A/N: Hi! Huge thanks to my awesome beta Cass, she is the best. I don't know what I would do without her. And thank you so much for the lovely reviews, guys. They make me so happy, you have no idea!
This is the last chapter of Sookie's background. See you in the end. Enjoy!
Chapter 5 - If Tomorrow Never Comes
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that," I apologized in an anxious rush of words, looking at him with pleading eyes. I felt utterly displeased with myself, angry even, for such an improper retort. "I couldn't regret my stupid lack of sense more, Bill. It seems I can't accept a compliment and just say thanks like everyone else... With a few more drinks in my system I would probably hit you, huh?" I laughed uneasily, in a feeble attempt at humor.
"It's okay… I believe you had every right to scorn me. I deserved that. It just pains me that I disappointed you so deeply, that you can even accept a heartfelt compliment from me." He looked abashed. All light left his eyes as the words flowed through his lips. "Nevertheless I want you to know that what happened with Claudine was a misunderstanding, an escape, a refuge to my real feelings at that moment, a sick trick my heart played with my mind. I know that now, Sookie. I know. I just needed time to see things clearly, that's all…" He lowered his eyebrows, shading the rueful dusk of his eyes. "I don't have feelings for her. I never really did."
"I'm not disappointed with you, Bill. Please, you're human, it was an honest mistake. It's not like it's the end of the world. You had a crush and Claudine doesn't know anything about it. You have nothing to worry about. Besides, I understand why it happened. I really do. Amelia told me the whole story, including Lorena's tale." I paused for a few seconds, watching his face anxiously as the words sank into his brain. Maybe he would tell me about Lorena? He said nothing to this for a minute or more. Nope, no such luck indeed.
"Why don't we just forget about this whole thing and enjoy our time together?" I said, in a hopeful effort to cheer him up and leave all of it behind us. I was genuinely willing to forget the foolish episode and forgive the lack of honesty on my part and the lack of trust on his. I couldn't tell him my sulky retort was based in an unwelcomed feeling of rejection and true affection, as he wouldn't feel comfortable talking about his ex-girlfriend's indiscretions; which only left us with convenient avoidance and feigned acceptance for an unknown amount of time. How messed up are we?
A moment later, which seemed like a life time but in reality was probably mere seconds, he lifted his eyes to meet my earnest stare; the corner of his lips assuming the beautiful shape of a smile, followed by an agreeable nod. I knew then everything would be alright again.
I beamed at him in return. It felt good to hear through his own lips that he didn't have feelings for my friend, more than I cared to acknowledge at the time. He took my hands in his and squeezed lightly as a thank you (I assumed). He was still holding my hand in his when Amelia came back to the table with Tray, their hands in a tight grip as well. We parted ours on the spur of the moment, but a little too late for Amelia's hawk eyes.
"We are back, sweethearts. And now it's your time to shake your butts on the dance floor. Go, go already… Tray and I want some privacy and we are exhausted. I know you want to dance Sookie. I can see it in your beautiful blue eyes…" Her gaze and voice sounded so innocent that one could almost fall for that big bullshit. Almost. She was just trying to set us up, clearly.
"Would you give me the honor, Sookie?" I gaped at Bill, not believing he would fall for that one, but accepted his waiting hand anyway. He led me to the dance floor; it was huge and absolutely packed. We managed to find some room and started to move our bodies to an eclectic mix of great dance music from many genres as it kept blasting through the room one after another. I loved to dance and I was a really good dancer. I couldn't do a lot of things, but I sure could dance; therefore I had some pretty good moves on my sleeve.
I was in my element, moving with the rhythm of the music, feeling the beat increase my own heartbeat. I swung my body with fluid confident steps, moving my hips just right, sliding back and forth, side to side. My arms running against my body, my hair, through the air; Bill on my side, on my back, so close, yet so far away. Every time he put his hands on my waistline or grazed his skin up against mine, sending chills up and down my spine, I wanted to jump his bones right there, right way. He was a good dancer, a little uptight, but good nonetheless.
We danced and shook our butts with ease, until the upbeat music ended abruptly and a slow ballad started its first notes. I looked at Bill expectantly just to find an expression of utter uncertainty on his remarkable face. I smiled sheepishly at him, getting the hint and turned to walk way, while couples were formed everywhere I looked.
"Hey Sook, come back here. Don't be shy, I won't bite," he shouted, abruptly. Reaching to grab my hand as I walked away, making me spun in my heels into his warm embrace. I said nothing; my voice had temporarily left me. I just held on to him like my life depended on it. The proximity of our bodies baffled my other senses, making me forget we were surrounded by people. I only felt him and him only.
"I could hold you forever…"He spoke again very softly, almost a whisper as his grip tightened on me. I eyed him puzzled; the heated smoldering darkness of his eyes consumed my heart. My lips twitched into a smile as his fingers ran through my hair. I buried my face into his chest, willing to live that moment like it was the last.
I didn't notice straight away that the love ballad wasn't playing anymore, neither did he, apparently. We were still dancing in each other's arms as some clumsy guy bumped into us, making me lose my balance; Bill caught me. Our perfect little alone moment was ruined though, the disco music was already blaring in our ears and the people around us moved like monkeys over a burning floor. I reluctantly left his embrace, steadying myself, still holding his hand. He slowly lifted my hand to his lips and softly kissed the back of it, lacing his fingers in mine as we started to walk towards our table.
Amelia and Tray were having some fun together under the table, hands everywhere; I giggled at the view. Bill just shook his head amused and cleared his throat three times. When they finally noticed our presence, they didn't appear ashamed or annoyed with the interruption to say the least. Amelia glanced at us and our holding hands and gave Bill and me a knowing smirk. I blushed, dropping it swiftly and pretended to look for something on my purse. We sat there for awhile more, enjoying the rest of the night.
It was really late by the time we all decided to leave. I had to get back to the hostel already. It was past 2am and I would have to attend to a full day tour around the city in a few hours and leave by the end of the day. I really needed some rest; and that was what I told them. Tray offered to take Amelia to her place and she happily accepted. I narrowed my eyes at her knowing what she was doing, but she deflected me as she promised to see me at my lunch break. We said our good-byes affectionately and off they went. I found myself alone with Bill for a second time. Damn Amelia, you're gonna pay for that one. As I planned my sweet vengeance against Amelia, Bill led me across the street to his car, a black Toyota Corolla sedan. He opened the passenger's door for me like the perfect southern gentleman he was, I thought it very refreshing.
We talked a little as he drove. He said he would try to see me again before I left, my heart skipped a beat at that promise. Although I felt self-conscious around Bill, afraid I would let my emotions get the best of me, I couldn't seem to have enough of him. When we arrived at the hostel, he got out of the car and opened the door for me again. I didn't know what to think or say, I was in heaven and in hell at the same time. He walked me hand in hand to the front door. It seemed so much as the end of a first date that I had to fight hard to keep my head away of that dangerous line of thought.
He made another flattering remark about my features and I properly showed my appreciation this time; both of us bursting into laugh as result. I said how much I had loved to meet him and Amelia; he told me with a soft squeeze he loved to see me as well. We joked a lot about the way we met over the internet and how one of us could have been really ugly, impossible fat or even a psychopath behind an alias. We laughed so hard that I got teary-eyed. I felt so good around him. He made me feel happy and cherished; he was my best male friend after all. Why did I have to fall for him? This is so unfair. If only he were brainless or unattractive… I brushed the thoughts away; I was too tired to find sense in life. I stifled a few yawns as we continued to talk enthusiastically.
"You need to sleep, darling. You look so tired…" he didn't seem relived or pleased with that assertion; actually, his eyes looked almost sad, wistful. But I couldn't say for sure, I probably imagined it, the sleepiness getting the best of me.
"You're right… I'm gonna see you tomorrow anyway, right?" I rubbed my eyes, smiling at him and went closer to give him a goodnight hug. He wrapped his arms around my body and squeezed me tight, even lifting me from the ground a little. I felt so secure in his warm embrace that I thought I could fall into sleep in his arms any minute. He carefully let me down and reached for my face, gently holding it. My heart skipped a beat as he leaned over me. I closed my eyes, the anticipation building in my stomach. I felt as he inhaled my scent and his soft lips hovered over my temple, only to land there in a sweet kiss. On the forehead? What does that even mean? That you ain't getting any smooches any farther south than this.
My heart sank. I wanted a kiss, a real passionate kiss, or so I hoped, not a demonstration of chaste fondness or extreme denial. I smiled sheepishly, saying goodnight and quickly getting inside the hostel, straight to the dorm. I threw myself on the bed disappointed, embarrassed, offended, angry, sadden, unloved, rejected and frustrated all at once. I finally admitted to myself that I had strong feelings towards Bill, just to get my silly secret hopes tossed through the window. It's not like I put myself out there, I just waited for his next move. Thoughts like this haunted me for hours until sleep took me out of consciousness.
The next day, a Saturday, we went to the French Market, the Pontalba Buildings, St. Louis Cemetery #1, the Madame John's Legacy gallery, the Garden District and Lafayette Cemetery #1; everything seemed a little less amazing though. I was in a bad mood; getting rejected will do that to a girl. It was almost time for our lunch break when my cell phone rang. Amelia wanted to know where she could meet me; we set a time and a place.
She was already there when I arrived. We talked to each other freely about the night before, switching from one subject to another, but mostly Bill and I. Amelia wanted to hear from me what happened after she got away. Apparently she had previously obtained Bill's version of the facts. I told her everything, the entire story. I was so tired of the whole concealment burden, that it felt like a weight had been lifted out of my shoulders.
"So let me get this straight, you like Bill for God knows how long, you tried to forget him, but seeing him made your feelings aflame all over again? Also you wished he had kissed you, really kissed you last night, but he didn't. And now you're too embarrassed to see him again?" I nodded, distressed. "Oh Sookie, this is priceless." She shook her head, laughing at me.
"You think this funny? Really Amelia? You made me open my heart to you and what do you do? You cackle like a hyena! How dare you?" I snapped, rising to leave as she made a stop motion with her hand and quitted laughing almost instantly.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't laughing at you. I was laughing at the whole situation. I feel for you, Sookie. I really do. Please, forgive me." She sounded genuinely sincere, so I decided to stay.
"It's not funny… It's sad and stupid, but not funny," I replied grudgingly.
"Just do me a favor, ok? You don't have any reason to worry or to feel ashamed of anything, Sookie. You're a grown woman; you have to start to act like one. Bill is gonna see you before you go back to Bon Temps, and he has something he needs to tell you. Just promise me you are gonna let him meet you, please? Promise?"
"Okay…" I muttered a bit annoyed. It wasn't like I had choice, was it?
We ate more quietly after that, I reinforced my invitation to her to visit us in Bon Temps and she said she would by the end of the year. Amelia and I exchanged more pleasantries until we finished our lunch and went separate ways. The rest of the day was chaotic. The tour group rushed through the other remaining locations, which were plenty; every single brick our professor thought was worth seeing. It was almost time to get back to the hostel to pick up our stuff and head home when Bill called. He said he would meet me there, at the hostel and I tried to convince him otherwise, saying that there was no need for him to do it, but he seemed very obstinate. I ended up saying yes.
My mind was in overdrive, the things Amelia had told me, my irrational fears, Bill's ambiguous attitude, but mostly the thought of seen him again and the pressing manner to leave very soon sent me straight to the edge. Approximately forty minutes later the tour bus parked in front of the hostel. I looked around and caught no sign of Bill, a mix of sadness and relief washed me. I went to the dorm and quickly gathered my things, making sure to not leave anything behind. I headed to the bus and made myself comfortable. I glanced at my cell phone for any missing calls, but found nothing there. I didn't notice until the screen became suddenly blurry, that I was crying. Great, Sookie. Just great. I wiped the tears away, focusing on the hostel's neon sign outside. One loud thud on my window made me look down startled, though. It was Bill.
He signaled for me to get out of the bus. I didn't know what to do; the driver was already starting it. I looked into his pleading eyes and that was enough to make me got up with a new resolve. I begged for the driver to wait just 5 more minutes pouting and making my best puppy dog eyes; he eventually agreed. I stepped out of the bus and there he was, looking delectable in his V-neck light green sweater, white button-up shirt beneath and dark gray jeans. I stopped in my tracks, uncertain of what to do next. Even so I was really glad to see him one last time, nevertheless I felt queasy. I didn't think my heart could handle a replay from last night.
"Sookie, I'm sorry I couldn't get here earlier. I had problems at work again. Are you leaving already, huh? I had so much fun last night, you're wonderful and -" He stopped rambling abruptly and came closer to me. His eyes showed the new intent that was taking control of him; his hand reached out and he gently tucked a stray of hair behind my ear. I stopped breathing right there.
"Sookie, I like you." I stared at him, bewildered.
"What? You like me? How?" He chuckled and cocked his head, amused with my reaction.
"The same way you like me, I hope." I gaped at him, astonished with this unexpected announcement. He likes me? Really likes me? Oh. My. God. This is really happening, isn't it? I could say I liked him as friend; he certainly left room for misinterpretation. But no, it was time to put on my big girl pants and bite the bullet.
"I like you too…" I spoke softly, the words just above a whisper.
The corner of his mouth curled up in a beautiful heartfelt smile. "You know, I had a dream last night… I dreamed your kiss tasted like pudding. I wonder if that's true…" He closed the space left between us, slipping his hand under the back of my neck. It was the most perfect moment - the soft light, the quiet murmur of the city, the spice and sweet scent in the air. I beamed openly and it was just what he was waiting for. He bended over me intently, as he claimed my mouth with gentle strength, molding it to his own. His soft lips moving in a tender slow pace, as he tasted mine. His other hand moved leisurely, firmly over my back. He drew away slowly with a peculiar look in his eyes.
"No, it definitely doesn't taste like pudding, it tastes so much better," he declared with utter satisfaction in his voice. A feeling of absolute harmony swept me out of my feet. A surge of boldness, an urge to kiss him again overcame me and that was just what I did. I pressed hard on his lips, leaning on him. His breath was warm, inviting. His tongue probed, searching between my lips, our eyes closed as our kiss deepened. We shared a moment of profound intimacy. The bus horn blared twice before we pulled out from each other. I had to go, everybody was waiting. We hugged one more time. He told me he would call and that he would miss me a great deal. "Oh, me too, Bill. Me too… Bye!"
The drive back home seemed shorter, in view of the fact that I kept thinking of Bill and giggling like a school girl the whole time. I liked him so much. No, I loved him, if I was being honest with myself; it was painful and wonderful at the same time. I already missed him, his touch, his lips, his smile… By the time I got home it was too late to call, so I decided to just text him. I took a long relaxing shower and went to bed. I slept like a baby that night, with so much happiness and fatigue pulling over me. I had dreams too, wonderful, sweet dreams with a certain attractive young man.
---------------------
After my trip to New Orleans Bill and I began to talk every single day on the phone, by e-mails and instant messengers, everything available to appease the longing for the other's presence. He asked me to be his girlfriend over the phone one day; he didn't even wait for us to meet again to pop the question. He said he knew he couldn't live without me anymore; I almost fainted before saying yes. I beamed with happiness all day long, not quite believing all of this was really happening.
Two weeks passed and he still couldn't come see me, he was working on that new project and couldn't get the time off. But he would have a week off work very soon and we were thrilled at the prospects. When the date finally got close enough we set the details. He would drive to Bon Temps and call me only when he got here. I begged for him to call me earlier and let me know when and where he would arrive, but he insisted on making it a surprise. He just agreed to inform me the day and the time he would depart from New Orleans. I hated surprises.
The day we waited for so long finally came, it was a perfect Saturday; he called me the night before letting me know he would leave by 7am to get in time to have lunch with me. He also told me a few surprising facts, like he knew he liked me more than just a friend before my visit to New Orleans. I gasped, shocked at the news and he went on telling me it was Amelia that had opened his eyes. Well, no surprise there, huh?
"Oh Sookie, I was a blind man stumbling in the shadows, completely lost. If it wasn't for Amelia I might still be blind. I thank her for that every day."
"What did she do after all?" I inquired, curious.
"She asked me a simple question; what I missed most when I stayed away after Claudine's incident or when I went out in work-related travels. I didn't think much to answer. I said it was talking to you. She just shouted: Bingo!" He revealed to me, very amused. I giggled, delighted with Amelia nosiness. "I've been waiting for you all my life, Sookie. I can see it now, it's so clear. I love you. I loved you before I ever touched you, darling." It was the first time he said he loved me. I had teary eyes as I replied with the same three words. He promised to utter the same words tenderly in my ear the following day. I rejoiced in heaven, unreservedly happy; all my dreams coming true.
The sunlight was streaming on my bedroom floor through the sheer curtains. I climbed out of bed and stretched, leaning on the window to catch the early sunbeams on my face and breathe the summer air, willing my anxiety to slowly slip away. I had the entire morning to prepare myself. I picked the outfit I would wear, a summer dress with multiple prints, a surplice v-neckline, adjustable spaghetti straps, padded cups and a smocked empire waist; which emphasized my curves nicely. It was definitely one of my favorite's summer dresses. I took a vanilla scented bath, washed my hair and shaved, getting as smooth as a baby. I blew dry my hair, making it falls down my back in shinny waves. I put on some make up, just enough to highlight my best assets. I got dressed and ready before 11am.
I was alone at home; my parents and my brother had gone out to lunch and probably dinner too at my gran's house. I gave my mom some silly excuse why I couldn't go and she believed it. Although I knew I would have to tell them about Bill eventually. I sat at the front porch, cell phone by my side, a grin on my lips, my cat Tina on my lap and waited. I waited and waited for almost an hour and no sign of Bill. "He said he would call, right? Damn, I hate surprises!" I talked to Tina, who did nothing other than purr to ease my nerves. I called his number but got his voicemail. I tried again and got the same result. It must be bad service or something…
I started to freak out when I called him again fifty minutes later and got his voicemail once more. I paced back and forth trying to reach him one more time before I called Amelia. She said she hadn't heard from him since last night and told me how excited he was to see me again, "like a kid that would visit a candy shop the next day". I laughed nervously and uttered all my worries to her. She began to worry as well and told me to wait a little longer, that she would try calling him too and if he didn't answer she would call the police. I panicked at the thought. She called me back after twenty minutes, the longest twenty minutes of my life.
"Sookie, I still didn't contact him, but I'm sure everything is fine. He probably just got lost on the road or got a flat tyre." She couldn't hide the concern in her voice, though. "Why don't you take a nice cup of chamomile tea and stay put? He'll be with you soon." She tried to calm me with some more bullshit and I didn't buy any of it. I felt like I was waiting, waiting the exact moment which of chaos reaches out to assume control. I had to do something; I called the police. I asked for accidents in the I-49 or I-10 and they informed there was nothing related to a young man named William Compton in a black Toyota Corolla sedan. I didn't know what else to do beyond pray and wait.
Amelia called me again after a couple of hours. She didn't have any news other than she had made a call to the New Orleans police department and reported Bill's missing. We would have to wait for their investigation. She told me to take one of my mom's sleeping pills, try to get some rest and eat something. I did as she told me; I fed my little Tina, stepped back into my bedroom, and went to bed still clothed, my cell phone and a bottle of cheap red wine to make me company. I lay there neither sleeping nor awake, alert and yet lethargic, worn out, disperse, falling apart. I fell asleep at some point hoping to wake from the nightmare. "Tomorrow," I told myself, "tomorrow he'll be here. Tomorrow everything will be just fine."
That tomorrow never came.
It was pitch black outside when I woke up. My cell phone was ringing restless somewhere close. My head throbbed like it would explode at any minute; I had too much to drink, apparently. I tried to reach for my cell, but something would hold me back. I had only shattered memories of the previous day, yet I dreaded to answer, instinctively knowing it wasn't good news. It rang one more time before I finally picked it up. Amelia. She alleged she hadn't any news for me about Bill's situation, other than she would be taking the road to Bon Temps by Monday morning to check on me. I hadn't had the strength to argue with her. Nevertheless there was something odd in her voice. My stomach lurched. I dragged myself out of my bed, managing to stand on my feet; my shake legs tottering all the way to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me, and knelt on the floor, throwing up into the toilet until there was nothing left inside me. I started to sob again, the tears flowing through my swollen lids. I couldn't believe this was really happening, I just couldn't. I had talked and laughed with Bill on the phone last night, and now… I was dreading Amelia was going to say something awful, something I didn't want to hear. I couldn't bear the thought of something terrible had happened to Bill and there would be nothing left for me. I stay there, curled up in a fetal position, for an unknown amount of hours, shedding tears for my love, until my eyes dried and the sobs died on my throat.
The next two days dragged on without any information. I was in such a terrible state that I had to tell my parents the whole story. They didn't like it at all, but said nothing disapproving beyond "You should have told us," and "He'll be fine, sweetie." Amelia came by Monday, just before midnight; we headed straight to my bedroom. Her face looked haggard, stricken, and her dark glazed eyes reflected this. I shivered from head to toe as she asked for me to sit by her side. I did, feeling numb, detached, like I was trapped in a dream, a bad dream and it would end soon.
"Sookie, dear… You know the only thing that would prevent Bill to fulfill his promise to see you, don't you? Deep inside you already knows. Oh dear, he loved you so much…" Her voice broke, and tears welled in her dark, compassionate eyes. I saw the pain on her face. I gaped at her astonished; weeping as the words sank into my brain. I began to shake uncontrollable. I could barely hear as she cried repeating over and over again "He loved you, he was so happy. He loved you so much…"
I stepped away from her, stepped away from the bed, and went lurching across the room, shaking my head from side to side, in denial. "NO!" I blindly tried to get out, to reach the door. I had to get out of here and go to New Orleans. I had to see him. He would be there waiting for me. I had to see my love, my first love. He couldn't be dead; he wouldn't do that to me. He loves me. Oh God, Oh God! He is dead. He is gone and I'm here… "How?" I managed to ask between heavy sobs.
"It was a robbery, Sook. He was still in New Orleans when it happened. It seems he was getting into his car early in the morning when some bastard son of a bitch approached him with a gun, in an attempt to mug him. The police don't know why, but for some reason he shot Bill right in the chest and killed him in the middle of the street. He didn't suffer, sweetie. It was instantaneous. He didn't suffer." Her voice quavered as she spoke, the tears running freely through her face stark with grief.
"Why? I don't understand," was all I could say, in a muffled voice. I was unable to continue speaking, and tears trickled down my strained ashen face. I shook my head in disbelief. It's my fault… If he hadn't come to see me he would be safe now. Oh God, it's my fault. Suddenly the walls started to whirl and the floor began to move; the room became a void of darkness as all light left before my eyes. As my face hit the floor with a loud thud, I knew that my life would never be same again.
I would never be same.
A/N: This chapter was a really hard one to write, that's why it took me so long to update it. I'm sorry if I let you all sad. I have news that may brighten up your mood, though. Eric is coming back, ladies. He is totally bringin' sexy back!
The more reviews I get the fastest he will be coming back, I can assure you that. ;)
Also, make sure to check out a little banner teaser for future chapters in my profile. Sookie is getting a little possessive... Who do you think is gonna hear that line? Make your bet! Love ya!