Title: The Tat Cult VS Ricci Ama and Honeygleam

Warnings: This is the ultimate crack series. AU, Crack

Crossovers with: Naruto, Death Note, Yu-Gi-Oh, Bleach, FMA, NCIS, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Absolute Boyfriend (maybe more)

Rating: T for Crack

Summary: The Tat Cult is attempting to dominate Seto Kaiba, Roy Mustang, Edward Elric, Envy, Kisame Hoshigaki, and Byakuya Kuchiki. Why? No one knows but the Tat Cult. God doesn't even know. He sucks. It is war. And who the hell are Eva and Natasha?!

A/N: Flames welcome!

Authoress: TheWhammy'sBoysAreACircus

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"-and then Shuuhei said to me, 'Renji-'" the red head stopped short as his captain met his eyes.

"Fukutaicho," Byakuya's deep baritone spoke, "I care so little I've nearly passed out." Renji's eyes widened in shock as his captain turned and sexily walked off through the nearest exit.

The room Byakuya entered fell silent as he entered. Across the room entered another onyx haired being. They stared at each other momentarily before, perfectly in sync, they walked across the room towards each other, never having met. As they walked, the women on either side of them fell to the floor, swooning. Meeting in the middle, obsidian met dark violet eyes.

To their left, a crunch was heard and both turned their heads at the same time, creating an image of beauty. Sitting in camper chairs were two women, munching on popcorn. The men looked at each other, the two women, each other, and the women once again. When they finally met their eyes together again.

"Wow," one of the girls whispered, "Byakuya looks pretty. He always looks pretty. He'll be sexy tomorrow."

Her companion snapped back loudly, not caring that the men in question were listening in confusion, "Fuck that shit. Roy over there got it goin' on, man. Don't you see it? I like his hair. His eyes, however… Well, they're almost as bad as the midget's…." A long, awkward pause settled between the four of them. "Mini-skirts. I can see Edward Elric in a pretty pink mini-skirt… Damn that is sexy."

Skin-on-skin contact was heard and the men looked over. The one who suggested Ed in a mini-skirt was on the ground, twitching, while the other was calmly eating the popcorn like nothing happened. There was a large red hand print on her cheek.

"Niah… What the fuck did you do that for, Eva-Chan?" the one on the floor whined, still sprawled on the floor. At least she ceased that infernal twitching.

"Well," spoke 'Eva', "You were being disturbing, Natasha." After a thoughtful pause, she added, "Again."

The men, Colonel Roy Mustang and Captain Byakuya Kuchiki, glanced at each other once more.

"Huh," Natasha's voice sounded, "I do believe I've just seen the light."

"No, that's not Light!" Eva snapped. "That's Roy and Byakuya. Light's having sex with Ryuuzaki at the moment."

Roy and Byakuya exchanged odd looks. "I knew that," Natasha replied nervously, "I was, uh, testin' you!"

"Whatever."

Roy smirked at that. A squeal of delight and a 'ha, he can't smile!' met his ears and his smirk widened. Byakuya retaliated with a gorgeous smirk of his own and received a squeal in Natasha's voice and a 'huh. Can he even smile?' in Eva's voice.

Roy turned his back to Byakuya and Byakuya turned his back to Roy. They walked out the exits they entered in and before their respective doors swung shut, Eva's voice shrieked,

"MATSUMOTO!!!"

"Oh fuck," Natasha's voice whined, "I didn't get a picture! YACHIRU!!!!!"