The Subtle Art Of Perception

A/N: Thanks ever so much for the reviews, guys. :) I really appreciate them all, and I'm glad you like my version of Leah. ;) Again, thank you to the tremendously witty Dylan Moran for 'Bake me a cake or go away'. :D Now, on with the chapter! :)

Note; edited on 28/04/2013 for corrections/general improvements.

2. Who Apologises At This Goddamn Time In The Morning? Just Bake Me A Cake Or Go Away.

Leah awoke the next morning, feeling just as exhausted as she had when she had fallen into bed the previous night. She had stayed up watching action-romance movies until at least three in the morning, with her duvet on the couch and a large tub of Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice-cream on her lap. How pitiful my life has become.

She let out a huge breath she barely realised she had been holding, feeling stray strands of hair blow upwards. Her arms flopped down against the bedcovers and she sighed, tossing the duvet to the side and getting up. She stretched her arms up as high as she could into the air, yawning loudly. She could feel a slight ache in her upper back, and there was still a twinge in her lower right leg where glass had been embedded in it from jumping through the window. Speaking of which, Leah thought, I should probably get that fixed before Mom gets back from Charlie's.

Leah walked across the landing, stopping to slowly and silently open Seth's bedroom door. His bed was empty, meaning he had probably stayed over with their mom at Charlie's house. Or, Leah shuddered at the thought, he stayed at the Cullens.

Even just thinking their name made her a little angry. She was still pissed about all the invasion of privacy and whatnot.

Leah crashed down the stairs, running a hand through her bedraggled hair. She opened the fridge. There were plenty of things to eat, but Leah didn't know how to make them so that they were edible. Her mom usually did that. Leah turned, and spied the half-finished tub of chocolate ice-cream that she had left out from the night before. It was completely melted by now, but Leah picked up the dirty spoon, chucked it behind her into the sink, and got a straw out of the cupboard. She stuck it into the liquid ice-cream and drank it like a chocolate milkshake.

After she had finished, she went upstairs to have a shower. The water was blissfully hot, and soothed her aching limbs immensely. That was a crappy side-effect of being a part-time wolf; her human body wasn't nearly as durable and even though as a wolf she was a lethal killing machine, throwing herself around really caught up with her when she phased back into a human.

Getting out, Leah threw a towel around herself and blow-dried her hair, until it bounced back into its natural, glossy waves. She applied a little mascara — she was tired of looking like she was falling apart, even though she was — and gave an apprehensive smile. It looked wrong on her lips, somehow, and to her, at least, definitely looked fake. Leah didn't think she had smiled a true smile in years.

She sighed, her face once again dropping to its usual look of mixed consternation and faint distaste. Leah grimaced as she heard a light knock on the door downstairs. Leah looked over towards the bathroom, the one with the shattered window and broken mirror. Fuck it.

What if that was her mother at the door? A small part of her brain said that her mom would have just used a key to get in — but it was possible that she could have forgotten her key. Leah closed the bathroom door and just prayed her mother wouldn't go in there. It was a frail hope. But that was the only kind of hope she had left in her heart now.

Leah trundled down the stairs, and slipped on a pair of red pumps. She stopped just before she opened the door, her hand resting on the doorknob. The shape behind the door was decidedly unfeminine, and Leah heaved a sigh of relief. At least it wasn't her mother. She opened the door, expecting it to be Jacob baying for her blood for not staying put yesterday, or Embry, or Quil, looking for Seth.

However, Leah certainly did not expect the person on the other side of the door to be Jasper Hale.

Immediately, Leah's hand seemed to take on a life of its own, and she swung the door back, slamming it shut. She turned around, and inhaled sharply. What the hell was he doing at her house? On Quileute land, for fuck's sake! This was supposed to be the one place the leeches couldn't go. Stupid fucking Jacob and his stupid relaxing of the stupid fucking treaty… ugh, damn it all to hell!

A few seconds later, the soft yet insistent knocking sounded again. Leah paused, before turning back to the door and opening it again.

"What the hell do you want?" Leah blurted out, in no mood to attempt feigned politeness.

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "I came to apologise," he said, in his low, reserved voice. Leah was taken aback, but only for a moment before she came storming back with a sharp retort, "What, for fucking around with my emotions?! You know, some things are just… they're… look, it's just none of your damn business."

Jasper looked downwards. "I know that. That's why I came over to apologise for it."

Leah was still fuming, but even she wasn't a completely wild, raging monster with no manners just yet. "Do you want to come in?" she asked, in as civil a tone as she could manage. Jasper must have sensed the attempt at true civility in her emotions because he inclined his head once and murmured, "Thank you, Leah Clearwater."

It was Leah's turn to raise an ebony eyebrow. The Cullens were all so … infuriatingly well-mannered. It really bugged the crap out of her. And what was with the full name thing? What was that?

Leah didn't bother to apologise for the shabby state of the living room. The spare duvet from last night was lying crumpled on the couch, and there were pillows and cushions strewn everywhere. DVD's and their respective boxes were scattered around the room, piled up on tables and on the top of the television.

Jasper absently picked up one of the movie cases, looking at it, before setting it down again. Leah sat down on the couch and without thinking, pulled the forlorn duvet over to her, fiddling with the buttons on it. Anything to avoid the creepy, unnatural staring of a vampire. Jasper took a seat opposite her.

"Look," he began. "I realise that you felt hurt and invaded by my empathic ability. I gather that Edward poking around in your thoughts at the time didn't exactly help matters. But the fact is… I can't turn it off. If I could, believe me, I would. Often. It's far more trouble than it's worth." He looked down at his long, slender fingers, apparently lost in thought.

Leah briefly wondered why Jasper was telling her this. It seemed like an extremely personal thing, the kind of thing friends would share with each other, and Leah had been nothing but antagonistic towards all of the leeches from the very first day they had met.

Jasper continued, not meeting her eyes, "When I felt your… pain, and anguish, I felt it like it was my own. I didn't even register that I was doing it — my ability is set to auto-pilot, for lack of a better phrase. The instinct to help just overpowered any rational thought. I am sorry if you misconstrued my actions for deliberate invasion of your private emotions."

Leah was speechless. She wasn't exactly sure how to feel after that. Of course, she still hated leeches. And there was no way she was letting Captain Peroxide completely off the hook. But he had apologised, and Leah could not remember Jasper ever being outright rude to her, no matter how hard she tried. She began to feel a little how she felt after she and Seth argued. She was usually the instigator, while he usually just stood, listening to her yell at him, without really hurling any insults her way.

A tiny — miniscule, mind you — strand of guilt pierced her. It was the tiniest fraction, but Jasper felt it.

Leah sighed, "Yeah. I guess. I wasn't exactly in the best of moods. I suppose, then… apology accepted. And, I'm sorry. About the... yelling."

It was the first time in a while she had managed to get a whole sentence out to a vampire without including some sort of profanity. Mostly directed at them.

"Thank you," Jasper said, and his tone sounded relieved, as if a ton of bricks had been lifted from his shoulders.

"No problem, Captain Peroxide." Oh, come on. I need some snark left in my life. I'm not Seth, the great champion of vampires, after all.

Jasper gave a wry smile. "Major Peroxide," he said wearily, and Leah felt like she wanted to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. But she managed to restrain herself. Barely.

"Did Seth stay at your house last night?" Leah asked suddenly. Jasper frowned, "No. He didn't come back here?"

Leah shook her head, then at Jasper's worried look she added, "Don't worry. If he wasn't there and he wasn't here, he was with Mom."

Jasper nodded, accepting this. Leah narrowed her eyes, "You guys… you all really like Seth, don't you?"

Jasper considered this, before concluding, "He's definitely the most open and decent werewolf I've ever met."

Leah laughed, "So yours truly doesn't even make the list, I suppose. Well, that's great."

Jasper looked mortified that he may have caused offence and opened his mouth to apologise, but Leah cut him short. "Don't sweat it, Major. I'm kidding. Seth's a good kid, I know that much."

Jasper's features relaxed, and he looked around. "So…"

Leah looked at him wryly. "So. You want to ask what kind of bomb hit this house but you're too polite?"

Jasper conceded with that, his eyes flashing briefly with amusement.

"I had a girl night in," Leah said, by way of an explanation.

Jasper frowned, "Shouldn't that be girls… plural?"

Leah snorted, in a very unladylike fashion. "In case you haven't noticed, I have no friends. I'm the freak. In fact I'm the freak within the crowd of freaks. So, no. It was just me and two men."

"Two men?" Jasper questioned, his eyebrows shooting up into the sky.

"Yep," said Leah, smiling bitterly, and then raised an eyebrow. "Ben and Jerry."

Jasper visibly relaxed and Leah nearly giggled at the weird spurt of protectiveness. So what if she had been whoring around with two men? Her life couldn't possibly sink any lower, anyway.

Leah suddenly found herself wondering why she was being so goddamn amicable with the bloodsucker in the first place. She didn't know, maybe he was manipulating her right now, but she felt… at ease just being around him. She couldn't really explain it, but his presence was somehow incredibly relaxing, which was odd, since by very definition, he was her natural enemy. Okay, stop this shit right now! Leah thought. He's obviously secretly using his power or something. Get him the fuck outta here — fast!

"I have to go," Leah said, abruptly. "I should go see if Seth is alright."

Jasper could probably tell she was lying, but she didn't rightly care.

"I see," Jasper said, and surprised Leah by not pushing the point. He rose fluidly from the couch and silently brushed past her. "See you around, Leah Clearwater," he said quietly, before exiting, closing the door softly behind him.

Leah put a hand to her forehead, and exhaled sharply. She could feel a headache rapidly coming on. There was no point in taking ibuprofen, since her constant high temperature would burn it out of her in a matter of minutes. Yet another reason to add to the fucking already giant list of reasons why being a werewolf sucks.

Leah strode over to the little table by the couch, upon which lay the little white, cordless phone. Leah stared at it for a while indecisively, then growled, the sound low in her throat. Why was she so scared of a goddamn phone? She picked it up, intensely annoyed as she dialled in Charlie's home number. She could only hope that Seth picked up. What kind of fourteen-year-old doesn't have a cellphone already? Leah groused, though she knew the answer. Being a werewolf was the equivalent of having your own personal cellphone in your head, just... not all the time. Unfortunately.

"Hello, Chief Swan speaking."

Fuck.

It took Leah a few seconds to realise that she couldn't. She just couldn't speak to him. Leah slammed the phone back down onto the hook as if it had bitten her, before running a distressed hand through her hair, quickly taking off her clothes — making sure the blinds were closed — and phasing.

Seth? Leah mentally reached out, but was met with silence, until Embry's voice answered. He's not in wolf-mode, Leah.

Thanks, Captain Obvious, I'd figured that one out for myself, Leah snapped harshly, and before Embry had a chance to retort, she phased back, redressing herself.

Leah had no sooner changed back than the phone rang. She chose to ignore the shrill, insistent ringing, thinking it would be Charlie dialling the number back. However, her head snapped towards it when she heard Jasper's deep, bass, Southern tones on the answering machine. "Leah? It's Jasper Hale. I just thought you would like to know that Alice telephoned just now to notify me that Seth went over to our house this morning."

Leah couldn't stifle her giggle at the formality of his message, and before her brain had engaged, she had picked up the phone. "Yo, Cap'n. So the little squirt's over there, is he?"

On the other end of the phone, Jasper seemed a little taken aback, but recovered quickly. "Yes. Alice thought you might have been worrying."

The little stick-elf, looking out for her? Hmm... Leah didn't know what she thought about that.

"Right. Well... uh, thanks."

"No problem," replied Jasper.

"So... bye," Leah said, lamely. Smooth.

"Goodbye, Leah Clearwater." And then he hung up. Leah's eyes narrowed. She just stared at the handset, before shaking her head and putting it down with a soft click.

Was Seth doing this on purpose? Was he deliberately going to the House of Bloodsuckers just to make her go there too? He must know that she would go there purely to look out for him and make sure he was okay. Frankly, Leah was pissed off as she considered this option, but then soon dismissed it. Seth could never be that callous, not intentionally. He knew that she would want to keep him close after their father died, he wouldn't use that to try and get her to make nice with the vampires.

Leah felt a little guilty for even considering that at all.

But seriously, he could survive on his own for the morning, surely? Leah really couldn't stand the thought of having the mindfucker digging through her brain again.

Fuck's sake. Leah sighed. She knew she was going to have to go over there. She could already feel her conscience whining at her to get over there and look after her little brother. Or maybe it was the werewolf in her finally rebelling at the thought of Seth hanging out with vampires. Whatever it was, Leah groaned as she realised she was going over to the Mansion of Bloodsuckers, after all.

She decided to walk in human form, mostly because she did not want to be stuck in the position where she couldn't vocally speak up for herself again, but also partially to prolong the time before she got there. And also because she didn't have a car. She had a driving licence and everything, since she had taken Driver's Ed., but she knew that especially now with her father's death, they couldn't afford another car. Her mother's truck was barely holding together as it was; Leah didn't think it could take another person driving it. Jacob had tinkered with it a bit, but Leah didn't think it could hold out much longer — it was even older than Bella's ancient rust-bucket had been before it had finally given up and croaked.

Leah made her way over the border of La Push. It would be a long trek, but Leah thought she could use the walk.

Leah decided the best thing to do would to just follow the freeway. That way she would know what direction she was going, without having to give it too much thought. She had other things to think about. Like what in the hell she was going to do about the wedding. Emily had asked her to be a bridesmaid, but had said, kindly — which made Leah want to vomit — that she would completely understand if Leah declined. Which was precisely what she had done. She didn't want to have a close-up view of the sickening affair. If anything, she would be the bitter old ex at the back of the church, scowling, with her arms folded tightly, drinking heavily during the reception and probably smashing a few things after drinking a whole bottle of champagne to herself. Leah could just see it playing out in her mind.

She didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

To save her sanity, at that precise moment she chose to laugh. But as she laughed more and more, the laughter became hysterical, and then slowly degenerated into helpless sobs.

No one really understood just how much she had loved Sam; how much she still loved him. She hated him so much, because he had broken her heart; ripped it into a thousand fucking pieces and stomped all over them... but she loved him. And she didn't think she could ever stop.

All of the Pack thought, 'Well, she can't possibly love Sam as much as Emily. They have imprinted on each other, after all'.

Leah didn't know how anyone could love another person more. Maybe it was possible for her to imprint on someone who had already imprinted? Because it sure felt like she had. She didn't think she could love anyone else the way she had loved Sam.

The way she both loved him and hated him in equal measure, and with equal amounts of passion for each emotion.

She was helpless to quell either. The love stopped her from mauling Sam where he stood every time she saw him, and by contrast, the hate stopped her from following him around like a lost puppy all day. So both did their part... but both kept her trapped as the bitter shrew that she knew everyone saw her as.

Suddenly, Leah found that her legs felt incredibly heavy. She kept moving, but at a snail's pace. She wondered if she shouldn't just phase and run, spying the black rainclouds filtering in overhead, but she just didn't have the strength. She felt drained, and completely lost in her despair.

Leah stopped, stock-still, right where she was at the side of the freeway. She slumped to the cold gravel beneath, using it to soothe her suddenly boiling-hot skin. It was usually hot, but she could feel it now, as if someone had placed her into an oven and was steadily increasing the temperature. A crack of thunder sounded overhead, and the rain began to fall.

Leah was grateful for it. That way, she could forget that she was crying.

Leah didn't know how much time had passed. She only knew that the sky was dark. But that didn't tell her much. For Leah, the sky had been dark for nearly two years. The rain had soaked her through, until her hair was sodden, and her t-shirt was sticking to her body. But still the heat overpowered her.

Leah lay back, feeling dizzy and light-headed, the heat surrounding her, choking her, as thoughts of Sam swam into her head... how he had looked at her... those looks now reserved only for Emily... the way he regarded her with pity. But he still cared for her. The sick bastard. Begging her to come back into the Pack. Sick, sadistic bastard.

How sad was it that even at the slightest word, at the tiniest hint of any feelings for her, she knew she would crawl back into his arms and forgive him all his sins?

You fucking weak excuse for a woman.

Leah felt even more woozy than she had a few minutes ago. The world seemed to be going blurry... her skin was on fire. She could see little pinpricks of light dancing before her eyes, but somehow she couldn't pass out. Oh, God, how she wanted to just pass out...

Instead her eyes began to well up even more, and despair filled her from head to toe.

Suddenly, Leah saw a bright light in front of her eyes, but her vision focused enough for her weary brain to figure out that it was a car. A tall, blond, male figure emerged from the vehicle, dashing over to her; "Leah? Is that you?"

Leah couldn't focus anymore. A pair of strong arms locked around her, lifting her up. They were cold... so wonderfully cold.

"You're running a fever," the voice said with an almost clinical diagnosis, but they was still a little worry in the tone of it. Leah felt a little calmer than she had before... she didn't know what that was about, but the man's touch seemed to be causing it.

Oh, jeez... Leah thought as the world spun around her. Not freaking Empath Boy.

Finally, Leah was granted her wish, and happily slipped into unconsciousness.

A/N: Well, merci pour ... uh, reading. Yeah. Languages not my strong point. ;)

Review, s'il vous plait? :)

Raven. x