Second Instar

I take notice that neither of them are there. Then I wonder if I can take more food from the nurse, because neither of them will take any. I decide that I probably can and don't give the matter any more thought.

But when the nurse comes, I don't get any more food than normal.

So I watch the girls as they take food from each other. A nimble runner grabs a leafy branch from a slower, lazier girl. She's a fast runner, but I cut her off and grab it back.

Then the lazy girl assaults me. She's a lot stronger than I expected-most of the boys are stronger than most of the girls. I don't need a fight. I snap the branch, hoping to break it into two pieces. It breaks into three. I give her one.

She punches me again. I roll onto my back, and, while I'm reeling, she takes the other two.

It isn't fair. Without me, she wouldn't have had anything to eat! And that's how she repays me?

I try to get up, to fight back, but I can't move. I feel tired, even though I've just woken up. I want to sleep, but I can't even climb into the corner of the yard where I usually do.

So I stay where I am, a helpless prisoner. When I start to feel pain, I wonder if it was caused by the girl's punch, but the day has passed so monotonously that I can hardly remember how long ago it was. But I feel cracking sensations, crumbling like a woodchip.

Then, at last, glorious energy pulses through my veins. I immediately want to run, but only make slow progress forward. As I do, I feel things fall off of me and onto the ground.

The nursemaid-who somehow doesn't look quite as big as normal-approaches me, food in her hand. I eagerly reach out for it, but she scampers away. As I follow, she opens a gate beyond the compound, out into somewhere I've never been before.

I trot after her as far as the gate. She goes through, while I linger outside. None of us have ever been outside, yet there she is, food and all.

So, dubiously, I follow after. Instead of being punished like I half-expect, however, I am led down a path, stretching as I do. It feels wonderful to move around.

Then, a gate like the one I had left comes into view. The nursemaid unlatches it and walks inside. I follow. She gives me the leaf she was holding.

But for the first time, there is something more interesting than food. Both of the boys that had disappeared the previous night are there as well. This makes me happy for some reason, or at least relieved, though I don't know why.

The nursemaid hands over the twig, which I eat, though with less interest than usual. Then she returns to the gate. Although I follow after her, she closes the gate behind her, leaving me inside.

I stare out at her, unsure why she has led me here. She walks away, and I watch her go. It's upsetting. I don't know where I'm going to get food.

Then, as she disappears, I have an idea. I grapple at the latch like she had, fumbling ineffectively. If I can open the gate, I can go back to the compound.

But my fingers are clumsy, and I can't open the latch.

Behind me, I hear a soft whine. It's the smaller boy from the compound. He's holding out a twig. I easily overwhelm him for it. It makes a satisfying noise when I snap it in half. I eat the first half and save the second for later in the day. Then I see the larger boy coming, and I eat it before he can take it from me.

I walk around the compound, first quickly, then slowly as I tire. I am not aware enough to truly brood, but I still feel unsettled, like something is not quite right.

At last I am too tired even to inch forward, and settle into sleep.

I wake up, and don't remember that I'm in the wrong place. So I go about my day as I would have before, eating and running around. As the days follow each other, life quickly becomes much like it was in the first compound, with only a subtle worry that something I can't articulate is wrong.

I play with those two boys sometimes. Their fights for food are very quick. Some fights I watch and learn from, the best ways to kick and grapple, but theirs never seem very skillful. While they'll viciously oppose most of us, they fight me just as weakly. Of course, I easily overcome them.

Then one morning they freeze in place, crumbling but reemerging. The nursemaid ushers them away, out of sight. Without them to rely on for easy food, I have to fight everyone else harder.

I don't really miss them, I just wish I knew where they were. As I think about them, I think of maybes why they did what they did. Maybe they fought each other less hard so they'd have more energy for everyone else. Maybe they won only half the fights with each other, so they'd both have food. Maybe they wanted to let me in too, so I could work with them. Maybe I was too dumb, and I missed my chance. Maybe not, of course, but I still feel upset.

But the Great Ones come as they did in the past, sometimes glancing over all of us, most of the time for only one of us. One comes for me like he did in the compound. Instead of food, I fight him (though I always win) for strange objects. They are not good to eat, I quickly find out, but I keep them anyway. When I am not eating, I need something to do. Some of them make noise, and some of them flash in different colors. We fight for them almost as hard as we do for food. A couple of the girls seem to fight even harder.

After I see that Great One come to visit me, I completely forget that this is the "wrong" place. It's a new compound, but it's still home. Home is wherever he comes for me.