A/N: I thought it would be fun to give you guys an update on New Moon premiere night! So here you go :) This one is REALLY short only because this was literally ALL that I wanted to be apart of this chapter. Enjoy & review review review.
JPOV
I woke up far too early for my likings, tired of having nightmares. I rolled over in bed and checked my phone for the good morning text message I normally received from Edward about this time every morning, when I saw that I had no new messages I remembered last nights events, Bella catching us, Edward being the good friend he is and going to make sure she was alright, and Bella slamming them into a dead end, killing both of them. And that's when it hit me, he was never coming back. I would never feel the warmth of his breath against my skin when he kissed me. I would never again feel his strong hands wrapped around me and hear his voice tell me everything would be okay when that was all I really needed. No more "I love you"s. Most importantly, there would be no more of the man I was in love with who made me feel complete. No more Edward. I lay there on the bed we used to share on occasion, wrapped in the silky sheets. Inhaling his familiar smell that would soon fade and forever be nothing but a memory.
As the reality sunk in deeper and deeper, I felt dead inside, I lay there crying. I was crippled. Not physically but mentally and emotionally. My head pounded and spun with the weight of questions that seemed unimportant piling up inside. Even if I wanted to try and answer them, my brain lost all understanding of everything that I had ever learned. I took one last, very large breath of air and his smell. Never wanting to let go of it, I held my breath. Soon enough my lungs would feel as though they were about to burst and my brain would die from the lack of oxygen and I would once again be with Edward, which was what I wanted, just to be in his presence for one last time. This sounded like more than even heaven had to offer.
I was laying in my bed unable to move when tears started to flow down my face and stain the sheets. As I exhaled and relieved my lungs, every memory we had replayed in my mind as I was sobbing into a pillow and lay there for days, doing nothing but crying. Somehow I managed to gain a little energy and stumbled into the bathroom. I turned the water on extremely hot and collapsed. The heat felt good against my icy skin.
I lay there trying to think of a good reason not to conclude my life. Since there was no longer anyone there to mend me, there was one thing I had to consider, and one thing only. My whole life I was told that suicide was ungodly, that you were guaranteed to go to hell. But what if I was lied to the whole time? What if there is no god? If there was he certainly was punishing me. If there really is a God, he failed me. Why would I want to obey a man that took away my better half and the only person I could ever love. I felt my mind was made up, I had no other choice. I mustered up enough energy and willed my body to move just a little, enough to grab hold of the razor that I keep in the shower. I carefully removed just one blade. The blade that would take my life. The blade that would take all this pain away.
As I mulled over what I was about to do, my hands started shaking. I brought the blade up to my arm, locating the artery in which I needed to cut open to end all of this misery. Feeling the cold of the blade against my skin I pressed down lightly until blood surfaced. The pain was excruciating but I pressed the blade deeper and dragged it slightly to the right, getting closer and closer to the artery of which I was aiming. With every centimeter I moved the blade there was more and more blood and more pain. It was unbearable at this point, I found myself slipping unconscious. The last thing I saw was blood swirling down the drain before everything went pitch black.