pulled out a Pop-Tart before pouring himself coffee.

Rory took a bite out of her own pastry, "Keiran wants us to go out with him tonight when he gets back from work." she told him, referring to their cousin.

"Mmm." he pulled one of the Pop-Tarts out and ate half of it in one bite.

She rolled her eyes, "That's attractive." He smiled at her and opened his mouth. Her nose wrinkled and she narrowed her eyes, "You're disgusting."

He laughed and took a sip of his coffee, "Okay. I'll go if you want to."

She shrugged, "What else are we going to do?"

Blake nodded, "Where do they go?"

"He said it was some all ages club with live music."

"Good music?"

"Good question."

He shrugged, "We might as well go."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking."

Shane walked in, his hair not yet dry from the shower. Blake turned to look at him, "So how are you liking Sheila?" he asked, referring to their cousin who was now thirteen, a year younger than him.

He shrugged, "She's nice."

"Are you meeting any of her friends?"

He shrugged his shoulders again and got out a mug. Blake handed the pot to him. "She asked if I wanted to go to the movies with some of her friends tomorrow night."

"Are you going?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"What about Ian?" Rory asked, referring to their fifteen year old cousin.

Shane took a deep drink of coffee, "He asked if I wanted to go to some show tonight that some of his friends are playing in."

"What kind of show?"

He shrugged again, "They're in a band, I guess. At some all ages place."

Rory glanced over at her twin, "Do you think it's the same place?"

"As what?" Shane asked.

Blake looked over at him, "Keiran asked us if we wanted to go out with him tonight to an all ages club. Him and his friends go there cause there's live music."

Shane shook his head, "I don't think it's the same. Ian mentioned that the same people own the club that Keiran goes to, but they're two different buildings."

"Hmm." Rory sat back and folded her arms as she glanced out the window. Maybe England wouldn't be so bad after all.

TWO DAYS LATER

Tristan walked down the stairs and onto the crowded main floor of his uncle's house. It was his grandfather's eighty second birthday party, and it looked as if all of Hartford had shown up for the event. He had very little trouble making his way through the sea of people and finding his grandfather. The small old man was the center of energy. He always had been, always would be. Just because he was into his eighth decade didn't for a moment mean that he was losing any of his charm or personality.

He walked over to his grandfather and the old man kissed his favorite grandson on each cheek, clapping him on the shoulders. "Tristan, my boy. How are you?"

"I'm well, grandpa, and yourself?"

"Marvelous. I'm trying to convince your grandmother to go on a biking trip with me next month." Tristan laughed as his grandparents looked at each other, his grandmother giving her husband a disapproving look. "She doesn't want to. She's afraid I'll wear her out."

"Janlan Dugrey, you are too much for yourself. You're going to give yourself a heart attack, and when you die I will never forgive you."

He shook his head, "I can't die. You know that."

She shook her head as well, "Too stubborn to die."

Janlan nodded towards his grandson, "Where do you think this one gets it from?"

She smiled at her grandson and gave him a warm hug, "I'm so glad you could come home,
Tristan."

"Whatever happened to that girl?"

Tristan looked over at his grandfather, "What girl?"

"The girl you were with at the end of last year? Rory? I liked her."

"Oh. We broke up when I left for school." his grandfather shook his head, and Tristan felt a bony hand land forcefully on the back of his head. "Ow!" he cringed and held the back of his head. For a frail old man, he could really pack a punch. "What?"

"Never let the good ones go, son." he nodded towards his wife, "Do you know how long it took me to convince this one to marry me?"

He continued rubbing the back of his head, "How long?"

"Two years. I proposed six times."

His eyes widened, "Are you serious?"

She shook her head, "I liked you too much to marry you. I told you that, but you insisted, and look at us now."

"Still fighting after fifty eight years." he smiled and kissed her lightly.

She sighed, looking at her grandson dramatically, "I'll never be able to tame him."

Tristan laughed, but his grandfather got his attention back, "Like I said boy, never let the good ones go. No matter how hard it is. She was a good one."

Tristan shook his head, "I know."

"Where is she now?"

He inhaled heavily, "England."

Janlan was silent for a moment, "Why?"

"She's the daughter of Christopher and Lorelai Hayden."

His grandfather's eyes widened, "Richard's girl, Lorelai?"

"Yes."

"I see. Have you talked to her since the accident?"

"No." again, the old man's hand found the back of his head.

"Call her."

"But-"

He cut him off, "Call her." he gave him a meaningful look, "Never let the good ones go."

FOUR DAYS LATER

Tristan sat on the edge of Paris's bed, rolling her hairbrush between his hand distractedly. She was walking around, tidying the bookshelves, despite the fact that they were perfectly set up. "So then you and Louise are good?" she asked, not looking at him.

He nodded, but then realized she couldn't see him, "Yeah, we're good."

"You made up?"

"Yeah. We talked Wednesday."

She nodded, turning to face him, "Oh. That's good." he just nodded, looking back down at his hands. She exhaled heavily, "So what time is your flight?"

"Three."

She nodded, "So then you need to get to the airport at about two?"

"Yeah."

She nodded, silently, "Two hours."

He nodded, "Yeah." They dat in silence for several minutes, both staring at the wall or the floor. "I'm coming back."

Paris's head whipped around, "What?"

"I'm coming home. I'm going to come back for good."

"You dad told you?"

He shook his head, "No...but I am."

"How do you know?"

He shook his head, "I just do. I have to come back."

She kneeled in front of him, "So you're definitely coming back?"

"I am."

"Swear it."

He looked her in the eye, "I swear it."

"But don't say it unless you mean it."

He got off the bed and lowered himself so that he was at her level, "I swear it, Paris. Have I ever lied to you?"

She smiled, biting her lip slowly, "You swear?"

He nodded again, "I'm coming home this year."

She smiled and threw her arms around his neck, strangling him. She never let her guard down with anyone...even Jess or Rory. Anyone, that is, except for Tristan.

NEXT DAY

Rory was sitting in the basement with Blake, Keiran, and Keiran's friends. She and his girlfriend Rachel, a tiny thing with short blonde hair, had hit it off wonderfully. Besides the four of them, there were four other guys and two other girls. The girls were named Callista and Margo, but she didn't like them. As soon as she'd made her dislike of them known, Rachel and Keiran had told her that the only reason they even kept the two around was because they were easy and the other four guys didn't like to have to work too hard when they were drunk. They reminded her of Summer. She liked the guys, though. There was Landon, the stoner, Julian, the designated driver, Nick, the idiot who would do anything to make you laugh, and Trevor, who refused to leave her alone no matter how often she told him she had a boyfriend.

At the moment, Nick and Blake were messing with the stereo in the corner of the room, Callista and Margo were whispering in the corner and giggling, Julian and Keiran were playing pool, and she and Rachel were sitting on the couch watching them play. Oh, and Trevor was practically sitting on top of her. She was just about to turn around and push him off the couch when the basement door opened. She looked up to see her aunt walking in. All the friends waved to her, and she smiled in return. She was one of those mothers that your friends liked. She reminded Rory of her own mother, and had to wonder why her father never liked his cousin.

"Rory, a letter came for you." She held her hand out and Rebakah dropped the envelope into it. Rory looked down at it, her eyes narrowed. "So who's staying for supper?" Instantly all four of the visiting boys yelled 'me' in unison. She rolled her eyes, "It'll be ready in an hour." and she made her way upstairs.

But Rory wasn't paying any attention. She was examining the envelope. Her name and address were in a familiar handwriting she couldn't quite place, but there was no return address. "Who's it from, Ror?" her brother asked from across the room. She shook her head, showing she didn't know. But when she turned it over she saw a return address printed on the back flap. There was no name, only an address. A familiar address. Blake walked over and saw her eyes narrowed, "Rory?"

Everyone in the room was looking at her, but she wasn't paying them any attention. She just looked up at her brother, a disbelieving look on her face as she shook her head slowly, "1839 Mont Park Road."

He stood silent for a moment, the address was obviously familiar, he was just having trouble placing it. After a few seconds the twins' gazes met and Blake's eyes narrowed, his head cocking back in surprise as recognition came to him "Tristan?"

Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these

So I sat alone and waited out the night

The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed

So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around

I'm not writing my goodbyes