And he can't understand
How everyone goes on breathing
When true love ends. . . . . . . .
Heaven's not a place
Where you go when you die
It's that moment in life
When you actually feel alive
-
FRIDAY
Rory stood outside of Tristan's house, staring up at it uncertainly as she hopped from foot to foot. Her group for the project had decided that they were going to have to meet this weekend and next weekend if they were going to finish it. This week they'd settled on Tristan's house. And so she found herself on the unwelcoming front step of their large home. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly. The wind was picking up and the storm clouds overhead were gathering with a vengeance. The door opened and Tristan stepped out of the way so she could come in as the rain started to fall.
She smiled, slipping off her coat, "Hey." Adam hadn't been at all thrilled that she was spending the evening at her ex-boyfriend's house.
He took it from her and hung it in the closet in the foyer, "Hey."
"Sorry I'm late. Traffic. Is everybody else here?"
He nodded, leading her into the livingroom. She took a seat next to Louise. The blonde looked up, "Oh, good." she shoved a pile of notes into the brunette's arms, "You're the amazing journalist. You've got the paper." Rory groaned and Louise kissed her on the cheek, "Thanks, babe. You know we love you." before going over to one of the boys and working on a posterboard for part of their presentation.
Four hours later they all six sat in the kitchen eating frozen pizzas and drinking Coke. The storm had really picked up and the television in the livingroom was turned to the news. Rory glanced out the window as thunder rumbled and shook the house. Two forks of lightning tore the sky and moments later an even louder clap of thunder sounded. She heard from the livingroom, 'Tornado watch for the greater Hartford area until two o'clock in the morning'. She looked at the other members of the group and it was unanimously decided that no one was driving in this and they would all stay the night.
At 11:30 they all decided to turn in and sleeping arrangements were made. There were ten bedrooms in the house, so everyone could have their own. The way the house was set up, the bottom floor had the kitchen, livingroom, foyer, sitting room, dinning room, master bedroom, a guest bedroom and library. The basement had a home theater, game room, workout room, two bedrooms, and a kitchenette. The second floor had his father's study, his room, and five guest bedrooms.
And so at 1:00 Rory found herself laying an unfamiliar bed, listening to the rain and thunder. The bed was extremely comfortable. . . . . .the best money could buy. She curled into a ball and closed her eyes, breathing slowly. Why couldn't she sleep? This was one of the most comfortable beds she'd ever been in and she kept tossing and turning. She opened her eyes and saw the windows light up before a clap of thunder shook the house. She shot up, her heart beating faster. She was wearing a camisole she'd had on under her shirt and a pair of basketball shorts she'd borrowed from Tristan. Louise had borrowed a pair as well, but she thought the guys had just slept in their boxers.
She wiggled her shoulders, rolling her neck in a circle to relieve the tension as her heartbeat return to normal. And then another deafening explosion of thunder shook the house. She bolted out of bed and put a hand over her heart. She swallowed hard and looked at the door. She'd go to Louise's room. It would be easier to sleep if she was with her friend. Opening the door slowly, she slipped out and closed it silently. She crept down the hall and stopped two doors down at the blonde's room. Her hand was on the knob, but then she glanced down the hall at Tristan's closed door. She closed her eyes, grinding her teeth. She couldn't believe she was even arguing with herself about this. His room wasn't even an option. She looked down at her hand laying on Louise's door. No. Definitely a bad idea. She glanced back at Tristan's door and sighed. It took her a split second to decide against her better judgement and head for his room.
She reached it andreleased a long breath, closing her eyes. She couldn't believe she was doing this. Her knuckles rapped on the door three times gently before she took the knob in her hand and twisted it, pushing the door open. She blinked, swearing as she rubbed her eyes. His light was on and he was laying on his stomach on the bed and had a book in front of him. She closed the door and rubbed her eyes harder, shaking her head. She pulled her hands away and looked up to see that he was watching her, smirking. "Trouble sleeping?"
She rolled her eyes and walked over to the bed, sitting on the floor in front of it. "It's the stupid storm."
His eyebrow arched, "I thought you loved the rain."
"I do-" a clap of thunder interrupted her, "But not when I'm in the middle of death. And I definitely hate tornadoes."
"There isn't going to be a tornado."
She rolled her eyes, pulling her knees to her chest and causing the shorts to fall to the top of her thigh. "You don't know that. For all you know we could die tonight."
He shook his head, closing his book, "Well then maybe we should make it count." Rory just looked up at him for a moment before laughing. He smirked, tossing the novel onto the floor. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, sighing heavily as her laughter subsided and they fell into a comfortable silence. She chewed on her bottom lip, resting her chin on her knee. "Can I turn off the light? It's giving me a headache."
"Yeah, sure." he didn't make an innuendo or even raise an eyebrow. She stood and flicked it off before walking back over to her previous spot and sitting down in the same position. She rested her chin back on her knee and bit the insides of her cheeks, listening to his stereo. Butch Walker. She tightened her grip on her shins. And they just sat for a while, not looking at each other.
Not surprisingly, she couldn't get him off her mind. Once he'd come back it'd been like he'd never left. The girls still worshiped him, the guys still wanted to be him. Being gone for nearly a year hadn't made anyone forget who he was or the fact that he could do whatever he wanted to. She noticed that people she'd never seen him speak to still tried to talk to him. Girls still tried to get him to make out with them in the halls and tried to hook up with him at parties. But she did notice that he didn't talk to them as much. Before he'd talk back to them and laugh with them, but now he was more reserved. He didn't talk to people unless he really wanted to. At school he mostly hung out with Baker, Blake, Louise, Madeline, Paris, herself and Henry. He and Adam didn't really get along though.
She realized that he'd changed positions. The blue light from the stereo illuminated him and revealed that he was now sitting on the bed Indian-style, staring at the bright screen of his stereo, "Why did you come?" he asked quietly, not looking at her.
She glanced up, "What?"
He repeated his question, looking at her slowly, "Why did you come? Why are you in my room?"
She bit her lip, breathing slowly, "I couldn't sleep."
He shook his head, "If you just couldn't sleep then why didn't you go with Louise or Henry?"
Rory swallowed the lump in her throat, still refusing to look at him, "I. . . . . . ." she trailed off, running her teeth over the tip of her tongue, "We never talked."
He shook his head again, "What?"
She sighed, looking up at him, "We still haven't talked. We need to figure out what we're doing."
He looked away from her, obviously having an internal battle. "Rory, I've been willing to talk for two weeks. This is not the place to do this."
Her head cocked back, surprised, "What? Why not?"
He closed his eyes, not looking at her, "You can't be in my room in the middle of the night."
"Why not?"
He shook his head, he'd been watching her out of the corner of his eye. The way she chewed on her bottom lip and tucked her hair behind her ear. The way the shorts she was wearing. . . . . .his shorts. . . . . .the way they fell to the top of her thigh, exposing the skin that had healed from the bruises he'd left there months ago with his fingertips. It was driving him insane. Just being this close to her in his room. The things that had happened between them right on the spots they were sitting. . . . . . . "Because you have a boyfriend, and if you don't stop biting your lip like that your whole faithful, virginal thing is gonna be shot to hell."
Her eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly. Uh, wow. What the hell was she supposed to say to that? She hadn't even noticed she was biting her lip. They sat in silence for a moment until she said quietly, "What is this?"
He looked down at her, "I don't know." he said quietly, running a hand through his hair, "Rory, I can't be your friend."
Her eyes narrowed, "Why not?"
"Because, I just-" he shook his head, "I can't be around you all the time and not be with you. I can't be your friend."
She blinked slowly, shaking her head, "You mean you can't not be with the physically?"
"Rory-"
She cut him off, "Just like that? You can't be just friends with me. So you can't even stand to be around me if you're not fucking me?"
His eyes narrowed dangerously, "You know that's not what I meant. Don't even mess around with shit like that, Rory. You know how much you mean to me. It's not about the sex."
She rolled her eyes, fighting back emotions. Why couldn't they just get along? "Then please explain."
He shook his head in disbelief, "What I mean, Rory is that I can't stand around and watch you with another guy. I hate seeing him touch you and kiss you when I know that you're not over me." she opened her mouth, but he didn't give her a chance to speak, "Don't even try to deny it, Rory. I know you're not. If you were then you wouldn't need closure." she closed her mouth looking away, "I hate that I'm jealous and I hate that I care, but honestly, it's impossible for me to just not care about you. I've tried, God knows I'd have done anything to forget about you, but I couldn't." he shook his head, "So when I say I can't be your friend,it's that I can't stand to see you with somebody else."
She swallowed hard, looking away as she shook her head, "If you want to be with me so much then why haven't you tried to be?"
He looked away from her, rubbing his chin slowly, "I can't."
She snorted, rolling her eyes, "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Rory, I know you're fucking smart as hell. Use that pretty little head of yours. You know why I got shipped off."
She turned her head, locking eyes with him, "Yeah?"
"Yeah, so if I get involved with either of you again then I'm off to Georgia, not North Carolina,
and I'm not coming back." Rory swallowed hard, looking away. She didn't know if she could go through losing him again. Tristan swore under his breath, running a hand through his hair. He'd risked it before and they both knew it. They sat in near silence for a while, the stereo the only noise apart from the rain that had started letting up. Finally he spoke quietly, "And trust me, Mary, I'd be more than willing to go through that again if I knew we would wind up together."
She rested her chin back on her knees, knowing that he was watching her. She looked down, closing her eyes. She could not go through losing him again. And so she wouldn't. "I can't." she said quietly, opening her eyes.
"What?"
"I can't be with you.".
He sighed, shaking his head. They always got so close, "And why not?"
She looked up at him, "Because I won't have you leave again."
"Rory-"
She shook her head, "Tristan, I had to deal with that once, and I don't think I could do it again."
"Ro-"
She stood cutting off his reply, "I'm going to bed."
"Damnit, Rory!" he yelled. She twirled around to face him and he stood up, walking over to her, "Do not do this." she shook her head, backing up, but he kept going, "There's something here, and you know it. No matter how much you try to deny it, you know it's never gonna go away."
"Tristan-"
He cut her off, "Tell me you feel it when he touches you."
"Feel what?"
He grabbed her wrists and they instantly burned as he repeated slowly, "Tell me you feel it when he touches you."
Her eyes were wide as he dropped her wrists. She watched him watching her. Why was he doing this? "Why does it matter?"
He shook his head, "Rory, do you know how many people actually have a physical reaction to each other's touch?"
She bit her lip, looking away from him as she shook her head, "It doesn't mean anything."
"It mean everything and you know it." he said quietly, watching her fighting an internal battle.
Rory swallowed hard. She couldn't lie to him, so she didn't. "I'll see you in the morning Tristan." she turned and put her hand on the knob, but his voice cut her off.
"Why are you so scared?"
She squeezed her eyes closed before turning around to her defeated ex-boyfriend, "I'm not."
"Don't fucking lie to me, Rory."
She bit her lip, looking away from him, "I'm going to bed." she pushed open the door and walked out, closing it softly. Tristan's jaw clenched as the door shut and he swore loudly, throwing his pillow against the wall. She heard his muffled curse and closed her eyes. Well that had definitely been a bad idea.
-
00000000000000000000000000000000
-
Rory smiled at Adam as they sat in fourth period on Monday. She grinned at him and he gave her a suspicious look. "Tomorrow's Halloween."
He nodded, "It is."
She grinned, biting her lip, "Are you going trick-or-treating with me?"
He laughed lightly, "What?"
"Trick-or-treating."
"Rory, you're sixteen."
"Yes, and you're seventeen. I'm glad we got that cleared up." she leaned back in her seat, "Are you going with me?"
"What about Keaton Reener's party?"
She shrugged, "We'll go after."
He groaned, "Rory. . . . . .come on."
"Are you seriously not going with me?"
He sighed, "I really don't want to."
Her shoulders fell and she crossed her arms, facing forward in her seat, "Whatever."
He rolled his eyes, "Baby, come on-"
She cut him off, "Whatever. It's fine. I'll get somebody else to go with me."
"You're not coming to the party?"
"I'll come when I'm done."
"Rory. . . . ."
She rolled her eyes, "It's fine, Adam." He opened his mouth to reply, but the teacher walked in, cutting him off.
-
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
-
"Oh Paris. . . . . . . ." Tristan called in a singsong voice in their own fourth period.
"What do you want?" she asked, not looking up from her work.
He grinned. He loved it when she was pissed, "Tomorrow's Halloween."
"No?" she said sarcastically.
He rolled his eyes, sitting on top of her desk. Her jaw clenched and she glared up at him. He just smiled back, "Are you going trick-or-treating with me?"
"What?"
"Trick-or-treating. We go together all the time."
"Not since we were twelve." she pushed him off her desk and resumed her work on the crumpled papers.
He groaned, "Paris, come on. It'll be fun."
"No. I'm going to Keaton's party, anyway."
"Well yeah, I am too when I'm done trick-or-treating."
"No."
"Oh come on, Paris, what happened to best friends?" he asked, kneeling next to her desk. She glanced over to see his bottom lip poking out, "Please?"
She shook her head, "No. I hate trick-or-treating. Half the candy sucks and the other half is poisoned. I'll get blisters and I hate exercising. Walking for two hours sucks and it's not worth breaking out for a month because of all the sugar."
He sighed, rolling his eyes, "Fine. I'll find someone else to go with."
"Mmm." she didn't look up from her paper and he gave up, sitting back down on his seat.
-
NEXT NIGHT
Rory sat in Louise's bedroom. Her arms crossed over her chest as she silently pouted. The other four girls in the room were talking about the new girl, Marissa, and debating whether she liked Tristan or not. She crossed her mile long legs under her mid-thigh fire engine red dress. Her feet were clad in three and a half inch shiny red stilettos. She had a headband with devil horns on it and the polish on her nails had been titled 'Red Hot'. Of course, she'd forgone the pitchfork, not wanting to overdo it, or carry something around all night. "I still don't understand why no one wants to go trick-or-treating."
Louise laughed, straightening out her dress. It was the same as Rory's, but jet black. And she had cat ears instead of devil horns, "Because the rest of us kept aging after we turned ten." Rory stuck her tongue out at her and she laughed, "Exactly."
Rory rolled her eyes, looking over at Lane as she swept a thick line of liquid eyeliner over her top lid, working on the makeup for her revealing Cleopatra costume. "Lane, why won't you go with me?"
"Because I hate the outdoors."
She sighed, falling back on the bed dramatically. "You know, I think Tristan wanted to go trick-or-treating." Madeline said, fastening the last bobby pin in her hair and turning in front of the mirror to look at her french maid costume from all angles.
"Yeah, he did. You guys should go together and just meet us at the party." Paris said, brushing silver eyeshadow on as she finished her makeup. She was going as a fairy.
"Oh yeah, that would go over real well." she said sarcastically from her place on her back. Paris rolled her eyes and turned to make a comeback, but was cut off when the doorbell rang.
Louise turned, "They're here." She and Paris left the room to go let the guys in. She was still laying on the bed trying to convince one of the two girls left in the room to go with her when the blondes returned with all six boys in tow. Each of them had on jeans, a white shirt, and a leather jacket. The T-Birds. She was so glad that she and Paris had been able to talk the other three girls out of going as the Pink Ladies. It was cute that the guys were all the same, but it's would've been so cliche and boring for all of them to dress from Grease. And not nearly as sexy. She was pulled form her thoughts when her body was projected six inches into the air as Adam jumped onto the bed next to her.
She turned to look at him, "So you're still not going trick-or-treating with me?" she asked sadly. She really wanted to go, but not by herself.
"I really don't want to."
She sighed heavily and Paris interrupted, "Why don't you and Tristan just go together?"
Rory sat up and Tristan looked up from his conversation with Blake and Louise, having heard his name, "Huh?"
Paris looked over at him, "Didn't you want to go trick-or-treating?"
He smirked, shoving his hands into his pockets as he leaned against the wall, "Yeah."
"Okay, so you want to go trick-or-treating and so does Rory, but nobody else will go with you. Why don't you two just go and then meet up with us at the party in an hour?"
The two looked at each other and shrugged. "Do you have any grocery bags?" Rory asked, looking up at Louise.
-
000000000000000000000000
-
They pulled into the driveway of the party house and jumped out of the cars. Everyone started to make their way in, but Rory, Adam, and Tristan held back. Rory wrapped her arms around Adam's neck and kissed him slowly, "I'll see you in an hour."
He kissed her gently, "Bye." he looked over her shoulder at Tristan, who stood against one of the cars, hands shoved into his pockets as he watched them, smirking. He shot him a warning glance and Tristan just smirked back.
Rory turned and Tristan looked from her boyfriend to her, "Ready?" she nodded, releasing Adam's hand as she walked over to Tristan, leaving the first boy to storm into the house. "He's not in a good mood." he started walking down the driveway towards the street.
She rolled her eyes, walking after him, "I'm sure he's jealous."
Tristan looked down at her, "Of what?"
She shrugged, "The fact that there's a lot about us that he doesn't know."
He nodded, looking forward as they walked, "You never told him much about us?"
"He never asked."
Tristan nodded thoughtfully, turning onto the sidewalk, "You're going to freeze to death in that dress."
"I am not."
His eyebrow arched, "No sleeves. Mid-thigh. I'm sure it's thin." he looked her up and down slowly and she hit him in the arm. He covered it with his hand, "Ow."
She shook her head, laughing, "Don't look me up and down like that."
He laughed, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, "I can't help it."
-
Half an hour later they'd made it down a large stretch of houses, but Rory was lagging. "Come on, Mary." he called from ten feet in front of her, "If you don't hurry up the ten year olds will take all the candy." he turned and walked backwards.
"Tristan. . . . . . . ." she groaned, dragging her feet until she caught up with him.
He stopped walking, "Hmm?" She pointed down. He glanced at the pavement, having no idea what she was complaining about. "The ground? No, I don't like it, either."
She shook her head, "No, not the ground. My feet are falling off."
"Well maybe you shouldn't have worn four inch heels."
"Three and a half." she corrected, crossing her arms over her chest.
He laughed, "Excuse me. Three and a half. Why don't you just take them off?"
Her jaw dropped, eyes widening, "And have my feet get disgusting?"
"Better than losing them." She sighed, her chest heaving under his black leather jacket. Twenty minutes ago she'd gotten cold and had taken it from him. They stood in silence and she sighed again before looking up at him and grinning. He smirked, "What?"
She bit her lip, "Tristan. . . . . ."
"Rory. . . . . . ." he mocked and she kept grinning. He looked at her for a moment before shaking his head"No."
Her shoulders fell and she groaned, "Why not?"
"Because. It's your own fault you wore those. No."
"But Tristan, you don't want me to lose my feet!" her eyes widened and she bit her bottom lip, "Please?"
He rolled his eyes, shaking his head, "I can't believe I'm doing this." he muttered, handing her his bag of candy. She squealed, clapping as she took the bag in her free hand. Tristan turned so that his back was to her and bent his knees. She wrapped her arms around his neck and jumped up, locking her knees against his waist. He straightened as if she weighed nothing and locked his elbows under her knees, hitching her up.
She smiled, kissing his cheek, "Thank you Tristan."
"Yeah, yeah." he grumbled, trying to ignore the fact that the side of his face was now on fire. But as he walked further down the street it became impossible. He could feel her breath on his neck, her chest pressed against his back. His arms were becoming stuck to the underside of her knees and he could swear that the insides of her thighs were burning through his shirt and scorching his back. Once she laid her forehead on his shoulder and when she picked her head up, her lips brushed against his neck unintentionally. It was a while to the next house and she never got any heavier.
She rested her chin on his shoulder and said quietly into his ear, "Thank you."
"For what?"
"Coming with me. Letting me wear your jacket." she felt his body shake with laughter, and she tightened her legs against his body before going on, "And for giving me a piggy-back ride. I like my feet and I was quite distressed when I thought I was going to lose them."
"Well-" he rubbed the insides of her legs lightly with his fingertips, "-anything to save your feet."
She smiled, tightening her arms around his neck, "I'm glad you're concerned." They came to the next house and he set her down gently. She cringed as weight was distributed onto her sore feet, but stood up straight.
"You okay?" he asked, obviously concerned as he turned towards her and took a step closer.
She nodded, "Wearing heels sucks. And then when your feet get sore and you take the pressure off of them and then put it back on it just hurts."
He nodded slowly, trying to push back his grin. It wasn't funny, really. "Your feet and legs hurt?" she nodded and he crossed his arms over his chest. God, she was gorgeous. He couldn't believe she put up with the way Adam treated her. He was such a dick, but in the back of his mind he knew that his own arrival had something to do with the way Rory's boyfriend was acting, "Why do girls wear heels if they hurt so much?"
She looked at him as if it was obvious, "They make anybody look hot."
His eyebrow arched and he nodded slowly, "Yeah, it's real hot to look so pained."
She laughed and hit him lightly. Without thinking he grabbed her hand before she could take it back. Her laugh instantly died and she swallowed hard. He pulled her closer to him, and her feet didn't hurt as they inched towards him. He touched her face without thinking, running his thumb over her jaw, "What part of your legs hurt?" She opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. He leaned closer to her, his fingertips brushing her inner-thigh lightly, "Do you need to go back?" he asked. She looked between his eyes and lips slowly as he leaned closer, if it was at all possible, his fingers tracing shapes into the top of her inner-thigh. Her eyes began to close of their own free will, but then the door opened andthey flew apart like shrapnel. A very embarrassed girl stood in the doorway, looking between them with wide eyes. Rory recognized her as a Sophomore from school. It must have been pretty embarrassing to open the door and see the most popular guy in school and his ex- girlfriend nearly making out on your doorstep. Especially when everyone knew that they weren't over each other and said ex-girlfriend had a boyfriend.
The girl swallowed and Rory realized that she was holding a large bowl, "Did you guys want some candy?"
"Yeah. Thanks." They held out their bags and she dropped a handful into each.
"Happy Halloween." she said awkwardly.
"Happy Halloween." Tristan croaked, his voice breaking. She smiled nervously and told them that she'd see them at school in the morning before closing the door. Rory shut her eyes, folding her arms and they stood in silence for a moment, both staring at the door. "So how about that piggy-back ride?" Tristan asked quietly.
She bit her lip, nodding slowly as she took his candy bag, "Thanks."
She climbed into his back and he hoisted her up, "Do you want to go back now?" he asked.
She tightened her arms around his neck, "Not yet."
-
Heaven's not a place
Where you go when you die
It's that moment in life
When you touch her
And you feel alive
So live for the moment
And take this advice
Live by every word
Love's completely real
So forget anything that you've heard
And live for the moment now