Hey guys. That last chapter was amazing, wasn't it? Well, now we're back to Bella….look for Alyssa's note at the end.
Thanks to all the reviewers, Alyssa & me appreciate it very much!
The song in this chapter (oh! A song!) is Ordinary Day by Vanessa Carlton. Thanks guys!
Chapter Four: Finding Nothing
"Isabella Swan?"
I glanced up at the doctor who was peaking out of the door smiling at me. I groaned internally, I really hated the doctors office.
I placed the magazine I had been reading back down on the counter and stood up, adjusting my shirt. I felt a small tug on my arm and turned to see Renee glancing at me, her eyes weary.
I sighed, and smiled gently at her, trying to keep my emotions in check. I had been on such an emotional rollercoaster lately there wasn't very much at all I could take without snapping.
"Mom…I'd rather go alone, if you don't mind. I'll tell you everything I…I just want to do this on mine own."
I was a legal adult now that I was eighteen and I was becoming more independent, something I had learned to be from being a former cancer patient.
Well, I shouldn't say former…yet. I was at the doctors office to see if my cancer was still gone, or if it had returned. My hair was growing back normally which was a good sign. It was still short, just above my shoulders but a lot better than being bald.
Renee nodded lightly, biting her lip, a nervous habit she had always had. Her feet were tapping against the carpeted floor and her fingernails grating on the wooden table.
"I'll be back soon" I whispered to her before walking towards the door. The doctor smiled lovingly at me, I didn't know if that was good or bad. It could mean he was extremely happy because he had really good news to give me or he was smiling because he was trying to prolonged the bad news from me.
"Hello Bella" he said, and I noticed his grip on the folders he was carrying close to his chest tighten "How have you been?"
"nervous" I answered truthfully.
He chuckled lightly, freely not tightly like I had heard before which was usually followed by bad news. This made me slightly less nervous and I even cracked a smile.
"Well before anything, I'm going to have to have you step on the scale, okay?"
"kay" I whispered slipping off my shoes. I stepped on and watched it flash three times before my final weight came up in bold black.
115 lbs.
"You gained five pounds! That's great Bella" he said encouragingly.
I had lost so much weight while in the hospital during my worst years of cancer, my smallest peak weight coming to 89 pounds, completely unhealthy for someone my height.
"thank you" I mumbled.
"you're getting there. You're healthy weight minimum for someone your age, 18, and your height, 5'6-"
I involuntarily rolled my eyes at his statement, he acted like I had a bad memory or something. Of course I knew how old and tall I was, duh!
"is…125, see! You're very close" he smiled.
"thanks" I answered politely following him to my room.
"Here you are, why don't you go in and make yourself comfortable" he said placing my files into the slot. I walked in and hoisted myself up onto the long table. Usually by my age you just sat on the chairs or something but something about the kids tables brought me back to my childhood and I just didn't want to let go.
It reminded me of my physicals, with Dr. Cullen, the man who should have been my doctor, would have been my doctor if we hadn't moved.
"Bella! Nice to see you in here for something other than an injury" Dr. Carlisle Cullen lovingly joked with me as I sat on the large table, my legs swinging.
I blushed and he laughed lightly "its okay Bella, I was very clumsy as a child as well, and look at me now!" he said throwing his ear checker thing up in the air and successfully dropping it onto the ground.
His face went pale as he checked it for damage and I was doubled over in stitches laughing.
He smiled wirily up at me "not much better, huh?"
"Now, Bella" my new doctor sniffed as he pulled up his wheelie chair closer to me. "We have some things to talk about"
My heart sunk and my stomach came up into my throat. He must have noticed by the way all the blood drained from my face because he patted my knee lightly "nothing bad. Nothing bad."
My hand grabbed onto my chest where my heart was slowing down from its rapid beats.
"Your cancer is successfully gone." he said grinning "you're healing well, you're gaining weight and hair, you're a true success story Isabella."
I smiled, still not gaining full meaning of his words.
"now" he continued, his tone becoming more official. "will it come back is the next question. We don't know. For now, we'll play it by ear. If anything happens, or we take more tests and they come back positive then we'll let you know as soon as we can."
I nodded slowly "but for now…" I trailed off.
He grinned "for now you can enjoy life. Pick up where you left off. Live as you would normally."
I jumped off of the table and into his arms without even thinking, hugging him tightly.
"Thank you! Oh thank you, you don't know how much this means!"
He smiled at me and patted my shoulder lightly "you're very welcome Isabella. We'll keep in touch"
"thank you" I said once again as he walked out of the room. My heart was thumping in my chest and my entire body was shaking. When I stepped out of the room, I rolled my eyes. Renee was already back here, talking with the doctor. She had always been a nosey woman.
"mom! I told you I'd tell you!" I groaned.
"Well I wanted to hear from the doctor himself!" she said, nearly screaming, all eyes on us now "oh honey!" she bellowed rushing towards me, encasing me in her arms "this is great news!"
I smiled lightly "the best"
***
"You're father is going to be so excited when he hears" Renee continued as she began setting the table for dinner.
"yeah I know, he'll be really happy." I said, side tracked as I placed the steaming potatoes on the table "hey…do you think there's any chance we'll move back to Forks now?" I asked cautiously, trying to make my tone sound casual.
Renee stopped in her tracks, holding the steamed broccoli in her small hands "…why would you say that?" she asked, her voice confused.
"…I don't know. I mean we did live there before I got…sick and I thought we'd move back now that I'm doing better."
"well yeah but…its been eight years Bella. Plus, what if something happens? We want to be near specialists."
I nodded, though my heart panged lightly. The hopes of maybe moving back to Forks was my entire motivation for making myself as healthy as I could physically do.
"Yeah, I don't know why I even asked" I said, chuckling fakely.
She looked at me cautiously but the awkward silence was soon over powered when Charlie walked in the door, loudly as always.
"Charlie, we have dinner ready!" Renee said, winking at me. He walked in and wrapped an arm around me awkwardly side hugging me "how was the doctors kiddo?"
"good" I said, not as enthused as I once was "the cancers gone for now, they said they have to check me every once and a while to make sure it hasn't come back"
His eyes widened and he smile widely "Bells! That's great news!"
I nodded once, smiling "yeah it took a lot of stress of me."
"I bet" he said, making his way to the table and sitting in his normal chair "We're going to have to celebrate" he proposed.
"how about tomorrow night?" Renee smiled "We'll all get dinner, catch a movie maybe? Oh! It'll be fun"
"sounds great Renee, but I have to take a rain check, I have to go out of town for the weekend tomorrow, remember?" Charlie said, glancing at the potatoes as he stacked them onto his plate.
Renee slapped her head lightly "oh that's right! Completely slipped my mind."
My eye brows furrowed "You're going out of town? To where?" I asked, annoyed that I had no knowledge of this.
"oh yeah" he said, swallowing hard and rubbing his mouth with a napkin, picking up some more meat "I have to go up to Washington for the weekend. A new police program they want me to help represent."
My heart thumped loudly "You're going to Washington? Where?"
"Just up by Port Angeles." he said, not drawing the connection at all, like always and continued chewing on his food.
Renee however did make the connection, she glanced at me and smiled tightly "You know its funny you mention Washington. Bella was wanting to go back to Forks"
Charlie, who was sipping down a beer then began choking on laughter, half the sip falling back into the bottle. "Excuse me" he said once he had control over himself again "You what?" he said looking at me, his mouth curled up into a small smile.
I didn't answer, but continued to push around my vegetables on my plate.
"She wants to go back to Forks" Renee said, yet again "Yeah we were just talking about it."
I could feel Charlie's gaze boring into me and looked up into his eyes, blushing. "What? I did grow up there if you do remember. It'd be nice to see the place again" the last part came out as a mumble.
"Bella, we cant just pack up and move to Forks. I have a job, so does your mother. You're about to graduate from high school, not to mention if anything were to happen-" he stopped short, not wanting to scare me most likely "well, we have one of the best medical teams here in Phoenix"
"I understand dad" I said nearly inaudibly.
"Tell you what" he said, chewing again "We cant move there…but why don't I take you with me this weekend? I cant promise it'll be too fun, but while I'm at my conferences you can have the car to roam around, go visit the old town again, and any old friends"
I knew he knew why I wanted to go, it was impossible not to. Emmett was after all my best friend forever, or was supposed to be. I had no best friends now, hardly anyone I would call a friend. Mostly acquaintances. I did wonder what Emmett and I would be by now if we were still together In Forks.
Would we still just be best friends? Or more? Maybe less? I wasn't sure, but I was about to find out if he even remembered me.
"Can I really dad?"
"sure kiddo" he smiled "I don't mind if you tag along. Pack now though okay? Because we have an early flight in the morning. We'll probably make it into Port Angeles around 10 am."
I pulled out my chair and grabbed my plate, rushing over to the sink and rinsing it, putting my dish in the dishwasher and starting for upstairs.
"not very hungry, I'll see you guys in a bit!" I called rushing up the stairs and into my room.
My room was nothing to brag about. Defiantly not big seeing as most of our money for the past years had been going to my medical bills. I wondered what kinds of things would be changing around here now that we would have so much extra money on our hands.
I pulled out my small suite case and placed it on my bed with a soft thud then walked over to my small desk where my Ihome rested with my Ipod sitting inside of it. I turned it on loud and began looking through my clothing, looking for my best outfits to bring with me.
Just a day, Just an ordinary Day.
Just trying to get by.
Just a boy, just and ordinary boy but
He was looking to the sky and…
I walked over to my closet and began flipping through the small amount of clothing I had in there.
"Think. Think Bella, what was his favorite color" I grumbled to myself, flipping through the greens, oranges, blues, purples, as so on.
As he asked if I would come along
I started to realize.
That everyday he finds just what he's looking for.
Like a shooting star, he shines
And he said…
"I'm thinking it was blue" I said pulling out the blue baby doll that I had bought on my last shopping trip to the mall, decades ago. I hated shopping, I really wasn't an extremely girly person, more go with the flow, sweats and tank top type, but this was different. This was Emmett and I had to impress him. I hadn't seen him in eight years, he had to expect something…if he even remembered me.
Take my hand, Live while you can.
Don't you feel when dreams are right
In the palm of your hand?
I placed my hands on top of the small suitcase throwing in three pairs of jeans, a sweatshirt, since I recalled it being slightly chilly back in good old Forks, my blue baby doll, an orange sweater, some pajamas and unmentionables then went to the bathroom to look for my tooth brush, brush, contact case, glasses, deodorant, and things like that.
And as he spoke, he spoke Ordinary words
Although they did not feel
For I felt what I had not felt before
And you swore those words couldn't heal and
As I looked up into those eyes
His vision borrows mine
And you know he's no stranger, for I feel I've
Held him for all of time.
And he said….
I grabbed my teddy bear from Emmett lastly, kissing its soft loved head and placing it on the very top of my suitcase.
Emmett was the kind of guy you couldn't forget, and I hoped that it wasn't creepy the way a day didn't pass that he wasn't on my mind. I always looked through the old picture books just so see his bright face.
Those amazing green eyes that bored into mine with every word he spoke, his great sense of humor and the way he was always so comfortable around me.
But doesn't everyone feel comfortable around everyone at that age? I thought, but then rolled my eyes "oh you get the point."
Take my hand, live while you can.
Oh, don't you feel when dreams are right
In the palm of you hand? Oh. In the
Palm of, your hand.
Bah-dum-dum.
My heart jumped at the thoughts of being able to see him in just a short time of a day or two. What would he say? Would things be awkward? What if he had a girlfriend? And she was there with him when I came over!
My heart was pounding and my hands shaking as I walked up the drive I would never forget. I had been to it so many times, always excited and ready to play an exciting game with Emmett. I could smell Esme's amazing cooking from outside and sighed, my stomach growling. Esme was always an amazing cook.
I stood on the steps debating for a long moment. "ring the door bell Bella!" I yelled at myself in a whisper.
My hand went up right above the doorbell and twitched, thinking of what to do. I finally rang it, afraid they were watching in amusement. I always was his siblings main source of entertainment.
I wondered if little Edward would even remember me. Probably not, he was fairly young when I moved away. Alice and Jasper would remember me I hoped.
The door opened, and I gasped at the man in front of me. He was several inches taller than me, just as he had always been and smelled of his house-comforting. I looked up and his large green eyes bored into mine, as they always did.
"…Bella?" he mumbled, his eyes shocked.
My eyes widened and I thrust myself at him, throwing my arms around him and squeezing him with all my might. His arms hung like noodles around my small form, but I thought nothing of it, he was probably just shocked.
"Oh Emmett! Oh I missed you so much!"
"Emmett?" a soft, girlish voice sounded. I pulled away, my grin still wide "is that Alice?"
A blonde woman appeared at his side. She was gorgeous. The perfect model woman. I looked up at him confused.
"Whose this Lion man?" she asked, giggling as she ran her hand over his toned chest.
Defiantly not Alice.
My eyes blazed, lined with tears.
"Emmett?"
I came out of my daydream and sat there motionless. Maybe he doesn't want me just "dropping in"…maybe he's moved on and if I go back I'll just make things worse. I should just stay gone. I sighed and shook my head. Even if I did think that was the best choice, I was too selfish and I was going to see Emmett.
Please come with me.
See what I see.
Touch the stars for time will not freeze.
Time will not freeze.
Can you see?
I laid on my bed, rubbing my small bears head softly, his ten year old boyish face forever burned into my memory. I wonder how he's changed. I imagined he had to be big. He was always a big boy, so sweet and loving under his bulkiness though.
Just a dream just an Ordinary dream
As I wake in bed.
And that boy, that ordinary boy
Or, was it all in my head?
Did he ask if I would come along?
It all seemed so real.
But I looked to the door and I saw that boy
Standing there with a deal and he said
Take my hand, Live while you can
don't you feel when dreams are right
In the palm of your hand oh, in the palm of your hand, oh
In the palm of your hand.
Bah-dum-dum.
Bah-dum-dum.
Just a day just an ordinary day.
Just trying to get by.
Just a boy just an ordinary boy but, he was looking to the sky.
"Bella…Bella wake up, we got to get going."
My eyes shot open, the room was still dark and I was still in my jeans and t-shirt.
"you feel asleep early last night, which was good. Come on now, get dressed and get down stairs. We have to get moving."
I nodded, my mind still foggy and watched as he exited the room.
I rolled over onto the other side of my bed and turned on the light groaning as my eyes began adjusting.
Through squinted lids I wobbled around my room to find my most comfortable pair of gray sweatpants and then white t-shirt. My hair was down already so I just placed a headband in to push back my bangs.
I grabbed my suitcase, after double checking to make sure everything I needed was inside and then turned back off my lights, making my room grow dark again and then walked down the stairs.
Mom was down there and handed me a muffin and a thermos full of juice. I smiled at her as she returned the favor tiredly.
"Have a good trip sweetie. Hope you have fun and see that boy" she giggled.
I blushed and kissed her cheek lightly before rushing out the door to see Charlie already In the car waiting for me.
When I stepped outside to walk to the car I could feel the heavy rain falling down through the thick black sky. It was a rare occurrence that it rained in Phoenix but something I had missed slightly. I climbed in the car and Charlie sped down the streets. I glanced at the clock 4:30 am. He wasn't kidding.
"Our plane leaves at 6:30" he said, answering my unsaid question. I picked at the top of my blueberry muffin chewing it in nervous nibbles.
We drove mostly in silence, Charlie and I were never good one on one so it didn't surprise me that we ran out of things to say to each other before we even began. Charlie awkwardly turned on the radio a little louder, but it was all back round music to me.
My head was leaning on the glass window, clad with rain from the other side, watching the sun come up slowly, but brightly.
My feet tapped nervously on the floor of the speeding police cruiser as my hands continued to destroy my muffin.
When we made it to the airport I became jittery again. I wanted to just be in Forks, at his door already none of these long flights and drives. I was sick of it.
"you want me to grab that?" Charlie spoke, eyeing my small bag. I shook my head and grabbed it myself, too tired and impatient to wait or talk.
Once we were through security was when my jitters began setting in again. We were just waiting, there was nothing we could do…but wait. It was only 6 am, so we had at least another half an hour before they began boarding, flights here never took off at the time they were scheduled to.
"I'm going to go and get some gum…maybe a magazine. You know for the long flight" I told Charlie, grabbing my wallet.
He grunted and lifted his hips, searching for his own wallet "do you have money Isabella?"
I nodded, flashing a five dollar bill "This should cover it. Do you want anything?"
He handed me five more dollars "medium coffee, black please."
I walked around for a few minutes before heading into the news stand where all the convinces were sold.
When I walked in, I noticed people sitting at a small café, sipping their coffees, which was good, it meant I could buy some coffee around here.
I browsed for a moment, once again trying to kill some time. I had already successfully killed ten minutes.
Let's see which gum to choose. Choices, choices. Hmm well there's Big Red for that extra kick….nah its 6:30 in the morning, last thing I need is a "kick". Juicy Fruit, that stuff is always good…but it always leaves a weird after taste that smells gross once the flavor wears off. Winter Fresh? That stuff always leaves you with a minty fresh mouth, but its not painful. Ding Ding Ding we have a winner.
I picked up the five piece pack and secured it tightly in my fist, walking over to the large magazine shelf. They had all different kinds. Teen Vogue, Seventeen, Tiger Beat, J-14, all those "cool" types. I debated for a moment, flipping through to see which ones had the best illustrations and most capturing stories…Seventeen won.
I grabbed the magazine and went to the front cashier.
"Be right with you!" a young male voice called. My ears perked up and I stood straighter, leaning on the counter slightly.
Out from the corner the most attractive Native American looking boy popped out. He smiled and pulled his long hair behind his ear.
"Hello Miss, is this all you'll be getting today?" he asked ringing up the gum and magazine.
"no, can I have a Medium black coffee?"
"Sure thing" he winked as he began pouring the coffee "So you like your coffee dark huh? that's interesting"
He placed a lid on it and passed it over to me and leaned in closer to me.
I chuckled "Well not really. And its not mine. If It had been it would have boat loads of sugar, cream and milk"
He chuckled and nodded "that sounds a little better. So whose this for? Your boyfriend?"
I rolled my eyes, a reflex I couldn't stop "no its not for my boyfriend, its for my dad. We're headed on a long trip and I have a feeling If I don't get some coffee in him he'll never make it."
"seems fair enough" he said, walking around behind the counter and straightening up "Where ya'll headed?"
"Washington, he's a cop and he has this program thing."
"Cop. Black Coffee…it's all coming together."
"he had a doughnut on the way here" I chuckled and he arched his eye brows towards me "See what I mean? so if your fathers a cop, and this is like some…what? Cop convention-" I cut him off with a chuckle and he shot me a sweet smile "Why are you going?"
"well…its complicated but really its just to visit a part of the world that I left unexpectedly and didn't really get to pay my proper respects to."
He nodded "Easy enough for me. I'm Jake by the way"
"Bella" I said, not being able to help the smiling from spreading across my face.
"Pretty name for a pretty girl" he winked.
"I uh should be getting back now, to my dad. He's waiting on his coffee and like I…he's a cop."
"I get it" he chuckled "I don't feel like getting shot"
I grinned biting my lip and waving bye to the boy "bye Jacob."
"Goodbye Bella"
When I got back everyone was already lining up and Charlie waved me over to the A section, the people who were being boarded first.
"What took you so long?" he asked, taking a long drawn out sip of his coffee.
"sorry" I muttered "I got caught up picking out my gum" I said, not really lying.
He narrowed his eyes and arched his eye brows at me, his lips pursing "Gum?"
"Yeah, it's a big decision okay?"
"…uh huh. Bella, you're a terrible liar you know?"
"I know" I grumbled, handing the man my ticket and thanking him with a silent wave. I glanced back at the coffee shop, Jake. He really was a beautiful boy.
Only an hour left until the plane lands and I'm back in good old Washington. This plane ride has been impossibly long, I couldn't even believe it. I was getting jittery just listening to music and decided to pull out my "emergency" magazine.
I was just flipping through the pages when one of the headlines caught my eye.
TRYING TO IMPRESS A GUY?! HERE'S SOME TIPS FOR GIRLS LIKE YOU!
I always found it extremely embarrassing and pathetic for girls to turn to magazine articles for "Relationship" and "boy" help. I mean come on, it wasn't rocket science. But now that it was me. I hadn't seen my best friend, who happened to be a boy, who if he's anything like his dad is most likely very handsome by now, in about eight years. I had no clue what he liked or disliked still, what his voice was like or even him as a person anymore.
He could be a real dick for all I know. I could show up at that door and he could laugh me all the way to tomorrow.
He could kiss me passionately and tell me he loves me.
He could slap me silly for leaving him without explaining myself.
I just didn't know what he was going to do. This is why I was reading through this article. I glanced over and Charlie was snoring beside me. I lowered myself in my plane seat and opened it so no one besides me could possibly see inside, and hid the cover so it appeared that I was ready through poetry samples.
Step one: Getting him to notice.
We all have this problem girls, the truth is…guys just aren't that observant! So that's why we're doubling the effort! When you see your hunkcicle you go in and you WORK IT OUT.
We're not talking the old "Drop your pencil" bit, that's so elementary. Walk past, pretend not to notice them, then giggle girlishly with your friends. Once you have their attention, bite your lip and wave seductively.
I sighed, going onto the next step, obviously that one didn't apply to me.
Step Two: Striking up Conversation
Since most of you probably aren't dreaming about Mr. Hunkey's personality or smarts, and instead his biceps this is a good time to strike up CONVERSATION.
Get to know his likes and dislikes, and let him get to know you. Remember, looks don't last forever ladies…even if you do get surgery.
I rolled my eyes, I already did like Emmett for his personality, well as a child I did anyways.
Step Three: Get a date!
Subtle hints never hurt anyone ladies! Men need a small little push to get the ball rolling otherwise you wont be a ball…you'll be a rock and no one likes a rock.
What the fuck?
Ask him what his idea of a great date is, or bring up fun activities you like to do. Tell him you really like him and are interested in getting to know more of him.
"Attention passengers. Attention Passengers. At this time we're preparing for a landing. Please turn off all electrical devices, fasten seatbelts and Welcome to Washington!"
***
Saturday Afternoon.
I sighed happily as I went speeding down the familiar streets. Finally, the moments I had been waiting for, for so long was here. I would get to see Emmett again, we would make things better, keep in touch, email, talk and visit even after I went back to Phoenix.
After staring in the mirror for about twenty minutes I realized that the blue baby doll was yes, cute but not…me.
Not the me that I am now, and not the me that Emmett remembered me as. Instead I grabbed my large gray sweatshirt and jeans. My hair was down, though it always was since it had been so short. It was wavy, but I really had to straighten it seeing as it would look like a puffy frizzy mess if I didn't.
As the streets got closer and closer to mine my heart began pounding. This was it.
I pulled down the street and looked around with a large grin on my face, which slowly cascaded into a frown.
Their house it was…being remodeled or something. It was completely gone, with just a brand new outline on the grounds, workers surrounding it.
I parked my car in front of my old house, surveying the scene before me.
"Excuse me?…um Excuse me!"
I turned around, realizing someone was talking to me and realized it was a girl who looked about my age, her hair large and curly and her form small.
"hi" I said walking towards her.
"Yeah I don't know if you noticed but I live here, and you're parked in front of my house"
"I…I'm sorry, its just that, I used to live here, right before my family sold it to yours and well I was back visiting and…do you know what happened to that house?" I asked, pointing to the area where Emmett's house should be.
"Oh thank the lord they're finally building another house there! Its been like what? Three years? And all I've been staring at is a pile of shit. I'm Jessica by the way."
"Bella" I said, not following her "What happened?"
She shrugged "I guess I had to have been um…I don't know like fifteen. Yeah and this crazy weird girl burned down her house"
"who? I knew the family that lived there!" I said, my heart racing.
"Alice Cullen? Yeah she was a real freak show. She burned the entire place down. It killed her folks."
"What?!"
"Dr and Mrs. Cullen were out, it was their anniversary and shit and yeah, they heard about the fire, started rushing and bam, died instantly on impact in a car accident."
My hands started shaking and my entire body felt numb.
"Edward, Alice, Emmett and Jasper moved shortly after. No one knows where too."
I couldn't speak, I was too shocked. This didn't happen, not to them.
"it's a real shame though, that Emmett, he was cute. I was going to ask him to prom"
"Emmett was my best friend" I mumbled. "I moved away and wanted to come back as a surprise to see him."
"Well some best friend!" she scoffed "I mean he didn't even tell you probably the biggest thing that'll ever happen to him, or where the hell he even is!"
I played with my hands softly and began walking towards my car "thanks for your help" I muttered and then slammed my door shut, the tears clouding my vision as I began driving down the now dead streets.
I just had to find Emmett.
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*applauds* that was by far an amazing chapter!...my gosh, i loved it! Brittany always surprises me! Im in total shock but this was a good chapter, cant we all agree? :) lol i know i can! Great job Britt!!!
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look out for the next chapter from me soon! :)
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