Cast in order of appearance: Al, Envy, Ed, Wrath
Al stands looking through a paper
Envy walks in with fists raised
Al: No wait!
Envy: What?
Al: I know how to be a state alchemist now!
Envy: …?
Envy knocks him down and proceeds to kick him then leaves
Al gets up
Al: Why me?
Unnamed voice: Hey you?!
Al: Me?
Unnamed voice: Yes you! Do you know who I am?
Al: … Ishvala?
Unnamed voice: … No, I'm your saving grace! And I have a DVD for you!
Al: But the last one didn't work!
Unnamed voice: Just do it kid.
DVD case is thrown at Al
Al catches it
Al: Hey! I caught it!
Fourteen other DVD cases are thrown at Al
Al (laying on the ground): Ow! Why do you need to do that?!
Voice: This DVD will solve all your many problems!
Al looks at case
Al: How to be a homunculus? I didn't even know that was possible.
Voice: What?! Now you doubt the power of Ishvala?!
Al: N-no sir!
Voice: Good! Now that DVD comes with your own personal trainers Wrath and Envy.
Al: But Envy just beat me up.
Voice: Just do it or Scar'll come after you!
Al: *panic*
Puts DVD in
Envy (wearing long sleeve turtleneck for reasons unknown): Welcome to… "How to be a Homunculus" my name is *looks down at palm* Envy, ya got a problem with it?!
Ed (out of shot): Yeah I do!
Envy: Get a life!
Wrath: Hi! My name is Wrath! *grin*
Envy: And we're going to be teaching the pathetic humans out there watching this, how to become a homunculus.
Wrath: Most don't that's possible, but we'd say otherwise.
Envy: Alright! Step one! To become a homunculus you gotta break the rules!
No Loitering
Envy walks over and stands by the sign
Envy: Oh yeah.
Do Not Touch
Wrath runs over giggling and pokes the sign then runs away
Envy shakes head
No Drinking and Driving
Envy sitting in a car drinking a juice box
Envy: Oh yeah.
Do Not Touch
Wrath runs back over and pokes sign again, then runs away giggling
Envy: Will ya knock it off Wrath!
Wrath: Sorry….
Envy: Step two, homunculus must have an outrageous hair style.
Wrath: Like Envy's, see? Looks like a palm tree-
Envy: I'm gonna kill ya!
-Please standby-
Envy: Or Wrath's hair for example! You can use it to scrap the gum off the bottom of your shoes!
Wrath: Ow! Ow! Envy stop!!!
-Please standby-
Wrath (trying to pick gum out of hair): Step- Ow! three. Homunculus need cool handshakes.
Holds hand up to a grumpy looking Envy
Wrath: Gimme five, Envy!
Envy holds up hand
Wrath goes to slap Envy's hand
Envy grabs Wrath's face and throws him down
Envy: … Ha….
Wrath gets up
Wrath: Okay, handshake.
Holds out hand
Envy takes his arm and forces him into a back flip
Wrath gets up again
Wrath: Jumping handshake!
Wrath jumps at Envy
Envy moves out of the way
Wrath (flat on face): … And the running handshake.
Gets up and runs at Envy
Envy sticks out foot and trips Wrath
Envy: … Ha…. Step four, a bad sense of style.
Wrath: But Mom doesn't have a bad sense of style, Greed doesn't either.
Envy: Only the best homunculi have bad style.
Wrath: Then we must be the coolest!
Envy: You got that right!
Wrath looks at Envy
Wrath: You must be cooler than me though….
Envy: What's that supposed to mean kid?!
Wrath: Step five! You need a cool tattoo! Like this one!
Attempt to show camera the bottom of his foot but falls
Wrath: So put all these things together and it should look a little like this:
Envy: ….
Wrath: ….
Envy: I didn't plan this far.
Wrath: Why not?
Envy pulls down sleeves and lifts up shirt
Entire body covered in script
Envy: I ran outta room.
Wrath: … So what should we do now?
Envy: … I have an idea.
Throws Wrath down
Wrath: Wait Envy!
Envy: What?
Wrath: You could always go the Lin approach and just become Greed….
Envy: *shrug* … I guess so… hmm…?
Al runs away from TV
Al: I gotta go get someone to turn me into Greed!
Bumps into Envy
Al: AAAHHH!!!!!!! Don't hurt me! I know how to be a homunculus!
Envy: Y-you saw that video?!
Al: *sniffle* Y-yeah?
Envy: Ah! I told Wrath to burn all them! *points at Al* You! This is your fault!
Al: How is it my fault?!
Envy: Because it is! You're gonna pay!
Al: Brother, help!!!!!! *runs off in other direction*
Hehe!!! Sorry about that Al :P Okay I hope you liked this one! Please review (reviews are better than chocolate ice-cream with hot fudge and sprinkles) …. Mmmmmm……. Great, now I want chocolate!
Kentucky: Yeah well what am I supposed to do about it?
W-what are you eating?
Kentucky: The last of your chocolate ice-cream with hot fudge and sprinkles… what?
*rage, rage*