Summary: He thought she hated him. She thought she was just bragging rights. He kept missing his chances. She was running away scared. A story of love that follows Lily and James from 6th year until graduation. R/R!
Disclaimer: So no one sues me, I'm not JKR, I could never compare to JKR and you all know that. She is the almighty goddess of all things Harry Potter/magic. Her riches are not mine. Enjoy!
THE NEXT GRINDEWALD?
Submitted By Anonymous Contributing Writer
A new terror is rising and sweeping through our magical community. He has been the prime suspect in over two dozen murders of muggle families and three wizarding families who were known for speaking ill of this new sorcerer.
This terror is rising so much that many cannot speak is name for fear of their family being attacked next –
"Why don't you say your name, you filthy coward."
"Rita!"
"I completely agree and he was way too melodramatic. Just saying Voldemort – "
"Lily!"
"What? It's not like he's going to walk up the lawn any second, ready to smite us."
"You never know, he could have ways of knowing…"
"You're being paranoid and I'm sick of hearing this rubbish of how notorious this Voldemort character – Aurelia, please! – is. I want to hear how we're trying to get this guy in Azkaban."
Lily signed and rose from her bed, walked across her and Aurelia's combined room and threw the newspaper on top of the short and rude letter from Petunia in the rubbish bin. It had said where Petunia was currently residing and that Lily had to go to their old home and clean out her room so Petunia could sell the house. She was going today with Rita and Aurelia.
"…its just ridiculous to be so afraid of someone, you can't even say his name," Rita said, stretching out on the floor, snuggling up to one of Aurelia's larger stuffed animals.
Aurelia rolled her eyes. "That's what Remus keeps saying, too. He's not afraid to say his name."
The argumentative fire went out of Rita's eyes. "You saw Remus? When?" she asked in what was supposed to be a nonchalant voice.
Aurelia glanced at Lily nervously before continuing. "Yesterday. He came over for tea."
The conversation died and the three girls sat in an awkward silence. Lily knew exactly how Rita felt. When Remus came over, Lily only gave him a warm hello and a sad goodbye. In between she went to a muggle park nearby and sat on the swings until the approximate time Remus was supposed to leave. It wasn't that Lily was upset at Remus; it was just he had been staying with James all summer. It was certain that she had been brought up and for some reason it felt like Remus had the upper hand and inside look into Lily and James' relationship, if you could call it that. It unnerved her and Lily knew it unnerved Rita as well. It was just as certain that they had talked about Sirius and Rita's relationship also.
"So, when do you want to go, Lily?" Aurelia asked, breaking the silence.
Sighing, Lily replied, "I don't know, I suppose now."
Rita nodded. "Yeah, it's better to get it over with." She stood; tossed the stuffed animal she was laying on back on the bed and grabbed Lily's hand comfortingly. Aurelia began gathering the suitcases and boxes they needed for the trip. It's now or never, Lily thought as she and Rita helped with the boxes and headed to the fireplace.
"Riddikulus!" shouted James, stepping in front of a somewhat pale Sirius. With a pop, the flesh eating slug turned into a headless corpse. Fear took over and James froze for just a moment, giving enough time for Sirius to step up. At the same time, the boys raised their wands and shouted, "Riddikulus!" The boggart became instantly confused and turned itself into half a slug.
"Interesting," Remus said with a laugh. He stepped forward and finished the boggart off. The entryway became instantly quieter. Instead of the previous rattling; there was only the melodic ticking of the grandfather clock.
"That takes care of the boggart in the clock for mum," James said, feeling his heart lighten a little more now that the corpse was gone. "Any other chores?"
"Besides cleaning our rooms?" Sirius said, pondering then shaking his head. "Nope, let's go eat."
Sighing, Remus said, "Well, do you think we should clean? Hallie had been asking us for a month to clean up everything and I'm running out of clothes."
"No," Sirius and James said simultaneously and began walking to the kitchen. Remus rolled his eyes and gave up on being the positive and responsible influence, for his stomach had been growling for the past half hour.
"So where is Hallie today?" Sirius asked as his fork clanked on the empty plate. "She makes steak and kidney pies twice as good as you do."
James glared, taking another bite of his pie. "They needed extra help at St. Mungos because of the attack on that wizarding neighborhood, so she'll be up there for most of the day and night. And you didn't help cook, therefore you can't complain."
"Who said I was complaining?" Sirius asked, leaning the chair back on two legs with his hands rested behind his head as he shot a grin at James. There was still some of the pie filling on his chin. "You're a ruddy good chef, just your mum is better and I like the best."
Remus wrinkled his nose disdainfully. "You're disgusting, I don't know how you can eat that fast."
Sirius looked confused and James dabbed his own chin to give Sirius the hint. Glaring, Sirius wiped the food away and said, "I think you'd be a little happier since you just saw Aurelia yesterday."
Shrugging apathetically, Remus took a bite of his steak and kidney pie, but he could not hide the small close-mouthed smile. "I don't see why that makes a difference," Remus said simply.
"Did you two have some alone time?" Sirius asked, waggling his eyebrows.
"I don't have to answer that," Remus said, his voice casual despite the fact his light skin was reddening.
James cleared his throat. "So, isn't Lily staying with her?"
Remus looked up quickly at James and averted his eyes somewhat uncomfortably. "The answer hasn't changed since the last two times you asked me."
James' eyes narrowed at his nearly empty plate. "Well, I didn't know if she was going to get her own place or not."
Finishing up his steak and kidney pie, Remus sighed and stretched his arms over his head. "I don't think she will until after graduation. But don't quote me, whenever I do go to Aurelia's I see her just through about half of tea then she disappears out the front door or to the study until I have to leave."
Immediately James' heart began aching in concern for Lily. "Is she upset with you? Sirius asked, eating the chips off Remus' plate he hadn't gotten to yet.
Remus shrugged. "I don't think so, she's really friendly, like how she normally is, then excuses herself and doesn't come back until I have to leave."
"I wonder why that is…" James muttered to himself without realizing he spoke aloud.
On the contrary, Remus felt he knew exactly why Lily was behaving the way she was. He was a connection to James and, since she was so unsure of her feelings for him, she felt insecure around Remus. In fact, he was sure James would act the same way if Aurelia started coming over. Probably worse, which is why Remus hadn't told Hallie he had a girlfriend or else she would insist.
Sighing dramatically, Sirius reached over and pat James' shoulder reassuringly. "Don't strain yourself too much pondering the answer to that question."
"Have you written to Rita yet, Sirius?" Remus asked, casually sarcastic.
That comment turned the tables just as Remus had hoped it would. Sirius stopped teasing James on the sensitive subject matter and immediately became self conscious. Running his fingers through his hair, Sirius said, "I sent her a letter this morning, first time this summer, but she hasn't sent one back and it's," he checked his watch nervously, "two in the afternoon with no response."
"Ahh," James said, snapping out his Lily zone-out phase, ready for some retaliation. "That's why you felt the need to update us with the time every ten to twelve minutes."
Sirius shrugged uncomfortably and Remus chuckled. "I've never seen you this stressed over a girl before."
"But this is the first one that hasn't chased and fallen all over him," James pointed out. "Plus he was friends with her first, so he has more feelings for her than the other unknown birds he dates for a week then dumps."
"Minus Fay," Remus added.
James laughed and put his hands behind his head, a smirk on his face. "Oh, dear Fay…"
Sirius' eyes had narrowed so much during Remus and James' banter that his pupils were barely visible. "Don't even get me started on all your relationship problems."
"So where do you want to head to next?" Rita asked, hefting her shopping bag further up her arm and skipping along the row of colorful displays.
Lily looked around, but before she could put in a suggestion, Aurelia said, "Food court, I'm starving."
They made their way past stylish shops of all kinds, observing the summer sales as they began to head down a moss green carpeted ramp to the food venders. They argued for about ten minutes on where to eat and finally settled on an old fashioned fish and chips restaurant.
"This is so cool!" Rita gushed as she looked at the floors of shops above her. "Muggle shops are so cool. I still think it's really weird about the paper money, though."
Aurelia grinned and shook her head. "I can't believe you've never been to a muggle shopping center, you're a half blood!"
Shrugging, Rita replied, "Well, my mom was the one who came from the muggle family and she died when I was born. My dad's never really been into anything muggle related since then." She paused; reflecting for a moment, then shook her head slightly to clear her thoughts. "Lily," she said, turning to her red headed companion, "you haven't said much today. Are you alright?"
Lily nodded quickly. "Yeah, yeah. Just stayed up too late last night."
Aurelia gave Lily a quizzical look. "Really? I thought you went to bed after we watched that weird Donnie and Marie Show."
"Well, I stayed up reading for a bit longer than I should've," Lily lied quickly, then became immersed in her plate of food. She could feel Rita and Aurelia looking at her and, a moment later, Lily knew they were communicating with each other silently.
Eventually Rita sighed and said, "It would be so fun to take the Marauders here, wouldn't it?"
Lily looked up so quickly, the blood rushed to her head and her heart froze with a slight fear. Aurelia looked over at Lily for a split second, grinned slightly and replied, "Definitely. I know none of them have really experienced the muggle worlds before."
Although their conversation seemed casual, their over-airy tone and quick glances to Lily from smirking faces gave away the fact they were trying to get some sort of reaction out of Lily. They were very close to achieving their goal.
The day before Remus came over and surprised Aurelia. Since Rita was spending the night that weekend, Remus brought Sirius. Lily knew they had been writing each other since about halfway through the summer (Rita was positively giddy about) but it was an extreme shock to see him come walking through the front door. Remus and Sirius gave some excuse as to where James and Peter were to justify why Sirius had come this time without making him come off to clingy to Rita. Sirius had an image to uphold even if it was obvious he was falling hard to Rita, although she was blind to it.
Whenever Remus came over, it was a little bit weird, yet he acted like he didn't know why Lily was so quiet and why she left for most of his visit. Recently Lily had been able to manage is whole stay and even slipped in inconspicuous questions about James, which she was sure he was able to decode the real wondering behind them.
But when Sirius came over, she felt as if she was on display the whole time. As soon as Sirius saw Lily, he gave her a strange look, like he was analyzing and judging her, cataloguing her every movement to use against her at some point or to report back to a certain someone when he got home.
Even though Sirius joked and flirted with Rita the whole time, whenever he had a spare moment he looked over at Lily, giving yet another scrutinizing stare. Half an hour into lunch, Lily excused herself to the bathroom where she spent the remainder of their visit crying, only mopping herself up and coming out when she heard voices in the entry way. Lily had to put on a smile and go downstairs to say goodbye. As she drew closer to Sirius, he gave her another piercing look and said, "Did you fall in?" All Lily could remember was Remus glaring and her mind whirring angrily. The next thing she knew Aurelia was closing the door and Sirius and Remus were gone.
Sirius' innocent yet snide comment had stuck with Lily since then. Sirius just didn't understand how much Lily's last conversation with James hurt her also. He didn't understand knowing that she broke James' heart also broke hers even more. He didn't understand that James had hurt Lily up until 5th year when he started majorly hitting on her. He didn't understand she knew her treatment of James since then was wrong and cruel and that she wished she could take it back…
"Lily? Are you alright?" Rita asked, her smarmy attitude gone and now, in its place, a look of concern.
Snapping out of her thoughts, Lily looked up at her friends and realized she had had her forehead placed in her palm and tears were streaming down her face. She quickly grabbed some napkins nearby and began to swipe clumsily at her face, avoiding Rita and Aurelia's gaze. "I-I'm fine," she choked out, burying her face in the crinkled and wet napkin.
Rita snorted. "Don't bullshit me, who starts crying out of nowhere? Not the Lily I know."
Sniffling, Lily threw her mess of napkins atop her half eaten food, lifted her chin and said, "It's nothing, I'm fine."
Aurelia reached across the table and grabbed Lily's wrist, squeezing it slightly. All she said was, "Lily…" sympathetically, studying her serenely.
Before Lily could stop herself, before she could pretend she was fine and before she could keep hiding her intense feelings, Lily found herself pouring out the piece of her heart that belonged to James to her two best friends. She started with the first bigheaded thing he ever said to her. She talked about when his comments began to hurt and when that, combined with his constant bullying, made her cry silently at night. She talked about his sudden change from insulting to trying to pick her up and how it made her so mad that she became a different, more spiteful person to be around. She talked about all of her conflicted feelings throughout the year, the truth that had been covered by the nonchalant lies she told them, how James and herself were going out for less than a day when Calypso's comments made her change her mind, about hers and James' last conversation and her depression all summer, wondering if she did the right thing and worrying about James.
When she finally finished, Rita and Aurelia sat in a stunned silence, grappling with and trying to sort all the information they had just been told.
Rita was the first to speak. "Well, we had all that worked out, but it was way less intense and much vaguer."
"Yeah," Aurelia added, "thanks for filling in the holes."
Lily gave a weak smile and sniffled again. "Sorry for not telling you, I was just so confused about it myself. I still am, and…" Lily looked at the high ceiling of the shopping center, as if her thoughts and feelings would be spelled out above her. "I don't know. I didn't feel confident enough to tell anyone else."
"Its fine, Lily," Aurelia said. "Not going to lie, we were pretty frustrated with you last year on the matter –"
"– and for a big bit of the summer, too," Rita cut in and Lily smiled again.
"– but we really understand," Aurelia finished.
Rita let out a short breath and bit her lip. "But, well, Lily...don't get mad at what I'm about to say, alright?"
It was funny to Lily that big tough Rita could be scared of her wrath, but Lily kept a straight face. "Why don't you say it and I'll see if I need to get mad or not," she said, her voice even.
Fingers tapping nervously on the table top, Rita began with, "Well, from the evidence we've gathered and from everything you've just told us, it just…it just seems like you really have fallen for James whether you like it or not. And you're too scared about what everyone will think of you and what harm it will do to your reputation if you go out with him."
"Plus," Aurelia chimed, gaining courage, "you feel bad for being so vindictive to him those years he started hitting on you that, if you went out with him, you would feel as if you didn't deserve him and you'd be putting him through misery."
"When the only thing he's ever wanted since 5th year was you, he just had an idiotic way of showing his feelings towards you," Rita added.
"And he tried his hardest to change for the better for you this past year, I hope you realize that," Aurelia said, looking nervously at Lily.
Giving a wry smile, Lily said, "You guys should be psychologists." She paused, still absorbing everything they had just told her. In a way it made perfect sense, yet it confused her even more. She gave up sorting it and gave her friends a grateful grin. "Thanks, guys."
Bleary eyed and still in pajamas, the girls came thumping down the stairs like zombies, making their way toward the kitchen. As they passed the front room, Aurelia's mum Kara called out, "You missed your dad's breakfast, so you'll have to eat cereal. And something came for you guys today and Lily's is mighty heavy."
The girls stopped in the hallway, looking at each other tiredly trying to let what Kara said roll through their sluggish brains. Aurelia was the first done and she lazily waved her arm, beckoning them to follow her as they made their way into the front room.
Three letters were sitting on the coffee table, each addressed in emerald ink to Lily, Rita, and Aurelia. "Hogwarts letters," all three said in a relieved tone, picking up the letter with their name on it.
Rita and Aurelia ripped open theirs immediately, looking through the list of stuff they needed and commenting on changes in reading material and Potion's ingredients. "Don't you think so, Lily?" Aurelia asked about a particularly gruesome ingredient.
When Lily didn't respond, Aurelia looked over and saw her friend standing a little hunched over her letter lying in the palms of her hands. She hadn't opened it yet. "What are you waiting for?" Aurelia asked, laughter in her voice.
"What –" Lily said, her voice coming out in a croak. She cleared her throat and tried again. "What if I didn't get it? I've worked my whole school career to earn it…"
Rolling her eyes, Rita said, "Exactly and there is no one else they could possibly give it to. No other Prefects had your impeccable record." She mimicked with a scholarly accent. Lily still stood huddled above her sealed letter, her eyes boring into it as if she was trying to X-Ray the contents without breaking the wax Hogwarts crest on the fold. Sighing, Rita said, "If you don't open it, I will and I won't tell you if you got it until we get on the train."
Lily lifted her eyes momentarily from the envelope to glare at Rita, but her eyes immediately refocused. Slowly, she turned the envelope around so she was facing the shield depicting a badger, lion, snake, and raven. Lily broke it open, gasping along with the crackling noise. Trembling slightly, she stretched the opening of the envelope wider and looked inside carefully. "OH MY GOODNESS!" Lily shrieked, "I GOT IT!" She whipped out a scarlet and gold badge with the letters HG emblazoned across the middle.
"Congratulations!" Aurelia, Rita and Kara chorused.
"Oh wow! I can't believe it!" Lily screeched some more, jumping around and dancing in a circle around the living room. "Do you think Remus got Head Boy?" she asked Aurelia in the middle of her twirling.
Shrugging, Aurelia said, "Dunno, probably. I'll go owl him right now."
"Ha'ee, deese are 'mwazin!" Sirius exclaimed through a mouthful of kippers.
Hallie gave James and Remus a questionable look from across the table and they translated simultaneously, "Hallie, these are amazing," in monotone. Hallie nodded her head in understanding and resumed eating her breakfast.
"Where's dad?" James asked, cutting up his waffles into small squares disinterestedly.
Hallie looked up sharply over the top of her eyes. "Helping out down at the Auror office. With this You-Know-Who –"
"Voldemort," all three boys corrected severely and Hallie winced slightly. "Why can't you say his name?" Sirius asked a little coolly.
Rubbing her head warily, Hallie said, "You haven't seen what he's done to people, you don't understand."
"I've seen my family and I understand their kind of evil," Sirius argued.
Hallie shook her head. "They're not evil, they're twisted. And I'm not getting into this with you again." She turned back to James. "As I was saying, with this You-Know-Who character getting more followers, more powerful and more forthright with his terrors, they need experts there to try and catch him since he's evaded capture for so long. And since your father was Head of the Department…" she trailed off, looking down at her half eaten plate without really seeing it.
"For being retired, he's working a lot," James said quietly and bitterly, mashing his waffles into a pulp as Remus and Sirius watched the conversation worriedly like outsiders.
Before Hallie could retort, three owls swooped into the kitchen, all carrying fat envelopes with emerald green ink on the front. One went to Sirius, one to Remus and the other to James. "Hogwarts letters," they said in unison, accepting the letter from the owl.
"Hey…I got two," James said, holding the Hogwarts crested one surely containing his school supply list in his left hand and a much thinner letter in his right. James chose the smaller, unknown note and opened it, scanning through it.
Curiously, Remus and Sirius put down their Hogwarts letters and watched as he scanned it. "Well, mate?" asked Sirius.
James looked up from the letter and his face immediately broke out into a grin. "Gina graduated last year, so I'm the new Quidditch captain for Gryffindor."
Sirius whooped, Remus smiled widely, and Hallie gasped. "Congratulations!" Hallie and Remus said, Hallie clapping her hands together excitedly.
"Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!" Sirius said. "My best friend as my slave driver, I'll be able to have so much more freedom with you than I did with Gina."
James gave Sirius an incredulous look and he stopped dancing around immediately. "I'll cut you the tiniest of breaks, but don't think for a second I'm going to let you or anyone else slack off during practice. I want to prove I'm a worthy leader and win the Quidditch cup with an undefeated season." James got a far off look to his eyes and immediately began mumbling quickly all the plans he just formed in his head about two seconds after reading he was captain.
Sirius leaned over to Remus and Hallie. "I spoke way too soon; he's going to run us into the ground. Remus, promise me you'll back me up when I tell James off for his manic behavior a month into the school year?"
Snorting, Remus said, "A month? You give him too much credit. I'll back you up when you want to tell him off two weeks after September 1st."
Sirius clapped Remus' back appreciatively and Hallie laughed. "Finish opening your Hogwarts letters, boys. I want to see how much has changed since I went there," Hallie encouraged.
"Well we use quills now instead of a rocks and chisels and there's these things called books we study from…" James said, snapping out of his frenzied rant enough to tease his mum. Hallie glared.
"Not much is different, actually," Sirius said, browsing over his list disinterestedly, then tossing it aside. He turned to Remus. "Did you get Head Boy, old man?"
Remus shook his head. "I talked to Dumbledore at the end of school last year and told him if I was being considered for Head Boy, I didn't want it and I'd rather stay a prefect."
Hallie looked at him strangely. "Why ever would you do a thing like that?"
Shrugging, Remus replied. "I could barely handle transformations with homework and prefect duties. I can't even imagine it with Head Boy responsibilities on top of it all."
"That's understandable," Sirius said, clapping Remus on the back reassuringly. "I wonder who got it, then. There's no doubt Lily's Head Girl. As much as I would hate the sick joy a Slytherin would get punishing us, it would be rather fun to mess with a snaky Head Boy."
James, who had been sitting silently throughout the conversation, cleared his throat and said quietly, "I got it."
"Got what?" Sirius asked.
"It. Head Boy," James said, looking down at his lap.
Laughing, Sirius said, "Good one."
James shook his head and lifted his hand from his lap, showing the table the scarlet and gold badge with HB emblazoned across the middle. "No, really. I'm…I'm Head Boy."
The whole table looked at the badge in shock for a few seconds before Hallie jumped up, squealing. "Head Boy! Oh James!" she said, coming over and giving her son a huge hug. "You're the first Potter to ever have it! They've all been too big of trouble makers! I'm so proud!" Hallie started attacking James with sloppy kisses.
Instantly he tried to wiggle away. "Mom, geroff, the guys…" he muttered, his face reddening.
"Don't worry, we're still in shock, we can't see a thing," Remus said, looking at the badge now lying on the table.
"Who in their right mind would give James Head Boy?" Sirius asked confusedly. "Was Dumbledore snorting sugar from a Sugar Quill when he assigned positions?"
Remus shrugged and James said, "Probably…I don't understand how the hell I got this with my record."
Another owl flew into the kitchen and soared to Remus, sticking a leg out so Remus could remove a quickly scribbled letter. "It's from Aurelia," Remus said, reading it as the owl sat looking at him thoughtfully. "Lily got Head Girl." James stopped everything he was doing and looked at Remus with wide eyes. His face immediately became flushed. "Does anyone have a quill so I can write her back real quick?"
Hallie Summoned a self-inking one wordlessly and Remus caught it out of the air. While James was still emerged in thoughts of Lily, Remus tugged on Sirius' shirt to get his attention. When he looked over, Remus pointed out a sentence Aurelia wrote. "'Did you get Head Boy and if you didn't, who do you think did?'" Sirius read in a whisper.
"What should I tell her?" Remus whispered back.
Sirius thought for a second, then said, "Just write the truth, but say don't tell Lily."
"I see my owl coming," Aurelia said, looking out the open back door into the sky.
"Good, now we can stop pondering over who got Head Boy," Lily said.
"He may not have gotten it," Rita pointed out as Aurelia removed a reply from her owl while the owl took a sip from Aurelia's milk.
Aurelia began scanning the letter, her eyebrows furrowing with each word. "Well?" Lily asked impatiently.
Looking up, Aurelia's eyes darted to Rita quickly, then she said, "Remus didn't get it and they can't figure out who else would've."
Lily fell back against her chair, tapping her fingers on the table. "Huh…I wonder who got it, then."
While Lily was staring off into space, deep in thought, Aurelia inconspicuously passed Rita the letter and pointed out a line. Rita read it and immediately responded with a loud, "Shit."
Lily jumped slightly and looked at her friend. "What?"
"Nothing!" Aurelia and Rita said, Aurelia incarcerating the letter under the table once Lily had looked away.
Author Notes: Imagine I'm passing out the most delicious cupcakes you've ever tasted, baked with love and many apologies for not updating in almost three months. You are going to accept the cupcake and the apology, although you can lecture me for about twenty minutes.
Now that that's taken care of…we are now venturing into the great unknown seventh year. In my outline I have sixth year nice and planned, color coded by events and by chapter and by scenes already written, then seventh year is a jumble of random thoughts. I only have part of September officially planned. Please give me filler ideas for seventh year AFTER Lily and James get together or else this story is going to end after James asks her out. Funny incidents and dramatic ones concerning Voldemort would be appreciated, but I will accept romantic ideas although I have plenty of those.
Please review so maybe it will motivate me to get a chapter out sooner and thank you for not drop kicking me into next week. ((Smiley face))
R/R!