Ch5: Lunch Time

"So Mello-chan, what do you want to eat?" Matt asked. It was lunchtime at Mello and Matt's school and the choices was a spicy chicken sandwich for $2.35 or fish nuggets for $1.75. Matt was holding Mello by the wrist, dragging the other boy after him.

"Cheap crap," Mello muttered.

"B-but MELLO-CHAAAAN! I want the chicken!"

Whap.

One blow to the head and then Matt changed his mind.

"Who thought it was a good idea to make fish nuggets?" Matt asked Mello in the cheap line.

"Probably the same guy who invented chicken nuggets," Mello said, trying to rip his arm out of Matt's death grip, "But when I find him, I WILL kill him"

"I think his name is Henry."

"What! Why?"

"I don't know," Matt shrugged, "it just seems like an evil name…"

"You're an idiot...and let go of my arm!"

"Nope," Matt grinned.

"I said let go."

"Say please!"

"P-Please," Mello said, choking on the word, "Let go of me!"

"Do a little dance!"

"NEVER!"

"Dance!"

"GET THE FUCK OFFA ME!"

"I love you mommy," Matt snuggled against Mello's arm.

"I hate you and I'm not your mother!"

"Hehehehehe! You're so cute when you're mad!" he kissed Mello on the cheek. Mello groaned, "The line's moving."

"Ok!" Matt stepped forward and then continued to snuggle against Mello's arm. A few minutes later, the two of them were sitting at a table with their lunches. Matt was poking at his food with a fork and Mello was watching him. Matt picked up a cheese-covered French fry between his thumb and forefinger, "Do you think they realize that the cheese they put on these looks like boogers?"

"Do you think they care?"

"Probably not. Umm…Mello?"

"Yes?"

"There's something green and fuzzy on my fish nugget."

"So?" Mello pushed his own Styrofoam tray further away from himself.

"Oh my god Mello, I think it moved!"

The blonde stood up, grabbed both of their trays and walked to the garbage and threw away both uneaten lunches. Matt ran over to him, "Hey! I paid $2.35 for that!" Mello touched Matt's shoulder, "Do you smell that?"

"What?"

"The sweet, aromatic smell of CHOCOLATE!" Mello grabbed Matt by the wrist and made a beeline for the snack line. He stopped when he spotted what exactly the lunch lady was selling to the hormone-ridden student body.

"WHAT THE HELL MELLO!?! It's only chocolate chip cookies!" Matt said, massaging his sore wrist, "Come on let's get some, I'm starving!"

The blonde stood in shock until they reached the front of the line. The lunch lady asked him, "What do you want?"

He glared at her, "Did you make them?"

"Excuse me?"

"Did YOU make those monstrosities?"

"Oh! You mean the cookies? Yes I did!"

"HOW DARE you! Befouling such good, pure chocolate! May your soul burn in the deepest level of hell for this!"

Matt moved the red-faced boy over and said to the stunned woman, "He'll take two."

Back at the table, Mello was holding a funeral service for his cookies and Matt was munching happily away at his own, "Ya know Mello, you really gotta calm down. After all, it's only a cookie."

"Shut up."

"It's not right to scare the shit outta some lady over cookies. Have you ever tried anger management?"

"Yes."

"Really?" Matt looked at him in shock, "How'd that go?"

"I shot the therapist."

"What?!"

"He was trying to get me to admit that I had a problem! I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM!"

"Wait, don't they usually do that in the first five minutes of the first session?"

"Actually, it was three minutes."

"THREE!?"

"The WORST three minutes of my life. After that, I was banned from going to therapy sessions ever again….ever…."

"But THREE MINUTES and then you SHOT the guy?"

"Why do you seem surprised?"

Matt took a bite of his cookie, "I don't really know. It does seem like something you'd do." He looked at Mello's cookies, "You gonna eat those?" he reached for the cookies.

"Touch them and die," Mello said, and stuffed them in his mouth.

"I thought you didn't like cookies!"

"Nope, I hate 'em." Mello took a swing of the milk that he didn't throw away.

"Then why…"

"Just because I hate them doesn't mean that I'd let you have them!"

They were in the middle of arguing over cookie politics when Near came over to their table with his lunch. "May I sit with you?" he asked, setting his lunch down on the table.

"Hell no!" Mello kicked the chair that Near was about to sit in away.

"But I have no where else to sit."

"There are 25 chairs left in the cafeteria," Matt said.

"Yes, but there is only one chair left that isn't at a table of morons."

Mello scoffed and Near pulled the chair back over and sat down.. Matt watched as near began to eat his lunch.

"What's so interesting?" Near asked, looking up.

"You're actually eating that?" Matt said amazed, "You're my new idol!"

" I believe that one must eat healthy foods, no matter how distasteful, to maintain proper brain function. Which, I'm sure you can agree, is a vital part of becoming L's successor. Perhaps, if Mello had eaten more fruits and vegetables as a child, as opposed to the outrageous amounts of chocolate he currently consumes, he might've had a mild chance of becoming the next L…" Near took a deep breath, sighed and then went back to his lunch. Mello's face was bright red. "WHAT!" he screamed, "YOU FUCKING ALBINO BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU THINK YOU'RE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME!" He slammed his fists on the table.

"Please stop it Mello-kun, it's quite childish and unsightly," Near said, hardly pausing from his lunch.

'WHO'S A CHILD!? AT LEAST I DON'T WEAR PAJAMAS TO SCHOOL!" He reached into his pocket to pull out his gun, but just then the bell rang. Near stood and bowed slightly to the still-furious Mello, "That was a wonderful conversion, and I thank you for it." Then he left. Matt was giggling with his face hidden behind his Gameboy.

"Just shut up Matt," Mello said, turning the game system off, "We must plan for tomorrow night."

"Gee Mello, what are we going to do tomorrow night?"

"The same thing we to everynight, finish our homework, make out, and THEN try to become L's successor!

Katana: Anyone old enough to remember Pinky and the Brain?