I don't own Gilmore Girls or Ruthless by Something Corporate.
This is the only lonely picture
Waiting on my floor, littering my shore
This is the last true burning letter
Written by a boy
Given to a girl
Living in a world created to destroy
But if I built you a city
Would you let me?
Would you tear it down?
Rory sat on the couch, staring at the letter in her hand in disbelief. They were all looking at her uncertainly, wondering who Tristan was. She looked up at her brother slowly, "Why would he write me?" she looked down at the envelope, "And why is it his home address instead of the one in North Carolina?"
Blake was silent for a moment, "Have you talked to anyone this week?"
"Jess, Lane, and Paris."
"And no one told you he was home for a visit?"
"What?" she stood up quickly from her place on the couch, causing Trevor to jump in surprise, "As in he's in Hartford?"
"Well, not anymore. He'll be on a plane back to school by now."
She looked at her brother, shaking her head, "How long was he home for?"
"A week. Janlan turned eighty two."
"I can't believe no one told me." she looked over at him, "I can't believe you didn't tell me."
He shrugged, "I figured you knew and that you didn't want to talk about it."
She shook her head, closing her eyes and running a hand over her face, "I don't even know if I want to read it."
"I think you should. Maybe he has something useful to say."
She just gave him a look, "He should have said something useful back in January when he left. All he said was that shit happens and he didn't need a girlfriend, and then he left." She fell silent and the twins just stared at each other.
"I'm just saying, he didn't want it."
Rory looked away from him, "I know. Paris told me."
They looked at each other in silence, forgetting that the others were in the room until Nick spoke, "Okay, so just to clarify for the rest of us, who's Tristan?"
Rory didn't look away from her brother, "Ex-boyfriend."
"Ahh." Nick said quietly, understanding.
Rory shook her head, glancing down at the envelop before leaving the room. Everyone just looked around at each other, unsure of what they should do. Blake looked at Rachel, who bit her lip and stood, following the other girl. He exhaled heavily, swearing under his breath, "This isn't gonna go well."
Rory was on the back porch, her face void of emotion as she looked out over the wooded back yard. Rachel opened the back door slowly, stepping outside once she spotted her new friend. She walked over slowly, her arms crossed over her chest. "Hey."
Rory didn't look at her, "Hey." They fell silent, and Rory shook her head, closing her eyes. She couldn't believe this was happening.
"So..." Rachel trailed off, looking over towards the back yard as well. "Tristan would be...?"
Rory slid down the wall until she was sitting with her knees pressed against her chest. "The bane of my existence."
Rachel smiled, sitting as well, "So then it was love?" Rory nodded slowly, her gaze not breaking from the backyard. "First?"
"Only."
"What happened?"
Rory was silent for a moment, resting her chin on her knees. She wrapped her arms around her knees, the envelope still clutched in her hand, "He went to Military School halfway down the east coast."
"Then how did you meet him?"
She looked over at her, "What? Oh." Rory shook her head, "He went to my school, but then got sent to Military School."
"Oh. Why?"
Rory looked back over at the front lawn, shaking her head, "It's so stupid." she inhaled deeply, "His parents hated me, but he wouldn't break up with me, so they sent him off."
Rachel's eyes widened, "Are you serious?"
Rory nodded, "Apparently his dad said something about me and Tristan went off on him." She shook her head, "It's the most pointless things I've ever seen. I mean, the whole reason they hated me was because they hated my parents." she looked over at Rachel, "Is that not ridiculous?"
"That they sent him off just for dating you? Yes." she was silent for a moment, "So then if he'd have broken up with you he wouldn't have been sent away?" Rory shook her head silently. "Did he know that?" She nodded. "I'm impressed he didn't."
She laughed lightly, "We have a mutual best friend named Paris and he told her that he couldn't stay in Hartford if he wasn't with me. He told her he couldn't be around me but not be able to be with me."
Rachel smiled, "That's really sweet."
Rory snorted lightly, shaking her head, "I wish he would have." she looked over at the blonde girl next to her, "I mean, we could've figured something out, you know? Now he's gone and I haven't seen him in six months." she looked down at the envelope in her hands, "I haven't heard from him since he left."
She chewed on her bottom lip, uncertain of what to say. "Was it hard for him to tell you that?"
Rory didn't look up at her, "He didn't tell me. Paris did. All he said was that he didn't need a girlfriend and then he left."
Rachel inhaled deeply, "Did you sleep with him?"
The brunette smiled humorlessly, "He was my first for everything." Rachel wasn't surprised. Relationships changed after sex got involved.
"How long after it happened did he leave?"
Rory tightened her grip on her legs, "Three weeks."
Rachel let out a low whistle, "Wow."
"Yeah, and it didn't help that he wouldn't tell me why he was breaking up with me."
"You thought he used you?"
She nodded slowly, "Yeah. And it didn't help that he had a reputation."
"Ah. I know those kind of guys."
"Yeah." Rory laughed lightly, "But he really was different. He really did love me."
They sat in a comfortable silence, Rachel looking down at the ground while Rory chewed on her bottom lip. "You still love him." she stated quietly.
Rory nodded, "Terribly."
"If you don't mind me asking, then why are you with Adam?"
She pursed her lips, shrugging, "He keeps me occupied. Keeps my mind off of Tristan." Rachel nodded, looking out into the darkening evening sky. The only sound apart from the crickets was their even breathing. "Did you lose your virginity to Keiran?"
Rachel nodded slowly, still looking at the sky, "On my sixteenth birthday."
Rory looked over at her, "Me too."
She looked over at her, "What?"
"The first time I slept with Tristan was on my sixteenth birthday."
Rachel smiled, "That's crazy."
She nodded, "So then you'd been dating for a year?"
"Yep."
"How did you get together?"
She shrugged, "We'd been friends for a while, but he was a year ahead of me in school so we didn't see each other all that much. But when we got older we just started hanging around each other more." She nodded towards the road, "I mean, when you only have fifteen families within half an hour of the closest town you get to know each other pretty well. We just decided to start dating right after he turned sixteen and right before I turned fifteen."
"And you've been together ever since?"
"We broke up once, but it was only two months before we got back together." She looked over at Rory and shrugged, "I love him."
She nodded, "Yeah, I know."
They were quiet for a moment before Rachel spoke, "So are you going to read the letter?"
Rory sighed and looked down it, "I don't know."
Rachel touched her shoulder, "I think you should. It doesn't really sound like you ever really got any closure. Maybe it could help."
Rory looked down at her hands, chewing on her bottom lip, "Maybe it could."
THAT NIGHT
Rory sat in the room she was staying in while at her relative's house. Rebekah's house was as large as their own. This place may have been rural, but it was expensive. All wealthy families. Each of the Hayden children got their own rooms while visiting, and each of Rebekah's children had their own room. A lot of rooms in one house, to say the least.
All of Keiran's friends had left half an hour ago, and she'd been sitting at the desk in her room for nearly twenty minutes, just staring at the envelope. Her breathing was still shaky...she couldn't seem to get it under control. She was flustered, her hands moving all around, blinking rapidly as her head continued to look around the room. Why was she so scared? It was just a letter. He was just a boy. It shouldn't have been a big deal.
She bit her lip and ran her fingers over the envelope lightly before picking it up. Part of her wanted to just hold it, part of her wanted to throw it away, and part of her wanted to put it through a paper shredder, drench it in gas, and let it burn. But she knew she'd regret the latter two.
And so, unimaginably slow, she slid her finger under the right corner of the back flap and tore through the top of the seal. The tips of her fingers found the folded sheet of paper and she pulled it out slowly, unfolding it.
His handwriting was still the same...a hurried scrawl, but she smiled and noted that he'd tried to make it neat. It was legible, but only if you were very good at reading messy handwriting. It'd been hell borrowing his notes when she'd missed days in school. She bit her lip and inhaled heavily, closing her eyes before looking at the first line. Mary... Oh, the nerve of him. She moved onto the next line. I know you'll be immensely pissed that I called you that. At least he knew it.
Mary,
I know you'll be immensely pissed that I called you that, but I guess I've just been pissing you off a lot. And I know you probably had a long debate with yourself about wether you should burn this or read it. I wouldn't have blamed you for doing the first.
I'd guess Lane or Paris told you I was visiting, but if they didn't, I came home for a week per my grandfather's request. It's his eighty-second birthday and I'm his favorite, so he wanted to see me. He asked about you, by the way. He always liked you. Anyway, I'm not going to tell you how sorry I am and how stupid I was for ending it with you because I know that would just bore you. It wouldn't matter anyway because there's nothing we can do about it now. I know Paris told you why I left, and that's what I'm apologizing for. I should have been the one to tell you, but I couldn't. And I know it was even worse because it had only been a few weeks since your birthday. Now you understand that didn't have anything to do with me ending it, but if I'd have told you it would've saved you a lot of pain, so I am sorry for that.
I'm also sorry that I haven't called you or contacted you before now. I know I should have. That was wrong on my part. And I know you know that I've talked to everyone else. But I want you to believe what Paris told you I said. I had to do this, and it may have been selfish and immature on my part, but it's what I had to do. When I said that I couldn't live here and not be with you I was being completely honest. Since I met you I haven't been able to not be with you. It drives me insane, as you may have noticed before we got together and the time we broke up. And long distance would have never worked for us, you know that. We had enough trouble keeping it together when we saw each other everyday. Not that that's a bad thing...we kept it interesting.
Part of the reason I agreed to come home was because I was hoping for a chance to talk to you. I was also hoping for a chance to meet the guy whose stolen your heart, but I didn't get to do either. I just wish I could see you face to face to tell you this. I didn't do right by you when I left and I wish I could make up for it now, but I can't. If you want to hate me then you can, but I just needed to know that you heard something from me rather than everyone else. I know a lot of people told you not to get involved with me and that I'd only hurt you, and I guess in the end they were right. But I honestly never meant to. I wanted to do all of this in the least painful way for you that I could. But the whole reason all of this had happened is because we can't be together.
I hope this letter isn't painful for you. I would hate to still be hurting you. Leaving you in Briscoe Park was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and I hope you won't hate me for it. All the things I've done have been to make it less painful for you, but nothing I've done has helped any. I told you once that I would do anything to stop you from hurting, and it's still true. I know that you don't trust me anymore and I doubt you ever will again, but I would still do anything for you. I told you I would go through hell for you and I will, but I won't ask you to forgive me for everything.
Don't respond to this letter. I just had to write it. I needed you to get something from me so you know that I still think about it. I know you loved me, and I don't want you to think that I didn't feel the same, or that it didn't bother me when I left.
But the main reason I'm writing this is because I don't want you to regret. In the end we both wound up hurt and out of control, but to me it was worth it. I don't want you to regret being with me or letting me in. I don't want you to think it didn't mean anything to me and that as soon as I left I stopped caring. You were my first love, and the first person that I ever let in, and I will never regret that.
Tristan
Rory inhaled deeply, chewing on her bottom lip. The letter didn't upset her, surprisingly. She expected to cry or scream, or hate him more than she already did. But she didn't. If anything, she was relieved. In a way, it was closure.
She inhaled slowly, looking over the letter again. She just couldn't forget about him. Every time she tried to occupy herself, the though of him came back to her. And then she was a little mad. Mad that he said he'd still do anything for her. It wasn't fair. He couldn't do that anymore.
She looked out the window at the dark sky, sighing deeply. It didn't matter, though. It didn't look as if she'd see him again any time soon.
I'll raise towers and climb them
Rivers and walk them
Oceans to drown in
You won't make a sound in
But there you go for the last time
I finally know now what I should have known then
And I can still be ruthless if you let me
But there you go when I'm not done
You're waving goodbye
Well at least you're having fun
The rising tide will not let you forget me