Ah I know, I'm horrid.
Disclaimer: I own my boyfriend's … ahem but nothing else.
I know everyone was really hoping for a lemon last chapter but it's my own personal thoughts Jacob may make Bella illogical, resulting in her kissing him. But she's not that irrational to loss all control and fuck him – at least not just yet.
PS: this is pretty much Edward's last little whimper of control over Bella. His is involved still with story very much, but this chapter wraps up their relationship. Edward will be happy I promise so don't get mad at me for this.
Hope you enjoy this chapter as well!
Please review :)
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Bella's POV
My body felt lonely from the second Jacob placed me down on my solid feet, I missed his warm body around me. Ever inch of my skin called for me to turn the car around and tell Jacob I wanted to melt in his arms.
I knew what I was feeling now.
Jacob's kiss was breathtaking, my whole body craved more than that too. What I felt, wow; my groins were in serious trouble if I carried that out. But his smoldering attention, that was what I craved, That was exactly what I wanted.
Today I knew what I was feeling, I knew what I wanted. I wanted to be with Jacob, I just didn't know how to handle the pain of telling Edward that.
I loved Edward, his cool firm lips, perfect chiseled face. He was flawless- and unfortunately I was not. I was imperfect as the mess of a two year old. I was mortal, real, and not timeless- Edward was. He didn't have the limitation of a ticking hour glass. Another key fact me and Jacob shared.
Edward's life was many years ago, and before when Emmett was talking, he said there was a few other scents like mine was to Edward across his lifetime as a vampire. This meant I was not Edward's only one, I was the only one of the century.
This gave me confidence for two reasons.
One: Edward would be more than happy knowing my soul wasn't stolen by him. Living a happy natural life with Jacob.
Two: He'd eventually find another me, their scent just as alluring. Edward didn't have the time limitation that Jacob and I had.
I knew I had a choice, and Jacob made that clear- as did Edward. Jacob in the past may have been pushy, as of this afternoon he was only stating the downright facts. I would eventually fill myself with misery missing Jacob if I choose Edward. The guilt would paw and tear me to shreds knowing, I wasn't happy, Jacob was alone, and Edward would smell some girl just as delicious as me. As Edward put before, vampire's were like stone, their emotions were too. Once I felt a certain way, as a I did for Jacob, time wasn't going to ease it. I would still love him the same, I was his imprint.
With my human body, the heart ache and pain would eventually fade with children and a loving husband on my mind. I would be okay, with Edward I would not be.
I pulled the Volvo up in Edward's drive way, surprised at what I saw.
All décor, and fancy garments outside were gone.
What was happening?
I jumped out the car, my mind racing too fast to think coherently. I was starting to forget to breath.
I bolted to the door turning the knob, opening to a blank beautiful home. My eyes filled with tears.
Not again.
No.
No.
I'm not ready to say goodbye.
I was weeping so hard by now. My vision was completely blurred, as all the heart ache of a year ago came back. Heart ache I knew Jacob could mend with time, but he wasn't on my mind right now. His voice wasn't there telling me it was going to be okay.
I was alone.
"Edward!" I screeched, my voice chalky and fist clenched.
"Alice! Esme! Where are you?!" I continued to scream running up the stars to where Edwards room once was. It was completely empty now.
Just blank walls and glass windows.
"Emmett, Jasper…. Carlisle…?" My voice was a whimper in between the tears and coughing to catch my breath.
"Edward."
"Bella." The familiar dainty voice spoke sadly. I turned around almost too fast, give a flash of dizziness to my over emotional head.
"Alice!" I ran wrapping my arms around her in complete excitement.
"Bella's it okay. You have to come with me, okay? Stop crying it's going to be all right." She encouraged soothing my sobbing body.
"You guys are leaving again." I wheezed.
"Bella- " She cut herself off when I looked up at her with my teary eyes,
"I promise you, you'll be happier this way. If we don't leave now, Edward's love for you is always going to torture you." She explained sympathetically.
"How do you know I'll be happy without him? What did you see Alice?" My voice crack every few syllables.
"I saw you either where I was going to take you, for you and Edward to end this. Or I saw you, stressed so much you couldn't bare to tell him that you didn't want to be with him. You knew you wanted Jacob, but … you went with Edward anyways for the sake of his happiness. I won't let you or Edward do this to each other." She smiled, brushing her hand across my hair.
"I understand…." I whimpered.
I didn't have the strength to fight the voice that was saying now- the part of me that was still completely in love with Edward Cullen.
"Get back in the car Bella, he wants to meet you in the meadow." She said, her voice not colourful and Alice like.
I didn't reply, only following her direction. I walked slowly down the stairs, embracing everything for the last time. Walking out the door I stopped and looked back, getting one last glimpse of a part of my life I was going to give up.
Good bye future Mrs. Cullen.
Good bye Edward.
I hoped in the passenger side of the Volvo, my face emotional and stone like. At this moment I looked as close as I ever would to a vampire- truly emotionless.
Alice ignited the engine and roared off.
x
Fifteen minutes if silent car ride.
A simple order to jump on Alice's petite frame's, despite the fact I felt like I could break her and we ran in silence for another 10 minutes.
I could see why Edward had picked this spot.
He came into my life with a bang, and out my life with just as memorable a moment. I loved the simple things, which somehow Edward refused to acknowledge still to this day. Everything about him was extravagant, and everything about me was simple. Which is one of the reasons I chose different, but also one of the things which attracted me the most to his brilliant sparkling body.
The sun was still out, so at least I could still his luminous skin… one last time.
Alice slowed down coming up to a obvious clearing. She let me hop off, and nodded for me to proceed further.
"Bye Alice." I murmured, trying to hold back the inevitable tears.
"Ohh Bella don't cry. I love you so much okay? I always will, and you know you'll always be my sister in my heart." She hugged me passionately, smothering me with all her sisterly love.
She really was like the sister I never had. I would miss her so much…
I could already feel the place Edward and his family filled in my heart start to disinherit. My stomach was turning terribly.
"I love you too… " I weeped standing our embrace for a moment, then Alice letting go kissing me on the cheek.
"I knew you'd be frustrated with you're wardrobe soon, so I left a going away present." She admitted sweetly.
"Alice…thank you. For once I won't through a fit, as long as there's no designer labels." I smiled through my teary eyes.
"Erm-" She stuttered.
"It's okay I don't care about it. I'll miss you so fucking much." I blurted hugging her again,
"I know, I will too. Bye Bella, you need to finish things with Edward. You already know you'll always have a place in my heart." She suggested.
I nodded her shirt was soaked already from my tears, "Bye," I took a step forward, and within a second I looked back and Alice was gone; as fast as she had taken me here. Taking a breath I stepped forward, oh Edward. I came into the valley, his brilliant face glittering in the hazy sunlight.
"Bella." His face instantly seem to have a smile casting over it, despite my teary eyed one.
"Edward," I bawled, leaping in his arms after running towards his, "I'm sorry."
"Bella no, I'm sorry." He smiled brushing my hair endlessly.
"Why are you leaving?" I croaked.
"So you can be happy. I should've stayed out of you and Jacob's business from the first place, love. But the damage is done, and to you. I will be happy, knowing you can have a human life, even if it's not with me." Edward explained, kissing my forehead every few words.
"You don't have to Edward, I'll be happy with you." I gushed, the guilt piling on.
"Bella, you're an emotional wreck right now, you know in the end you want to be with Jacob. I'm making this easy for you okay? Please don't make this difficult." He gushed desperately.
"I want to…" I pouted.
"I want you too, but life won't work that way. Bella I love you. I always will. But I'll stay out of you're way. I'll always keep and eye on you, it's my protective instinct. But I will make you happy one way or another." Edward's voice was brilliant, soothing but destroying. There was no other way to describe him but a tempting lion, drawing the curiosity of lamb, but ready to pounce.
"I love you, I love you, I love you." I murmured again and again soaking Edward's cashmere sweater.
"Bella, I'll always be there, body and soul. Good bye love." He took my clenching fists off his sweater, and met lips with one last detaching kiss. Running his cool tongue along the inside of my mouth, making me melt.
He thought he had a soul.
He laughed smoothly, "Breath Bella, you'll be okay. I love you Jacob's coming to get you."
"Yes." I mumbled as he took my body in his arms and placed it against a rock, I collapsed over my knees breathing heavily, but the tears ceased.
"Bye…" He whispered melodically. His lullaby was playing in my head and I hummed it sweet not responding for a moment.
"Good bye…" I looked, as expected my Edward was gone, the hole was once again there in my heart. I sat there trying not thinking about it, just paying attention to my rythemic breathing. After a few minutes of this I heard footsteps.
Jacob.
I felt a warm comforting hand touch my shoulder. I turned around Jacob immediately picking me up into his most needed embrace, and I cried.
"I love you Jacob, so much. Thank you for staying…" I whispered through my tears; which was slowly down with my rationality.
"I don't have a choice Bella," Jacob laughed, "But honey, I love you too, just say what you need to. I don't care, I promised Edward I'd take care of you." His name burned my chest, but compared to Jacob's heat, my body was unscathed.
I would be okay.
I would be happy.
It would just take a little time, to make it to the other side.
x
Very depressing chapter, but if you review; the lemon will come next chapter!
At least, Edward has ended it to my opinion the best most realistic Edward way possible- Just taking off.
Anyways please continue reading! The lemon I promise is next chapter, so I get lots of reviews, it'll be up :P
Love laurs xo