PART 7 - smutless

A/N: READ! So because I would otherwise have to mark this story as "M for Mature" I'm putting the non-smut version on FF. This means that two sections here will be repeated later on. Sorry. For the mature, the smut, original, version can be found on my LJ page; delete the spacing: http:// jamie55. livejournal. com/ 86405. html

Otherwise, I apologize for the repeatition and hope I don't lose your readership - which is the reason I'm using the smutless version for FF =/

"Another!" Barney called out from his stool at bar. It was the only safe place he had left. It wasn't MacLarens, he couldn't go to MacLarens. In truth, Ted and everyone else had stopped going after the kids were born, well except for a few weeks after the Mrs died. But it was too risky to hide there. Lily would look for him there. Marshall too, if he had the time. Ted and Robin... well they might... he didn't want them to find him. He didn't want to see them, any of them.

The bar tender here was much more understanding then Carl.

"Thank you Kevin," he softly said, letting his hand hug the glass. He felt a brisk pressure on his right arm, his elbows rested on the counter pointing away from his liquor. Frowning, he turned his head in time to hear a woman's voice.

"Oh, sorry..." she leaned into the bar, Barney observed her, holding his drink closer. "Another pitcher, Kev."

"Sure thing, Ronny."

Barney couldn't help but think she looked oddly familiar... like a stranger you frequently see every other week or so... She wasn't bad looking either. Did he sleep with her?

She spotted him – staring at her with a growing inflexion – and frowned herself.

"Hey, I know you..."

"You know me?" He grinned, putting on his old mask, acting coy and cute, seducing her with a single stare. The words were flirty and grave, its true definition far from its intended meaning, "Cool," he winked.

"Yeah, you're that drunken jackass from that other bar."

His face fell.

"Uh... No I'm not..."

"Yeah, I think you are."

"Nah uh," he mumbled.

"Yeah huh," she gave him a pointed stare – was he really going to play that card?

"NAH UH!" He shouted, looking around when silence and its tension fell upon them. "You don't... I... she was..." he tried to explain when Kevin stared at him questionably. "Sorry."

--

"Hey, Lindlee?" David asked sitting across from his older sister at the kitchen table. Her name was often moulded into different variations, Linda, Leia, Lizzie, pretty much anything that started with a "lee" sound. David's name, on the other hand, it wasn't messed with – not much.

"Hmm?" She was busy updating her status and surfing the net, her gaze remained fixed on table where her windows were open.

"You think Aunt Robin and dad actually... you know?"

"No, what?" She asked moving a window to her side and double-clicking on another before typing something on the slide-out keyboard at the edge of the table.

"Come on, you know what I'm talking about."

"What? The sex? Didn't your teachers talk to you guys about that yet? Sex," she began her speech, "was once considered as nothing but unlawful carnal knowledge; it was even taboo for quite some time. But nowadays we know – or at least most of the population in developed lands understand that sex is a physical act."

--

Barney's gaze fell back down to his glass, still half full, of gin and tonic. He wanted to go home. He wanted to lie in bed. He wanted to crawl under the covers and never be heard of again. Just fall asleep.

He wouldn't bother anyone then. He'd be out of their way. It was better that way. He just...

Barney just got in the way. He should've learned that a long time ago, but he always stubbornly refused to accept it.

"Hey Barney, I'm going head to the W.C. for a bit, k?" Colin, who was sitting across from him in their booth, said.

"Yeah, 'kay." He mumbled in reply.

He felt like there some sort of void in him. Like the whole world was passing by him. Like he was literally alone.

He felt completely alone. Isolated. Isolated 'cause he was infected with ... with feelings...

That's why he had to leave. His presence just made things worse.

--

"Sex is perfectly natural," Linda continued. "That whole, 'you do it when you're in love' is just crumbs for the love-sick-pigeons of the world. Everyone, from your teachers to the bimboes on TV, from the stereotype 1950s stay-at-home mom to that smelly bus driver, craves sex – to some primal level. Yeah, they probably do it every once in a while; but it's like dad explained in the story, it's just sex."

--

Damn. What was wrong with him! He was Barney Stinson! He didn't get sad, he got... he got awesome instead!

He's awesome.

Awesome... awesome... awesome... awesome... awesome... awesome –

"Hey Barney," she said, snapping him out of his mantra. "Totally class'd up right?" She motioned towards herself, turning so he could see her entire body.

"Class'd up?" He said sceptically, though he had to admit she did look smoking hot. She was wearing a red dress and it hung in all the right spots...

"It could catch on."

"No," he said grinning shyly. "No it couldn't." She took a seat right across from him, pushing her hair back.

"But I look hot right?" She smiled devilishly, taking a confident pose so Barney could soak it all in. He couldn't help but smile, feeling a little better.

"Yup." He had to stay away from Robin for a while. "You look hot." But it was for the best. Besides, he was a big boy.

He was awesome.

--

"So you don't think they love each other?" Which was his initial question, he really didn't want a sex-talk from his sister. It made his stomach uneasy.

"Not really," she shook her head dismissively then looked up. "You?"

"No. I mean, they don't hate each other, but they aren't in love – not anymore anyways, they're friends, it's not like-"

His sister giggled suddenly.

"What's so funny?" He asked, annoyed that she wasn't listening.

"Nothing," she smiled and typed some more.

"Hello? I'm talking here!"

"Sure ya're buddy," moved a window around and clicked on a link. "Got a point?"

"Yes I have a point." He said insulted. "I think Aunt Robin's still in love with that Barney-"

"Uncle Barney," she corrected him.

"-with Uncle Barney," he finished. He waited for her to object, to approve, to say anything. "Well?"

"Well what?" She frowned double clicking on something.

"Well," he hesitated, "Well what do think about that?"

"It's total O.N. dude, Old News."

"You knew?"

"Si, as soon as Aunt Robin said Aunt Lily would be the one taking us to meet him, it was like, facepalm-obvious."

David grunted and left the room.

--

She spotted him walking into Dorchester, a bar they usually hung about. It wasn't too crowded, and it wasn't too noisy. The drinks were good and the company was handsome, and – as a bonus – it was close to home too.

He seemed lost.

This wasn't his usual bar. This wasn't his usual place. He was a fish out of water.

He looked around, searching every corner for a familiar face – hers, she knew. He would probably pretend he was trying to find some hottie to hit on, but she knew he wanted to find some sort of comfort zone in this, his new life.

Being brave; being adventures; living life to its fullest and never looking back, never worrying about the future and where this ride will bring you in ten years – it's exhausting. She knew that.

He finally found her, and she smiled back before turning her head to join in the conversation as he made his way to their table.

"Hello," he said with a charming smile and giddy eyes. He sat down, relaxed and cool, as if this was what he always did, as if these people weren't strangers but his closest friends. "I'm Barney – BTW."

"Wow, that's a weird last name." Colins commented, he wasn't the most welcoming of persons. "How do you spell it?"

"No, no, no. It's –" Harold turned away from Colins momentarily to look at Barney who was sitting on his direct right, across from her. "I'm sorry; Colins can be quite offensive sometimes." He turned back to Colins and Rita. "It's obviously some sort of native American name."

"Really?" Rita added, "I was thinking more along the lines of Germany."

"German? Rita I-" Colins was interrupted.

"No, think about it! He could be all," she contorted her face together, trying to act as overly dramatic and angry as possible – something you might imagine an ancient fictional soldier might seem like. "ALT! HEIZ IN!" Harold covered her mouth with his hand.

"Rita, sweetheart." He cooed, "I don't want to get kicked out of here again. Inside voice, k?"

"But I'mzza Germanic soldier who'ze no to youse Yanky demands!"

"God, I hope no real German heard that."

They laughed and joked all night, Barney included, although he tried to play his part as the timeless ritual of hazing new members went on 'til 3:21am when Veronica had to head home.