Now That You're Gone

Now that you're gone, I realize
How much you meant to me.
My loss is wide as a starless night sky,
And deep as a stormy sea.

I miss the comfort of your sweet love,
Your absolute devotion;
Now I'm a fountain of endless tears,
A pool of sad emotion.

They tell me I should move on with life,
That time will heal my pain;
I smile and nod and agree with them,
While I slowly go insane.

By Joanna Fuchs

Chapter 4-"Hurt"-

I couldn't help but feel a los of words, as we made our way back to the hotel, I found the others, honestly confused, upon my behavior and its only natural. Anna slipped in and out of my head for decades now and this is only opening old wounds. I find it hard to even come up with a valid thought, without her in it. When Bella came in my life, I thought I would finally be able to move on, its what Anna would want.

I remember her and I speaking of the future. We were so naive to think of life as one big portrait, made for each individual to hold their fate in their own hands, at the ends of a paint brush.

I wish I still thought that way today, but I knowing much more then I did then, realize that so much more effect's the portrait of a person's life. It makes me sad thinking of hers as a blank canvas, but I find comfort in the fact, she effected my portrait so much. She was genuine, lovable, and had a pure heart. No matter what the doctors say, I knew she had a strong heart.

Bella sat besides me in the car, inches apart from each other, but so far apart. I looked to her face, she had a distant look in her eyes and so did Alice for that matter. The car didn't move a fraction of an inch, but Alice wasn't exactly here. Her vision was fuzzy, but I say it all to clearly, we were at a fair of some kind, the volume was horrific, it was dark but the lights were spinning. The scene inside both Alice and my head was people dancing and swaying to the music. I saw myself clearly dancing with someone that I couldn't see with Alice's vision. Bella ran through my head, I supposed that my plan excusing about how I acted at the cemetery, was nothing more then remorse for a family friend, will work and me and bella were dancing. Holding onto, whatever love we had left, but when the vision spun around it wasn't Bella in my arms.

She didn't look familiar, but the aura she carried was even felt in the foresight of Alice's vision, something, that might not even happen. For a reason I didn't understand, I was saddened at the thought of not even being able to met her.

I always thought Bella took me by surprise, that everyone else's moves were easy to see, but Alice sure took me by surprise. She slammed on the breaks and going 120 miles per hour all the way down to 0, Im glad Nessie didn't go smashing into the windshield. Carlisle stopped behind us, missing our back bumper by centimeters. Emmett spoke up from the second car, "Why the sudden stop Alice!?" He yield, even though he knew we could plainly hear. We were just lucky this was a side road, and not a freeway.

Alice, who hadn't answered Emmett or even acknowledged other faint attempts at getting through to her, looked at me.

"You wouldn't" she whispered. She was hurt.

'Does she honestly think I would cheat on Bella?' I asked myself.

The look on her face said it all.

.

..

.

Yes, yes she does.