Bruise-Dad, can I have a puppy?

Brick-No.

Bruise-Mom, can I have a puppy?

Blossom-Well, maybe for your next birthday.

Bruise-Zshizshibaby, can I have a puppy?

Sure, we'll go looking for one in an hour.

Brick-Zshizshibaby, we have to be firm with them.

Britannia-Mama, can I have a cookie?

Blossom-Not yet, you'll ruin your dinner!

Britannia-Zshizshibaby, can I have a cookie?

Of course, Sweetheart, they're on the top shelf.

Blossom-Zshizshibaby, she'll ruin her dinner!

The Crown

It was shining really brightly today. Not that a toddler can say much about it. I mean, what good is intelligence, if you can't even speak yet? And I couldn't do much, sitting in a stinking high chair. Britannia sat in a seat across from me in her own golden high chair with that frown on her cute face. The maids were bustling around, trying to entertain her. I couldn't help, but look at my food when she did. We were like that, almost the same. The luncheon was being prepared as people began to be seated. My father was sitting down, reading a report on something while Mother sat next to him, looking at her phone, reading her e-mails from her ministers around the planet. I know Britannia is fuming at the lack of attention…she gets that way.

"Man, this is a bore. I'm hungry!" I said. For some strange reason, adults never hear us talk. And always talk to us in worthless babble. I guess when you grow up, you really do lose your mind.

"…I am too!!" She began whimpering with me.

"OH! NO! NO, YOU'RE MAJESTY! DON'T CRY!" One of the servants said. She began wiggling and squirming around in her seat. Mother looked over to her before reaching over and taking her from her seat. That's the thing about Mom, she is always setting something aside for Britannia and I. Dad is the one who is always busy.

"Shhh, you naughty baby. What is it now?" Mom said. Her name is Blossom Katherine Jojo. She and Dad were enemies, but drawn together in their lust for an intellectual mind that matched their own and soon became lustful for each other. You know when a baby opens their eyes for the first time in their life, the first thing they see is their mother. That's why we're always crying when we're born. We're confused to why we don't feel that warm presence anymore until we're released back into our mother's arms. That's when we finally look up into our mother's eyes and see the first most beautiful thing in the world. She is a thing of beauty anyway. We love to tug on her hair because its so long and soft, she usually giggles about it and pulls it from our fists, which I have finally realized are tiny compared to hers. Britannia loves Mom like that. She's always getting on Dad, saying he needs to watch her a bit more while she's gone…Dad never really listens because he's tied up in something.

Britannia looked up to Mom and gurgled, waving her hands.

"I'm hungry NOW! Feed me!!" She wailed.

"Do you want your ball?"

"Blossom, she can't have her ball right now. It's a formal lunch."

"You're only a baby once, Brick Maxwell Jojo." Britannia got an irritated look on her face and began to scream. "ACK! Britannia!" Everyone looked over to her and Mom's face began burning red.

"Brit, you're embarrassing her." I scolded from across the table.

"I'M HUNGRY! I'M A PRINCESS AND I WANT FOOD, NOW SOMEONE FEED ME NOW!!" She never lets that princess thing go. I watched as maids and servants…our nanny…tried to calm the crying baby down. Uncle Butch and Auntie BC watched from their tables, eyebrows raised. Bastset and Brine were giggling. This was so embarrassing. Dad was pretty much fuming. As was Grandfather Mojo. Professor came over and tried to calm her, but he failed too. Soon, everyone failed until Britannia saw her favorite cake and calmed down, smiling like crazy at the mass hysteria she had caused.

"…Must you…?" I asked.

"Yeah, I do. How else do I get attention?"

"Be cute?"

"I am cute."

"I wonder…"

"Oh, be quiet, Bruise." She growled. Finally, Dad's…friend got there. Her name is Princess Morebucks and Britannia and I cannot stand her! She always fawns over us, well, me (I think it's because she has such a huge crush on Dad). She doesn't like Britannia and she would like to keep it that way, because she doesn't like Princess either. She sat down next to Dad with a coy smile on her face that made both us babies cringe. Britannia never got back in her seat and whenever Mom tried, she began to whimper and squirm. Too close to Princess.

"Sorry I'm late, but traffic today was horrible. You would not believe how rude some drivers are." She laughed. Mom glared silently at her and pushed some of Dad's fiery hair behind his ear, causing him to smirk. I think he likes it when she gets territorial. I began to laugh about it when I feel her eyes on me. "Oh, Prince Bruise, hello there! You seem happy this afternoon." I slowly begin to stop when I see the food being served. My dish:

Pasta Siciliano with a light vinegar sauce, a brush of parsley, and a large glass of grape juice from France (all mashed up for me)

Britannia's:

French Lentil soup with a big glass of orange juice from the Philippines.

Dad and Mom:

Grilled Maine Lobster with lemon butter, bread rolls, a small salad, and two bottles of white wine.

Princess:

Greek salad I with a glass of champagne (diet)

"Well, how was your honeymoon?" Uhh…I never talked about that…Mom and Dad just got back from their honeymoon a month ago and this is probably the first time they've sat down together for a full hour. They were in Venice, Italy. Mom had begged for him to take her there one day.

"It was nice. We got really pretty pictures and the sea was beautiful. Like a porcelain blue." I could tell that Princess didn't enjoy having to listen to Mom speak without interrupting (probably saying that she didn't care.) But, Mom is now part of the royal family and interrupting is disrespectful. Britannia was staring at Princess' head.

"What are you staring at?" She didn't answer. She just kept staring until I finally saw. That tiny sparkly tiara on Princess' head. Now Britannia had that look that she had the minute she saw the cake. Britannia wants it. "Brit, knock it off." She wiggled from Mom's grasp, over Dad's lap, and onto Princess' lap. Princess and Mom looked shocked before Princess looked smug and Mom looked hurt. That is until, Britannia tried to climb onto her shoulder and succeeded in pulling hard at her hair and almost getting to the tiara before Mom pulled her off. "Told you."

"Heehee. Naughty baby, she's not something to climb on." Mom said, setting her in her stool. Ha! This was a laugh. Britannia was squirming and whining before Mom gave her back to Princess, hurt. That's when she started again, but Mom didn't help, she just watched in jealousy. Then laughed when Britannia got a hold of the crown, climbed down, over Dad's lap, and back to Mom.

"WHAT?! She-she took my crown!"

"So, that's what she wanted." Dad laughed as she put it on. Princess was fuming the rest of the lunch as Britannia continued to squirm away from Princess. And also she had to give it back and she wailed loudly about it.

"…Must you…?" I asked.

"Yeah, I do. How else do I get attention?"

"Be cute?"

"I am cute."

"I wonder…"

"Oh, be quiet, Bruise."

Britannia-Zshizshibaby, can I have a crown?

Maybe later, Brit-Brit.

Britannia-Is it later now?

No...

Britannia-Now?

No, Britannia, I will tell you when it's later.

Britannia-Okay...can I have ice cream?

Sure!

Blossom-NOT NOW! Dinner's almost ready!

Oh, you're only a baby once!