Every little kiss and grin you gave
Was just a little bullshit I saw through
The alcohol is scented with your breath
You're always all done up to just be used
I'm waiting for excuses that deceive
I'll meet you in the back to see them through
How did I let her inside?
We're dripping of sweat, I'm feeling alright
Her lips were the last thing touched tonight
Your best friend is not your girlfriend
It hurts
It hurts
It hurts
Tristan walked into the terminal, shoving his hand into his back pocket to make sure he had money for a cab. He couldn't believe he'd written her a letter. They hadn't spoken in six months and he'd had to write her a fucking letter. He was so stupid. It would have all blown over...he was going home eventually and he could see her then...but she probably wouldn't want to. Better to have her bitch him out in person than think he was pitiful for writing a letter like that. It didn't really matter anyway, he'd said not to respond and she wouldn't. Even if he'd asked her to he didn't think she would have. He closed his eyes tightly, running his hand over his face, where was the exit? His mind was so occupied he didn't remember.
"Dugrey!" he turned when he heard his name, and fifty feet away he saw his friends. He grinned, almost forgetting about Rory for a moment. Rick, Stewart, and Mackenzie were there. He made his way over, hitting knuckles with the two boys and giving the girl a hug.
"What are you doing here?"
"We came to pick you up. How did you plan on getting back to school?" Stewart asked.
"Cab."
"Psh." Rick rolled his eyes, "We figured we'd come pick you up and spend the day in the city."
Tristan glanced around and wrapped his arm around Kenzie's shoulder, "Alright."
ENGLAND, ONE MONTH LATER
Rory sat on the hood of Keiran's car, Rachel next to her while Callista and Margo had spread out a sheet and were laying on the ground. Keiran, Blake, Landon, Nick, Julian, and Trevor were all kicking around a soccer ball. The five guys were thrilled that now that they had Blake, their teams were finally even. Rory watched them, drinking her water slowly as they ran around the large field in the back of Julian's property. He had a lot of property, though. They'd had to drive nearly five minutes to get to the spot they were at, and there was nothing in sight other than the woods on the other side of the field.
Rachel was scanning through the pictures on Rory's phone, "So then this-" she turned to screen towards Rory, "-is Tristan?"
"Mm-hm."
"And you dated for what? Five months?"
"Four."
"Whirlwind romance."
She nodded, smiling lightly, "Tell me about it."
"Do you think he'll come home?"
Rory shook her head, "No. And even if he does, we could never be like we were."
Rachel smiled at her, "Rory, you can always go back."
She sighed, shaking her head, "I really wish I could, but I don't think so."
"That's too bad."
She nodded, "Yeah."
NORTH CAROLINA
Tristan sat on Mackenzie's bed, watching her reflection as she brush her hair while sitting at her vanity. She was absentmindedly singing along with the song playing on her stereo as she stared into space. He swore under his breath, looking away from her, "Mackenzie."
She turned to look at him, "Hmm?"
He exhaled slowly, turning to look at her as well, "I can't do this anymore."
Her head cocked back, slightly surprised, "What?"
"I can't do this." he shook his head slowly motioning between them, "I just...can't."
Her mouth opened slightly, at a loss for words, "Why?"
He bit in insides of his cheeks, standing up from the bed, "I don't know." he looked over at her, "I'm still not over my ex-girlfriend, you know that."
She blinked rapidly, swallowing hard, "I thought she wasn't there when you went home."
"She wasn't." he sighed, "Look, Kenzie, I like you, I do. And if I hadn't been with Rory I would've asked you out by now. But I can't. She's ruined me for anyone else." he walked over to her. "You're one of my closest friends," he shook his head slowly, squatting down to eye level with her, "But I know you want more than that." she looked away, shaking her head as she visibly held back tears. He touched her knee gently, "I know you do, because if you didn't then this wouldn't bother you so much. Kink, I've been wrong. I know that. You don't deserve this." she sniffed lightly, looking down at him. "You deserve somebody that can care about you in a way that I can't."
Mackenzie bit her lip, looking away from him as she shook her head, rolling her eyes, "And here I did think you cared about me."
"I do." he said quickly, turning her head so that she was forced to look at him, "I do, but not in any way that will make you happy. I care about you in a platonic way, and you deserve someone that will feel more for you. You need someone who will treat you well, because I know I haven't."
She laughed humorlessly, "It's not all your fault. I let it get this far." she turned to look at him,
"But I really wanted to be with you."
He felt his stomach knot guiltily, "I know."
Mackenzie shook her head, "Don't beat yourself up over it. I knew you didn't want a relationship. I knew it before any of this started."
"But why are you so okay with it?"
She smiled lightly, patronizingly to herself, "Because even though it was a no strings attached thing, I was still with you."
He leaned back slightly, unsure of what to say. He'd had plenty of people allow him to treat them like shit just so that they could be around him...but he never cared about them. He actually cared about Mackenzie, and couldn't believe that a girl as strong as her would allow someone to treat her badly just so she could be with them. Hell, he hadn't even treated her badly. He treated her the way he would any close friend. He was always respectful to her in the same way he was to all women and girls. But he'd never been romantic towards her. They both knew that. No courtship. The only physical affection he showed her was between the bed sheets. And she deserved more.
Mackenzie watched him as he reacted to her confession. But God, she was dying inside. She really liked him, maybe even loved him. She'd talked to Rick, and knew for a fact that they'd had this...relationship or whatever the hell it was for longer than he'd been with that girl. It was like she was willing to do whatever she had to in order to be with him, and he didn't even care. Everything he'd said...she knew he cared for her, but she'd made herself believe it was more. It wasn't even like he tried to convince her, she just tried to make herself believe any of this mattered to him.
They sat in silence for several minutes...neither had anything to say. She pecked him on the lips chastely and stood up so that Tristan wouldn't see the pained look on her face, but he didn't move from his position on the floor. She walked over to the bathroom attached to her bedroom and grabbed a hair band to pull her brunette locks back from her face, "So...tell me about this girl."
Rory sat on the back patio with Blake, Rachel, and Keiran that night, watching the stars. They were going back in two weeks. Strangely, she didn't want to leave. When she'd first arrived, this had been the last place in the world she wanted to be...now she was sure she was going to miss it. The smoke from the tip of her cousin's cigarette mixed with the air above her head and momentarily made her view foggy. There were several expensive lawn chairs around a glass table, but they'd ignored them and sat on the ground. Rory's knees were pulled to her chest, her arms wrapped around them. She could feel her neck getting a crick in it from looking up at the sky. Blake raised the beer bottle in his right hand to his lips and took a long drink before bringing his arm back to wrap around his legs, sitting in the same position as his sister. Rachel and Keiran were laying side by side on their backs, no one speaking. It was comfortable...natural. She felt like she belonged, strangely, more than she'd ever felt like she belonged somewhere in her life. Other than when she was in Tristan's bed.
His letter made her think...the four times they'd slept together she'd felt safe, which was strange because it wasn't like she'd ever in her life felt like she was in real danger. But he made her feel safe. He made her feel needed, wanted. Like she was the only person he'd ever met, or like she was the only one he'd ever touched. Being with him made her feel free, gorgeous, and protected, like he'd never let anyone hurt her. Other than himself, of course.
He was protective, possessive, arrogant, and rude. But she had loved him. Still loved him. The letter had done nothing to help her. She rolled her neck in a circle. Five days ago it had been the Fourth of July. Independence Day was one of her favorite holidays, but no one here celebrated it, of course. She and her brothers had been patriotic by getting piss drunk, though. It had been the only time she or Blake had ever drank with Shane, although they both knew it wasn't their little brother's first encounter with alcohol.
Rory was pulled form her thoughts when the back door slid open and their aunt poked her head out. "Blake, Rory? Your father's on the phone. He wants to talk to you."
The twins looked at each other uncertainly, they hadn't talked to their father in nearly three weeks. He was in Paris on a business trip at the moment but was do to return home that night. Rachel and Keiran glanced over at them questioningly, but they shrugged and stood, following their aunt inside. Rebekah led them into the livingroom and handed Rory one of the cordless while Blake picked up the phone attached to the wall. They each put their ears to the phone to hear Shane and their father talking animatedly. Their eyes met and both were obviously shocked. "Dad?" Blake said uncertainly.
"Blake, Rory? Are you there sweetie?"
"Yeah dad, I'm here." she said quietly, clutching the phone tighter. She didn't know why she was on edge...maybe because she hadn't talked to him in three weeks, or maybe because he hadn't said her name since her mother's accident...or maybe it was just because for some reason, he sounded like his old self again.
"How are you two?"
"Fine. How's Paris?" Blake asked.
"Same as always. Listen, I'm going to make this quick because my plane leaves soon, but how would you three feel about coming home two weeks early? I'm getting back in the morning and I was thinking you could fly home tomorrow. We'd just stay home for a week and then we could go on a vacation. We haven't been to Cozumel in a few years and we all need to get away. What do you think?"
The three were silent until Rory spoke, "Are you okay, dad? You're not drinking or anything, are you?"
He laughed lightly, "No, baby, I'm not. I've just been so stupid with you guys lately. Since your mom's...accident, I've barely even spoken to you. I'm sorry for that. I want to make it up to you, so one week of doing whatever you want while I get things in order with work and then we'll leave for a week...just the four of us."
"Are you serious about this?" Blake asked, looking at his sister for her agreement.
"My secretary is on the other line with Delta ready to pull some strings to get you home tomorrow if you want to."
The twins smiled lightly at each other, "Okay." Blake said quietly. "We'll start packing."
Twenty minutes later Rory was in her room, her two suitcases open as she and Rachel neatly folded her clothes and set them in. "So you're leaving at ten tomorrow morning?" she asked, laying a skirt in the smaller of the two bags.
Rory nodded, "Yeah."
"We'll miss you two."
The brunette turned to look at the other girl and smiled sadly, "We'll miss you too."
Rachel hugged her tightly, closing her eyes. She didn't get along well with girls...she just didn't. They were bitchy and snobby and catty...but Rory wasn't. That was part of the reason she'd been so excited when Keiran had said his twin cousins were coming to visit. He liked them and had known that she and Rory would get along...and they had. She'd never really had a girlfriend, and it was nice.
Rory smiled lightly, hugging her cousin's girlfriend back, "You have my number, right?" she asked, pulling away.
Rachel nodded, surprising herself by wiping her eyes, "And you have mine?"
"Yeah."
The blonde pursed her lips sadly and put her hands on either side of Rory's face, "Jeez, Rory, what am I going to do?" she laughed at herself, "Now with you leaving it'll just be Margo and Callista." Rory laughed lightly, biting her lip. She really like Rachel. "Augh." she shook her head, "I never get attached to anyone. You're terrible."
Rory laughed for real this time, "Call me when they drive you crazy."
Rachel nodded, smiling lightly as she dropped the last article of Rory's clothing into the suitcase.
Had she really only been there for five weeks? It'd felt like years, "And give that boy a chance."
She bit her lips, continuing to smile slightly, "If I ever see him again."
Rachel nodded knowingly, "You will. If he really loves you as much as he seems to, he'll find a way back." she glanced out to the backyard where Blake and Keiran were talking, one holding a beer and one with a cigarette. "They always do when it's real."
Rory stepped into the terminal, smiling as she saw her father standing with his hands in his pockets, a huge grinning overtaking his face as his children came off of the plane. He began walking over to them to meet them halfway. He looked good, no denying it. He looked alive for the first time in months. He had color back in his face, he was back up to his normal weight. She wondered what it was that made him come back to them. Chris hugged both of his sons crushingly and pulled his daughter to him, spinning her around and kissing her forehead affectionately. And her shock just increased. In the past twelve hours he'd said her name, looked at her, called her 'sweetie', actually touched her, and kissed her. It was more than he'd done in months.
Chris announced that he was taking them out for lunch on the way home and after that he had to get back to the office to start tying some things up so they could leave for a week. An hour and a half later Rory found herself in the livingroom surrounded by her friends. Well, that is, except for her brother and Madeline, who'd been dragged up to his room the moment she came through the door. Shane was at his girlfriend's house, and Rory realized for the first time that her little baby, fourteen year old brother was far from a virgin. She smiled to herself as she glanced up towards the ceiling and knew that he was so much like Blake.
Speak of the devil, he was swaggering down the stairs and Maddy followed him, both of them ignoring their long lost modesty. They didn't care that all of their friends had been milling around downstairs while they made up for lost time. In fact, Blake looked very pleased with himself and Madeline blushed and his arm snaked around her waist; although Rory knew it was from the activities upstairs rather than her modesty. They moved to the basement and Baker opened the cabinet across from the sink in the kitchenette and began making drinks for everyone while Henry, Jess, and Blake played a game of cutthroat. She was sitting next to Adam on the couch, his arm around her as she leaned against his side, laughing with Madeline, Paris, Lane, and Louise. Adam wasn't speaking...just running his fingertip up and down her arm lightly, watching her.
Not much had happened in the weeks she'd been gone, other than Tristan's visit, of course. But out of respect for Adam they didn't talk about it in front of him. Baker came over and grinned at Rory, giving out screwdrivers and cosmopolitans. She sipped her's slowly, watching the boys play pool. Nothing had changed. It was like they'd never left. That was the best thing about these people, they could spend weeks, even months away form each other and pick up right where they'd left off. The girls slowly dispersed and Adam had disappeared five minutes ago. Rory sat up, grabbing Paris's arm, "Can I talk to you?"
The blonde looked at her worriedly, "Of course." she stood and followed Rory out of the basement, closing the door behind her before following the brunette onto the stairs where they couldn't be heard over the music and talking of the others. Rory sighed heavily, sitting on one of the steps halfway up and Paris sat on the one below it, watching her, "You okay?"
Adam hung up his phone and shook his head, he couldn't stand his mother. She was driving him crazy. But that didn't dampen his mood. Nothing could, because Rory was home. Rory...the first girl he'd ever loved. She was perfect, and she loved him back...or at least he thought she did. He moved to make his way back to the basement, having come up to the main level to talk to his mother, but he stopped when he heard two people on the stairs. It was Rory and...Paris? Rory sounded like she was crying. He wanted to go see if she was okay but then he herd her say something quietly, "...He came home."
Rory chewed her bottom lip, shaking her head. "He came home." Paris looked down, biting the insides of her cheeks guiltily. Rory swallowed hard and Paris thought she heard her trying to keep her emotions in check. She spoke again, her voice hollow, "He came home and no one even told me."
Paris looked up at her and bit her lip, whispering, "We all figured someone else would have told you. No one realized you didn't know."
Rory shook her head, her voice disbelieving as she ignored Paris's quiet apology, "And the whole time Blake knew. I talked to you, Jess, and Lane." she was staring at the wall, off in another world. "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty." she said quietly, her gaze not wavering, "I just..." she trailed off, blinking slowly as if coming out of a daze.
"Rory-" she started quietly, but she was cut off.
"He wrote me a letter." she spoke quietly but forcefully. "I got it the day he left." she shook her head, visibly resigned, "He didn't tell me he loved me. He didn't say he was ever coming back. It just said that he wanted me to believe what you told me about when he left. He said he couldn't be here and not be with me and that all of this had happened because we couldn't be together." Rory turned to look at Paris, who was hanging onto her every word, "One of the main reasons he agreed to come home was because he wanted to see me." she said quietly, looking at her friend with tears in her eyes, "And I wished I'd been home. I want to see him, Paris. God, I want to see him so bad."
Paris looked at her best friend sadly, touching Rory's knee gently, "Rory." she whispered, at a loss for words.
"I..." she looked away, swallowing hard, "I miss him. I just, I want to see him again." she inhaled shakily, "He loved me, I know he did. It's just...he was perfect." her thoughts were obviously scattered. "He was perfect. Like, the first time we had sex he didn't question my judgement. We were in his room and he took off my shirt and then just looked at me, I guess he was...I don't know...I guess he was making sure it was what I wanted, but I just had to smile and he knew...he knew. He didn't tell me he loved me and he didn't tell me I was beautiful or perfect. He just..." she trailed off, unable to form words for it. "...we just were." she narrowed her eyes slightly, remembering as she shook her head minutely, her gaze back on the wall, "And he was always looking me in the eye. It was like I was the only person he'd ever really looked at. Even when we first slept together, he looked me in the eye the entire time. He was never about my body." she inhaled slowly, "And no one has ever made me feel like that. No one has ever made me feel so beautiful or perfect or loved. And he didn't even know he was doing it. He didn't have to say it for me to know he loved me, because we didn't say it very often, but I just...I knew."
She looked down at Paris, who was watching her as if she'd never really seen her before, "I haven't had sex with Adam. I don't think he even knows I'm not a virgin. I just..." she shook her head, "I loved him. And I didn't get to see him. If I had I don't know what would have happened." she chewed on her bottom lip, looking away as her hair fell into her face, "But we'll never be the way we were." she looked over a her friend, "He's never coming back, is he?" she whispered.
Paris bit her lip, not willing to hurt her friend, "I don't know." which was a lie. He was coming back. He'd given her his word, she just didn't know when it would be fulfilled.
Adam sat at the top of the stairs five minutes after the door had closed and the girls had gone back inside. He felt physical pain. His entire body hurt...just...hurt. His chest wouldn't rise and his eyes burned. His throat seemed to be closing in on itself. He couldn't believe it. He loved her. Fucking loved her, and here she was, talking about how wonderful her lying bastard ex boyfriend had been. She wasn't even a fucking virgin. They'd been together for five months, longer than she'd been with Tristan. He'd always thought she was just scared to have sex...afraid to lose her virginity. He'd been so fucking stupid. He had almost convinced himself that she really loved him, but she'd never even wanted him, had she? It had all been a lie. A fucking lie he'd forced himself to believe.
He ran a hand through his hair nervously, standing up quickly. He was so fucking stupid, but he couldn't leave now. He had to go back in there. And so he did. He walked back in, hugged her, and kissed her deeply. And for the first time, he really noticed how withdrawn she was...how much she'd always pulled away from him. He broke the kiss and looked at her, smiling hollowly. She returned it warmly and he felt his anger begin to ebb. They sat together on the couch and he didn't miss the glance Rory exchanged with Paris.
Adam leaned against the headboard of his large bed, balancing a bottle of vodka on his knee, his hand clutching the neck as he stared as his wall and took another long swig, barely able to stop himself from spilling it all over the mattress. The mattress he was sitting on top of alone...not the way he'd planned to spend the night Rory got back. He blinked slowly, unmoving as the image of her and Tristan was burned into his skull. He hated her, damn it he hated her. But he had no spine. If he'd had any spine when it came to her then he would've ended it with her right when he walked in and kissed her. But he didn't. And he hated himself, because even after three quarters of a bottle of straight vodka, he still loved her.
Are you out of your mind?
You dug yourself into a liar's hole
You made a little spark to live inside
It's now a fucking fire out of control.
How did I let her inside?
We're dripping of sweat, I'm feeling alright
Her lips were the last thing touched tonight
Your best friend is not your girlfriend
It hurts
It hurts
It hurts
It hurts