"Hypervigilance is a serious condition. Symptoms include alienation from family and friends."
Full Summary: In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.
Warnings: Language, Male Intimacy, Sex, Infidelity, Minor OC description(guess that's not really a warning *-*;)
Disclaimer: None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix. _ I'm so lazy with my disclaimer. Lulz
Hypervigilance
Chapter 4: Stimuli
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"Oh, this is gorgeous. Just like your old stuff." The woman praised, separating the painting with the young lady, her hair a large hand reaching for the sky, to another stack. Those were the ones she would take, to a storage locker somewhere uptown to be kept safe until the showing three weeks from now. She would do this twice a month; scavenging through Riku's apartment for any little scrap of material she could call art, and hauling it away in her silver town car to some unknown location. Some Riku didn't really want to part with; others he just couldn't wait to get the hell out of his apartment.
She was Riku's manager, Sienna del Sol, an obviously fake name. One you would imagine a stripper to have. While she was a beautiful woman, curvy and proud of it, with generously proportioned breasts she often "accidentally" stuck in his face; she was also short-tempered and fierce, habitually snapping at Riku when he was being particularly lazy with his work. But she was always honest and it was hard not admire that.
Sienna was the second person who helped him get over Sora's abandonment—first abandonment, anyway—albeit not in the gentle and understanding way Kairi handled it. "Get over it," is what she told him, if he remembered correctly. She was flipping through his finished paintings much like she was now. "I'm sick of this emo crap." It pissed him off at the time, but thinking back, he understood what she meant.
Riku was only partially listening to the woman when she told him that this particular showcasing was mandatory for him to attend. He groaned inwardly, slouching over in his seat. He seriously hated going to those things. It made him feel like an animal on exhibit; every one wants to talk to him, and they rarely have anything of worth to say. It's just a pathetic display of snobbish east side asses pretending to give a damn about what a slum rat who lives in the meat-packing district has to say. They smile as if they're doing him a favor. Be grateful I'm even acknowledging you; their smiles say what they don't have the balls to.
"Is that really necessary?" Riku asked, exasperated. After that morning's events, he was hardly in the mood for any more bad news. In fact, the only thing he really wanted to do was lock himself in the bathroom and stay there. At least until it didn't feel as if the world was crumbling around his already deplorable life.
Sora. Married.
"Jackass." He mumbled, raising the mug in front of him to gulp down the last of yesterday's cold coffee. If Sienna had heard him, she pretended not to, instead tying up the pieces she was taking with her, meticulously numbering each one.
"Of course it's necessary." Sienna continued as if he hadn't said anything, crouching nimbly on the front of her aquamarine heels as she tied off the last stack of paintings. "People are beginning to think you're some kind of recluse."
"Aren't I?" Riku muttered dryly, earning a sharp chastising look through the thin veil of blonde that covered half of her face. The rest of her hair was piled on the back of her head, reminding Riku of a large golden walnut.
"Don't be silly, Riku. You do realize that 80% of your fan-base has no idea what you look like?" She frowned at her hands, fishing a tissue from her purse to wipe bright orange pastel from her fingers.
"Maybe I prefer it that way." Riku was stubborn. He had no desire to be exploited for his blood-thirsty manager's sake. And he certainly didn't care what every one thought about him.
"With the right publicity, you could raise your fan-base by 30-40%," Sienna explained, crossing the room to join Riku in the kitchen, her heels ticking loudly across the wooden floor. She took his face delicately in her hand, her long teal fingernails digging lightly into his cheek. "You're gorgeous, honey."
"And people are shallow." Riku finished for her, waving her hand away. He grabbed his mug, realizing too late that it was empty. Instead, he just spun it on the table between his arms.
"Exactly." Sienna smiled, zealously petting his silver hair before re-gripping her clutch purse under her arm. "Use what you got, hun."
A knock at the door interrupted the silence that was starting to form, and Riku found himself sighing in relief when the woman moved away from him, her heels clicking loudly in the other direction. Sienna had more than once propositioned him to sleep with her, despite knowing that the fairer sex wasn't exactly his preference. According to her, Riku was a beautiful thing and the main reason she had chosen the occupation she had was to "properly appreciate beautiful things." It was the reason she had chosen to work with art.
"Ah, that must be the movers." The woman answered to the door, leaving the chain on to peek through the small gap between the door and the jamb. No doubt because she didn't trust Riku's building anymore than he did.
"Um, hi." Came a tentative voice through the opening. Riku looked up but the space was too small to see who it was from where he was sitting.
Sienna gasped, abruptly slamming the door in their face. She hastily yanked the chain off and re-opened it.
"You're Sora." She said needlessly, her voice incredulous much like her expression. Riku masked his own surprise behind a neutral frown, somehow managing to look pissed off and ecstatic at the same time. He didn't expect Sora to come back, if not forever, then at least for a week or so.
"Yeah, I am." Sora laughed good-naturedly, scratching his head; some thing he usually did when he was uncomfortable. Riku didn't blame him. His blonde bombshell of a manager could make anyone nervous—man or woman. "Do I know you?"
Sienna chuckled politely rather than answer his question, hiding her smile behind her delicate hand. "I was beginning to think he wasn't even real, Rikki." Sora frowned at the nickname, glancing at the sullen man pretending to be very interested in his mug. "Sienna del Sol." She extended her hand, the confused keyblade master taking it lightly in his; barely shaking it before letting it go. "I'm Riku's manager."
"Oh," Sora brightened, probably from the knowledge that Riku wasn't sleeping with this strange over-bearing woman. "Sora." He introduced himself without thinking, turning a light pink when Sienna laughed again, replying, "Yes, I know."
"You know Riku intimately, don't you, Sora?" He smiled, nodding. So naive. He probably didn't even notice that predatory gleam in the woman's eyes, the way she was staring at him like a monster about to bite his head off.
"Yeah, we've been friends for a long time. Since we were kids." Sora might as well have 'publicity' written across his forehead.
"How sweet." Sienna purred, giving Riku a pointed look that he countered with a venomous glare. "Friends." She turned back to Sora. "Just friends, huh?"
Sora blushed a little, scratching his shaggy cinnamon locks again, his eyes darting subtly to Riku. "Well--"
"Leave him alone, Sienna." Riku interrupted before Sora said something incriminating. Wench, is what he wanted to say. The woman smiled, her eyes sparkling with delight. His hostility alone confirmed her suspicions.
"Fine. Don't worry, Rikki," She assured, holding up her hands, her heels ticking as she moved toward the door. "I'll wait in my car. I won't be tempted to bother you or your...friend. By the way, Sora, he has an opening in three weeks. Love to see you there." The brunet beamed cutely.
"Sure thing." He failed to see Riku roll his eyes behind him. "Be careful." Sora warned her, familiar with the certain amount of danger this particular neighborhood exhibited. Especially for a woman alone.
Sienna smiled at his concern, re-adjusting her tiny purse under her arm. "I suggest you do the same, darling." Her sharp eyes purposefully indicated Riku seated behind him before she left, closing the door behind her.
Sora arched an eyebrow, shrugging his bag off his arm, tucking it into a corner by Riku's chair. "Weird lady."
He grinned as he moved behind the silver-haired man, linking his arms around his shoulders. Sora moved back slightly as Riku tensed under his touch, frowning as he eyed the side of his face.
"What's wrong?"
"You're wet." Riku pointed out, his voice stern and emotionless. Betrayed.
Sora removed his arms from his body, instead resting his hands on his shoulders. "I went swimming." He explained, lightly massaging the base of Riku's neck with expert fingers.
Riku nodded absently; he could clearly smell the sea salt on his skin now that he mentioned it. It was a scent he had once found so familiar, even comforting. Especially when it was on Sora. It was the combination of sweat and the sea that he once found so arousing. Now it just made him ill.
"Look what I found." Sora dug in his pocket for a second, recovering an annoyingly yellow star-shaped fruit. Riku groaned internally. Don't show me that damn thing. What Sora probably thought was a cute and playful gesture seemed so malicious due to the current circumstances.
"You went to the island?" Riku asked, trying hard to keep the bitterness from his voice as his fingertips grazed the waxy skin of the paopu, tracing its perfectly symmetrical lines.
"Yeah," Sora moved to rubbing his shoulders, his thumbs deftly relieving the stiff pressure that had settled there from hours of stress. Riku man fought to stop a moan from escaping his mouth, but it felt so damn good. "I didn't stay long though." Sora finally stopped his gentle kneading, reaching over Riku to scoop up the fruit.
"It looked so different." Sora continued, moving around the table to the kitchen sink where he washed the paopu. "Most of the tree house fell," He brought the fruit back to the island counter in the center of the kitchen, retrieving a knife from the drawer. "so there wasn't much to do."
He cut the fruit in half, pushing one of the pieces in Riku's direction. "Too bad you didn't come with me. Ready?" He asked. It took Riku a long second before he realized that he wanted to eat the fruit together. Share their destinies or whatever.
Riku stared at the fruit leaking its warm juices on the counter where it was cut, feeling a deep coiling sensation in his chest.
"Sora." He grabbed Sora's hand, the one that was holding the stupid yellow fruit to his mouth, pulling it away. "Why didn't you just tell me?"
Sora frowned, tilting his head to the side curiously. The paopu continued to leak, getting its sticky warmth all over both of their hands. "Tell you what, Riku?"
"You're...married. Aren't you?" Riku made it a question, holding on to the frail hope that he would say no. That Kairi heard it wrong. You're not married. Not Sora.
Lie to me. Please, lie to me. I swear I'll believe you. Just lie to me. Please.
Sora dropped his hand and the paopu as well, crossing his arms over his chest. Lie to me. He nodded slowly, moisture threatening his eyes before he had time to stop it.
"No," Riku whispered as if denying it would somehow make it not true. "No...Sora,"
"I'm sorry." Sora choked, his voice quivering. He gripped his arms tightly, making himself look so small, like he was folding in on himself.
"Fuck!" Riku hissed, more angry at the situation than Sora. He buried his face in his hands, cursing repeatedly under his breath. "Fuck, fuck, fuck..." More than that, he was angry at himself. Angry for letting Sora go in the first place.
Married. He was fucking married.
"Who the hell told you to get married?!"
Sora flinched at the volume of his voice, shrinking back as if it was physically hurting him. Riku knew it wasn't right to yell at him for this. It was his own fault. Everything was his fault.
"Riku, that's not fair." Sora nearly whimpered but he was trying hard to regain his composure. Riku remembered the terror in his eyes from the night before and forced himself to calm down. If he hurt Sora again, he'd never forgive himself. "I was so lonely. I just wanted a steady relationship."
"You gave up on me." Riku spoke in a low voice, his eyes watching as Sora wilted with guilt, staring intently at the floor. This was the same kid who had gone through nearly three years of hell just to find him and he gave up that fucking easily.
"I was scared. You scared me." Sora muttered, knowing that it sounded like a weak excuse. Riku's newest argument wasn't really much more fair than the first. He seemed to be aware of that, now growing silent.
Scared. This was the same kid who could go to the ends of the earth to fight huge monsters and powerful villains without hesitation, but he was scared of the one person he knew he could trust above every one else. No one blamed him though.
Back then, Riku had more rage than he knew how to deal with, and more often than not, took that rage out on Sora. He never hit him, of course, but opted to punch the wall beside his head, anything to intimidate him. But Sora never flinched; he was too damn stubborn to show fear. "Stop acting like an idiot," Riku recalled the teen telling him once while he was in the middle of one of his frequent tantrums.
It was that rage that drove Sora away from him and into the arms of someone else, someone who probably had no idea how to appreciate the profound beauty and boundless charisma that made Sora who he was. It might've sounded possessive and arrogant, but Riku knew that no one understood Sora like he did. And no one ever would, not even Kairi, because no one else had been through what they had.
Riku rose from his chair, nearly knocking it backwards in his haste. He grabbed the forgotten fruit halves, shoving one in Sora's hand.
"Eat it." Sora stared at him incredulously, clutching the dripping paopu in his palm.
"Riku, it's just a joke." He insisted, referring to the legend the star-shaped plant was supposed to have. No one really believed that.
"Shut up. Just eat it." Riku remarked, taking an agitated bite of its sweet flesh. Ironically, the paopu fruit was so full of seeds that is was almost inedible. In fact, the only part one could safely eat without choking were the tips.
After Sora had taken his first bite and swallowed, Riku grabbed his arm and drug him toward the bed, pushing him on the bare mattress. Sora gripped at the padded fabric beneath him, finding no sheets to hold onto as Riku kneeled on the bed before him, opening the front of pants and taking himself in his hand. Sora shivered watching him stroke himself hard, his own hands eventually wandering down to undo his own jeans.
"Off." Riku muttered, tearing open a condom packet with his teeth. Sora wriggled out of his pants, bunching them down around his knees.
Always impatient, Sora spread his legs like an opening book, licking his own fingers throughly in preparation. There was a brief moment where Riku paused in rolling the thin latex over his erection, staring with darkening eyes as Sora pushed his long fingers inside himself. He made an exaggerated moan purely for the effect, rolling his eyes back.
Riku growled lustfully, his warm breath burning at Sora's throat as he hovered over his smaller body, nudging his legs close to his chest to open him up wider. He smelled of sea salt, his skin tangy with dried sweat. It reminded Riku of their first kiss, only it felt like centuries ago.
Sora was abnormally relaxed, an extreme contrast to the terror that filled him the night before. He tangled his free hand in Riku's hair, arching his head back as he rubbed expertly between his thighs. Riku offhandedly wondered how frequently he had done this by himself. The thought roused a familiar desire in his groin, and he nearly forgot to let Sora pace himself and impaled him right there.
"It's okay," Sora mumbled through his clenched teeth, feeling how eagerly that hardness pushed against fingers. He retracted them, leaving himself open. He held Riku's hips, pulling him slightly forward. "Go ahead."
Riku hesitated, recalling how disastrous the last two times had been. How he had nearly broken the delicate little brunet. "You won't hurt me." Sora reassured him, his brilliant eyes begging to feel him, to claim him again. It had been way too long.
Riku groaned as he inched forward, only allowing the wonderful pressure of his warm body to envelop the tip. He was so relaxed, there was barely any resistance. So trusting. Or Experienced. Riku scowled, imagining that he wasn't the only person to lay claim to him, to touch his Sora in this way. Maybe his spouse did this too.
Sora gasped as Riku sunk into him without warning, clenching his fingers in the man's long curtain of hair that hung around his face. He was so warm beneath his clothes, Sora noticed, managing to slip his hands under the other's shirt before he began to roll his hips steadily forward. The feeling of all that pulsing heat around him was overwhelming. Sora loved that Riku was so much taller than him; that way he shielded his smaller body and held him close to his chest and his strong heartbeat. Sora was never distracted when Riku held him. He never thought about anything else.
"Sora," Riku breathed, pushing a large hand under his hips and angling him to establish a more firm rhythm. He asked if he was going too fast, first slowing just a fraction to almost stopping altogether when he didn't answer.
"No...perfect. Y-You're perfect." Sora could barely think, much less speak, grasping at his own heated arousal that was standing needily between them. He gave an enraptured cry as his lover sped up again, pounding him with his rough hands tight on the back of his thighs.
Riku kept his head down, his eyes shut in concentration. It was ironic that this moment was all he thought about for years but once he was actually performing, he made himself think about anything else. To keep himself from coming too quickly. Sora was way too beautiful to look at, especially while he was buried deep inside him like this. The visual stimuli of his light cocoa-tanned skin shimmering with sweat and the face he made to go with his frantic moaning was much more than he could handle.
"Riku...look at me...please." Sora was cupping his face, holding his cheek unwaveringly in his overly soft hand. Riku refused for a few precious seconds longer, keeping his eyes closed tight. However, Sora's voice was making it nearly impossible to ignore him and he broke his resolve, opening his eyes just slightly, enough to make out his facial features. The lustfully parted lips and hazy, half-lidded eyes that told of the orgasm that was rapidly approaching him. Riku didn't have a chance.
Sora took advantage of his release, pulling him in deep to feel every shallow jerk that ripped through his body. Riku growled his name passionately against his neck, thrusting once more, hard, forcing him into an ecstasy that made him groan audibly. Sora kept his palm firmly closed around his weeping erection to keep the mess contained as he came rather hard, his body shuddering in uncontrolled urgency.
Riku dipped his head, slowly licking his neck from his collarbone to his ear. He smiled, nibbling his pierced earlobe, swirling that little diamond stud with his tongue.
"Big improvement, huh, Sora?" Riku commented, taking a moment to pull out and remove the soiled condom with an arrogant smirk. Sora panted quietly, his eyes still closed from the exertion. Riku chuckled softly, reaching up to brush his russet hair with affection. "You got it on your face." He grinned, sucking up that fact that he hated the taste to lean down and lick the few drops of semen from his cheek. "Messy boy."
Sora rolled his eyes, playfully swatting at the older man's hair to get it out of his face. "Shut up." Riku climbed off of him, grabbing a few tissues from the bedside table to clean them up. The younger man smirked, folding his arms behind his head as Riku 'serviced' him first, rubbing him a little more thoroughly than necessary before moving on to his own needs, tucking himself back in his pants.
"Very big improvement, Riku." Sora finally answered his question as he drew his jeans back up to his waist. He stroked his best friend's silver hair delicately, attempting to get him to rest on the bed beside him. Riku stretched languidly, his long body taking up most of the mattress, draping his arm lazily across Sora's stomach. Sora gave an exaggerated grunt, pretending to be trapped under some great weight. "Jeez, Riku, you're heavy."
"Really?" Riku tightened his arm around his midriff, pulling Sora nearly underneath him. "I always thought I was rather dainty." Sora squirmed for real this time, protesting as he clawed for the edge of the bed.
"Augh! Not fair, you fatty!" He growled, a sound that would've been more serious had he not been laughing. He practically disappeared under Riku's larger body, surrounded by warm skin and soft hair. Riku eased off of him slightly, putting his weight on his forearms so he could still hover over him. Sora smiled, gently caressing his face lovingly. He couldn't imagine why he ever left the man in the first place.
"You' re okay with this?" Riku asked him after a long comfortable silence, now curling protectively at his side, his fingers toying idly in his shaggy auburn hair. Sora shrugged—as was his carefree nature—adjusting his head on the older man's arm.
There was an obvious uncertainty in his eyes, a sadness that he made no real attempt to hide. Regret. Guilt. Riku knew it wasn't fair to make him continue this relationship, if that's what one could even call it. He would have to choose one or the other: The man who hurt and betrayed him over five years ago, or whoever he was married to; someone he supposedly loved.
"I don't really wanna think about it just yet." Sora insisted, his voice half-pleading. "At least until I figure things out."
Riku nodded, though he couldn't help but selfishly wonder why anyone would need to think about it at all. He was the obvious right choice for him; anyone else was just a distraction. But he kept this to himself, nuzzling wordlessly into Sora's neck. Sora chuckled softly, brushing his silver hair over his shoulder to stop it from tickling him.
"You handled this a lot better than I thought you would. The whole married thing, I mean." Sora observed nonchalantly, gently gripping the long locks that spilled through his fingers like water. "You've changed a lot, Riku." He said this with an endearing tone, a hint of surprise lingering in his voice. Riku didn't get nearly as angry as he had thought he would, and for that he was relieved. Sora didn't think he could cope with another rage-addled argument; especially not when he had just gotten the older man back into his good graces, so to speak.
"What'd you expect?" Riku inquired, his face still buried in the other's neck. The smell of the ocean was still strong on his skin. Riku had no idea how much he had missed it.
Sora chose not to answer his question, deciding to spare Riku of his cynical thoughts. He held him around the waist, snuggling to fit flush against the curve of his longer body. Riku draped himself over the smaller framed man, seeming to enjoy the fact that he could easily shelter him in a tent underneath his chest.
Sora then kissed him, slowly and with more skill than Riku remembered. There was definitely something more mature about the way he moved while submitting himself to the warmth of the other's mouth. He opened his lips without persuasion and Riku could feel his tongue lurking just beyond his teeth, waiting slick and wet for any attention that his own was willing to give it. The pink muscle felt along his teeth and the roof of his mouth, languidly and patiently moving against Riku's, undulating like hot damp velvet, moving as if they had all the time in the world for this moment.
Years passed before Sora pulled back first. Even then he didn't completely let go, softly tugging the fat lower lip between his teeth until it snapped back. He had missed this, just laying together. No need for talking; just perfect silence. It was so hard to find, precious, silent, wordless moments like these.
Sora's hips vibrated without warning, Riku's eyebrows raised instantly, and the brunet could see him already making lewd assumptions as they discovered the sensations were coming from his front pants pocket. To the Sora's dismay, the Riku's smile became wickedly impure, his eyes slipping closed as he pressed hips closer to his own.
Sora groaned, just barely managing to push the perverted 'boy' off, ignoring the obvious effects the vibrations had on the older man, reaching into the front of his pants. "It's my phone, you jackass." Not your sex toy.
Even as Riku was laughing at the time, he could practically feel Sora stiffen once he retrieved his cell. It was safe to assume that he knew who was calling, especially from the helpless little expression on his face. Like he was happy and somehow crushingly saddened at the same time.
"Hey," Sora nearly choked when he answered the call. He had managed to keep his voice light, however, expertly masking to make himself sound normal. "You're at the airport?" The brunet spoke, rising from the bed. He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, crossing one arm over his chest. "How was your trip?"
Riku frowned, an annoyingly large amount of jealousy settling in his gut like thick tar. For some reason, he had never even bothered to ask why Sora could spend a week in his apartment and not have his spouse wondering where he was.
"Sure," Sora continued his conversation in the background, rubbing his face with his free hand. Riku realized, bitterly, that Sora had planned this. It was the only time he could see him without any suspicion from whoever was on the other end. For the record, Riku seriously wanted to grab the phone and tell this anonymous person that he was fucking their husband, and no, he wouldn't be coming back any time soon. And yes, he does love me more.
"Love you, too." Sora mumbled quickly, hoping that by some stroke of good luck Riku would be rendered deaf for a few seconds. No such luck seemed to exist though, for he was nearly seething at the words.
"Take a shower before you go." Riku advised him, trying hard not to seem too bitter. He assured Sora that it wasn't him he was angry with. It was himself. Riku versus Riku: the fight of the century.
Sora nodded hollowly, his face apologetic. He knew this was going to happen sooner or later; Sora had to leave at some point. But it still felt too soon. Like someone tearing off a scab before it had fully matured, leaving an open sore that bled with no indication of stopping.
rsrsrsrs
I really like Sienna's character, but I tried to refrain from describing her too much. She's not really that important. But I couldn't help it. :3 Other than Kairi, I think there just isn't enough female exposure in KH stories, the yaoi ones anyway. *shrug*
Also, I haven't decided the gender of Sora's mystery spouse yet. Either one's fine with me, I've made Sora bisexual anyway. Tell me what you think.
Previews: There were a couple of things I was going to add in this chapter but I ended up cutting them. One those was the introduction of Kairi's husband. It didn't really fit so I'm going to put that in the next chapter probably. Also, a little more insight into Sora's mood swings and what Riku did to Sora to make him leave. Just so you know. - bouncy