Fifth Instar
It seems like a longer trip than it was before, though it is foolish to trust the blurs of my memory more than the ground under my feet. Some of us stop along the way to rest, while others turn back to the compound. Leading the group, I don't see them go.
It is getting dark by the time we reach the far gate. I can't open it, of course, but one of the little children inside sees us and throws a ball over.
One of the kids who'd come with me picks it up, but this is not a time for playing games. I ram my head into her side with more force than I think I have. She recoils, and I grapple for the ball. She surrenders it immediately, scared.
Walking up to the gate, I deliberately place the ball within my mouth, as if I am eating it. Most of them flee, grossed out. A taller boy lingers longer than the rest, staring as if trying to understand, but he eventually leaves too.
I spit the ball onto the ground, and not a moment too soon. Where is this compound's nursemaid? Is that her? She is smaller than me.
A small boy in my group comes over and puts his head up against the gate as if to destroy it, too. I pull him away. They know we are here. They just don't know what we want, and I don't know how to let them know.
Night falls, and I slump against the gate. The others are half-conscious, idly lying down, or have given up and are trooping back to the place where they think they belong. Above us, the sky has been shorn of the sun and is just waiting for the stars to show up. I have given up hope of seeing that beautiful red sun ever again.
Once we wake, I see them eating inside. Desperate, I kick the gate: not hard enough to break it, but, I hope, hard enough to make noise.
There isn't much sound, but the tall boy from before notices me. He is eating a twig, and holds it as if he will break it in half. But he doesn't. Instead, he walks over to me and sticks the twig out through a slat in the gate.
Eagerly, I grab it and snap it, munching on the half I've wound up with. I step aside, waving at all of the others. Can he bring enough food for them, too?
He turns and walks away. For a while I hope that he is going to get food for all of them, not aware of the fact that I surely wouldn't have been able to do so in his position. But he does not return.
Two girls are throwing something to each other. It is a ball, like the one I had in my mouth. Maybe it is the one I had in my mouth. I had put it down, but I don't see it anymore. Then they grow tired, and stop throwing, but roll it instead. Then they kick it meekly.
When fortune at last descends from the mighty stars, I don't recognize it. A Great One walks up to the compound, entering through the entering gate. I follow him around, hoping to join them inside. If the others come with me, could we all get food? They stay where they are.
It is too late, anyhow. The gate closes. But the Great One walks by it, close to where I am.
Even though one of the children inside is approaching him, he turns around and leaves. I feel disappointed for no reason. He wasn't mine, after all. He couldn't have done anything.
The child that was approaching him is angry. His Great One has left. He picks up a ball and throws it at me. I don't think to get out of the way, and it hurts when it hits me. Another boy behind me picks up the ball and starts rolling it around.
He, too, tires, more quickly than the girls. But as he rolls the ball back to me and I toss it towards a stand of others, I notice machines growing bigger. Colorful ones!
Slowly, I walk towards them. I do not know what fear is, and even if I did, I cannot conceive of anything worse than this for them to bring.
Great Ones appear next to the machines. They start making noises. One of them walks towards us with food! We mob him—even me, who has had some. I gulp down a twig, oblivious to the others lusting for more.
Then the Great Ones load us into the machines. I feel a jerk, as if I am moving, but see nothing except several others. Some hit the edge of the inside, as if they could break it down like the gate. I am in no hurry to get out. It is time for something new.
I freeze then, unconcerned. The Great Ones will take care of me, won't they? When we jolt to a stop, however, I am...not worried, of course, but when we can see the outside again and the others clamber out, I want to go with them.
But Great Ones come in and carry me out. I take in the bright outside, but not for long. We go into something else. But it is not a moving machine. It is like the nurses' huts...but much bigger.
What can this place be? Even inside it there are further chambers, ways to go more inside. They put me down inside one of those.
I try to follow them out, but they make the wall bigger. So I look around, and there is the large boy. He gives me something I don't recognize. The first thing to try is eating it, of course. It doesn't have a strong taste, but I've never eaten anything like it before, and it is good. I want more, but he doesn't have any.
Little do I imagine that someday, I will make food myself. Even less do I know when I will begin.