I do not own Twilight, or any of the characters from it.
Chapter Eighteen: Battlefield
Can't swallow our pride
Neither of us wanna raise that flag.
If we can't surrender then we're both gonna lose
What we had, oh no.
Jordin Sparks- Battlefield
Alice's small yellow porsche sped along the highways to Seattle. Lucy rested her head against the side of a small window in the back. The air was tense, at least for her. Crammed in to the tiny backseat besides her was Jasper. His arms were folded, and he was currently staring out the window with his jaw clenched.
As the minutes ticked by, Jasper seemed to become more and more uncomfortable, his eyes slowly growing darker. Unconsciously she scooted closer to the window. The biggest term of her agreement for staying there was that no one bit her; she hadn't exactly taken in to consideration Jasper's lack of control.
"Could we put the top down? It's really muggy in here." Lucy asked when she had finally sat through enough.
"Okay! I thought you hated having the top down!" Alice proclaimed brightly. She pulled the car over to the side of the highway.
Lucy frowned and dug through her small bag in hopes of finding some sort of hair tie or hat.
"No, I just find it somewhat dangerous to drive around with it down during the summer. But if you don't see anything bad happening then I suppose there shouldn't be any problems." Lucy shrugged, not looking up from her lap.
Finally a small pink hair tie stuck out at the bottom of her bag. Lucy grabbed it and hastily braided her hair over one shoulder. Truth be told, she did hate having the top of the convertible down. Her hair was already unruly enough without the help of wind, but Jasper would be less inclined to bite her if the top was down.
The streets of downtown Seattle were damp from a morning rain. People littered the streets, turning to look at them. There was nothing inconspicuous about a yellow porsche filled with beautiful vampires. Lucy self consciously pushed her sunglasses up over her eyes. It may not have seemed entirely strange in a house full of vampires, though having orange and green eyes was not normal, and she hated the way it looked.
"Jasper and Nick are going to go shopping for Bella's birthday present." Alice explained as she effortlessly pulled the top of the convertible shut. Lucy smoothed out her jeans as she stood in the cool parking garage.
True to Alice's words, the sky over Seattle was plagued by light grey clouds. Lucy had hoped that Alice would be wrong, and that it would actually be bright and sunny. Her feet trudged through the fifth store that they'd entered, her legs were too tired to even lift them. She trailed her fingers slowly on the racks of colorful clothes.
"Oh, this is perfect!" Alice chided from behind a display. "You're going to look so amazing in this!"
Lucy had no doubt that she would look amazing in whatever it was that Alice had picked out. Alice had impeccable style, and years of training. However, that did little to qualm her fatigue and annoyance at spending what had been a nice day indoors looking at designer clothes. Her closet was already overflowing with clothes from the current season that Alice insisted she had need for.
"How much longer are we going to stay in Seattle? I'm getting really tired, Alice." Lucy groaned, her shoulders slumping forward.
There had been a time when Lucy could walk for hours without getting tired in the slightest, she would naturally get sore if she pushed herself too hard, but she had never felt so tired before.
"We'll leave after you try these on. We're going to buy that dress, it will look amazing on you." Alice darted out in front of Lucy to grab a bright green dress that she hadn't even noticed.
Lucy frowned as she was shoved in to the dressing room with an arm full of clothes. She held up a silky brown dress incredulously. The thin material looked much smaller than any casual dress that Lucy would have worn. She wouldn't deny that Alice was stylish, simply that it was out of character for her to dress so wildly.
Stripping out of her jeans and sweater Lucy took a second to look at the image standing in front of her. She'd never been particularly large, though she had never been too skinny either. She had been healthy. Yet the person in the mirror was hardly what she considered healthy. Beneath the feathered scars she could clearly see her ribs, her legs were like long twigs that could break in the wind.
Ten minutes were spent trying on the dresses and outfits that Alice had chosen. From flowing blouses to small dresses that hardly covered her butt. Lucy enjoyed it when Esme went shopping with her much more, though she tried to avoid shopping regardless of who went with her. It only served as a painful reminder of what had happened, and the grueling monster she had become.
She recognized that Alice was just trying to help her. Lucy had never felt so self conscious over her figure before, and Alice was trying to help her to dress nicely and feel more confident. She and Alice could pass even more for sisters now than ever, they were both what Bella had described as "thin in the extreme." Certainly some people would have strived for it, but her ideals of beauty were still stuck in the 19th century, when to have a beautiful figure was to look healthy, rather than skinnier than anyone else.
Slipping out of a black dress that she refused to buy, Lucy glanced to the green dress. It had wide white straps, and had a cute white flowery design along the bottom. The tags had already been removed, signifying that Alice had known they would be leaving with it. Lucy smiled as she pulled it up. Zipping the back up she couldn't help but agree with Alice.
Lucy twirled under the dim lights of the dressing room, watching as the bottom of the dress spun out. She slipped in to her heels to see how it looked. She could still see all of the scars that would have hardly been noticeable to a human, but despite that, she liked the dress. She tried to avoid wearing anything that showed the scars, resulting in a lot of pants and turtleneck sweaters.
"Well isn't this charming."
Lucy jumped in surprise, falling against the mirror as she clutched her hands to her chest. Standing in the corner of her dressing room as though he'd been there the entire time was Alberto. His curly dark hair was gelled back stylishly, and he looked like someone out of a James Bond movie.
"What are you doing here?" Lucy demanded, mustering what courage she could, though she knew by the smirk on his lips that he could hear her heart racing in fear.
Where had Alice gone? Surely she wouldn't allow a strange vampire in to her dressing room, but it seemed unlike Alice to simply disappear and leave her there.
"It would seem that your darling family has left you." He grinned, pulling his sunglasses off to look at her; his red eyes roamed over the dress. "You look much better like this than I expected. Perhaps I'll be able to convince them to keep you as a human."
"What are you doing here?" Lucy said, inching towards the curtain that went in to the main part of the shop. Panic was beginning to set in.
"You don't think that they would really want you after all you've done, do you?" Alberto purred, moving in the blink of an eye to block her from the curtain.
"You're even more of a monster than they are. How many people did you willingly kill?"
Lucy stood frozen against the mirror, unable to even open her mouth to speak. He spoke of her worst fears. She tried to shove them away, to simply ignore that part of her life... but it always came back to play when she slept, or when she was arguing with the wolves who hadn't understood why anyone would willingly act as a vampire.
At the time she had been able to rationalize that she was doing it to survive, and to avoid being taken advantage of. She lived with no inhibitions, doing what she wanted, when she wanted... Yet rather than granting her a sense of freedom, it made her feel horrible. She had acted foolishly, and should have had more self control. Her greatest fear had been that the Cullen family wouldn't welcome her after all that she had done.
"Come back with me, and stop pretending you belong here." His breath tickled her ear. Her body stiffened as she realized how close he was to being able to bite her. Even if Alice had come back and was able to stop him from taking her away, if he bit her they would still be killed.
"You don't deserve them, and they couldn't possible understand you like we do."
Her breathing felt shallow as she could feel him smile against her neck. She closed her eyes tightly, willing it all to go away. She couldn't believe that Alice would have left her alone in a shop. Hadn't she seen what would happen if they let her get attacked?
Hours could have past as her heart pounded in anticipation. But the bite never came. A deep growl a couple of feet from her caused her eyes to fly open. Alberto was no longer hovering above her, but was held against a wall by Jasper. She hated not being able to hear their movements. The men seemed to be holding a silent argument that she couldn't hear.
"I'll leave for now, though you should know that the only reason she has returned to your coven was to keep our kind from killing them." Alberto smirked to Jasper, pulling away harshly. "If I find she gets so much as a scratch your entire family will be killed. I will see you soon, my love."
"What are you talking about?" Jasper hissed.
Alberto disappeared with a blur of movement. A lingering remnant of what his human power had been. Lucy had never bothered to ask quite what it had been, though he was always much better at being stealthy than any other vampire she'd met. He had been changed in the 1960's; he had acted as a spy for the Italian mob. It wasn't that he could turn invisible, but rather that he could move so silkily that one had to strive to actually notice him.
"What is he talking about? How do you know him?" Jasper demanded.
Lucy glanced up at him, her stomach bubbled uneasily. She had managed to avoid talking to him since her first day back with the Cullens. She wasn't comfortable with him, let alone him being in a small dressing room with her. She found herself staring at the small scars on her hands rather than at him.
"Answer me, Lucy." He growled.
They had threatened her against telling them what had happened, or about the other immortals. The Volturi knew of their dwelling, though they were expected to keep the other vampires oblivious. Alberto had ruined everything for her.
"Tell me, now." She'd never heard him sound so vicious. She winced as his cold hands grasped her shoulders forcefully. Her eyes focused blearily on the pearly buttons of his long sleeve shirt.
"Can I come in?" Alice's high voice cut through. Jasper removed his hands, frowning down at her as he took a step away.
"Yeah." Lucy forced out, trying to steady her breathing.
"What's going on in here?" Alice glanced between the two with a hidden grin.
"Where did you go? You weren't supposed to leave her unattended!" Jasper growled to Alice, storming out of the dressing room. Lucy slumped her shoulders; staying with the Cullens had definitely been a humbling experience. Over 100 years of being self sufficient and independent had been thrown out the window and she was now treated like a fragile child.
"I had-"
"I'm going home." Jasper said, storming from the shop.
"What happened in here?" Alice asked in confusion.
"Can we just go home now?" Lucy asked quickly. She grabbed up her purse and sweater.
Alice furrowed her brows, clearly wanting to say something. Though the small pixie like woman seemed to decide against saying anything and merely gathered up some of the clothes.
"I already purchased these, so we can go right now. I don't know why you didn't like those dresses." Alice said, eagerly changing the subject.
"I don't want to look like a whore." Lucy said plainly. She wrapped her arms around herself uncomfortably, very self aware.
"Don't worry, no one else can see the scars, and you look great." Alice assured her. She stuffed the rest of the clothes in to a bag by her dressing room, grabbing her sweater as well.
"I look like an anorexic 12 year old." Lucy retorted dryly.
"No you don't, you look amazing." Alice chided, grabbing her arm and pulling her out of the shop.
"I'm sorry I left so suddenly, one of the cashiers got a paper cut so I had to get out. I'm surprised Jasper was able to come in here." Alice said. Lucy nodded silently.
"Nick hadn't even noticed Jasper had disappeared until he left the shop next door. I didn't even seen him go past." Alice mused.
"He must have sensed my panic." Lucy thought aloud. She knew that he could sense emotions from a distance if he tried, though she hadn't thought he would have zoned in on hers. Had he not sensed her fear and come in, she may not have ever seen them again. He had saved everything.
Bags were strewn across the floor of the blue themed bedroom. Lucy furrowed her head in to the pillows as though to drown out everything. For years she had longed to know why she lived so long, hoping that she would either die, or find others that lived as long as her. Now it seemed as though she couldn't go anywhere without being tracked down by vampires or her own kind.
She was caught between the political wars of the vampire civilization; the Volturi who wanted supreme power, and the Cullens, who were large in number, but happy to adhere to the Volturi. The Volturi were threatened by the large number of people in the coven, particularly due to the fact that so many of them were gifted.
Yet even other vampires could tell that the Cullen's were not out for power. Lucy assumed that they weren't, though she had long learned that she easily trusted and assumed the best in others when they didn't necessarily deserve it. It was a problem that she was working on, though she found life to be more enjoyable when she was trusting, and loving, rather than constantly being on guard and worrisome.
A large throw pillow fit perfectly over her head, suffocating her from any fresh air. As though the Volturi were not enough of a problem, the elders of the Immortal civilization had decided to hate the Cullens as well. One wrong move and they would be attacked by both groups before they could blink an eye.
'You should tell Jasper.' The voice in her mind whispered.
She tried to bat the voice away, though she only managed to hit herself with the pillow enough times to successfully make her hair look like a birds nest. It was the same voice that had told her to regularly speak with Jasper; to strike up a conversation of any kind. He hadn't been unkind to her since her return, though he hadn't gone too far out of his way for her either.
'If I talk to him, We're going to have to go over a hundred years worth of stupid drama... literally' She retorted back mentally. She could still hear the thread of hope that wanted to talk to him.
Lucy groaned as she sat up. Standing from the bed she tried to shake her hair out of being a complete mess. She knelt down on the ground, brushing hair behind her ears. Lifting open an old trunk she rummaged through a variety of clothes and photographs that she had taken from her home in Texas. Not everything in the trunk had been from Texas, though it was her 'History' trunk as she had proclaimed it.
Her fingers traced the rough edges of an old photograph that was brown and yellowed. She couldn't help but smile at the image.
The streets of Charlotte, North Carolina were muggy and hot. Lucy and Charlotte walked the streets, stopping in to an old shop filled with trinkets. It was one of their favorite things to do while searching for lost or stranded people that smelled good. The thick, musky smell of antique shops made it nearly impossible to care for any human blood near to them.
Lucy stopped at a box filled with photographs. Most of them were from the fifties and sixties, though a few looked older. She enjoyed looking at the photographs of family life throughout the decades. She had always wanted a family of her own, though being what she was made it somewhat impossible. She was happy enough to have Charlotte and Peter.
"Have you ever found a photograph of yourself?" Charlotte asked with slight amusement as she looked through a second pile.
"No, Have you?" Lucy laughed lightly at the thought of finding a photograph of herself.
"Once. A few years ago I found a photograph that someone had taken of Peter, Jasper, and I in the 30's before he met Alice." She explained. Lucy nodded, looking through them almost hoping that she would find one of herself.
"That would be really strange." Lucy said. Charlotte nodded silently, continuing to look through them.
Lucy had nearly finished the pile that she was looking through, and her thirst was beginning to grow stronger. She doubted she would accidentally kill anyone, though she knew wiser than to stay somewhere and risk it.
"Oh my gosh," gasped Charlotte. Lucy looked over, wondering what had shocked her. "You will not believe this."
"What is it?" Lucy set her pile down and leant over Charlotte's shoulder to see the photograph.
The photograph was old, and dirty. It looked as though it had been stuffed in someones attic for years, and was left uncared for. Yet it wasn't the fact that it was wrinkled and torn that caught her attention.
"There's three of them." Charlotte said, pulling two more from the pile.
They were all in similar condition. Lucy reached out, lifting it to her face. Lounging in the photograph comfortably was the image of Lucy, sleeping on the lap of Jasper. It had been the last night that they had spent together. It was the last night that he had been human.
"Oh my gosh." Lucy was unable to form any larger sentences. Even as she loathed Jasper, the pictures shocked her. She had forgotten that one of the boys from her village had brought a camera to take photographs of the soldiers.
The browned edges of the photographs had been impossible to clean. She had taken them to a photography specialist, who had been able to photoshop them, yet the originals were still dirty with a century worth of grime and misuse. She could hardly even remember having them taken, though the harder she looked, the more clearly she could see them in her mind.
Lucy clung to the young Major's chest, trying her hardest to tone down her tears. Even after he had sworn that he would be cautious and allow her to walk with him, she was filled with dread. They would soon be parted, and she would no longer be comforted by his kind words.
His arms wrapped around her stiffly. It was unusual for a young man and woman to be so intimate, particularly in public, yet at that moment she couldn't care for social etiquette or concerns. She had never felt so comforted by another person as she did with Major Whitlock, and the only opinion that mattered now was his.
"I'm sorry." Lucy said sheepishly. She knew that they had to leave, and there was little time to terry. The soldiers had already begun to tear down the tent where they had changed in to their freshly washed uniforms courtesy of the women.
"Don't move!"
Lucy jumped, turning to look at the man's voice. A boy around her age was standing behind a camera that he was settling.
"Samuel, We really must be going. We don't have time to take a photograph." Lucy countered, removing her arms from Jasper. She folded her arms across her chest.
"Come on, Luce. I'm sure your soldier would like a photograph to remind him that this wasn't all a dream." Sam said with a grin. Lucy felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment at his words. "It will only take a minute, and I'll get them printed out once we return to town."
"One minute won't hurt." Jasper told her, causing her cheeks to burn even deeper scarlet.
"Stand still." Samuel said, darting out to the pair, positioning them for the photograph.
Lucy tried to remain somewhat calm at the laughter that came from the other soldiers. Their positioning was much like that of when she and Wilfred for their engagement photos. Even as she could admit that her feelings towards the young man may not be entirely chaste, she didn't quite feel comfortable with this.
The short brown haired boy stood behind his camera with a pocket watch. Lucy held her hands in her lap, trying not to fidget too much. Perhaps what made her feel more uncomfortable, was how comfortable it felt to be taking a photograph with a man that was practically a stranger. She found herself wanting the picture so that she knew he wasn't a dream.
"Okay!" Samuel returned the lens cap, grinning wickedly as the soldiers laughed boldly at the pair.
"I'm sorry. Samuel's father owns a photography studio in town, and he would like to be a newspaper photographer." Lucy said sheepishly, trying to get rid of the blush from her face.
"I apologize if it made you uncomfortable, though I must admit that I would very much like to have a photograph of you to carry with me." He told her quietly. Any hope of fighting the blush was now gone.
"I would be honored for you to carry my picture with you." She said, glancing back down at the horse behind them.
Lucy smiled at the photograph. It was slightly blurry, though it was clear enough that she could tell it was she and Jasper. He wore a faded uniform, she in a dirty yellow dress. Even in dark sepia tones she could see the blush on her face, the slight turn of a smile on their lips. Both stood tall and proud, as though they weren't in the middle of the wilderness and covered in dirt.
Her fingers traced the edge of it; she would have loved to have found the photograph a century prior. Looking at the photograph she couldn't help but think that the two looked close. They looked much like a young couple that was happily in love, rather than a townswoman and a soldier that had only just met.
Flipping the photograph over she read the unfamiliar pencil script that someone had written at some point.
'Unknown Couple c. 1864'
Of course it had been in 1863, and they hadn't been a couple, though from the posing they looked enough of a couple. She couldn't help but think that she had looked better with Jasper than with Wilfred. Wilfred had been much more societal, and Lucy had to work very hard to look better than him for any events. It wasn't to say that Jasper had been less attractive, but that it almost looked more natural.
Lucy cursed the voice in her head for overpowering her thoughts once more. It was pointless to fight it. The image that Madam Laveau had shown her continued to force its way in to her mind. Every time she had begun to successfully hate Jasper the images returned as a reminder. It was impossible to forget him or ignore him when her mind continuously returned to him.
"You would have been wed after the war, and had five beautiful children... You both would have died of old age, very much in love with one another." The words of Madam Laveau rung out loudly in her mind. The entire reason she had been made an immortal was because Madam Laveau had thought that she and Jasper were soul mates. Nearly 150 years had past and she still hadn't met anyone that affected her quite as he did.
Pushing the trunk open once more she rummaged for a pad of paper and a pen. Finding a sheet of lined school paper she settled for it. It wasn't exactly stationary, though she couldn't be bothered to look deeper. She had always been patient, and calm... though she was filled with the strongest sensation that if she didn't do something now, she would never have the chance.
'Jasper,' began Lucy, writing out in her neatest penmanship.
She nibbled on the end of the pen as she debated what to actually write.
'I regret having told you that you were a monster with no control, and I am sorry that I was so vengeful towards you as to turn everyone against you.'
She wrote it and wanted to hit herself. It sounded horrible, though it had been the truth. She had been more than happy to tell Peter and Charlotte what had happened between them. Esme had always had a mothering tendency, and so it was easy to make her upset at the prospect of the two fighting so severely as to completely ruin her life.
'I am sorry for anything else that I may have done to you.'
The pen itched to write that he should apologize to her for everything that he had said. Even as she knew that she would forgive him easily, she recognized that a great deal of her problems had come from his insecurities. Yet now was not the time to dig wounds, or to make spiteful retorts. They had both acted childishly, and trying to place blame on one another wouldn't help matters.
'I don't know what I did to make you regard me with such distaste, though I hope that we can be mature enough to look past everything that has happened. -Lucy'
She fought against writing anything else that would be too strange. She folded it, slipping the photograph in to the folds. It only took a minute of looking through the bedside table to find an envelope, unfortunately she also found actual stationary. She debated for a second as to if she should transfer it.
Vanity won out and she copied it quickly using a nicer fountain pen. Not that it would have made a great difference, though she wanted it to look presentable. She stuffed the note and photograph in to the envelope.
His name was scrawled out elegantly on the cover of the yellow envelope. She tore up the original note and stuffed it in the trash. She began pacing slowly, debating whether or not to give it to him herself, or if she should have someone else do it.
'Coward.' Her mind snickered.
Lucy took a deep breath, smoothing her hair out as she looked in to the mirror. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, and the sunlight that came in through her window was bouncing off of her scars. She cringed, but pushed the thoughts away.
'It's now or never. Just shove it under his door and run.' She repeated.
The familiar halls felt much larger than before. Lucy lifted her heavy feet, dreading each step towards his door. She felt like an idiot for doing this. She tried to cover any hopeful or worried emotions. She tried to think of happy, cheerful thoughts. Like Alice going shopping without her, or Emmett letting her sleep in.
The image of Emmett waking her up every morning caused her to stifle a laugh. She stopped at Jasper's door. She couldn't tell if he was in it or not, though she slipped the note under the crack and moved quickly downstairs. Hopefully Esme, or anyone, was home. She had raced straight to her room after shopping and hadn't bothered to look for anyone.
A/N: I am so sorry that this has literally taken forever. My computer was busted, so I lost all of my files. And then I had sort of lost inspiration to write and was sort of frustrated with the direction that it had been going in.
Thank you to everyone that has reviewed, favorited, and put this story on their alerts. It means a lot to me, and hopefully this chapter isn't total crap. It took a bit for me to get back in to the swing of it. I'm actually pretty giddy for the next chapter though.
Please R/R, Let me know what you think. :)