Ugh...excuse my totally filler chapter of sad cheesiness. Better stuff in this chapter. Hopefully. I tried to update faster, but well I just had so much to write.
Full Summary: In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are. The tension doesn't last for long, however, as both men fall into a routine that they both know very well. Along the way, they become reacquainted with the old qualities that brought them together, while familiarizing themselves with the individuals that each person has become.
Warnings: Language, Fun with Paint and Uh...Bottom!Riku (cough, cough), Minor Blow-ups, Drama, Drama, Drama
Disclaimer: None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me. If it did, this would be a full length movie with all smexy-slashy-yaoiness I could legally fit onto a single DVD. Kingdom Hearts is a lovely invention of Square Enix.
Hypervigilance
Chapter 15: Readjustment
-
Sora shivered and stretched and chewed his lip in his sleep and it seemed like hours before he really relaxed into something vaguely peaceful. The first couple of days had been especially painful for the both of them. Sora had relapsed into the restless behavior Riku observed from him their first week back together, tensing at the smallest of noises, sitting straight up in bed, eyes staring intently at something Riku couldn't see himself. There was a thick air of paranoia settling over him, and Riku figured it must've been the scenery change that was putting such a strong strain on his body. Some people just couldn't sleep in unfamiliar places.
Riku stayed awake with him most times, as long as he could anyway, and talked quietly with him during the really late hours, in the hopes that the idle conversation would calm him somewhat. He really hated that Sora had to feel so nervous in his own home, of all places. This was his home now, wasn't it? Their home. Together, or whatever.
Sora whined softly, his fingers twitching for something solid to hold on to and found the sheets, curling into them tightly and Riku held his breath for a second, just until he settled, before he dipped his finger into the little jar of blue in his hand. He glanced at Sora's face again, finding it calm and serene before he resumed his masterpiece, drawing a very abstract ocean full of colorful wildlife over the expanse of Sora's clothing-bare leg with the tip of his finger, pausing every so often to avoid waking him.
Glancing at his hands, Riku noticed the little band of gold and silver and briefly wondered why Sora hadn't taken it off yet. He wasn't sure what to feel about that, painting long curving lines of blue down Sora's leg. It probably wasn't something to get too worked up about.
Sora shivered and Riku placed a hand on his hip to keep him from rolling over and ruining the still-drying paint on his thigh and the right of his stomach. On his ribs were the raw outlines of seagulls that Riku had yet to get around to filling in yet. And Sora wouldn't endure this kind of torture in his sleep for long, so he was doubtful he would ever finish those.
Just as the ocean on his thigh was becoming the sandy beginnings of a beach across his hip and lower back, Sora blinked himself awake, eyes bleary and sleep-heavy as he stared up at Riku, frowning at the hand that was holding him still on his side so he couldn't turn over.
"What are you doing?" Sora grumbled, squeezing his eyes closed tight before opening them, both a little clearer as he noticed the colors painted across his lower body with an even grouchier frown. It was safe to say he didn't like being woken up, or being used as a canvas.
"Painting you." Riku smiled, bracing his hand on the mattress as he kissed him good morning.
"Ah." Sora turned his head to yawn, craning his neck to see what ever was drawing Riku's finger down his back. "What is it?"
"It's the ocean." Riku took great care in the palm tree winding its way up Sora's side. "And an island. Seagulls and fish, and a beach."
"Mm." Sora hummed, curling his hand under his chin as he closed his eyes again.
"I'm almost done." Riku told him, adding little round coconuts under the leaves in tiny dots of brown. Sora nodded absently, and Riku was distantly surprised that he wasn't asleep again already.
When Riku finished coloring in the seagulls, he wiped his hands on the sheets that they were going to get dirty anyway and just watched Sora sleep for minute, noting how the seagulls seemed to stretch and move on his ribs each time he breathed. How the ocean seemed to gently tremble when flexed the muscles in his legs, the colorful fish and coral beds lazily idling around. He was particularly proud of this piece, simply because it was Sora, and also because if Sora was awake to fully take it in, he'd probably love it.
"Sora," Riku lightly shook his shoulder after setting the paint aside somewhere out of the way and Sora groaned and looked up, yawning again. "It's dry now."
"Mmm," He moaned and stretched and sat up a little, just enough to lean back on his elbows. "You bored or something?"
Riku shrugged. "I was just trying to think of a nice way to wake you up and shamelessly beg for sex."
Sora snorted, his expression more awake and playful, though looking just tired enough to seem irresistibly sexy. His adorable bed head and half-lidded eyes only contributing to his desirability, and Riku lightly traced the outline of his painting with his two fingers, Sora shivering excitedly in response.
Riku pushed himself up and hovered over him so Sora was on his back and Riku had to lean on his elbow beside his head and he lightly pressed their lips together and Sora sighed through his nose and relaxed comfortably into the mattress because this was what they were used to. It was familiar and Riku liked that he could make him so peaceful and sedate, without even trying.
Sora shifted and curled his legs up so his knees were on either side of Riku's waist, abruptly raising his hips and pushing up against him. His hands splayed flat against Riku's lower back, he was able to grind them softly together and Riku let out a low groan in the air over Sora's shoulder. Wildly aroused by his eagerness.
"Sora." Riku gasped in a deep breath, amazed that he was already hard and they had barely started yet. But that was the effect Sora had on him. His body, his voice, his everything could be startlingly erotic, even when he wasn't trying so deliberately to excite him, as he was now. "Fuck, yes."
It was a little faster than he wanted though, because at that moment, maybe at some point earlier, before they even started, a rogue thought had passed through his mind and he vaguely remembered Sora mentioning something, suggesting something that had intrigued Riku at the time. But whatever it was, wasn't easy to remember with Sora pressing into him the way he was, which was so good, but so distracting. His head was a blurry, lust-soaked mess and there wasn't much getting through, sadly.
"Sora," Riku repeated, in the same half-moan and he gripped Sora's hips and held him down for a second, despite the protest his body gave him. Sora brought his hand up and ran it down the side of his face, pushing his bangs out of his face and his fingers lightly skirting over his lips.
"Love you." Sora smiled, his fingers still over Riku's lips and soon as he began to respond they were both in his mouth and Riku was lightly sucking on his fingers, his eyes falling nearly closed as he sucked and watched Sora watching him. The heat of their eyes and the low sound of excitement purring from Sora was enough to lose himself right there.
Sora was beautiful. And Riku supremely thanked whatever great deed he had done in his life to deserve him, and the second chance Sora was giving him.
Sora's other hand moved in slow circles on his low back, still, kneading carefully with the tips of his fingers. Riku wanted to press them back together, grind again and get Sora to moan aloud, only because he was just staring back at him, giving Riku all the pleasure as usual. He rubbed his one free hand down the strong muscles of his thigh, bringing it up and over the junction between his leg and hip, thumb achingly close to brushing the sensitive flesh so hard and needy and purposefully neglected.
Riku wiggled his tongue against the long fingers in his mouth, moaning around them as Sora's hand caressed the soft skin around his navel, his abdomen, working up his ribs to the middle of his chest. Palm flat and rubbing firm over his sensitive nipples. Sora seemed to notice the way he tensed and groaned almost painfully and thankfully he stopped, retracting his fingers and Riku thought he might've looked apologetic for a second, but he couldn't really tell for sure because, in actuality it really didn't matter.
Sora made a soft noise of satisfaction in his ear as Riku kissed down his neck, placing small, wet presses of his lips along the side, the strong tendons that ultimately lead down to his shoulders, the dip of his collar, the hard bone of his clavicle, all the while lapping at his fair skin languidly with the flat of his tongue. Sora shivered and Riku barely registered the trail of thumb down the center of his spine, sucking rosy spots of color into the opposite of Sora's neck, light little kiss marks spotted his skin like the web of navy stars on the other side. He sucked Sora's earlobe into his mouth, rolling his tongue around that diamond earring and tugging it between his teeth.
Sora gasped softly in his shoulder and Riku jumped at the slick finger that slipped inside him when he wasn't paying his full attention, and he was mildly surprised by this new development. Sora only blinked shyly, slipping in the second with little resistance. There was a strange moment of clarity where Riku realized that, yeah, Sora was really doing this. It was something they had never done before and so far, it wasn't too damn bad.
"Ah," Riku panted softly and found that if he moved back just slightly, his fingers went a little deeper and he could feel—something hot and sudden and tingled through his body all over. He clawed his fingers tight in the sheets and growled low in the crook of Sora's neck, feeling his smile rather than seeing it.
"Lie back." Sora instructed him gently, and Riku switched places with him, him now lying on his back and Sora above him now. It was thrilling in strange way, a way that made him tense with anticipation and need. Sora between his tented legs, fingers lightly running up the back of his thighs. His eyes were still wide and shy as kneeled over him. He looked a little lost and as their eyes met, Sora laughed, probably out of nervous energy.
"Need some help, Sora?" Riku figured it was probably okay to smile with him, teasing a little. He had a feeling Sora had experience with doing it this way, he was just apprehensive about them, about being on top of Riku. "I can point it out for you."
"Shut up." Sora laughed, but Riku couldn't help but notice the faint pink coloring his cheeks. "I just don't wanna rush this. It's our first time, you know." He explained and Riku blinked, raising an eyebrow at the turned side of his head and tried to figure out where he got that logic.
"Our—what?"
"Our. First. Time." Sora enunciated carefully, a meaningful sparkle in his eye. "And it should be perfect." Unlike their actual first time, which was disastrous and somewhat frightening for them both, the experience the both of them had now could potentially make it perfect. After all, this was still new, and the fact that they had never switched roles and sexual positions before made it practically virginal. Clean. The unexplored territory of having Sora on top of him, inside of him, was something that both excited Riku and filled him with a foreign anxiety. It was like the first time again. Only drastically different.
Sora made a quiet comment about forgetting how tall he was and he draped his body down over him, their chests pressed flat together and Riku brought his hands up, stroking his fingers down his sides, feeling the slight scrape of the dried paint on his ribs. Naked skin on his, the heat of Sora was all over, his fingers coiled in his hair and the warmth of his mouth pressing damp kisses along his jaw. Then the suck of his tongue and teeth on his bottom lip and the eager push of their mouths together.
The loss of the sensation of Sora's full body over his was a feeling that Riku mourned once Sora moved away a little, downward, working his way down his chest and stomach and Riku vaguely remembered breathing in quite deeply once Sora's lips had passed and were kissing lower than his navel, at the little strip of flesh between the valley of his hipbones. Sora's hands sliding down from his hair and his palm heavy-feeling on his side, his thumb massaging light circles in the dip where abdomen met legs.
Riku hissed through his teeth and laid his head back, his hands could just barely reach Sora now, and he curled them in frustration in the majority of the sheets at his sides. He gasped and raised his hips as fuck, god his fingers elegantly formed a light grip around his erection and pumped slowly, his fingers tightening just slightly with every stroke.
"Sora," Riku whined softly, gasping aloud when he could feel a long lick of tongue and every part of his body tensed ecstatically under the new sensations, and he wished Sora would stop playing around and just fuck him already, because he needed it, and he wanted more than he ever thought he would. There was just something oddly appealing about the whole idea of Sora claiming him in a way he never let himself do before. Riku just needed that feeling, of giving control to someone else.
But Sora seemed intent on taking his time, his hand moving up and away, rubbing the dip of his stomach with the flat of his palm, further frustrating Riku with the teasing warmth of his breath across his hip and the light press of lips on the inside of his thigh.
"Relax." Sora purred, his eyelashes low and heavy over his eyes and Riku had to propped himself up on his elbows to meet them and he watched Sora's mouth when he talked, and thought about how he wanted him closer than that.
"Come here." Riku sat up so he could run his fingers over his shoulders and pull him close, and Sora smiled, crawling up the bed until Riku could wrap his arms around him and Sora lightly nuzzled under his chin, sighing against his throat. Riku cupped the back of his neck and his other hand stroked the chipping dried paint of the island on his lower back.
Sora sighed into his mouth as Riku smoothly slid his lips over his, and Sora's tongue was slick and moving fluidly somewhere behind his teeth and it was this moment when Riku realized that he was guided backwards and he vaguely recognized the mattress coming up behind him. His mind was much too preoccupied with Sora, with the feel of his hands, the rough rub of his knee between his legs and the look of his half-lidded eyes staring back into Riku's as he took that one last moment of precaution, the sleek movement of his fingers slipping inside, accompanied with the help of a slowly warming lubricant Sora kept on his side of the bed.
Riku moaned quietly, breathlessly, as Sora pushed inside, and it was a strange moment, because Riku found that he no longer cared so much about what Sora was doing, but just the fact that it was Sora who doing it. The thoughts of claiming and virginal experiences gradually eradicated themselves from his mind and all he could do was feel the peeling paint on his skin and the fluent motions of the muscles underneath that, and the fullness of having Sora so deep inside of him.
"Fuck..." Riku breathed, tossing his head to side, barely feeling Sora's fingers brushing his hair away from his mouth and his fingertips tracing over his lips. Sora rolled his hips forward and—God, he was good at this—hand gripping Riku's thigh and pushing it up toward his chest just slightly.
Sora rode him carefully, his hand dropping from Riku's face and clutching into the mattress beside his head, and Riku was thrilled to hear that he still made all the little noises of desperation, the half-moans and cries of ecstasy, and found that they weren't really changing much between them at all. Just the way it looked. It was more important that they were together.
Riku gripped his hips and pulled him forward, because Sora was moving just a little too slow for him and when Sora took the hint and braced himself against the bed and rolling himself heavily against him and Riku could feel that spike of energy and warmth behind his stomach and everything just went blank white and hazy for a second, and his whole body trembled with the feeling of Sora and all that he was giving him, the immense pleasure and the breathlessness.
Riku arched up and his arousal was pressed between them and the soft skin of Sora's stomach felt like warm velvet against his own chest. He ran his hands up his back and to his shoulders and pulled him down and fuck if he kept thrusting forward that way...
Their mouths met, sharing hot breaths and pleading groans and they couldn't kiss for more than a second before one of them arched and moaned and interrupted. Riku shivered and curled his fingers in Sora's shoulder blades, he just felt so good and close, so close. He could feel it, just right there, just waiting for Sora to push into him just the right way, for his hands to wander to the right spots and take take him from the edge he lingered at and push him way, way over it.
"Tch...Sora." Riku hissed quietly and there was very little keeping him from coming, other than an unrealistic desire for the moment to stretch on forever. His eyes rolled back and he could hear Sora mumble something indecipherable into his ear, and the face of pure euphoria Sora made just as he was finishing—Riku decided that it was probably the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. With the side of his face only illuminated by the faintest vestiges of the early morning daylight, his hand warm on Riku's face and the way his back arched, all as he moaned his name to ceiling.
–
"Mm," Riku grunted happily, rolling over, his arms entrapping Sora in a strong embrace that nearly pushed the air out of his lungs. "Never let you go." He mumbled, his voice deep and husky and thick with exhaustion. Sora laughed quietly once he regained his breath, nuzzling under his chin, feeling the slight rough of morning stubble and soft skin over his jugular, kissing the bump of his Adam's apple.
Sora didn't think he had ever been as in love as he had been at that moment, even covered in dry, flaking paint and tangled in sweat-soaked sheets. He didn't he would ever have a moment quite as perfect as this one ever again. He stretched and curled against Riku's side and coiled his arms around Riku's arms and pretended they were the same being, all twisted and raveled together, yet somehow whole.
"I kinda wanna go back to sleep." Sora admitted with half-lidded eyes, and a warm chuckle vibrated through Riku's throat and tickled his lips. He kicked the sheets down around his legs so it slipped off the majority of their bodies. And though Sora himself shivered at the lack of cover, he could admire Riku very well from this position, admire his relaxed abdomen rising and sucking in with each breath he took, the sharp angle of his hipbones and, up much higher, the rosy color of his nipples that Sora resisted the urge to the lick and play with, now aware that Riku wasn't exactly fond of that. Which Sora thought was ludicrous, because he himself found it very pleasurable.
Riku kissed the top of his head, burying his nose and mouth in his hair, his breath warm on his scalp. "So, sleep. I'll wake you up for breakfast." My, how domestic. Riku made to move away and Sora curled around him tighter, just for a second, holding onto his warmth and his body for just a moment longer. "After a shower, of course."
"You're saying I stink now?" Sora asked with mock offense, crossing his arms over his pillow and resting his chin in between them, adoring the broad expanse of his back and his silver hair between his shoulder blades, the faint bumps of his spine, all the way down to the cute curves of his backside.
"You know no one loves your odor as much as I do." Riku teased with a playful scrunch of his nose. "I just don't think it's appropriate for breakfast."
"Mm-hmm." Sora hummed doubtfully, crossing his ankles in the air. He closed his eyes and felt Riku gently swipe a hand through his hair before the bathroom door shut and the rush of the shower sounded as clear as a small waterfall in the next room. The bedroom was dark, as dark as it could be at 8'o clock anyway, and Sora was glad they now had venetian blinds for the windows, mainly because it blocked out the sun, also because it kept the building across he street from getting another free show like last time.
Just as the peaceful sway of sleep was swinging away at the edges of his consciousness, by some terrible stroke of luck, Sora's cell buzzed across the table at his elbow. He blinked his eyes open and shivered at the lack of the now-missed sheet still curled around only his legs. He listened to the buzzing for a good minute before it stopped and Sora could relax again. Only now, for the sake of curiosity, he couldn't just go back to sleep. A small tone told him he had a voicemail.
Shaking away his grogginess, Sora managed to sit up, his back cracking in failed defiance and he yawned, curling his fingers around the familiar silhouette of his phone, flipping it open with his thumb. Missed call, new voice message. Yeah, yeah.
Dialing the number, he sat and waited, picking a thread off the mattress. He got an ominous feeling just as the intro to the message started, the listing of the individual numbers sounding very familiar. Sora was already sufficiently tense when the date and time started rattling off in the automatic toneless voice, and the phone number really should've made him more aware, but it wasn't until the message began playing and he could hear his voice, did he actually start to feel that pain again. The pain deep in his heart that cried out and told him that he was a stupid, stupid man and brought the faint vestiges of tears pricking behind his eyes.
"Sora?" The voice started, questioning for no reason and Sora gasped softly, clasping his hand over his mouth, as if his husband could really hear him. He glanced at the door quickly, just to make sure Riku wasn't watching him, turning his back to the bathroom and hunched down over his phone.
Evann sounded tired and a little like he might've been crying, but Sora could've just been imagining that. "Sora...Please come home. I need to see you." His words were hesitant and Sora felt he really should've just hung up before he could hear the whole the thing. "And I—I want to talk about this. You can't ignore me for the rest of your life. Well, maybe you can, but," Evann's voice paused and he sighed despairingly. "Call me when you get this, okay?" He paused again, and could tell Evann didn't hang up yet because he still hear noise on the other end. As if he wanted to say something else. "I—" Another sigh. "...never mind. End of messag--"
Sora closed his phone and hissed out a low breath simultaneously, eyeing the doorway again. Why would he be calling now, of all times? Now, after nearly three days of complete silence. He hadn't responded any of the several—though still modest—text messages he had sent to him. Thinking about it now, Sora realized that probably wasn't the best way to attempt to contact the man whose heart he basically shattered just a few days ago. He should've called.
Sora flipped his phone open once more, thumb already lingering over the speed dial for Evann's cell. It would've been easy to just push the button, but Sora was conflicted. If Riku came out the bathroom while he was still talking to his husband, he might be...suspicious. And he knew from experience that Riku had a bad jealousy streak, and a temper only rivaled by his own, most times.
It's hard not to feel bad when Sora sets his phone aside finally, the call to Evann filing away in some kind of imaginary queue, as if waiting patiently for his attention. Waiting for him to stop being such a dick and make the goddamn call. The combination of dried sweat and spit and come and paint was suddenly very disgusting, and Sora felt worse as he slipped off the bed, disentangling the sheets from his legs and shuffling off toward the bathroom and the sound of presumably hot water in the shower. Riku probably wouldn't mind if he stole some the room in the back of the tub, because waiting for Riku to get out just seemed way too long. He needed to be clean, and he needed it now.
Except, he wasn't entirely sure what kind of clean he needed more. Physically or morally.
–
"You know, paint is very fun at the time. Then it just becomes something gross and hard to get off." Sora commented over the frosted glass wall of the shower, scouring roughly at a spot of red on his wrist, his eyes flicking to the Riku-shaped blob on the other side. His mind was still heavily concentrated on that message, but he calmed himself and pushed it to the back of his thoughts. There would be time to think about that later, but right now, he was spending time with Riku, and Riku was more important than a voicemail. Right?
The Riku-blob chuckled lowly, his cloudy silhouette bending over and Sora could barely make out him seating himself on the side of the sink. "You're not scrubbing hard enough."
"I'm losing skin." Sora muttered, eyeing the top of his wrist which was becoming quite irritated under the strain. He shifted a little on his feet, maneuvering around the water to tug open the sliding door a sliver and peeked out. Watching Riku comb out his hair with mild interest. "So...how was it?"
"The paint?" Riku asked, purposefully ignorant.
"Riku."
"Chill, okay? I know what you meant. And it was good. Very, very good." Riku smirked, speaking to the mirror. His comb drawing elegantly straight lines in his bangs.
"Really?" Sora blinked at him through the space. "'Cause I know I really don't have a whole lot of experience. I mean, I've only had sex with two people my whole life." Sora used his fingernail to chip away at the red dot, glancing out the crack in between the door and the wall. Riku frowned at that, and Sora felt mildly embarrassed that he just admitted his sexual ignorance so easily. He felt he should've been more self-conscious. Especially to Riku.
"That's including me?" Riku paused, comb only partially through his hair so a few strands just hung there like spider webs. "Huh." He breathed out the single syllable like it so much more interesting than it was, and Sora wondered if he actually did have something to feel self-conscious about.
"I mean, I guess I was just kinda wondering what your number was." Sora added, curling his fingers around his washcloth and attempting to remove a different smear of paint. The silence from the other side of the glass prompted him to cease his scrubbing and look at Riku through the steam of the shower, finding him discarding his comb and fixing the mirror with a weary expression.
"Uh, heh, you don't want to know that." He assured Sora, his eyes passive as they skimmed the edges of the shower and then he crossed the short distance of bathroom. Sora licked his lips as he drew close, leaning a shoulder against the tiled wall as Riku edged the door open wider with one hand, the other gently touching his cheek, tucking his wet hair behind his ear. "Need some help with that, Sora?"
"...Help?" Sora blinked, resisting the urge to close his eyes under the warm caress of his hand. "What're you talking about?" He stepped back as Riku told him, 'Watch out' and pushed the glass door open the rest of the way, discarding his towel on the floor as he climbed in. And Sora became more aware of the fact that the shower wasn't really designed to accommodate more than one person, bumping his elbow against the wall to give Riku more room. "You're getting wet again." Sora pointed out needlessly.
"Mm-hmm." Riku hummed, and Sora got the distinct feeling that he wasn't listening at all anymore. He shivered lightly at the warm press of lips beneath his ear, the tickle of Riku's waterlogged eyelashes on his temple. Sora raised his hands in between them, momentarily forgetting that he was trying to get an answer from Riku earlier as he indulgently let his fingers take in the curves and dips of Riku's body, the defined bumps of muscle and the hard planes of his chest. All lithe and taut and slender, and masculine.
The sensory overload of warm lips and fluttering eyelashes and wet, very naked hipbones and biceps made Sora's head light and happy. And forgetful. "Hey, don't avoid the question."
"Am I?" Riku purred low into his ear, brushing his nose against his cheek. "I didn't notice."
Sora rolled his eyes. "Cute." Sighing when Riku shrugged stubbornly, Sora shifted slightly to the side, letting Riku slide forward farther into his personal space—not that he minded too much—his arms coming up and curling around Riku's torso by default. Fingers tangling in the sheet of his wet hair. "Oh, come on, I can take it. It can't possibly be as ridiculously low as mine."
The muscle in Riku's jaw tightened and for a second he actually looked mildly irritated. "No, it's just...high." He said finally, and Sora recognized something close to shame in his voice and felt a strange tinge of annoyance for no reason that he could identify.
Sora raised an eyebrow, leaning back a fraction to regard him. "How high?"
"I'm not particularly proud of it, Sora." Riku told him quietly, pulling Sora forward in a kiss, just when Sora was about to tell him how bullshit that sounded. Teeth lightly nipped at his lips and tongue warm and slick against his own and Sora shivered when his back hit the cold, water-flecked tile behind him, hand clutching onto Riku's shoulder, the other curling firmly in his hair. It wasn't entirely clear how it happened, but with his back flat against the wall and Riku pressed flush against his front, somehow his leg lifted up and his breath hitched and formed a low moan as Riku held his thigh at his hip and ground forward into him. Wet skin gliding over his deliciously.
"You're doing this on purpose." Sora hissed through his teeth, the ache of arousal leaving his brain little more than something minimally functional and fuzzy coated.
"Smart man." Riku murmured into his collarbone, the shift of his lower body against Sora's almost distracting enough to forget what they were talking about. Sora groaned aloud and his leg curled tighter around Riku's waist and the feeling of them together was nearly electric. Sora whined and arched and tried to get as much friction between them as he could, frantic and begging, because sometimes he just wanted it fast.
"You're not going to tell me, are you?" Sora managed to say eventually, breathing heatedly, his forehead resting on Riku's shoulder as Riku slipped his hand under Sora's other leg and by pure strength alone, held him firmly against yes the wall and there was a bit of danger that both exhilarated Sora and made him a little wary. Mainly because he nothing to hold onto beside Riku's shoulders.
Riku just raised his head and their lips connected and Sora felt a little more reassured despite neither of his feet being on the floor and instability of the position Riku put him in. He trusted that Riku wouldn't drop him or anything, kissing back with reciprocating passion, perhaps even more as he clawed into his shoulders and waited in feverish anticipation for the moment when Riku would bring them together into that impossible closeness where Sora could easily forget they two different people and it was like they one, one heart, one soul.
Sora decided that was probably his favorite part of all.
–
The blinking mailbox on the front screen of Sora's cell normally would've been something Riku wouldn't bother a second glance at, but it was there and blinking and Riku's curiosity got the better of him. If only because he knew that out of the people who would contact Sora right now was a short list. His mom, maybe Kairi, anybody who knew of the Thanksgiving situation. And Evann. Especially Evann. Maybe Evann. Riku wasn't sure how he would feel in his position, but he was pretty sure that if he was, he would want answers. And it was this train of thought that led Riku to holding the little metal and plastic device in his hand, opening the text message with some hesitance.
It was a short message, but the tone of it was certainly unhappy.
Okay, I get it, you're ignoring me. But now isn't the time to be childish, Sora. You owe me that much. Call me back
Fuck, it was him.
Riku glanced toward the bedroom door. He could still hear Sora moving around stuff in the kitchen. He only came in here to get his shoes, they were going out for lunch. He hadn't really given a second thought as to why Sora wasn't carrying his phone on him. Probably to hide the fact that his husband was trying to contact him.
Riku always determined they'd have a talk about this eventually, but he imagined it as something Sora would mention to him first, perhaps right after the first or second call, not the fuck, Riku hissed under his breath, checking the call records out of pure intuition. Fifth? He called five times already and Sora hadn't said a word?
Riku figured that his reaction to Sora standing in the doorway and witnessing him snooping through his messages should've been one of surprise and shame and apology, but the eyes trained on the cell were a little wide and the fact that Sora wasn't instantly accusing him invading his privacy, but rather just standing there with this look on his face, Riku decided that he probably wasn't so much in the wrong here.
"He called you?" Riku looked up, eyebrows drawn in tightly in a frown, distrust pushing stubbornly at the edges of his thoughts. Try as he might to believe that Sora wasn't hiding things from him, it was a little too blatant to ignore. "Why didn't you tell me?"
It took Sora a full minute to react as he seemed to be just stuck there in the doorway, his hand clutched around the frame of the door.
"Because it's none of your business." Sora hissed, taking the few large steps it took to cross the room, snatching the cell from him and curling it almost protectively in his hand. "Why are you touching my phone anyway?"
"Sora..." Riku frowned, but couldn't find much else to say. He obviously had no right to look through Sora's phone but if he was hiding things like this, then who could really blame him. "He called, like, five times."
"Don't." Sora cut him off and walked unnecessarily hard down the hallway in a flourish of the childish temperament Riku was sure they had both abandoned long ago. Riku followed because, really, what else could he do, and hoped without much faith that this wouldn't backfire nearly as badly on him as he was expecting.
"Don't just walk away, Sora." Riku spoke to his back, affecting his tone with a calm he wasn't feeling. If anything, he was scared out of his mind, and there was a little voice underlying his thoughts screaming PANIC in capital letters. "Can we at least talk?"
"No."
Riku opened his mouth, already poised to spout out an irritated , "Why not?" when Sora abruptly stopped short and Riku had to brace himself against the wall to keep from slamming into him. He crossed his arms and leaned one shoulder against the wall and he waited for Sora to say something already.
"Because I didn't want to have this conversation with you." Sora said in clipped syllables, clutching a hand on the back of the couch. He dug his elbows into the cushion and rubbed his face with both hands.
Riku uncrossed his arms, gesturing to the empty apartment around them, the furniture and the rug and venetian blind covered windows. "Well, who else are you going have it with?"
Sora blinked, turning his head just enough to stare at him with one eye. "What?"
Riku emphasized the lack of other people around with his hands, because there was no one else. "If not me, then who else?" No one else to have this conversation with than him.
Sora rolled his eyes and stepped away from the couch. "You're just asking stupid questions now. I don't want to have it at all." The unspoken so don't make me hung almost tangibly in the air after his words dropped off into a strained silence.
"You have way too much baggage for me to handle." Riku declared finally, his voice resigned and stiff with a weariness that he wasn't totally aware of having. There was a momentary spark of fear in Sora's eyes that surprised him, and Riku couldn't help but wonder what that sentence meant to him.
"No one asked you to handle it." Sora snarled, abruptly hostile again and grabbed his keys off the counter, holding them in his palm as he made a move toward the door.
"Why are fighting me right now, Sora? I just asked you a question." Riku watched him carefully, figuring that if he didn't let himself get out of control, Sora wouldn't either. It was a flimsy hope, but for the most part, it seemed to be working. Sora calmed just slightly, his movements a little subdued. "What are you getting so defensive about?"
Sora clenched his jaw, hand tight around his keys and Riku felt a flash of smug vindication in his own expression, because Sora couldn't think of a thing to say in retaliation, and he hoped for his own sake that he hid it away before Sora noticed.
"Do you even know?" Riku questioned and figured he must've been at least halfway right because Sora narrowed his eyes and shifted a half-step backwards. Indecision passed over his features for a second before turned around, keys clinking in his hand as walked to the door.
"I'll be back later." He said over his shoulder and Riku sighed heavily. They were both making this much harder than it needed to be. It shouldn't have to be this hard.
–
It had only been about 25 minutes since Sora left and Riku was lazily flipping channels on the TV and contemplating cooking something for lunch. He still needed to call Kairi too. And his manager. His mental list was growing just a bit longer every day.
Yawning, Riku glanced at the time and wondered if he should even bother waiting for Sora to come home or not before he actually started cooking. He moved to the kitchen with a laziness one reserved for the comfort of their own home, his feet bare on the floor and the cold of the tile felt pretty damn good, in Riku's opinion. He had just opened the fridge and was trying to decide between a block of cheddar, a few strips of bacon and a full carton of eggs—all items available in his immediate vision—and tried to figure how well that would combine for food, when the doorbell distracted him from his thoughts and Riku found himself letting the refrigerator close on its own as he moved around the island counter to the front door.
Even after the move and several months later, Riku still hadn't gotten used to the idea that he didn't have to practically barricade his door all the time. They lived in a pretty decent neighborhood now, but you know what they say about old habits.
"Is Sora here?"
Riku was instantly barraged with the question once he got the door open all the way and he couldn't help the defensive curl of his fist and the clench of the muscles in his arm. It was just a knee-jerk reaction. An old habit.
But this wasn't an enemy, at least not in the sense Riku was expecting, but it was one that he had seen before.
"Evann." Riku swallowed hard and tried to get over the general shock of seeing him here, of all places, at his front door.
"Is he?" Evann asked again, his voice much shorter and lacking in the patience he once showed around Riku. That charade was long gone.
"No." Riku managed finally, and resisted the urge to look down, to look away. He had every right to be ashamed, but there was no reason for Evann to have the satisfaction of seeing it. Riku had no choice but to stare directly at him; he was in his doorway. There was no plausible way to pretend he wasn't. His hair was too blond today, bright and angelic as usual, and his eyes were much too gray and sharp.
Evann took a deep, even breath and his eyes momentarily flickered to the background of the apartment over Riku's shoulders and he let out that breath in a very audible sigh. "Fine." He said after a long second, and turned around, fully prepared to leave, and Riku just began to wonder how he knew where to find them.
"Wait," Riku's mouth was forming words before he was fully aware of it, and he couldn't stop himself from saying that one word that kept him from going away, at least for the moment. That 'wait' that stopped Evann in his tracks and drew those piercing mercury eyes back to him with a fierce animosity.
"What." It wasn't even a question, just a single syllable of impatience.
Riku licked his lips, his mouth dry and for almost no reason at all, his gaze was drawn down, down the one arm that was facing toward him and he couldn't help but notice the small glimmer of gold still around his finger. The little voice of PANIC came back in full force.
"Sora will be right back, if you want to, you know, wait. Inside." He wasn't why he even made the offer, but Evann eyes narrowed in unabashed suspicion, and Riku was pretty sure that if he could see what was going through his head, Evann was probably thinking he was going to try to kill him or something.
"No. I'll just come back some other time." Evann answered curtly, taking another step in the other direction. He paused for a second, glancing back at Riku standing there, hand still on the doorknob and probably a frozen expression of surprise on his face, barefoot and toes sinking into the carpet. "Can you just, make sure he answers his fucking phone?"
"Yeah. Sure." Riku responded quietly, wondering what it was about that man that made him feel so immature and insignificant.
"Thank you." Evann said flatly, obviously not out of gratitude. He went down the stairs rather than the elevator at the end of the hallway and Riku figured it was most likely that he didn't want to spend a minute longer than he had to around Riku and the apartment Sora and he shared together. Riku was just relieved that he wasn't the one he wanted to talk to.
The real problem would be telling Sora about this visit. And that should be really fun, considering the mood he was already in when he left.
Riku shut the door and locked it and imagined himself in a different world, that took place some time before backstabbing affairs and messy divorces, and imagined himself fighting faceless creatures and searching for the love of his life. Because it was easier back then and battles like that could actually be won. Not ones with spiteful house calls from soon-to-be ex-husbands who still wore their wedding rings.
There wasn't much room for victory in moments like that.
–
Sora was no stranger to sharing his living space with another person. He was used to being greeted when he came home, usually with a kiss and hug and a 'how was your day?', though he wasn't too surprised when he didn't exactly receive that from Riku. Evann had always been the more affectionate of the two people he had ever lived with.
He was also used to being moved around and avoided, like the slightest bump would just set him off. Evann did that too. And Sora was never really fond of it. And Riku just kept doing it, always moving around him, and it was getting to the point that Sora really just wanted to shove him out of the kitchen.
Sora set down his takeout food on the counter along with the couple bags of groceries he picked up on the way home and Riku was busying himself with putting them away, and if he stepped in a 5-foot radius around Sora one more time—Goddamnit.
"Would you stop doing that?" Sora snapped finally, and Riku palmed a grapefruit in his hand and blinked, placing it gently in the bowl next to the refrigerator. It was annoying to deal with first thing back home, and he had just calmed his nerves driving all over town. The least Riku could do was stop irritating him.
"Do what?"
"Just, stop that." Sora shook his head, reaching out and taking the grocery bag from his hand and placing it back on the counter. "Come here." He pulled a little on the front of Riku's shirt, bumping their lips together. He slid a hand up his arm to the back of his neck, twisting his fingers in the silk of his hair almost instantly. Riku made a quiet noise of surprise, his hands lightly resting on Sora's hips, and they idled there, lightly massaging modest circles with his thumbs. His mouth was nice and warm, but moved with a kind of reserved passion, which while that felt good, it wasn't like it should've been, almost like he wasn't really into it and Sora pulled away, his eyes confused and a frown that matched.
Riku gently pushed back on his hips, hands removing themselves, fingers curling away into his palms. "I have some work I need to do. Okay?"
Sora blinked and uncurled his fingers from the material of his shirt, feeling a little blindsided. "Yeah, okay." Riku never really rejected him before. Not since, well, it was a long time ago and under different circumstances, but he had never out-right rejected him like that.
Riku offered a little smile and his hand raised up, lightly cupped the back of Sora's head, pressing a light kiss to his temple. And Sora wondered if he potentially had something else to worry about.
–
Sora stayed in the kitchen, eating his takeout over the sink, worrying the number 5 button on his cell phone with his fingernail. He contemplated listening to the message again, or finally deleting it once in for all. For whatever reason, he couldn't do either, instead slowly scraping the curved bell off the bottom of the 5. He was still miffed about Riku listening in on his voicemail, but there was little he could or even cared enough to do about his deliberate invasion of his privacy.
Riku had several reasons to be acting the way he was; his stress and restlessness only justified for the circumstances of their reunion. With Sora's unfaithfulness to his husband and the lying and the cheating, no one would blame him for his insecurity.
Not that Sora would ever do that to Riku. The jealousy and rage Riku tried so hard to pretend he didn't have wasn't a trait of his that Sora was particularly fond of.
Sora forked up a sliver of carrot and spicy bean sprouts from his lo mein and dialed his voicemail again, chewing with a concentration totally unnecessary for eating, deciding that he must be some kind of masochist for intentionally punishing himself this way.
"Sora...Please, come home."
Sora tensed and snapped his phone shut, wincing when his teeth clenched unconsciously down on his fork. He took a drink of his cherry soda and settled his backside against the counter, eyes flicking up as Riku entered the kitchen, his bare feet soundless on the linoleum floor. He had his hair tied back and swept lazily over his left shoulder. Sora noticed he was wearing his glasses again so he must be working, the familiar scent of paint and glaze and oil making Sora all that more eager for when Riku would get the lease on a studio finally. The smell was driving him crazy.
Riku leaned against the counter, palms curled around the edge and his shoulders hunched. His eyes swiveled to the right, the low-strength lens of his glasses reflecting the sun filtering in through the cracked open window. Sora met his eyes, blinking with a look of slight disappointment, mixed with a sadness for the reason Riku felt he had to be so suspicious.
"Look, I'm sorry. It's not like I wanted to read that anyway." Riku murmured, referring to the message, sinking his head down on his shoulders. He clenched his jaw when a tense moment of silence followed.
"Are you okay?" Sora asked finally, deciding to spare him his fragile feelings and the lack of complete assurance he had for their relationship. He'd had enough experience to know that now wasn't the time to be acting stubborn. It would be rude to ignore him and Sora really didn't need the conflict.
"Yeah." Riku pushed his glasses up on his forehead, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I'm okay."
Sora eyed him skeptically, noting the harsh white of his tightened knuckles still gripping the edge of the counter with intensity. "Really? Because you seem to be freaking out quite a bit."
"No." Riku assured him quickly, startling Sora with the sudden urgency in his voice. "Nah, I'm, uh, good. Great. Just...eat your lunch. I'm fine."
Sora would've normally made a comment about his uncharacteristically inarticulateness, but he was still incensed about the message and his own ignorance for leaving it on his phone. Sora sighed, tossing his fork to rest on top of the mass of noodles and vegetables in the Styrofoam container. "Here." Sora lightly pulled back on his shoulders until he stepped away from the counter, falling backwards until he leaned comfortably against Sora's chest.
"You need to relax." Sora told him, hands gripping Riku's shoulders and sliding his palms and fingers along his tense muscles, grasping and curling and working his neck down to his shoulder blades in a low-impact massage.
Riku stiffened for a moment before unwinding a little, just enough that the muscles in his neck and shoulders uncoiled visibly.
"You're afraid I'm going to change my mind. I understand that." Sora murmured into the little space between Riku's shoulder blades, and let his hands fall to his sides when Riku jerked away and turned, facing him now, his line of vision slightly higher than Sora's. He looked down and Sora silently wished his eyes didn't have to look so...victimized. "Just don't assume you know exactly what I'm thinking all the time. I'm not leaving you."
"You're still wearing your ring." Riku pointed out, his voice low but not without its fair share of accusatory tone. "It's been nearly a week, Sora. You're still--"
"It's been four days." Sora hissed in disbelief, curling the fingers of his left hand as if to protect the wedding band from his venomous glare, as if such a look could melt right through it. He hadn't meant to be so defensive about the ring, but as soon as Riku mentioned it, feelings of irrational fear filled his chest and clenched at his heart. How was supposed to explain it to Riku, anyway? It was his ring, and if he wanted to wear his ring, he could wear it as long as he damn well pleased. "Would you stop being so fucking territorial? It's my ring. I can wear it if I want to."
"That ring," Riku spat, distaste for the gold and silver band obvious in his voice as he grabbed Sora's wrist and held his own curled fist in front of his face so he had no choice but to look at it. "Is the symbol of a promise you made to another man."
"So?" Sora snarled, snatching his arm away. Feeling a bitter resentment at the fact that this—this whole moment—was a prime example of what their relationship used to be before they "broke up" the first time. Fighting. Fighting all the time.
"So, why the hell do you think it's pissing me off that you're wearing it?" Riku gritted out eventually.
Sora scowled, the side of his hand slamming into the edge of the counter. "Because you're intimidated by anything that doesn't have to do with you, that doesn't revolve around you." The words were just forming in his mouth without much thought, just anger and bitterness and the fact that, on some level, Sora knew that Riku was right. "This ring doesn't mean you and that pisses you off."
Riku faltered, a flash of hurt crossing his face as he opened his mouth to immediately tell him off, his mouth closing again before he ever said anything. The unspoken words were clear though. "If you know that, then why are you still wearing it?"
"Goddamnit, Sora, you are so fucking selfish." Riku said instead, his voice low and resigned, like he had been thinking that the whole time, and was just now coming to terms with it. He shook his head and his bangs fell down and curled in front of his eyes.
"You're calling me selfish?" Sora persisted, because the tone Riku's voice had taken when he wasn't just plain angry anymore was scary. It was like he was giving up in them, and after everything they each went through this last six months, giving up was not an option. "Me? After I gave up everything to be with you?" Sora hissed, hoping in the back of his head that his words would push Riku back into anger. Anger was comfortable, it was something Sora could handle.
It was a strange moment when Riku curled his lip and shoved him back into the counter with his own body, pressed tight and threateningly close, his hands on either side of him, and Sora felt a small amount of relief, though still mixed with the irritation of being cornered.
"Like I never gave up anything, Sora." Riku growled, pushing into him until Sora bowed back over the counter, his hands struggling to keep him from falling backwards.
"Get off of me." Sora warned evenly, looking off to the side because if he looked up he would be looking straight into Riku's eyes and that would surely break what little resolve he still had. He continued to tell himself that he wasn't wrong, and Riku was just being insensitive.
"I could've had something with Tidus, you know." Riku said, unfaltering when Sora growled and shoved at his chest, attempting to push him off. "Something halfway normal. Not this convoluted--"
"--Get off!"
"--sick thing you call a relationship. Sora," Riku grabbed his face, and forced him to look up and Sora had no choice but see the ferocity in his eyes. "The reason I'm with you—the only reason—is because I love you, and you're going to mess that up over some stupid ring?"
"It is NOT a stupid ring!" Sora cried, his face hot and frustration pricking painfully behind his eyes. He squirmed away from Riku's hand, and reiterated one last time from Riku to get off or he was seriously going to knee him in the crotch. Riku backed off and Sora shoved him hard in his chest, willing away the harsh trembling in his hands and the watery sensation in his legs that made him feel too weak to move.
Sora felt that familiar anxiety building up in his chest and shook off some of the electricity running through his hands, hoping it would be enough to just calm his breathing and close his eyes, to ward off the minor attack he knew was coming. Stop it, it's just Riku. Calm down.
"Sora." Riku nearly whispered, and Sora felt the brush of his fingers for a brief second before he stepped back quickly, holding up his hand. Just Riku.
"Don't." He said evenly, eyes squeezed shut as he listened to the sound of his own soft breathing. "Gimme a minute." The kitchen was silent, with the only the light buzzing of the track lighting above their heads and the traffic noise outside the open window. The sound of Riku grinding his teeth. A brief moment and the cloud of anxiety had lifted from Sora's head. "Okay."
Riku stepped forward and his arms tentatively reached out, and Sora didn't stop him from pulling him forward and curling himself against Riku's chest, feeling his warmth through the thin material of his t-shirt. It was so typical. Push themselves almost to the point of breaking, like a balloon filling with too much air, and then at the last moment releasing that air so they both just deflated, kind of tired and worn out, and the argument was left where it was for now. Just a sad and stretched out thing, too tangible to simply forget but also too pointless to keep fighting about.
The coiled bumps of Riku's muscled abdomen felt annoyingly sexy and tempting beneath Sora's hands, annoying only because sex was the furthest thing from his mind at the moment. He just wanted to take back the last fifteen minutes or so and change it so that Riku only came in the kitchen to share his takeout food, and they could just laugh and joke and feed each other.
"Sorry," Riku murmured into his hair, his breath warm on Sora's scalp. His arms tightened and his fingers curled in the back of Sora's shirt. "I'm just...worried."
"You don't have to be. I just told you that." Sora reassured him quietly. "I'll take the ring off, if you want me to." He said, with some reluctance. If three years of marriage had taught him anything, it was that compromise was important to any relationship. And if he had to take his ring off to fix this, then it was just something he had to do.
"You don't have to." Riku told him, but Sora couldn't tell if his words were entirely sincere or not. "Just take it off when you're ready."
Sora swallowed, unsure whether or not he should accept that offer. If Riku wasn't being sincere and was only pretending that he didn't care, it would still hurt him considerably that Sora didn't want to get rid of his wedding band. It didn't even represent his love for Evann anymore, it was just the sentimental value. Like the painting Riku had held onto for 6 years, the one they made together in one of their most defining moments of passion. It meant more than Riku probably thought it did, and it was all he had left of his short-lived marriage.
"This," Sora said, twisting the little piece of metal on his finger until it pulled off. But not without a brief clench of pain in his chest. "It's not a threat to you." He placed it on the counter next to his food, watching it shiver as it rocked back and forth. "Okay?"
Riku blinked at the glimmer of the ring on the counter, and Sora couldn't help but think his gesture didn't help much. The voicemail message still existed, it was still fresh in both of their minds, still saved into Sora's phone. It only went so far as to punctuate what had to yet to be done, the confrontation that had yet to play out, and nothing would be over until that moment had happened and passed and faded into memory.
Sora technically wasn't divorced. And he had yet to say to Evann, personally, that it was over.
–
Yes! That was much better. Much, much better. I really like how this chapter turned out, even with all the arguing. Yeesh, they argue a lot, don't they?
Second time I've written Bottom!Riku and I'm starting to like it. Hehehe. (devilish grin)
And I just couldn't keep Evann out the story for long. I tried, but he kind of needed to be there.