Cast in order of appearance: Envy, Wrath, Sloth, Lust, Pride, Gluttony, Dante
A typical morning for Envy
Alarm clock goes off
Envy reaches for alarm clock, clock won't turn off
*smash*
Gets up and goes into bathroom, gets dressed
Envy: ... Headband... headband... *washes hair*
Begins blow drying hair, palm tree forms
Begins shaving near open window
Envy: ... Wait... I don't need to shave
Throws razor out window
Voice from below: Ah!
Envy looks out window
Wrath peddling in circles on a tricycle covering one eye
Wrath: Hey envy!
Envy: .... Idiot....
Goes into bedroom and puts on shoes
Envy: ... Why are these things so small?! Wait... I don't wear shoes
Looks at shoe
Envy: ... It's got Wrath stitched into it...!
Runs to window and throws shoes out
Wrath: AH!
Envy: I hate you!
A typical morning for Wrath
The sun comes up
Wrath: *hopping out of bed* Good morning world!
*tiptoes by Envy's room* Shh... *giggles*
Walks past Sloth's room
Sloth: I hear you out there. Did you brush your teeth?
Wrath: *grumble* ...No
Sloth: Then go brush them.
Slumps back to the bathroom
Wrath: Toothbrush.... toothbrush.... where is that thing?... Oh well, I'll just use Envy's.
After brushing, walks outside
Riding bike
Wrath: I wonder when Envy will be up.... Hey what's tha - OW!!
Holds bleeding eye, looks up to the window that a razor just flew out of
Wrath: Hey Envy!
Envy shakes his head in disgust, then pulls away from the window
Wrath: Look at the sun! It's so bright! *stares at it for a moment* OW! OW! My eyes!!
Falls off tricycle, holding eyes
Wrath: Okay, note to self, no more looking at bright shiny things....
Hears Envy coming back to the window
Wrath: Hey Envy I - OW!!
Picks up a shoe that just hit him
Wrath: That hurt - Hey wait a second, these are my shoes! Weird...
Pauses, then goes back to riding his bike like nothing happened
A typical afternoon for Envy
Envy looking like he's trying to get a bad taste out of his mouth
Lust walks in
Lust: What are you doing?
Envy: My teeth taste like candy corn and peanut butter.
Lust: … Did you eat candy corn or peanut butter?
Envy: No, that's the weird part.
Lust: … Wrath was eating peanut butter and candy corn….
Envy: AH! The idiot used my toothbrush again! *begins scraping tongue with fork*
Lust: … Right…. *leaves*
Pride: What are you doing?
Envy: *still scraping tongue* Un ovf or bidnus.
Pride: Well did you punch in this morning?
Envy: No.
Pride: *takes out clipboard* Now you're one hour late to work.
Envy: … So? I never punch in.
Pride looks at clipboard
Pride: I have you punched in everyday on time according to this.
Envy: *shrug* Does this mean I'm off the hook?
Pride: …I'm sorry what? *turns up hearing aid* Curse this human hearing, it weakens me…!
Envy walks to buffet
Gluttony: What should I get Envy?!
Envy: Don't care.
Gluttony: I want it all! What should I get?!
Envy: Eat the table for all I care!
Gluttony begins eating table
Envy: … I've lost my appetite.
Wrath runs in with a patch eye
Wrath: Hey Envy!
Envy: What happened to you?
Wrath: Went to the hospital so I didn't get a chance to punch you in this morning.
Envy: So you're the reason Pride yelled at me.
Wrath: Uh….
Envy: I hate you.
A typical afternoon for Wrath
Wrath playing with the eye patch he got at the hospital
Pride walks past him... stops... and turns around to look at him
Pride: Why are you wearing an eye patch?
Wrath: Envy hit me with a razor this morning
Pride: Well don't use an eye patch. I'm the only one allowed to have an eye patch.
Wrath: Why?
Pride: You're not important enough, and you're also late to work today.
Wrath: But my eye -
Pride: Don't want to hear it.
Wrath: *sigh*
Pride leaves, Wrath goes to get lunch
Sees Gluttony eating the table
Wrath: Um...
Gluttony: Taste good...
Wrath: Really?
Takes a bite of the table, crunching wood pieces between his teeth
Spots Envy
Wrath: Oh Envy! I had to go to the hospital today and I couldn't punch you in! *spits a glob of woodchips out of his mouth and frowns* Gluttony's wrong. The table does not taste good.
Envy: You're an idiot.
Lust comes in, sees Gluttony eating the table
Lust: Gluttony, don't eat that.
Gluttony: Sorry, Lust. *stops eating*
Sloth comes in, sees Wrath's eye
Sloth: Honey, what happened to you?
Wrath: I got hit with a razor... but look! I have an eye patch now!
Sloth: Looks..... great....
Envy: It looks stupid.
Wrath: No it doesn't!
Envy: It looks even stupider than Pride's does!
Pride's voice from the next room over: My eye patch is not stupid!
Envy: So you say.
Wrath: Mine's not stupid either. It's cool.
Envy: Stupid
Wrath: Cool!
Envy: Stupid!
Wrath: COOL!!
*arguing*
Dante walks in on the scene. Sloth is standing between Wrath and Envy, keeping them from punching each other. Gluttony has gone back to eating the table. Lust is ignoring everyone, while Pride has returned and is now attempting to get Gluttony to punch in.
Dante: ........ Idiots.
A typical evening for Envy
Envy sitting at a restaurant table alone looking through menu
Wrath runs over and sits down
Wrath: Hey Envy!
Envy: Get lost!
Wrath: But Sloth is busy, so she told me to come hang out with you!
Envy: No.
Wrath: But-!
Envy: No!
Wrath: But then I have to go home and eat from the magic box!
Envy: It's not magic! It is a microwave!
Waiter comes over
Waiter: My I take your order?
Wrath: Would it be possible to get a soda?
Waiter: … No… I'm sorry but, there is no way. I've stayed awake for nights on end trying to find an answer to that question… but nothing has come….
Envy: … *eyebrow raise*
Waiter: It's a tragedy really.
Wrath: …Oh… I'm sorry….
Waiter: But there was one person long ago… who knew the secret…
Wrath: *heartfelt* What happened to him?
Waiter: It's too painful to talk about… and the secret of the glass of soda died with him….
Envy: *irritation*
Waiter: There was something… about a glass and the soda fountain, but no one has been able to figure it out…. However there is a legend-
Envy: How about water?!
Waiter: Oh yeah I can do that. *walks away*
Wrath: *looks behind his chair* Mommy?!
Envy: … What?
Wrath: … I thought Mommy was there… *looks into kitchen* Mommy?! *runs into kitchen*
Envy leaves
Later on
Envy sitting in room
Door flies open
Wrath: It wasn't Mommy!
Envy: What I tell you about entering my room?!
Wrath: Ta not to….
Envy: Yeah, so get out!
Wrath: … Okay.
Turns to leave and trips on wire to stereo system
*crash*
Envy: … You better be able to pay for that.
Wrath: Don't worry! I can!
Runs back to room and returns with glass piggy bank
Wrath: See?!
Envy: Good *throws bank on floor* *crash*
Wrath: My piggy!!!
Envy: How much is in here?!
Wrath: Sixty-eight cents!
Envy: … I hate you….
A Typical Evening for Wrath
Wrath: Hey mommy, look what I can do! *transmutes his arm to the wall*
Sloth: *sigh* That's very nice honey. Go show Envy.
Wrath: I already did! *Flashback: Wrath runs into Envy's room.
Wrath: Hey Envy! Look at this! *transmutes his arm to the wall*
Envy: That's disgusting. *tosses dart at picture of Ed's face pinned to the wall. narrowly misses Wrath's head*
Wrath: Ah! Don't stab me!
Envy: Then get out.
Wrath: But…
Envy: Get out! *tosses dart at Wrath who ducks and just misses being hit*
Wrath: Okay, okay I'm going! See you later!
Envy: Don't come back!
*End flashback*
Wrath: ….. he didn't like it.
Sloth: Sorry honey, but mommy's very busy right now so you need to go find someone else to play with, okay?
Wrath: Okay! I bet Envy'll play with me!
*Runs out, finds Envy in a restaurant about to order*
Wrath: Hey Envy!
Envy: Ah, I thought I got rid of you!
Wrath: Nope, mommy's busy! So I'm gonna play with you!
Waiter walks over
Waiter: May I take your order?
Wrath: Could I have a soda?
Waiter: *launches into a long terrible speech about the legend of the old soda machine, Wrath is mesmerized, Envy just shakes his head*
Envy: How about water?!
Waiter: Oh yeah, I can do that. *Waiter leaves*
Wrath: *looks behind his chair* Mommy?!
Envy: … What?
Wrath: … I thought Mommy was there… *looks into kitchen* Mommy?! *runs into kitchen, spots the back of a woman with straight black hair* MOMMY! *hugs her*
Cook woman: Ew, get off me!
Wrath: *jaw drops* You're not mommy!
Cook: No I'm not. Now get out before I fine you for reckless endangerment of kitchen substances!!!!
Wrath: Huh? You can do that?
Cook: JUST GET OUT!!!
Wrath: O-okay, I mean y-yes ma'am, I mean sure y-your highness, I mean –
Cook: JUST LEAVE!!!
Wrath: *horrified look on his face, runs out and rushes back home to Envy's room*
Wrath: It wasn't Mommy!
Envy: What'd I say about coming into my room?!
Wrath: Ta not to….
Envy: Then get out before I puncture you with my darts!
Wrath: *disappointed look on his face* … Fine.
Turns to leave and trips on wire to stereo system
*crash*
Envy: … You better be able to pay for that.
Wrath: Don't worry! I can! *runs to his own room*
Wrath: Piggy bank, piggy bank, where'd you go? Oh here it is!
Wrath: *running back into Envy's room* See, I have money!
Envy: Good. *smashes bank on floor*
Wrath: Mr. Piggy!!
Envy: *staring at glass shards* How much was in there anyway?
Wrath: Sixty-eight cents.
Envy: … I hate you…
Wrath: *staring at broken bank* I'm sorry Mr. Piggy. You were a good friend.
Envy: What the -?
Wrath: Let's have a funeral for him!
Envy: No, I'm not –
Wrath: I said Let's have a funeral! We're having a funeral! Now!!
Envy: Fine whatever.
Two minutes later
Envy: *dressed in priest costume* Where did you even get this?!
Wrath: Lavi gave it to me. Now say a prayer!
Envy: I'm a sin. I don't know any prayers.
Wrath: SAY ONE!
Envy: Ah-okay, uhm… May we have a moment of silence for Mr. Piggy. Amen.
Wrath: ……. Yay! Now we can eat cake!
Envy: You don't eat cakes at funerals!
Wrath: But I want cake!
Envy: … Whatever.
I know I said FMA gags was over, but This is truly the last one! The author of the previous gag (Grapes of Wrath) wrote all the Wrath parts and I wrote all the Envy parts! Thank you Shiloh Asha for working on this with me!! You are amazing!! *virtual hug* Thanks for reading!!!!!
Tennessee