Summary: He thought she hated him. She thought she was just bragging rights. He kept missing his chances. She was running away scared. A story of love that follows Lily and James from 6th year until graduation. R/R!

Disclaimer: So no one sues me, I'm not JKR, I could never compare to JKR and you all know that. She is the almighty goddess of all things Harry Potter/magic. Her riches are not mine. Enjoy!

Chapter Fifteen Summary: Things weren't going well for couples at Hogwarts until Rita and Sirius finally started going out, then love was in the air despite the winter chill. Lily escorts Remus to the hospital wing for his monthly transformation, although he doesn't realize she knows the deal. Lily hears invisible voices and gets curious, only to witness James, Sirius, and Peter transforming into Anamagus. Luckily, she adopts a more positive outlook for their lawbreaking. Halloween occurs with much joy pervading the school, even if Lily feels a bit on edge the whole day. Lily excuses herself, feigning illness, and James escorts her back to the common room. They stay up most of the night talking and James admits to Lily that he loves her. Lily's illogical mind refuses him once again and instantly regrets doing so as soon as the words come out of her mouth.

A few plot points were inspired by Lexie H, props to her!

"Lily? Lily? Honey, wake up."

Lily's half dream, half reality subconscious wanted to pretend it was James' voice saying those words to her in some distant future together, but the conscious side of her realized the voice was far too high pitched to be James. A horrible jolt went through her body as her conscious self comprehended what her subconscious had been imagining and Lily rasped out a sob.

"Are you okay, Lily? You know you're on the floor, right? You need to get up…"

Lily shook her head, eyes still closed. "No, no. I ruined it. It's all over. I'm such an idiot…I know what I want now. God, why couldn't I have realized it sooner?"

"Whats'matter?" a croaking voice asked.

"It's Lily…she's, well, she's a mess is what she is. Come help me, Rita."

Somewhere inside her mind, Lily realized it had been Aurelia coercing her to get up, but Lily didn't see why that mattered. What mattered right now was her agony and the agony that she had inflicted on James. "I messed up. I missed my chance…" she continued to ramble on, ignoring reality as she swam lost in her memories.

"How much you wanna bet this is some'tin to do with James?" the croaky voice belonging to Rita said, much closer this time.

"Not now, Rita, let's just get her off the floor."

"Do you guys mind?" another voice said. "I don't have to be up for another half hour and I need my rest."

"Shut it, Calypso, or I'll make it so you never wake up again."

There was a small "hmph!" of indignation, then all was silent except for Lily's ramblings as Aurelia and Rita grabbed Lily and pulled her off the floor.

"I wonder what happened," Aurelia said.

"We'll get the dirt from Remus and Sirius later," Rita grunted as they heaved a moaning Lily onto the bed.

"But what if James is in the same state that Lily's in…not making any sense?" Aurelia asked.

Silence followed and Lily slowly began to become aware of what was going on around her. She opened her eyes and sat up to find her disheveled friends eyeing her cautiously. "Do –" Her voice came out as a croak. She cleared it and tried again. "Do you want to know what happened?"

Shrugging, Rita said, "It would be nice to know why you've gone mental."

Lily tried to glare, but instead tears came. She took a deep, rattling breath and said, "James and me talked forever last night and at the end of our conversation, he basically said that he loved me and never wanted to part with me."

Aurelia sucked in a breath the same time Rita's mouth dropped open. Lily saw Calypso sit up straight in bed out of the corner of her eye. "He said what?" Calypso snapped.

Rita glared ferociously in her direction and Calypso didn't say another word. Once Rita was sure she had shut up, she turned to Lily. "We knew it was something like that. We knew his feelings were more than just getting you into your knickers."

"What did you say back?" Aurelia asked quietly. She looked angry, as if she already knew the answer. Lily very slightly cowered under the stare.

"I said we couldn't be together."

Usually Rita was the one with the short temper when it came to Lily and James' relationship. That's why Lily was shocked that, even with the expression on her face right before; Aurelia was the one who hit the bedpost so hard it rattled precariously. "Damn it, Lily!" she nearly yelled. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

Redhead anger flared within her and Lily squared her shoulders, eyes flashing. "Last night my thought process was that, if we started going out, it would be easier to lose him. Of course after sleeping on it I realize that I was somewhat wrong –"

"Somewhat wrong!?" both Rita and Aurelia yelled.

"Shhhh-sh!" Calypso said dramatically and Rita turned suddenly, taking a menacing step towards her. Calypso's bed was luckily next to the bathroom and she took the opportunity to fly out of the sheets and run into it, locking the door deftly behind her.

"What in the world is wrong with your head, Lily? How can you be so smart and so dumb at the same time?" Aurelia continued while Rita and Calypso had their short showdown. "You've been so flighty with him, I'm shocked he even still speaks to you. Of course he loves you, why else would he still acknowledge you after all you've done to him!"

"He's done stuff to me, too!" Lily protested.

Aurelia rolled her eyes. "Two or three years ago and he only did it to get your attention. He didn't know he was hurting you and, guess what, he's grown up since then, you prat!"

"If you were scared of losing him by being in a relationship, how do you think a friendship will survive after last night?" Rita said, eyes accusing Lily.

The severity of the situation hit Lily more in those few words than her slow realization when she woke up. She clutched her hands to her head and shook it wearily. "I know, I know. Oh God…what am I going to do." She sniffed.

Aurelia made a disgusted sound and crossed her arms. "I honestly don't feel sorry for you. You've had this epiphany coming for a long time."

For once, Rita was the level headed one in the group. She climbed on the bed next to Lily and put an arm around her shoulders. "Do you think you can make it through classes today?"

Lily didn't answer immediately, but after a moment she shook her head slowly. Rita nodded. "That's what I thought. And I suppose you don't want to leave the dorm either?" Another shake of the head. "Yes, alright. I can bring you up food if you want." A nod. "Fine. You do need to think some things over today."

Rita got off the bed and pulled an angry Aurelia with her out of the dorm, both still dressed in pajamas with their hair flying in every direction.

"Where are we going?" Aurelia asked.

Rita didn't answer until they were in the common room, heading towards the boy's staircase. "We're going to figure some things out with the Marauders, well, the Marauders minus a broken one."

"Damn," Sirius said thoughtfully. "No, we didn't know that. James won't move a muscle; he has just blinked at us."

Rita nodded satisfactorily. "Just as I thought. I propose we stay completely out of the situation."

"Agreed," Sirius said.

Aurelia glared. "Excuse me?" she said coldly. "Let the two gits work it out themselves? I don't think so."

"Funny how it's you who's being completely unreasonable, Aurelia, instead of the usual Rita," Remus said. Aurelia glared at her boyfriend and stalked off.

Whistling low, Sirius said, "You're in for it now, mate."

Remus shrugged. "I agree with Rita, we need to stay out of it. Maybe our interference has helped prevent them getting together."

Shaking her head, Rita replied, "No, that was all them."

November…

All the color was about to leave the world.

The brilliant oranges, yellows, and reds coating the trees were beginning to crinkle brown and blow off in the winter breeze. The vibrant green blades of grass were trying their best to beat the trees to turn a dull, dead color. The sun would shine brilliant light less and gray clouds would soon obscure the little colors remaining.

There was no color left in James or Lily's life.

After Halloween, James simply gave up on Lily after her encouragement they couldn't be together. He began to avoid her as much as possible and, when Head duties wouldn't allow him to do that, he spoke directly to her as little as possible. Lily hated the distance James put between them, but she felt she had caused the distance and felt too guilty and self-conscious to say anything about it. She desperately missed their friendship and desperately wanted to be more, but there was no way now that she ruined it and that James gave up.

Lily didn't talk to anyone about how she felt. She was scared that her friends would harass her to make a move when she knew it wouldn't go anywhere. She wasn't about to share with the Marauders and under no circumstance would she confront James.

The simple fact of the matter was the Lily missed James, much more than she wanted to admit. She had kept these thoughts repressed for so long and now they were desperately bursting out of her. The deep and intense feelings she had wouldn't leave her alone. They tortured her in class, during meals, while faking a smile with friends. The only way to get rid of them was to fall asleep, but then Lily was usually plagued by dreams depicting her reaching to James and him reaching back, fingers almost touching until some unseen force made their hands drop and their bodies pull away from each other. When Lily woke up, the thoughts continued a new day of torture.

James face and voice refused to leave her mind alone, just as Lily's had refused to leave his for so many years.

It was worse at that moment, too, since Lily was in the nearly empty common room working on the Transfiguration homework that made no sense. If things were the way they were supposed to be, James would be helping me with this right now, Lily thought to herself and threw down her quill in exasperation with an irritated sigh.

"Can I help you with something?" a low, quiet voice said next to her.

Lily's heart stopped beating in her chest. It was the voice that had been haunting her every thought for a week. She looked up to confirm that James was standing next to her and immediately wished she hadn't.

He looked terrible.

There were dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes and his hair was sticking up in every direction, more than usual. Lily wondered if she looked as bad as he did, she knew she looked in the mirror every day but the reflection never registered in her head since James had taken residence there…the mirror was just part of a routine.

James continued to look at her in an inquisitively helpful manner and Lily couldn't find her voice. Despite the fact he looked absolutely terrible, he was still beautiful.

The silence stretched longer and James looked more uncomfortable with each passing second. "Erm, well, if you'd rather be alone –"

"No!" Lily's voice revived itself. "No, I-I'm actually in dire need of some tutoring."

James looked over her shoulder. "Transfiguration?"

"Yeah," Lily said. It felt so strange speaking to him out of free will when Head duties hadn't obligated them to communicate. "Damn Transfiguration. I don't understand anything going on in the class."

The corners of James' mouth twitched, but he kept his composure and sat down across from her. They both took in a short breath, it was the closest they had been since Halloween, and it gave each of them a shiver. "It's not that hard, once you get the basic concept," James said, his voice wavering ever so slightly.

Lily looked at him blankly. "What's the basic concept?"

"Yikes," James said casually, turning her book slightly more towards him so he didn't have to completely strain himself reading upside down. "You better make yourself comfortable; we've got a long way to go."

It was strange how quickly Lily and James rediscovered how to be together at ease as they worked through the kinks in Lily's homework. It was almost as if there had never been a conflict, the only indicator there ever had been one was when they accidentally touched. Both stopped what they were doing to look at the each other. Then one would clear their throat and get back on track.

Just as James and Lily had worked through most of her homework, the common room door opened. They both looked up, ready to pounce on the student who came back to the common room after hours and were surprised to see an older wizard hobble through.

However, James was much more surprised than Lily. "Dad?" he asked in disbelief.

The older wizard straightened as the door swung shut behind him and laughed. He opened his arms; the movement caused his rich dark red sweeping robes to swirl around him elegantly. "James!" he boomed and, despite his obvious age, his voice was clear and strong.

James jumped up from the table he and Lily were working at and ran to his dad, giving him a hug. "What the hell are you doing here, old man?" James asked, playfully punching him.

James' dad buckled slightly and wheezed out a cough, but before James or Lily had time to be concerned, he let out a crooked smile so much like his son's and straightened. "I just came from Dumbledore's office, we were having a small meeting about increasing the protection on the school –"

"You were working?" James interrupted a distasteful look upon his face. "You're supposed to retired and resting like mum said –"

"I know, I know," James' dad interrupted right back, "don't give me the whole run down again. Now, are you going to stop being rude and introduce me to this lovely lady you were working so diligently with before I came bursting in?"

James looked to Lily, his eyes lighting up just enough for Lily's heart to notice and flutter in response. James' dad smiled as if he just heard the irregularity in the beats. "Oh yeah. Dad, this is Lily Evans, the Head Girl I've been working with –"

That's the easiest way to put it, Lily thought to herself.

"– And Lily, this is my dad, Harold."

Lily outstretched her hand. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Potter."

Harold made a tsk-ing sound and said, "Please, call me Harold."

"Harold," Lily corrected herself and then blushed slightly when Harold took her hand and kissed the back of it lightly with his lips. "Well, I can see where James gets his smooth moves from," Lily said to cover the redness that was surely dominating her face.

It was James' turn to blush as Harold let out another booming laugh. "Dear, you don't know the half of it." Harold laughed again but it quickly turned into a hacking cough.

"Dad," James said reproachfully, "this is why you shouldn't be out running around –"

"Hush," Harold said, swatting his son lightly. "I just came to say hi. You're mother is expecting me home, she'll be worried sick, what with the times we're in. Don't tell her I visited you, she'll be infuriated that she didn't get to see you also."

"Our secret," James promised.

Harold laughed again, and coughed ferociously again. "Dear, dear, excuse me." He took a handkerchief out of a pocket and wiped his mouth lightly. "Oh yes, what's this about you not getting into trouble in a month?" Harold said reproachfully, slipping the handkerchief back in an unseen pocket. "We haven't received a letter from Minerva in two and a half weeks, we wondered if you had died."

James shrugged and Lily looked on, slightly amused but more so stunned. His parents were upset he wasn't getting in trouble? "I don't know, I've been too busy to really deal with that kind of stuff. Plus, I've got to set a good example."

Laughing and coughing, Harold patted James on the back. "Your mother would be pleased to hear you're being more mature. I just miss the weekly, sometimes daily, letters I used to receive. It is so entertaining hearing what you boys come up with, the pranks always brighten my day. Not that I abhor you behaving now…"

Harold turned to Lily and took her hand, kissing it once more. "It was a pleasure to meet you, dear. I hope to see you again soon," Harold said.

"I hope so too," Lily responded politely, smiling widely. She liked Harold a lot.

James' dad beamed back and turned to his son, grabbing him in one last hug and ruffling his hair. "Despite the joy I get from Minerva's beautifully stern letters, stay out of trouble."

James laughed. "I'll try," he promised half-heartedly.

Harold chuckled just slightly enough so a cough didn't come erupting out of his chest. He gave James one last pat on the back and swept out of the common room, his robes sweeping brilliantly behind him.

Snorting in wonder at his father, James turned to Lily with bright eyes and a huge smile. It took her by surprise, Lily hadn't seen his face light up since Halloween (she had been conspicuously watching him from across rooms). "That was a pleasant surprise," James said, sighing happily.

Lily nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I really like him."

Somehow, even though Lily didn't know how it was possible, James' eyes got brighter. "Really?"

Smiling, Lily said, "Really. He's just wonderful."

James grinned and looked toward the door his father had disappeared through a moment before. "Yeah, he is." James turned back to Lily and smiled again.

Lily looked at him and the question that had been nagging her the duration of Harold's visit pushed its way to the front of her mind once more. She opened her mouth to ask, then immediately snapped her jaw shut as a small part of her brain informed her that saying the question aloud would be very rude.

Of course, James noticed she had held something back. "What is it?" he asked, suddenly concerned.

Lily shook her head. "It's nothing."

"No it's not, tell me, please."

"Well…" Lily hesitated. James cocked his head to the side, a move Lily had noticed he did whenever he was curious for an answer. "I was just wondering…is your dad alright? He kept coughing…"

"Oh," James said. He looked away from her and rubbed his hand across the base of his neck. "Yeah, it's just old age. And being overworked for years." Huffing slightly, James continued with, "He's finally retired and he can't stand it, keeps going back to the Auror offices, and asking if they need any help, which of course they do so they hand him a bunch of dirty work no one else wants to do."

Lily nodded in understanding. "That's a shame, I'm sorry."

James shrugged. "It's not your fault. It's his, the prat keeps pushing himself. He's too old for all that."

Lily nodded again and they stood there, James staring off at a bit of wall and Lily staring at him. Soon Lily cleared her throat and offered, "Should we finish up?" gesturing to her homework lying forgotten on the table.

Following her hand, James nodded and escorted her back to her seat. "Yeah, so, can you tell me the restrictions of changing animals into objects and vice versa?"

"…but the Bats have Ivar for a Seeker and he's the best in the league," James pointed out, taking a bite of toast.

"Ah, but Puddlemere has two of the best Beaters Quidditch has seen in six hundred years," Remus put in.

Sirius snorted and the remaining pumpkin juice in his mouth shot out all over the scraps on Remus' plate. "That's all fine and dandy, but Puddlemere has only one good Chaser, Verna, and the rest are rubbish. Now the Bats have Delaney, Killian, and Filmore for Chasers, a trio of perfection."

"What about the Cannons?" Peter chirped.

The three boys broke out in gales of hysteria while Peter looked on, confused and slightly hurt.

"Mails here," Remus said, sitting up straighter and wiping the tears from his eyes.

At first, the morning mail followed the same routine as any other Monday. Remus and Sirius received nothing from their families, James had a letter from his father and some homemade food for all the boys to share from his mother, and Peter had a package usually containing a fresh set of underwear and socks from his mother.

After all the owls disappeared and the items received had been looked over and set aside, something took place that was most unusual for Monday mail. A tawny owl swept over the Great Hall and everyone's attention was caught by it. There were usually no owls after morning mail. Students looked around interestedly, wondering who the abnormal delivery was for. There would be much more tension in the room if the owl had been a large brown barn one. Everyone knew that type of owl was from the Ministry and it generally meant that someone in your family had been attacked and killed by Death Eaters.

To the Marauders surprise, the letter dropped in front of Sirius. The tawny owl clicked its beak once. Absentmindedly (and unceremoniously), Sirius shoved a bit of bacon into the bird's 

mouth. The owl thought this very rude and, after thoroughly digesting the bacon, took off in flight, making sure to clip Sirius on the shoulder with its claws.

Sirius barely noticed the disturbance. "Who the hell would send me this?" he asked, anger seeping slightly into his voice.

"Open it and find out," James said eagerly. He was innately curious.

Sirius ripped open the seal and unfolded the piece of parchment. He scanned the letter quickly, his face falling. "Oh no…" he said quietly.

"What is it?" Remus asked, his interest peaked.

"My…my Uncle Alphard. He's dead."

James frowned. "Wasn't that the only member of your family that you liked?"

Sirius put his head in his hand. "Yes and the only one that liked me, too." Sirius snorted lightly and said, "When I was fourteen, my parents banned him from visiting when he stood up on a table at one of their parties and announced that Voldemort was a cowardly berk."

Laughing, James said. "I remember you telling me that."

Remus put a comforting hand on Sirius' back. "I'm sorry, mate."

Sirius pulled the corner of his mouth up just slightly. "S'alright. He left me quite a bit."

"Whaddya mean?" Peter asked.

"He left me all of his gold, and lemme tell you…he was filthy rich." He held the letter out in front of him and the three boys leaned forward to see it.

There was a small silence. "Wow," Remus finally said.

"What are you going to do with it?" James asked, still peering at the amount of galleons, sickles, and knuts written professionally on the parchment.

Sighing deeply, Sirius said, "I don't know, invest most of it, probably. Of course I'll take some of it out to buy myself a flat."

James whipped his head towards Sirius. "What? You're not going to live with me anymore?"

Sirius gave his friend a sympathetic look. "Well, did you expect me to impose on Harold and Hallie forever?"

James' face soured. "No…but you just moved in."

"James, I've basically lived with you since I was twelve," Sirius said impatiently. Suddenly, his face lit up. "Hey…what if I got a big enough flat for all four of us to live in after graduation?"

"Yeah!" James yelled without hesitation, punching his fist in the air.

Remus grinned. "That sounds perfect."

Sirius smiled and turned to Peter expectantly, whose face reddened. "I, well, I don't know how my mum would like that. I think she, you know, expected me to live with her."

Eyes darkening, Sirius snapped, "You'll have to move out and grow up sometime. Why not sooner than later?"

"I just don't know, Sirius," Peter said, anger flashing just slightly in his eyes.

None of his friends seemed to notice. In fact, Sirius jumped up with his letter and said, "I'm going to go tell Rita." James and Remus immediately began planning their life after graduation while Peter picked the yolk out of his eggs, looking very surly.

Author Notes: Wow, apparently asking a trivia question brings out all the lurker readers. Now I know you're there, so review!

Nephila gets the points for guessing first that the scene with James and Lily in the Girl's Tower is from The Wedding Planner! But the runner up awards goes to Justice's Quill, MudbloodKerri, The Carboard Moon, and prongs4eva. I got many interesting answers, like Friends (props to those who guessed that, even though you weren't right, I LOVE that show), Grey's Anatomy, Everwood, 27 Dresses, and Titanic. Good guesses all around!

And if you haven't read the Twilight series yet by Stephenie Meyer, you must must must go out and read them all. I command you. It is my new obsession rivaling Harry Potter and that is why it's taken me forever and a day to update.

REVIEW!! And read Twilight. But review first.