SSD: (whispers) Hey everyone, sorry but we can't talk much right now. We're deep in the under belly of ACME headquarters. Last time we heard weird voices and now we're going to find out just what ACME is up to.
AAF: (Yawns) Can you keep it down, I'm tired on the count of you talking in your sleep last night. I couldn't tell if you were sleeping or not. (Drinks coffee in order to keep from falling asleep)
Hayate: (drinks coffee because he feels like it) didn't know you talk in your sleep, SSD.
SSD: To be truthful, I didn't know that I talk in my sleep.
Shin: (Yawns) I'm sleepy. Can I go lay down somewhere?
(Voices are louder)
Voice 1: Yes, Stage 1: Swap is going as plan. So long as we keep that annoying authoress SilverSerpentDragon off our backs, we should be okay.
Voice 2: What about the other girl, animearlinefreak?
Voice 3: What about her? Compared to SilverSerpentDragon she doesn't stand a chance against us, ku ku ku.
Voice 4: SilverSerpentDragon does pose more of a threat. She was able to take out myself and three others at the same time. There is also the demon within her that poses a problem.
Voice 5: Do not remind me of that! I still have the nightmares.
Voice 6: Hmph, she just a child, they're both children. We should have no problems overpowering them.
AAF: (Has a vein popped out of her head) Nani? They're calling me weak? Well I'll show them, I'll show them all-mmph mmph!
Hayate, Go, Sasame, and SSD: Shut up or you'll get us caught!
Voice 1: What was that?
(shuffling in the room) (The door opens to reveal Himura Kenshin)
SSD: Oh shit. Hey wait a sec, what the hell are you doing here! You should be posted at my "Shock Wave" studio!
Kenshin: I could say the same for you. Unfortunately, I got dragged into this mess unwillingly. Can't say the same for them. (points behind him.)
SSD: (fuming) Kamui? Subaru? Dark? Kouga? You traitors! And you too, Haschel, Lloyd, Kurama? Krad?
ACME head guy 1: You have interfered long enough, SilverSerpentDragon. We hired those who knew you intimately and your weaknesses as well. Our plan for world domination will be unstoppable with you out of the picture. Capture them.
Kurama: (uses vines to hold the good guys in place)
Go: So you use plants, eh? Time to burn! Shin, close your eyes. (burns away the restraints) We aren't going down that easily.
A-Sasame: As a Leafe Knight, it is my duty to keep the world safe. If I must destroy you to accomplish that duty, I will do so.
AAF: I'll show you weak! HYAAHHH! (attacks Lloyd with her halisen)
(Lloyd slashes it to pieces with his sword)
Lloyd: What a pathetic attack. And you wonder why we didn't bother with you.
AAF: YOU &$#! (punches Lloyd with a left hook)
Lloyd:
Shin: Wah! (running from Naraku) Leave me alone ugly lady-man!
Disclaimer: SilverSerpentDragon and animearlinefreak do not own Inuyasha, Pretear or any of the other characters. (sigh) If only we could buy the rights for a dollar.
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Chapter 9: The Old Hag Snaps!
Mannen groggily opened his eyes for the second time that day. Again, dark chocolate eyes hovered over him, this time filled with tears. The ice knight blinked away the sleep in his eyes.
"Uh, could you get off of me?"
Rin's eyes cleared of tears as she flung her arms around Mannen's neck. "You're awake! Rin was so worried."
Sesshoumaru looked over at his ward and her new friend. Seeing that the ice brat was awake, he stood up. "If you are recovered enough, we will continue on to meet my half-brother."
Rin blushed and crawled off of Mannen. Mannen had an identical blush on his cheeks. "Uh, why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?"
The taiyoukai glanced at him while signaling Ah-un to pick up Rin. "You saved my ward's life and for that I owe you. Your battle skills—despite your young age—have impressed this Sesshoumaru, a difficult task to achieve."
Mannen stood and stared in shock while Hajime pouted as the water knight clambered onto Ah-un's back. After about five minutes, Mannen realized that the others were pretty far ahead and ran to catch up.
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Sango looked around the clearing and noticed a very important detail. "Where are the kids?"
Realization settled in the teens minds as they could not remember hearing a peep from the children.
"Oh my god! We forgot the kids!" The girls yelled and quickly began to overturn every rock in the clearing in a desperate attempt to locate the missing youths.
The guys stared incredulously at the panicking girls.
"What's the big deal? The shrimps are bound to show up anyway. And Shippo's out of my hair." Inuyasha muttered in aggravation.
Kagome furiously whirled to face him, her eyes glinting malice. "Osuwari! Don't you dare say that! The forest is full of all sorts of demons and bandits! They could be killed!"
Inuyasha raised himself out of the crater he made, his ears were flat against his skull. "Alright already, wench! C'mon, guys, let's find the brats!"
The men scattered away from the girls, not wanting to face their wrath again.
They searched high and low for the brats. Not a single river or cave was left unsearched. Bird nests were discarded and trees were chopped down to look under the roots of the tree. The men grew tired of searching and wanted rest, but knew what would happen if they dare disobey the girls orders.
"AH, I'm drained from this searching, can we call it quits." Go wiped the sweat away from his brow. He leaned his back against a tree that remained standing.
Kei shook his blonde head. "We can't stop now, we must find them in order to stop the Princess of Disaster and Naraku. Besides…do you want to face the girls?"
The two sweat dropped and gulped as they both thought of the what might happen after the girls got a hold of them.
A glimmer of gold was seen coming from the north interrupted the two's discussion. Go and Kei took a fighting stance ready for anything, when blonde hair shined in the sunlight. Realization hit the two when they approached the figure.
The figure rubbed its tiny eyes. Weariness, washed over the small child. His green eyes looked straight ahead of him, as his mind was elsewhere. His thoughts were of the girl he met earlier. Kanna of the void. The girl who was now his friend.
Strange noises were heard up ahead of him. The young knight froze in fear. Scared, he did the one thing that could protect himself. He covered himself with a flower and hid.
Go and Kei appeared.
"Hmm…I assumed it was Shin, huh, I suppose my hunch was wrong." Kei shrugged his shoulders.
"Whoa, and I thought that you were always right. Tch, I guess even you are human, huh Kei?"
"Grr, now is not the time to fool around, we must find the children before the girls have our heads." His hair sprung up at the thought.
"Guh, I sure ain't going to have my head lost. Uh…Shin, Hajime, Mannen, Shippo, where are you?" Go shouted in hopes of finding them.
Shin hearing a familiar voice, snuck up behind Go and shouted. "Here I am Go!"
"Wha-" Go fell on his rump. His heart pounded in his chest.
"Sh-Shin…there you are." Go laughed nervously.
Kei rolled his eyes. "Enough of foolish things we need to find the others. Shin do you know where everyone else is?" He knelt down next to Shin.
Shin's eyes watered. "You mean there not here? Waah!"
Just then the other Leafe Knights and Miroku and Inuyasha showed up.
"So you found Shin, that's good." Sasame knelt down next to Shin as he patted his head.
Kei stood. "Of course, though we found no leads to where the others are." He held his head on his palm in thought, when noises could be heard from the west.
"Hey guys slow down, are you really trying to lose track of me that easily." A cocky voice shouted to two people in front of him.
"Hey I know that cocky voice. Mannen what the hell did you leave us for? Wha-"
"Grr, Sesshomaru what the heck are you doing here for?" Inuyasha looked back at Hayate. "Did you did you come back to your mate or did you forget to mark him last time?" Inuyasha tried to remain calm, but it was a losing battle.
Hayate was furious for being called the fem-boy's mate, much less have the demon there. He formed the wind sword in his hands; he contemplated on who to test his blade on first.
At this moment the girls heard the ruckus and rushed right over. Himeno and the other girls gasped at who they saw there. Himeno tensed up, remembering her encounter with the lord of the western lands.
Shin, Hajime, and Shippo, ran to each other, as they wailed tears of joy for their reunion. Sesshoumaru glared at his hanyou of a half brother.
"You dare to insult this Sesshoumaru's sexuality, little brother? Hmph, it seems that you do not appreciate my offer of assistance to kill Naraku, as much I despise you as well."
The Inutear group stared incredulously at the silver haired taiyoukai.
"Grrr, what the hell do mean 'offer your assistance'!" Inuyasha growled.
Sesshoumaru smirked slightly. "It means, pathetic hanyou, that you are too weak to go after Naraku alone. Especially so if what Mannen told me is correct."
Hayate rounded on the ice knight. "What the hell is he talking about, Mannen?"
Mannen laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. "Haha, well you see, a demon larva attacked us. Only this one was different; it was harder to kill than normal. I think that Naraku is mixing youkai with the seeds."
"What? How could he, is that possible unless…" Kagome's face turned to that of disgust. Everyone else shared the same expression. Sasame however, showed an expression of heartache. Kei was the first to speak.
"If that's the case, then we must work fast and find the jewel shards before Naraku does." Kei turned his attention to Sesshomaru. "Sesshomaru-san we must put a past grudges aside and work as a team-"
"Lord Sesshomaru, doesn't need to be told of such things. AAH!" The toad clutched his head from the wound he received.
Mannen pulled his fist away from Jaken's skull. "We don't need to be pestered by a weak demon such as you!"
The Pretear group was a little impressed by Mannen's rough behavior, especially Go. Hojo nervously shook in fear from the new demon's arrival. He knew what that meant if another demon entered the group…more torture for him.
The group headed to Kaede's village as the group received frighten/annoyed stares when they entered the small village. Kaede was at the front of her home, picking medicinal herbs for future injuries that are bound to happen. An idea struck that cowardly teenager as he went to go help the old hag out. He picked up a few herbs and rushed over to Kagome's side.
With a goofy smirk on his face he pointed to the herbs. "Kagome these herbs help to cure any illness for that rheumatoid arthritis."
Kagome sweat dropped as well as everyone else for the boy's stupidity. "Uh…Hojo you do realize that I'm not sick, right?"
"Oh Kagome, it's alright to lie about your health, I understand if your not willing
to except you being sick. Now go lay down and I'll make you something to make you all
better." He lead Kagome into one of the rooms while, he went outside to find the
ingredients for a stew he was planning to make.
"Why you! After I'm done with you, I'll show you who needs medicine!"
Inuyasha balled his fist.
Kagome sighed. "Inuyasha osuwari! Kami, what am I going to do with you." She entered the hut as everyone followed behind.
"Hey instead of listening to that birdbrain, why don't we get wasted." He went towards Kagome's bag to grab the bottles of sake, when Kagome stopped him in his tracks.
"Where do you think that you're going? This is my bag, at least ask for permission before you help yourself like selfish glutton. Or else." She randomly pulled out a beaded necklace.
Go gulped. "Hey uh...I didn't mean to go through your things, I'm sorry." He went on his hands and knees and begged.
Kagome smirked as she walked away from the Fire Knight. She went to her bag to pull out a bottle of sake when her bag started to move. Kagome gulped in fright, as she hid behind Inuyasha as protection.
"What-What is that?"
"Huh, we'll find out." Inuyasha unsheathed his sword as everyone took a fighting stance.
The thing inside the bag wiggled and wiggled until it hopped outside of the bag.
Inuyasha's face met the floor of Kaede's home.
Kouga of the wolf demon tribe, held Kagome's hands in his. Inuyasha growled in annoyance. Everyone stared at the new comer in curiosity while the Inuyasha group shook their head at what's next to take place. Sesshomaru stared in amusement at his little brother at handling his woman.
"Kagome, I decided that I will take you now as my mate."
Inuyasha fumed and unsheathed the Tetsusaiga. "Get your hands off of her, teme!"
Kouga looked at the hanyou with disinterest. "Eh, what do you want, inukuro? Can't you see that I'm talking to my woman?"
"Grrr. Shi ne!" Inuyasha unleashed the kaze no kizu.
Kouga dodged with Kagome in his arms. "You baka! You could've hurt my woman!"
The audience—minus Sesshoumaru—sweat dropped. Miroku and Sango sighed as Inuyasha acted without thinking again. Then they examined the destruction to Kaede's hut. The Pretear crew just stared and wondered why Inuyasha would think to unleash that particular attack in a closed area. Kaede stared with horror as she witnessed Inuyasha's latest act idiocy. For once, the old woman was going to be cruel to her guests.
"OUT! I will not stand for this desecration of my property anymore! Out!" She went as far as retrieving her bow and quiver of arrows to corral them out of her ruined home.
Sesshoumaru ran out because even he was frightened by the old miko's sudden cut from reality. He would never admit to anyone; no, he was too prideful to let it get to his enemies that he was scared by an old human miko. An arrow whizzed by his cheek, and burned it with its purifying aura.
'Oh shit, why the hell didn't I stop Inuyasha? Oh yeah, because I wanted to see how he would handle a rival for his mate.' Sesshoumaru cursed himself as he passed the other refugees and headed into the woods.
"Teme! Wait up for us!" Inuyasha yelled at his older half brother. He was even more infuriated when Kouga passed him with Kagome still in his arms.
"Oi, inukuro! Too slow to catch up?" Kouga shouted back…only to run into a tree once he entered the woods.
"Itai!" The miko cried out as she was crushed between the tree trunk and Kouga's armor.
"Kagome!" Inuyasha yelled and quickly pushed Kouga away to get to her.
"Kagome!" Sango landed next to Inuyasha on Kirara. Hojo was seated behind her, the pot of stew still in his grasp. "What happened?"
"That mangy wolf didn't watch where he was going and ran into a tree. Kagome was between them." Inuyasha growled out.
An arrow from the infuriated miko zipped past Inuyasha as he lifted Kagome into his strong arms. The little miko hissed in pain at the movement. The hanyou cradled her gently and took off running.
Hayate flew through the air with Himeno his arms, Go attempted to carry her at first but was blasted away by a jealous Hayate. He used wind blasts to redirect the arrows away from him and his tulip head. He smirked when one of the arrows he redirected breezed by Sesshoumaru. The wind knight looked back and noticed Kaede following behind them on her horse, arrow notched and currently aimed at him. He swore and sped up. Then he felt a blinding pain in his ass.
"Oh fuck! That fucking hurts!" Hayate shouted in pain.
"What? What's wrong?" Himeno asked. She looked behind him to see an arrow shaft sticking out of his butt. "There's an arrow in your butt!"
"I know there's a fucking arrow in my ass, because it's my ass!"
"I can see that! I'm just trying to help!"
Beside them, Go was laughing hysterically with tears leaking out of his eyes. Then his eyes widened as a familiar feeling struck his own rear end. "Oh shit, that hurts!" Unfortunately, the arrow was closer to a certain male body part that was necessary if Go ever wanted to have children.
Kaede eventually tired of chasing them once the group was about a mile within the forest. The group breathed a collective sigh of relief when they realized that Kaede had stopped chasing them. They began to make camp and tend to the unfortunates who were wounded. Hojo looked down and noticed that his stew had not spilled in the hasty retreat.
"Oh look, the stew didn't spill! Kagome, do you still want some?" Hojo smiled cheerfully.
Kagome didn't answer due to her currently being unconscious. Hojo sighed in disappointment before offering his concoction to the others. The group hesitantly accepted the bowls and began to eat. The reactions were varied. Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru immediately spit it out, so did Miroku, Sango, the kids, Kouga, and most of the knights and Himeno. The only one who actually ate it with gusto was Hayate. He held out his bowl.
"More please. You know, you don't fight like a man, but you sure cook like a woman."
The rest of the Inutear group looked at him incredulously. They wordlessly began shoving their bowls into his face as they begged him to finish off the thing called "stew". Once Hayate devoured the entire stock of stew, it was then that they noticed Hayate and Go had arrows in their butts. Himeno and Sango grimly walked to Kagome's backpack that Sasame was thoughtful enough to remember and retrieved the handy-dandy first aid kid. They pulled out scalpels, needle and thread. As one, the two girls turned to face them.
"Remove the pants."
Hayate and Go exchanged embarrassed glances before changing back into their normal clothes. Sesshoumaru and Mannen made sure to cover Rin's eyes while Kei and Sasame shielded Shin and Hajime. The knights of wind and fire grudgingly began to remove their lower clothing to allow the girls access to their wounds. Himeno and Sango blushed cherry red and Miroku glared angrily at Go, Sango's patient.
"Well," Himeno started, "they're certainly…uh…not s-small."
Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha tried to hold back their laughter as they observed the reactions of their companions. Hayate and Go were a bright red as the girls prodded and poked at the wounds. Needless to say, the…reactions…were very embarrassing.
"Hey! Watch where you poke that thing, I need those later in life!" The firecracker haired man yelped as Sango prodded a very…important…piece of his body while she daydreamed dangerously of Miroku's…equipment.
"Ouch! You tulip headed valley girl! Watch where you jab that damn thing! That hurts!"
Poke. "Shut up, you big baby! I'm the one with the knife here!"
The night was then filled with the yelps of the wounded knights and the hysterical laughter of the demons—minus Sesshoumaru who was only chuckling darkly.
"There! All done!" Himeno said as she placed a band-aid over his stitched up wound.
"You did an alright job, though I probably could've done it better." Hayate groused as he pulled up his pants quickly.
"Fine, next time you get an arrow in your butt, you do your own surgery!" She then ran into the forest.
Hayate attempted to run after her, but ended up hobbling due to his wound. On the other hand, Go rapidly pulled up his pants and then hugged a blushing Sango.
"Thank you so much! I was so worried about Little Go!"
Sango's blush deepened and Inuyasha's laughter increased to a roar as he rolled on the floor in his mirth. "L-little Go?"
Miroku's eye twitched and his grip on his prayer beads binding the Kazaana tightened. 'Must not kill. Must not kill. Must not kill…' He repeated the mantra over and over in his mind.
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Himeno stomped through the forest as she cried tears of frustration. "That idiot! Why did I even bother treating him when I knew he was just going to be mean to me after I was done? If there's a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I won that for the year."
Hayate caught up to the angry girl by flying instead of walking. He overheard this last line and couldn't help but think of that American Disney movie Hercules. He moved with trepidation as he approached the pink haired pretear. He crept up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.
"I'm sorry. I really was a jerk back there."
Himeno leaned back into his embrace as the tears streamed down her face. "Why can't you have ever been nice to me?
Hayate stepped back and turned her around to face him. He placed his strong hands on her shoulders and bent down. Their lips were almost touching when an annoying voice interrupted them.
"Hayate! Himeno! Where are you guys?"
The two quickly parted to face the rustling bush. Shippo revealed himself. "There you are! The others told me to get you."
'Damn that brat! Hayate/I was just about to kiss me/her and he ruined it! I'm gonna ring that kitsune's neck!'
Shippo got a scared look on his face. "Uh, why are you looking at me like that?"
Blue wind energy swirled around Hayate as a scary gleam lit his eyes. The wind sword formed in his hand and he took off flying for the little bug. "Get back here, you little bastard!"
"Wah! Kagome!" Shippo cried as he began running back to camp.
Himeno stood in an awkward silence as she stared after Hayate's retreating back. She was about to leave the clearing when a sakura blossom wafted into her vision. She caught it out of the air and smiled. 'Well, I didn't come out of this empty handed.' She then headed back to the campsite. oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
SSD: Oh no! Shin! Hold on! (performs hand seals) Katon Housenka no Jutsu! (blasts several fireballs at Naraku)
Naraku: (screams as his long hair catches on fire)
Kenshin: (attacks AAF)
AAF: Oh My Fucking God! Somebody fucking help me, or I'll get the beads of subjugation out!" (Barely dodges Doryuusen)
SSD: AAF! (throws a foam pillow) You beat me with that enough! (Performs more hand seals) Kage Bunshin no Jutsu! (forms ten clones) Take this! SilverSerpentDragon Rendan! (K.Os Haschel)
Hayate: (intercepts Kenshin with the wind sword) You want AAF, you have to get through me!
AAF: Hayate, thank you! Okay now time to kick ass! HYAAHHH! (Swings the pillow in all directions. Hits Subaru, Krad, and Kamui in the head with the pillow, resulting in a domino effect.) Heh, I guess nap time came earlier for you guys. HYAAHH!
Go: (fights Kurama) Okay, Plant boy, you're going down! Fire Axe!
Kurama: Rose Whip! (thinking) This is going to be ugly for me.
SSD: (dodges Kouga's attack and forms more hand seals)
Kouga: (attacks SSD but SSD turns into a log) Huh?
SSD: Over here, muttface! (performs hand seals) Water Prison no Jutsu!
Kouga: (passes out from lack of oxygen as the cage of water keeps him locked up)
SSD: I guess that takes care of that. (looks over at Shin who is standing over an unconscious Dark) Good boy, Shin, you showed him!
ACME head guy 2: Damn you! Lucky for us we knew about your obsession with the anime Naruto for quite some time and hired a few people you may know.
(doors open to reveal…)
SSD: (gasp) Ita-kun! How could you betray me like this? Oh, hello, fish face.
Kisame: damn you! Stop calling me that!
Itachi: I hate to do this to you, SSD, but orders are orders. (moves so fast that AAF and SSD can't track him. He knocks out SSD and then AAF)
ACME head guy 1: Well, don't stop with them, get the others as well. Heh heh, with SilverSerpentDragon and her annoying friend out of the way, we, ACME, shall rule the world!
Kisame and Itachi: (roll eyes before knocking the Leafe Knights aiding AAF and SSD out)
(Sasame attempts to make a stand, but unfortunately the two Akatsuki members are familiar with Sound attacks)
Next time on Pretear in the Segoku Jidai:
The Sake Returns. Watch the gang get drunk and sing again with some interesting dance routines.
As for the authors, how will they get out of the mess they're in right now? And will Itachi and M-Sasame come to the rescue, or let their loves rot in jail?