Hello everyone, I'm SO sorry I've been gone so long! I have another account on (DoodleStarsandHearts), and I have been more into the stories on there. Don't worry though, I haven't given up on this story. I just kinda lost interest in Edward and Bella. But I'm REALLY into Draco and Hermione (Harry Potter, in case you didn't know) and I think I might start a story for them? I know I'm REALLY multitasking, but I have a bit of ADD, so I can't just focus on one single story at a time. I need multiple things to work on, and the stories will sort themselves out in time. I don't know how much longer this story will be, but it will be at least a few more chapters, maybe more if I get inspired enough. I keep trying to force myself to finish this chapter, but it just HASN'T been working out for me. I'm gonna troop through it though and get it out. It's been TOO LONG!! Sorry again for the long wait!
Chapter 9: Keep Holding On
I had to let Edward drive me to the hospital. I wanted to be in the comfort of my truck on the way there, but Edward insisted we take the Volvo since it was about three times faster. We were speeding through the town at an extremely quick pace, and I couldn't really complain. I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. I wasn't very interested in having doctors probe at my vagina, and even worse, Edward was the one taking me. This wasn't the kind of reunion I was wanting with him. I'd so much rather being here by myself, but honestly, I didn't have a clue what I was doing. If it were up to me, I'd be showered squeaky clean, and just be watching a movie or something. I felt dirty, and I didn't like it at all.
We pulled into the hospital fairly quickly, and Edward told me to sit down while he grabbed the paperwork for me at the reception desk. He came back and let me fill out the papers while he watched some random show on the waiting room television set.
I finished filling everything out, and turned in the clipboard to the front desk, then rejoined Edward.
Right when I sat down beside him, I looked down at my hands and began twiddling my thumbs around each other. Edward wrapped his right arm around my shoulders, pulled me closer to him, and took one of my hands in his left. The warmth of his touch sent butterflies up and down my spine and coursed through my veins. I inhaled deeply to breathe in his amazing scent, and closed my eyes for a while, enjoying the moment.
I woke up to hear an unfamiliar voice calling my name and Edward gently shaking my shoulders. I opened my eyes slowly, trying to get my eyes to adjust to the fluorescents of the hospital. Damn. It wasn't just a dream. I frowned to myself, then stood up to follow the nurse down the hall into a room.
She handed me one of those ugly hospital gowns, and told me to put it on and to open the door when she has it on completely. I nodded and watched as she pushed Edward out of the room and closed the door behind her.
I undressed quickly and put all my clothes in a pile on the floor, then slipped into the papery gown. I felt really awkward having my backside completely exposed, so I tied the knot over my shoulder so my butt wouldn't be showing when the doctor walked in... Or worse, Edward.
I opened the door quickly, then ran to sit back down on the bed.
Edward walked in first, and sat in a chair next to me, followed shortly by the nurse.
The nurse did all the normal procedures first: Check my temperature, check my heart rate, check my reflexes, check my eyes and ears out, look in my throat, and check my blood pressure. She wrote everything down on a clipboard.
The nurse didn't say very much, but then looked over all of the bruises and scratches covering my body. She tsk-ed a few times as she looked at some of the larger bruises, and when she had to look under my gown at the bruises covering my front and backside, Edward politely turned his head away.
After she finished looking me over and writing down all of the cuts and bruises, she grabbed my underwear and put it in a plastic bag. I blushed furiously when I glanced over at Edward who was staring at the pile of lace in the bag with wide eyes and an open mouth.
She took my panties out of the room with her after mumbling that she would return shortly, and closed the door behind her again.
I looked at Edward with scared eyes, and he still looked at me with wide ones.
"What are you staring at me like that for?" I asked skeptically.
Edward just shook his head and closed his mouth, but still stared at me curiously. A smirk slowly began playing on his perfect lips. My GOD those lips! "I just never expected you would be the type of girl to wear lacey underwear day-to-day."
I blushed deeper and muttered, "They were the only pair that was clean today."
We sat in silence for about fifteen minutes, me looking at my hands for the most part (when I wasn't looking at my hands, I was stealing side glances at Edward), and Edward looking at me the entire time as if I were a live dinosaur, come back through a time machine. Every time I would see him watching me, I would blush, and then turn my head back away from him.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, the nurse returned with a cart full of instruments of torture. I shut my eyes really tight and took Edward's hand in mine. I refused to have my eyes open for this. I felt him rub soothing circles with his thumb on the back of my hand.
I felt them tie something right above my elbow crease pretty tightly so the vein could pop out a little and make it easier to stick in the--gulp--needle. My palms felt really sweaty, but I only held Edward's hand even tighter. I felt them wipe something soft and cold and wet over the crease in my elbow and I was holding Edward's hand so tightly, I was sure our hands were both red, but I didn't take the chance to open my eyes and look. I felt a pinch that hurt a little, but I was expecting that to happen. It wasn't the pain I was afraid of. It was the blood.
I felt the syringe suck out some of my blood, and that part felt really weird, but otherwise I ignored the fact that blood was coming out of my body and it was extremely unwanted. I took a little breath through my nose by mistake, and smelled the rusty scent of blood. My blood. I felt a little woozy, but I then I went to only breathing through my mouth.
Finally, when I felt the nurse put a piece of cotton over the injection sight and tap my shoulder, I opened my eyes.
"Do you want a certain color of gauze wrap?" the nurse asked politely, but her eyes looked a bit taunting at my nausea.
"Blue, I guess." I mumbled. She nodded and came back with a very pretty shade of royal blue, and wrapped it tightly against the cotton ball that was still on my arm.
"Final task of today," The nurse began. "I need to get you checked out and see if there is anything unusual, and I need to get a few swabs to see if we can pick anything up that might be an STD or any semen from your perpetrator." I stared at her for a while with a confused expression, until she stretched plastic gloves over her fingers and pushed me back down on the cot. Oh. My. God. "Alright, now put your feet in these little holders..." She helped me place my feet in the right spots and lifted my gown a little. I looked to Edward in desperation, and he was standing next to my head, looking intently at my face with a distant look. Hell, I would look distant too if he was standing there while some random nurse scopes out my private area. I watched him and he watched me until the probing was finished and the nurse folded the gown back to protect my crotch.
"Alright, Ms. Swan. That's all we need to do for today, you're free to go home and rest. We will call you when the results come back, please rest up, and maybe you should stay out of school for a while to get your emotional and mental strength back up to normal. You can change back into your clothes, but I need to keep the panties to see if we can get anything that can identify your attacker for legal purposes." She gave me a small sympathetic smile and walked out of the room. Edward pulled me up from the cot and glanced at my clothes, then followed the nurse out of the room.
See if we can get anything that can identify your attacker for legal purposes... Of course I knew who my attacker was. Jacob. Thinking about him brought back all the pain and embarrassment I had felt from earlier today. Had it really only been a few hours? It seems like so much longer.
I put on my clothes and tried to ignore the discomfort of not wearing any underwear, and walked out to meet Edward.
He took my hand immediately and without hesitation, and walked me back to his car. He opened my door, which my heart screamed about in pleasure, and then slid into his seat before starting the ignition which seemed to thunder into the night.
The drive home was quiet and a little tense, which was perfectly understandable seeing as we haven't spoken in a few months, plus the fact that I showed up on his doorstep today looking like an absolute wreck, and Edward has been absolutely amazing to me ever since he had seen me at my weakest. I really owed him for that.
I closed my eyes and inhaled extremely deeply to completely take in his wonderful scent. God knows how much I missed that smell. It was absolutely perfect. Not just for him, but for anyone. The men who made Axe body spray wish they could duplicate the smell.
"Bella? What are you doing?" I opened my eyes and realized Edward had stopped the car in front of his house already and was staring at me like I was an idiot. I blushed deeply and shook my head.
I got out of the car quickly and ran up the porch steps to wait for him next to the door. He opened it for me and smiled. "You can go shower now." The sentence was all it took and I made a beeline straight to the bathroom joined with Alice's room, stripped out of my clothes, and showered, washing every part of my body vigorously to relieve myself from all of the disgusting germs and memories that were suffocating me.
I finished my shower and stepped out, enjoying the cool air on my skin, and wrapped a towel around my body and let my hair hang around my shoulders to air dry. I stepped out of the bathroom and walked into Alice's bedroom.
Edward was standing next to her dresser, staring at it. None of the drawers were opened, he was just staring at the piece of furniture and frowning.
"Everything okay, Edward?" I smirked.
"I am just not sure if I want to open Alice's drawer..." He sighed and turned to look at me for the first time since I had walked in. He sucked in a deep breath of air as he looked at me, only looking below my face once, then training his eyes on mine. I blushed and apologized quietly.
"Bella, you don't need to apologize. I'm the one invading your privacy... I'm sorry, I'll let you get dressed in peace." He smiled a little and looked down as he made his way out of the room and closed the door behind him.
I gratefully took a pair of Alice's panties and a bra and slipped them on, grateful to be about the same size as her. I slipped on a loose T-shirt and some shorts that probably exposed way too much skin, but hey, it's Alice. She doesn't exactly dress like a nun.
I took one good look at myself in the mirror, and suddenly, the weight of everything I been through in the past few hours came crashing over me. My reflection's eyes looked half-crazed. As if they told the story of their owner's rape. My rape. My knees buckled and I couldn't gather up the strength to move anymore. I couldn't hardly breathe, my lungs were working overtime from the sobs that were raking through my body.
It took about seven seconds before I heard pounding feet up the staircase and Alice's door boomed open to reveal Edward. He strode into the room and knelt next to me. "Bella." His eyes were searching for mine, which were hidden beneath my wet hair. I was curled up into the fetal position, and Edward obviously had no clue what to do. He tried to touch my shoulder, but I cringed away from the slightest touch and moved myself back into the corner of the room.
"Bella, I won't hurt you. I would never hurt you." His green eyes were blazing with a fiery passion, as if he needed to impress that statement into my brain for me to never forget.
I was practically choking; I realized then that I was practically screaming each time I let a breath out, which probably didn't help Edward at all. I reached out feebly towards him and he hesitated no longer than a second before engulfing me into a vice grip.
I had never appreciated God more than I did in that moment. I used to think girls were luckier on the physical aspect. That girls were lucky to have smooth curves and soft skin, and I even wondered why God hadn't decided to make both men and women soft; I wondered why men got the better end of the stick because they got to be the protectors instead of the protected. But in the moment that Edward clung onto me as if letting me go meant letting go of sanity, I understood why God had made men and women the way He had. I could feel the hard planes of Edward's body close to mine and could feel every breath he inhaled and exhaled. I could feel the firm muscles underneath the skin of his arms and could feel the small stubbles peaking out from Edward's chin as they brushed my forehead.
He was my protector. My angel. Even if we never got back to the place we had once been, we were perfect for each other and I could recognize that. My body was weak and at this moment in my life, I allowed all my pride to leak away from my body and just allowed myself to be in Edward's arms. I didn't need to worry about how this might seem to anyone looking in from the outside, I didn't need to worry about Charlie or Alice or any of the Cullens. I didn't even need to worry about Jacob.
He was the perfect opposite of me. He was tall and sturdy and strong and hard. I was small and feeble and weak and smooth, but we were perfect for each other, in a twisted way. It was like God designed me with him in mind, and visa versa for him. The crook of my neck was the perfect space for him to smother his face into. The spaces between my fingers were spaced evenly for his fingers to make a home for themselves. Our bodies were made for the other. I just knew it. I thanked God silently as I controlled my sobbing and looked up at Edward through the blurs my crying had created.
His eyes were scared and concerned. He was scared for me and concerned for me. I buried my face into his chest and began crying again. He rocked his torso back and forth while I clung to the collar of his shirt. I wasn't crying out of spite or fear or anything else negative. I was crying tears of pure happiness. I had Edward back. Even though I knew it wasn't in an actual relationship, I had him back to reclaim the spot of my best friend. My best friend was concerned for me and we were never going to go through anything like today again.
* * *
A little more than an hour later, the clock in the Cullen household chimed one o'clock in the morning which stirred me awake, even though it was only barely.
Edward was sitting against Alice's dresser and was still holding me in his lap and was stroking my hair and watching me through heavy eyelids.
"Have you been awake this whole time?" I whispered.
He nodded. "I'm not going to leave you, Bella. I'm gonna be here no matter what."
I quirked an eyebrow. "I never asked you to leave. Go to sleep and you can still be here. It's okay." His eyelids were beginning to droop and helped him along by pushing them both down simultaneously and watched his eyeballs roll around unconsciously under their lids and listened to his smooth and even breathing. I nuzzled my head back against his chest and breathed in deeply, wrapping my arms around his torso once again. I lulled myself to sleep thinking the line to a song I hadn't been able to get out of my head all day.
Keep holding on, cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through...
A/N: I FORCED myself to finish this chapter. I'm REALLY sorry this took so long. The last update was 3-17-09! That's INSANE, and I'm really sorry for the wait. That's really not fair to you guys. Yeah. So review this chapter and let me know what you think of it, and call me out about how long I was gone! I know how unfair that was to you guys! But I'm proud of this chapter, and I hope you guys haven't completely lost faith in me. :) PS. Check out the Glee Cast's version of Keep Holding On on youtube! It's seriously moving. I love that show. If you haven't checked it out, I suggest you do, NOW!!