Disclaimer: I own my whipped boyfriend, but not Edward or Jacob.
I know the last chapter wasn't exactly infavour of JxB but be patient. I'm not in the state of mind to write an ExB story.
So just read this chapter, I promise the ending will be worth it ;)!
Reviewing also would make me very, very happy.
x
Bella's POV
My eyes stung as I stood there.
Numb.
Cold.
Every emotion had washed drained out of me leaving a blank canvas.
I couldn't see him anymore in the thick haze. I couldn't hear his footsteps in the sand, but I could clearly see the trail left behind.
My Jacob.
All I could do is stand there and stare for a good minute, blinking every so often as the tears kept falling trying to understand, and conclude the words he spoke. My knees went weak, I collapsed into the sand. Did he not want any of me?
'Things haven't changed, and never will.'
How- - My mind was so boggled. I buried my head into my hands and just cried, tears of confusion, hatred and longing.
Why Jacob? Why?
I had month until you were gone completely. Couldn't you understand that? It couldn't take it without you here.
I wanted you to know, exactly how bad I wish it were different, that I wish I could leave him, Edward. But fighting the unnatural wasn't possible. By now I was a bawling slung over my knees; sunken in the sand. My stomach was turning almost causing bile to seep from my mouth.
It hurt, like the heart I had healed, that had already been through so much was sucked out of me. It was like my heart was dragged in the sand with all the nerves attached with Jacob as he walked away. I couldn't feel anything but what I wanted with Jacob.
What I didn't have.
"I love you Jacob Black." I whispered the vacant whole in my chest only crumbling into pieces. My tears kept coming as I pushed myself up, half filled with an angry drive, and longing to scream. How much more heart break and lost could I take? I lost Edward once, now Jacob was gone. But he wouldn't be coming back, especially when my blood red eyes were looking for him.
My run to my old drunk was clumsy, and disoriented. I couldn't recall any of my footsteps, or the brush tangling in my ligaments. Scratches and cuts were appearing on my body, but I didn't notice with my chest seizing all my attention.
My driven home was just as hectic. I had to stop on the side of the road at one point to regain vision from my tear covered eyes. The tears still didn't stop, but I was to calm my erratic breathing enough to control my actions. Edward would be furious seeing my drive home like this.
But what the hell did I care what Edward thought at a moment like this?
Since the phone call to Charlie was still made about my where about, he didn't ask when I came in and bolted up the stairs even when he saw my red- blotchy face. His face only filled with sympathy.
Charlie couldn't express feelings, it was best he let me be.
My bed never felt so good against my swollen eyes, and irritated red face.
Jacob...
My Jacob.
My mind said over and over again, each time was like taking a bullet to my chest. The pain, so incredibly bad I didn't notice cold hands wrapping around me. I didn't want to believe they were there.
"Bella... I'm sorry I left I didn't think it hurt this bad," Edward whispered in my ear, "Before I even entered the door at home I saw Alice's thoughts of you here crying and I came right away love."
Damn, the window.
When I wanted the damn thing closed, it never was.
Right now I did not what to be bothered, especially by Edward. I couldn't shoe him away though, he thought my waterfall of tears were from my memories when he had left. Surely, the pain was comparable but somehow, this was worse.
I had spent every inch of effort every day over that time forcing Edward out of my head, forgetting him like a dream gone badly. Though every night when I closed my eyes it me like the same freight train. Yea, I still had my doubts about Edward, the wedding, and changing but, he wasn't leaving I was almost positive about it now. But Edward never seemed to stop questioning me about what I really wanted.
I wanted Edward, I wanted to be beautiful right beside and forever have our perfect life.
Though I didn't want to let go of Jacob.
I didn't know if I could bare to see him leave my side…
Just like this…
But apparently he wanted me gone.
He's face drifted through my teary mind, his russet skin, dark shaggy hair, and his eyes, dark and mysteriously inviting. In all ways, he was a perfect as Edward. No- - he was as perfect for me as Edward. That's what killed me the most, the fact I had refused to accept there could be anyone else in the world for me other than a vampire. When all along, dark eyed Jake was standing, longing and loving me. I didn't deserve anyone. I sighed again burrowing myself deep in Edwards's cold hard body.
Regardless, he felt protective, if not comfortable.
But not warm malleable and comforting to my emotional state.
He stroked my hair playing with the ends in his finger tips.
"I'm sorry Edward." I whispered.
"I love you Bella, don't apologize. I am sorry." He smiled, his topaz eyes warming mine. Being around Jacob's arrogant nature had made me forget Edwards's collective captivating smile. He kissed me on the cheek gently and continued to run his hand through my dull brown hair.
I forced a smile nuzzling myself into him; I gave up in the apology fight and just accepted, there was nothing I could do to infuriate Edward. He was here for a long run; until the day came I said I didn't want him. I still to this day didn't understand why he wanted me of all people. I didn't mind enjoying it.
"I love you too Edward." I mumbled into his perfected chest. He perked my head up, hand still on my chin and kissed me passionately. I dug into, knowing it would be broken within seconds.
But he continued to torment me with his crazed lips.
What fun was pleasure when you couldn't have all of it?
I pushed him over climbing up on top him, the pity of Jacob making me crave attention, and sympathy. I knew Edward would give in- to a defined point.
He flung me over, restraining my arms, gently.
"Bella." His voice sounded strict but teasing.
"Sorry." I giggled slightly, my eyes still narrow from crying so much. As much as I hated the fact I was messing around with Edward when my heart so heavily grieved for Jacob, it was a fix, and it worked magically.
Even though my pain was only relieved temporarily.
"If only you knew how much of tease you were." He smirked, his cocky smile intriguing me.
"Show me." I giggled, knowing the answer already.
Or thought I knew.
"With pleasure." Edward replied with his hand pulling my face in for a kiss tenderly.
My mind went into shock, breathing almost halted. I knew my accelerate heart was driving him wild. He released his lips from mine kissing gently down my collar bone up to my ear.
"Breath Bella, we never have fun." He whispered, my body becoming paralyzed, and mind racing back to no other than Jacob.
The kisses became licks and cold breezes then back to my lips again. I didn't care who was doing it, it still felt amazing. This time, I regained consciousness, kissed him back. Predictably I was imagining the complete wrong person. But, I couldn't stop myself; it felt better pretending it was Jacob than knowing it was Edward. My lips dancing, pretending they were full and warm, but the difference was still there. It was cold stiff, but still breathtaking. The art of love, creativity doesn't limit your imagination. It was only my physical passion which did.
My hand slid down Edward's icy chest, the muscle obvious, but nothing like Jacob's. I pretended it was his dark, toned skin. I could feel my body longing to be taken, but I already knew this could only go so far. But what I didn't know this time was I would stop it. His finger tips traced down my collar bone, then grasped around my right breast, the breath almost forced out of me. Shivers roared through my body almost like earth quakes from the unfamiliar desires and feelings.
"Mhmm.." I faintly moaned, Edward's keen ears hearing it, and egging him on more.
I ran my hand through his bronze hair pulling him in a deeper kiss, he still refusing to open his mouth in the slightest. My tongue glazed across his lips again, asking- no begging for entrance. He so pleasantly ignored, and focusing on the pleasure I was experiencing from his hands
"Ahh." I moaned breaking our kiss for a mere second, not moving a millimeter away. With that he seemed to gasp as I thrust my hips forward.
"Jacob." I moaned unconsciously my tongue only touching the inside of his mouth. He pushed me away as fast as he let me in, his eyes wide with shock.
"Bella." He sounded, hurt disappointed. The truth rushed to hit me.
How could I have done that?!
He finally lets me kiss him- really kiss him. And I don't even say his name, my thoughts weren't even there. I was only more crushed and disappointed with myself. I had these two beautiful creatures panning themselves at me, and I was selfish enough to hurt them both.
"Edward I'm so, so sorry!" I exclaimed, the tears clouding up in my eyes again with disgust.
"You saw him today, it wasn't me you were crying about." He stated his face hardening like marble.
My head dropped down in disappointment, "Yes... but- -" He brushed my hair back, pulling my eyes to meet his. He seemed so concerned, so loving, even after what I had just done.
"He... never wants to see me again Edward. I wanted to see at least once like old times before I couldn't- - and" I was choking on my words by now. Edward brought me towards in him a tender embrace. I was quickly soaking his sweater with salt water.
"Shh Bella, its okay." He hushed, "I'm sorry I assumed the wrong thing, otherwise this wouldn't have happened."
Was I once again hearing this right?
Edward was blaming himself, for me saying Jacob's name.
Why did he always do this? I deserved to feel guilty!
"Edward it was my fault! Don't even start to blame this on you!" I exclaimed still in disbelief at his actions and tone.
"And how would it not be my fault? If I had known you were crying because of Jacob, I wouldn't have forced myself oh you." He stated calmly.
"You didn't force yourself on me, are you kidding?!" I whimpered.
"Bella…"
"MINE! Mine, mine, me oh mine," I fumed in frustrating, "You should be screaming at me! About how I crushed your ego is and how I could think of him with you!?"
"But... you would have never felt that way about him if I'd never left. I must live with the consequences, Bella you're mine, and I know you miss him like crazy. I cannot blame you for the emotions I created." He stated.
"Edward, stop." I grit my teeth.
"Bella, just forget about it...." He sighed, "I'll talk to him tomorrow. I want to discuss some things."
No fucking way.
"Edward he'll rip your head off!" I exclaimed shocked coursing through my voice.
"I doubt the wolf boy could." He smirked.
He seriously was not pulling that card.
"Edward." I snapped.
"Bella... I think it's appropriate" He concluded.
"I don't, but regardless what I say, you'll still do it. I don't know why I'm even trying..." I sighed.
"It's for your own good, love." He said sweetly kissing my fore head again. I sighed in reply, leaning over on his shoulder and sat in silence for a moment. My mind was racing one what had just happened faster then I'd ever imagined.
It must have killed him not knowing exactly what I was thinking then and now. But I loved it, my thoughts could question in silence, with privacy.
Why would I have said Jacob's name when Edward kissed me the first time with open mouth?
I loved and wanted to be with Edward like that, not Jacob.
I sighed realizing the truth. Edward wasn't the first one to kiss me like that, Jacob's wild passion was. I had only experienced that with Jacob, so it was no wonder when Edward let down his collective guard, my mind wandered freely to Jacob.
How would this work, how could I even not think of Jacob. I refuse to admit it, but I craved for that passion. The desperateness behind his loving warm kisses could set me on fire. His hands frantically taking off my- -
NO!
That would never happen, it couldn't. Even if I dearly wanted it to.
He just had things Edward could never have, things that I only now realizing I wanted so badly.
Dear god Jacob.
x
I love my meds, they make write/work soooooooooooo well. haha.
Probably didn't expect that? Well hopefully not, but I hope you enjoyed it.
Please read and REVIEW, and I promise you the next chapter will be up in due time ;)
Love Laurs xo.