ok, so i didn't get many reviews last chapter, which was a shame. please keep them up! Hopefully you will after this chapter.

Brennan watched from the outside of the door. She watched them try to revive her partner. A great tearing ran through her heart, and she had to sit down. Not Booth. He wouldn't die. He just woke up from coma!

She pulled out her cell phone and ran through the names to Angela. She held her thumb over the green button, but didn't press down. Should she call her best friend? But Brennan knew that Angela would be sympathetic towards her, and all she wanted now was to be alone. But she knew that her friend could console her, and she did need the distraction. She pressed down and held the cell up to her ear.

Angela was at her apartment laying on her queen bed, listening to music. Her head was rocking to the beat. She heard her cell ring, and reached over. Looking at the caller ID, she saw it was Brennan.

"Hey sweetie! What's up?" Angela asked, shouting over the top of the heavy music.

"Ange?" Her voice was soft. The pain in her voce was enough to tell Angela something was wrong.

Angela reached over and turned down the music. She lowered her voice. "What happened, sweetie?" Angela immediately picked up that there was something desperate had happened. She heard Brennan swallow. "Where are you?"

"At the hospital." Her voice sounded forced, and she immediately grabbed her jacket and her keys. She hung up. She knew there was no need for goodbye. She knew Brennan wouldn't talk any more. Angela raced to the hospital, speeding along the highway, receiving the blasts of horns in reward.

When she got there, she found Brennan sitting alone on a hard chair, rocking softly back and forth. She sat down beside her, and placed her hand over Brennan's. Brennan looked up and gave a ghost of a smile. Angela pulled her into a hug, tightly embracing her, trying to overflow her brain with thoughts of love instead of.....pain, she guessed.

When they split apart, Angela could see tears brimming in Brennan's eyes. Brennan wiped them away. She looked at her. "Why am I crying? He'll be fine. I'm just... sniff...overreacting."

Angela nodded. "It's okay to be upset. Come one, let's go grab some coffee."

Brennan shook her head. "I need news. Something. Anything to make sure he's okay."

As if on cue, a nurse walked out of Booth's room. Angela caught a glimpse inside, and saw multiple doctors huddled around Booth's bed. She saw one shake his head. She looked at Brennan to see whether she had noticed, but she was too intent on the nurse heading towards them. They both stood up, Angela holding Brennan's arm. Brennan tried to speak, but no sound came out. Angela spoke for her.

"Is he okay?"

The nurse sighed. She had the look on her face of one that was about to deliver bad news. It was fake sympathy. "I'm sorry. But Mr Booth has just died."

Brennan was speechless. Angela, too, was lost for words. She clasped her hands over her mouth.

"How?" Brennan managed to choke out.

"He had massive internal bleeding. It's confusing, as he was doing so well. Did anything happen before his heart stopped? Anything big he was going to say?" The nurse stared intently at the both of them. Angela looked towards Brennan. But she shook her head. "Nothing." Angela could tell she was lying. She knew her too well.

The nurse shrugged, a look of confusion on her face, though it quickly smoothed out. "I'm sorry." She then walked back into the room.

Brennan couldn't stand. She collapsed into the chair. Angela sat down slowly next to her, staring concernedly at her. "You look like your about to faint. Are you okay?"

"My partner just died, Ange. You think I would be okay?" Her voice sounded harsh, and Angela reeled back.

"I'm sorry," Brennan said. "I didn't mean to sound so harsh. I'm just.... I don't know. I expected him to survive. He's survived so much already." She put her head in her hands. Angela placed her hand on her back, rubbing it. She could tell Brennan was struggling not to cry. She believed that emotions were unvalued, but she knew it was hard to lose a loved one. After dealing with Booth's fake death, she knew it would be hard for her to connect with this real one. Angela hushed her, and pulled her around into another hug. She could feel the salty tears sink through her shirt, but she stroked her best friends' hair. She hated seeing her so upset.

"Would you like some coffee?" Angela asked quietly. Brennan indistinctly shook her head. Angela knew the speak of Brennan, so she stood up. Brennan didn't move, and she slipped away, heading towards the hospital cafe. Brennan didn't even notice her leave.

*

Brennan couldn't come to terms with herself.

Booth is dead. Booth is dead. Booth is dead. Booth is dead. Booth is dead.

The words rotated around her head, but somehow she couldn't quite grasp them. It seemed impossible. After all they've been through, he was dead.

Because of her.

No. She knew Booth would never want her to think that it was her fault that he had died, but she knew it was. And anyway, Booth wasn't hear to tell her off. He was....dead.

"Brennan."

She looked up. She just couldn't help it. She just expected it to be Booth. She expected hi to be standing there, hands in his pockets, Cocky belt buckle flashing in the false light, his charm smile upon his face. But it wasn't. It was Angela, holding a steaming polystyrene cup full of coffee. She handed it to her. Brennan was glad for the heat of the cup, as she now noticed that it was chilly and she hadn't brought a jacket. But that didn't matter. Booth had just died!

Angela softly cleared her throat. Brennan turned her head, knowing she wanted to ask her something. She seemed hesitant, and Brennan smiled.

"It's fine. It'll just take time. What is it?"

Angela still seemed timid, but relaxed a bit as she realised it was fine. But she knew her question would hurt her friend. "What did he say to you? Before he, you know...."

Brennan lifted her head to the roof and laughed slightly. "You noticed? Well, I guess you would." She swallowed. She knew she would struggle to say it. "He said.." She thought back. She can't remember him actually saying what was on his mind, but she had caught the gist of it. "He said....said that when he was in a coma, he had dreamt about me. About..how..." She choked on tears, staring at her hands. "..how lucky it was that I was alive. Then he said...." The tears were brimming over now. Angela placed her hand over her own, holding it in comfort. Brennan looked her in the eyes. Her voice turned vague with the tears. "He was going to tell me something that he had meant to tell me for a long time."

Both Brennan and Angela knew what Booth had been going to say, but neither voiced their thoughts out loud. "But then, he started to...choke." This was hard. Brennan was reliving the moments in her head. The flashed of colour as she saw Booth lean forward, choking. She saw the expression on his face, and she whimpered. Angela looked into her eyes, and saw the pain.

"Sweetie, don't tell me."

Brennan raised her eyebrows, her blue eyes swimming. Angela looked into them with compassion, and hugged her again. Then Brennan pulled away and wiped her eyes.

"We better get home. There's no point staying here."

Angela held her waist. It reminded her of Booth. "I'll drive."

Brennan didn't object. She was just glad for the company.

*

A few hours later, Angela was asleep on her couch, and Brennan was staring at the wall. She never realised how pretty the picture on it was. Nothing was in focus. Her expression was blank. Her mind blank. Her heart...

Broken.

Angela stirred, and rolled over, her arm laying to rest on the arm of the couch. She looked so peaceful, Brennan thought. Unlike her. Before Angela had fallen asleep, they had shared a beer, and Angela had told her multiple times to go to bed, but she just stayed put on the couch, staring at the wall.

She just couldn't believe it. It had been hours, yet she refused to believe the truth. She often had to face facts in her line of work, but this fact she just could not accept. It was too unreal.

Brennan thought about her partner. Every time she was in danger, he had come to save her. When she had been shot at, he'd been there. When she was nearly tortured, he'd been there. When she'd been buried alive, he'd been there. Whenever she faced crime and death, he'd been there. When she lost friends, dates, he'd been there. And she never thanked him for it. Never once uttered him a word of praise. And she regretted it. She didn't often regret things that she did, but she regretted this decision.

He had been her partner. She couldn't have solved all those crimes, handed bodies back to families knowing their killer was locked up, knowing they were safe once more. She couldn't have done all of this without Booth. He had once said that scientists don't solve crimes, that cops do. She now knew that this was true.

She thought about all the things that she'd never said to him. There were so many things, thoughts and feelings that she just wanted to spill out to him. And now she couldn't. She had never let out her true self to him because she was a coward. What was she afraid of? Was she scared about trying something ne? Going against her beliefs? She was frustrated with herself.

Booth, she thought. She felt stupid, talking to a ghost in her mind. It was irrational. Nonetheless, she needed to get this off her chest.

Booth. I never told you what I thought of you. I was arguing with you, saying you were cocky. But I really meant that you were wonderful. Handsome, smart, protective. Why did I never tell you my true feelings?

I always felt protective when you were there. Your hand on my back was always what reassured me.

I love your smile, even though it annoys me in my troubled times.

I was always waiting for your touch, always waiting for your arm on my shoulders.

I know that you always wanted me to be safe. When I went on a date, you always wanted to know who with. I knew you wanted to make sure I was fine.

I love how you're always there when I'm hurt. Physically or mentally. When I was shot at, wounded, even a cold, you were there, panicking. When I was upset from a break-up, you were there. When I couldn't cope with death, you were there. When I found out my parents were murderers, you were there.

I never told you how much I enjoyed that kiss under the mistletoe, either.

How often I just wanted to get angry and rip of your shirt, see what was under that tie, see the buttons go flying.

How often I wanted to kiss you, in front of everyone, but couldn't as I often told anyone not to date in the workplace.

But mostly I was scared. Scared of how you would react. We have a great relationship, and I didn't want to lost that because of my stupid recklessness.

I never told you how much I love you, Booth.

And now I never can.

Never can tell you how much I love you.

Why are you gone, Booth?

Why?

Why?

Brennan nodded her head. Drowsiness suddenly took over her brain, and all she wanted to do was sleep.

Sleep and hope it was all a bad dream.

Please review. Any ideas about what to do next would be great.

Thanks for readiing :)!