Cast in order of appearance: Al, Envy, Izumi, Ed, Mustang
Al walking around reading an alchemy book
Envy enters and takes book from Al
Al: Hey! Give that back!
Envy: Yeah right!
Envy knocks Al down and proceeds to kick him then laughs and leaves
Al gets up with a hand on his head
Al: Ow! Ow! Ow!
Unnamed voice: Hey you!
Al jumps and looks around
Al: … M-Mom? Dad?
Envy runs back in
Envy: Hohenheim?! Where is he, kid?!
Envy takes Al by the front of the shirt and shakes him
Al: No! I didn't! He's not here!
Envy: Liar!
Envy throws Al on ground
Envy: You're useless!
Envy kicks him and leaves
Voice: Are you tired of being beaten up just because you're the defenseless younger sibling?
Al: *nod, nod* Yep….
Voice: Then "How to be a State Alchemist" is the video for you!
DVD case is thrown at Al
Box hits Al in the face and knocks him down
Al: How to be a state alchemist?
Voice: That's right! It comes with two personal trainers, Roy Mustang and Edward Elric!
Al: Brother's in a video?
Voice: Yeah, yeah, just put that thing in, kid.
Al: Okay mister!
Al goes to TV and is hit in the back of the head with a lamp
Izumi (out of shot): State Alchemists stuck!!!!
Al: AH!! *puts video in*
Ed: Welcome to "How to be a State Alchemist"! My name is Edward Elric! *cough* Fullmetal alchemist *cough*
Mustang: And I'm Roy Mustang, the flame alchemist! I don't even hide how much pride I have!
Ed: Okay so it's not enough just to be able to use alchemy, you need guts and pride and a feeling that you're better than the world to be a state alchemist.
Mustang: So the first step, bragging.
Ed: I'm stronger.
Mustang: I'm smarter.
Ed: I don't need a circle.
Mustang: I can move oxygen.
Ed: I've got more fan girls.
Mustang: I'm better looking.
Ed: I'm the star of this show.
Mustang: I'm taller.
Ed: *rage*
Mustang: Step two, you need to know how to say no when people need you.
Ed: Hey Mustang could you-?
Mustang: No.
Ed: I didn't even ask anything yet, can you-?
Mustang: No.
Ed: But I-
Mustang: No.
Ed: But there's a homu-
Mustang: No.
Ed: Yes there is he's-
Mustang: No.
Ed: He's standing right there-! Oof!
Ed gets tackled by Envy
Envy: Where's Hohenheim?!
Ed: Mustang help-!
Mustang: No.
-Please Standby-
Ed: Next time I tell ya to help me, you better help!
Mustang: Sorry I'm a state alchemist, it would be against my contract.
Ed: … *rage* … Well fine, step three, you must have missing limbs.
Mustang: You don't need to be missing limbs!
Ed: Yeah, I guess it just makes me cooler.
Mustang: Hold on a minute! I can snap and make fire! That's cool!
Ed: No it's not, look what I can do!
Transmutes automail into gun
Ed: Ha!
Mustang: … Whatever. Step four, you need to have a state alchemist pocket watch. Like this one.
Mustang holds up state alchemist watch
Ed: … Mine was thrown at Kimblee by Scar… then it was all blown up and stuff.
Mustang: You can't be a state alchemist then.
Ed: Yeah I can!
Mustang: Have you ever fought a homunculus?!
Ed: Fought and died by!
Mustang: Near death, near death, just as good.
Ed: I don't know *smirk* Oh yeah and step number five, argue with your superiors… a lot.
Mustang: And lastly, take things that don't belong to you.
Mustang takes Ed's cloak
Ed: Hey! That's my trademark jacket!
Mustang: It's mine now.
Ed: Give it back!
Mustang: *ignore* So if you put all the steps together they should look something like this:
Ed enters and hits Mustang in the head with his automail arm
Mustang: Hey what was that for?!
Ed: I'm better than you!
Mustang: No way!
Ed hits Mustang again
Ed: Die homunculus!
Mustang: I'm not a homunculus!
Ed: I'm missing limbs!
Mustang: Could you c-?!
Ed: No. *takes pocket watch* Mine now! HEHE!!! *runs*
Mustang: H-hey!
Al blankly stares at TV
Al: T-that was confusing….
Al walks away
Envy (standing in hall): Pipsqueaks brother!
Envy goes to punch Al
Al: Hold on!
Envy: What?
Al: Um, I'm a state alchemist now… die homunculus!
Envy: *snap* That's it!
Fin
Kentucky: Dude, you have a serious problem.
Yeah I know, but it's fun!
Kentucky: Whatever, I'm making myself a sandwich.
… Um, help yourself I guess…?
Thanks for reading and please review! Reviews are better than ice-cream!
Tennessee