Selfish
Death: [deth] noun; the act of dying; the end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism, manner of dying, IE, a hero's death.
Y'know, I think something is very, very wrong with Kenny. Kyle was staring at the smear on the pavement that his friend had been reduced to.
I think we just might have pushed him to far. Is Karen really dead? Of course- why else would he freak out like that? This is Kenny we're talking about.
The locals continued driving, not caring that a boy had just been squashed like a ripe tomato. There was one family, probably passing through; South Park didn't have much to offer tourists; that had gotten out of their car to stare, horrified.
Could Kenny really die if he wanted to? Staring blankly at the ravaged thing that had once been Kenny shoved to the side of the road like a struck deer, it wasn't hard to imagine. Would he want to?
Kyle thought about it. He said Stan 'wanted to kill' him. I told him to go away. Karen is dead. I don't know how- but form the way he sung it… I don't think it was an accident. Kenny's already got to have enough mental stability issues, with the whole death thing… and his crazy parents… and he's coming to school even less and less than he used to.
When we were kids, he would always come back smiling. Now he just comes back and says he hates dying. But what if the dying part isn't the part he hates?
Kenny, you're scaring me.
Kenny had died in so many worse ways than this, this death meant nothing. It barely even registered in Kyle's mind that he should be sad about the actual death. It had just happened to many times for it to matter.
But he's my friend! I can't let him die anymore… I have to be a good friend, whether I want to or not. He's always been there if I really needed him… And I think Kenny's really in trouble this time.
And he said he loved me. He said he loved me. Me! Maybe I should… Maybe I really should give him a chance… who knows…?
Kyle's eyes changed as he stared at 'Kenny,' and for the first time in a long time, he couldn't keep looking.
Don't die, Kenny.
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Stan stood a few yards away. He didn't move. Kenny was dead again.
Do I care? He thought about it, Should I care? This is normal. Kenny wouldn't want us to cry every time, right? Kenny isn't so selfish.
Or maybe he is. I don't know anymore. Apparently, I barely know the guy. Kyle told me… told me everything, and I just don't know anymore.
He watched Kyle step forward towards the curb, face confused and hurt.
Of course he is. Kenny's a fucked up kid, but we're still friends. I shouldn't have bee such and ass. He rubbed the back of his head self consciously. Fuck Wendy. She was needy anyway. And if she wasn't drunk- and I- I trust Kenny- then I shouldn't be mad at him. I mean, haven't I known him long enough?
He cast his eyes down suddenly. God. I'm such an asshole. I totally freaked out on him, didn't I? Jesus Christ… He probably thinks I hate him. Crap. I don't hate you, Kenny!
It's not like I give a shit about him and Kyle. Wait- that sounded really bad. I didn't mean that.
I just mean… I guess, I've known Kyle and Kenny since… well, since forever. Forever is a long time. So I guess if that's what they want… I'm okay with it. So why did I flip on him? God.
But Kenny's seemed really… off lately. Ever since middle school, he hasn't seemed right. Like something's wrong. He doesn't smile as much anymore, and when he does… it doesn't reach his eyes. He's got some great songs- but the upbeat ones- the really happy ones always seem sort of awkward. It takes him forever to iron them out, like… like he's trying too hard. Is that it? He isn't happy? No… No, I think it's deeper than that.
Stan took a few steps back, not wanting to be here anymore.
I think something might be really, really wrong this time. Kyle said he told him to go away… and Karen…? Christ, what he does something drastic?
Don't die, Kenny.
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Cartman was reading over Kenny's lyrics back in Stan's garage. They're pretty sad, but pretty good. He thought idly, putting everything in him into being apathetic about Kenny's situation. But somehow, worry managed to worm it's way into his mind.
Don't I always claim Kenny's my best friend? He thought idly. He paused. And if Karen's dead… and his faggy jew boyfriend dumped his ass…Damn. Kenny's such a fucked up piece of shit, he might just do something he's going to regret.
Cartman let the paper slide out from his fingers to the floor.
Don't die, Kenny.
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Kenny came back with a flash. He looked around himself. He was standing in his room. His door was open. He went to close it, and heard the crying. Mom… and… Dad? He stopped. Dad never cries for ME… I mean, he sobers up, but…
Kenny closed the door, locked it, and turned to stare at his window.
Fuck…Was all he could think.
He sunk to the floor and closed his eyes, leaning back against the door for support. He hummed to himself under his breath for a moment as a sad, somber tune worked it's way into his heart and his head, then sang quietly when the words came as well.
"God, if you're listening, I'm still here
God, if you're listening, have no fear
Cuz I'm not dead yet, no I'm not dead yet
But believe me when I say if I don't get out, then I'm dead set.
Is anybody listening? I'm still crying out!
Is anybody listening? I'm really starting to doubt-
If anybody's listening since no ones calling back
Is nobody listening? My heart is starting to crack,
Is nobody listening? Is it true I never mattered?
Oh who am I kidding, nobody's listening cuz I already shattered.
God, are you listening? I think I need an answer
To why I'm always hurting, bloody; burning; cancer;
God, are you listening? I need to know because,
God, if you're listening, no one ever does.
Is anybody listening? I'm still crying out!
Is anybody listening? I'm really starting to doubt-
If anybody's listening since no ones calling back
Is nobody listening? My heart is starting to crack,
Is nobody listening? Is it true I never really mattered?
Oh who am I kidding, nobody's listening cuz I already shattered.
Nobody's listening, nobody's listening…
Nobody's listening, nobody's listening…!
I'm crying
I'm trying
But nobody's listening
Nobody's listening
Nobody's listening
Nobody's listening…"
Kenny sighed, and went silent. He shook his head violently, and pressed his hands against his temples, sinking into a protective ball.
I'm not selfish! He screamed into his head desperately, I've never asked for anything! I didn't ask for money. I didn't ask for my parents to sober up, I didn't ask to go to college, or new things. I didn't asked to come back every damn time, and, and-
Kenny stopped.
I didn't ask for my sister to be taken from me.
I didn't ask to fall in love.
I didn't ask to be rejected.
I didn't ask for my best friend to hate me.
I didn't ask for my other friend to want me to be anywhere else.
I didn't ask to have to come back.
Kenny checked the time on his battered phone. He'd been dead for at least a day- he was awake just in time to make it to homecoming, if they waited for him, they would still play.
Kenny went to the small nightstand beside his bed, and pulled open a drawer to reveal a revolver stashed beneath a few discarded socks. Kevin had left it with him when he'd moved out. Kenny stared at it for a moment, then picked it up, and checked to see if it was loaded. It was. Kenny stuffed it down the front of his pants and pulled his jacker over the handle.
Sorry, guys. My turn to be selfish.
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Kenny pressed the door open gingerly, to stand for a moment and stare out at the crowded auditorium. As expected, everyone was dressed formerly, but not acting as such. Most seemed bored, as the dull music was lulling them half to sleep with the alcohol most had inevitably consumed.
Kenny sighed and made his way to the back, sliding between people in the crowd and almost appearing behind stage, wear his friends were lounging, bored and nervous.
Kenny made no attempt at greeting, simply stood while they noticed him.
"Kenny! Shit, dude, I was worried you weren't going to make it!" Stan cried, jumping to his feet.
"Kenny- how do you feel?" Kyle asked cautiously, pulling his guitar on.
"Do you want to know?" Kenny asked hoarsely. Kyle frowned, nodding. Kenny took a few steps forward, adjusted his amp, and picked up the mic.
"Ya'll wanna hear some real music?!" He cried into the crowd, who responded with very real enthusiasm.
Kenny turned back to his friends, "Hit it."
They paused, uncertain, then Cartman nodded and tapped off the beat. The song began.
"I'm not seeing anything, guys, oh god, can you?
It's almost kind of funny, I don't know what to do.
Life's a bitch, I would know,
No one else does, but even so
That's why I'm dying, don't you think?
It's a sorta sink or swim and I know I'm gonna sink
I'm falling, falling, but that's what I get-
Come on, get gone, ready and set-
It's coming and bleeding and telling you to know
That I said goodbye, so ready and go.
I closed the door
I turned away
My wings are broken, bleeding and sore
No, I'm not living today.
Are we even here for a reason? God knows I need one
We weren't made to walk, but I just can't keep up a run
Kept it going going going gone
Why do you think I wrote this damn song
I don't get it, why am I still here?
Don't you get it!? I'm past the point of fear.
I closed the door
I turned away
My wings are broken, bleeding and sore
No, I'm not living today."
Kenny pulled the gun out, and pressed the barrel to the side of his head.
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Draik: Oh, man. This was a short chapter. Most of it was just song. XD
Kenny: I like what you did with the song there, the changing of the lyrics and all. 'S sneaky.
Draik: I NO RYT?!
Stan: 0.o
Draik: I like the sink or swim part.
Kyle: I think you made Kenny a little TOO emo.
Kenny: Dude, and how'd I get out of my house without alerting my poor, sobbing, sober parents? /sarcasm
Draik: …Window.
Kenny: Window?
Draik: …Well, what else are they for?
Kenny: True.
Stan: Don't agree with her!
Kyle: She's nuts!
Draik: This is true.
Kenny: There's only gonna be like, one more chapter, right?
Draik: Argh! SHUSH CHILD! *tackles*
Kyle: Omigod.
Stan: 0_o
Draik: Wellwellwell, ANYWAY! ^^;
LaughingAngelsGibberish – Um… He's… IDK OK I'M SORREE. *shot*
Caturday- Haha. That's what I've been told. Pshaw, of course you are. And yeah, I really wished I could have given her a bigger part, but I was afraid I'd go crazy making her character. Since she doesn't even TECHNICALLY have a name… or lines… or even really exist, I would go nuts building her character. And I don't trust myself with that. ;^^
Broflove: D'awwww. Don't worry, the K2 isn't dead yet. XD And you have no idea how warm and fuzzily it was to see you'd sought me out on DA. :3 Even though the link is on my profile and very very easy to click. Lol
HAVE A VUNDERFUL DAY